Coping With Life as a Separated Dad

I see my son A lot but it takes so much energy to deal with his mom I'm literally breaking down

Life can be difficult during and after separation, especially with kids. Not being able to see children can feel life shattering. Many days will be filled with negative thoughts. Do not dwell on these thoughts, instead read about dealing with them, and live life well. It these times it is important to focus on self help and improving your life. Money is nothing compared to the lives of your children and their happiness. Your happiness is secondary to that of your children. Separation can be a wake up call to become a better person. Show the courts, your ex, and your children you have what it takes to be the best person you can be. That is the best “revenge”, to show how strong you can be for your children. It is all a test of strength and determination really.

I lost all reason, I was angry and I couldn't be civil. I could see people where limiting and restricting my access to my son. I didn't know how to deal with the emotions that came with that. In hind sight I think I should of just agreed, nodded and accepted that. I should of trusted the person who just shattered my heart in to pieces. I wish I had God, to prey to. I would of begged him for the strength to deal with the negative thoughts. It's hard to believe the person who trampled all over my heart. How was I suppose to belive that they where going to stick to there word. Could God give me the strength? In my vision, two minutes late was a argument. Travelling fifteen miles on the bus in the rain to see my child... yes I was ridiculed and the courts and social services revelled in my dimize. It grew, the bitterness and temper, I couldn't prove what I was seeing. When I cried out loud expelling all that anguish. They had no concern about the situation just my sons welfare. They allowed him to baby sit by drug addicts and dealers, there grandmother was a Probation Officer and the whole family where highly respected. Week by week I seen less of my son. My anguish grew and the temper with it. My human rights to a private family life had been abused. It's a vicious circle. The abuser can be the victim. The victim can also be abuser. I was angry at the whole situation and my life crumbled even more. I'm dieing inside my body is failing i can feel it. My teeth that I look after are hurting and chipping. My chest feels tight it's hard to breath some times. I'm scared. I was an abuser who got abused. My mind argued with it self and with any one who wanted to tell me that 2 minutes late was a issue. If any of you find your self in a situation where the other is disgruntled about 2 minutes late, remember they are pushing your button and they want you to react. It's a difficult situation because they think yiur deliberately doing it on purpose. Both parties are naturally unreasonable. You'll find that the male gendre is less likely to be sympathised with. There is a lack of empathy towards me in the social system. My ex wouldn't even agree on tolerance of time. It was a zero tolerance situation. There was no list of what was not tolerated, I had to learn the hard way. Every day a new term and condition appeared and yes it pushed my buttons. It was one way. There way. It pushed my buttons. I wish life was easy. Its difficult I wish I wasn't born. The only thing that gets me through it is distraction. And I'm not easily distracted. when I'm dwelling on it. Ruminating on it or scowering the Internet pleaded for help. Or when it takes me hours to right it or speak time and time again to different people .... it never drops. I

I'm 19 and experience what everyone's saying. I see my son 10 hours per week and this is not enough. I can't yet fully provide due to work etc but eventually I will kill myself, 100%.

I’ve been broken up from my ex for about 7 months or so now .. I still find it really difficult to let go .. specially when on the weekends I have out 2 sons and I know she is out parting with her friend.. I can’t help but ask if she has done anything with anyone .. she asks me all the time but when I asked her she gets really aggressive with me and doesn’t want to know me.. I’ve been struggling so much with the break up.. been on anti depressants .. 4 months of therapy .. tried to kill myself twice but was stopped .. I’m back to being that low again an I dnt think I can carry on any longer .. I’m miserable even when I have my boys and that’s not good for them .. they deserve better than me.. if there is a pain free way I can go... please someone tell me.. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up .. I dnt wna feel the pain of what’s she doing any more my sons derserve a better man than me ..

May the baby momma left with the kids i have two daughters with her. She got a injunction on me for domestic violence with kids involved i never hit the lady or nothing . The day before we had the falling out she said idk if i should go to work i think your going to take the kids and never come back or let me see them.....well thats what she been doing since may 2020. Her whole family hates me she wont let noone from my family know where the kids are if they are ok. I cant even get a job. Something comes over me and i start crying like a baby. I tried suicide but i couldnt do it.i hope everyday as i ride my bike down the side of the road that someone might hit me . I hate my life and dont want anything in life anymore. I cant have friends, i dont trust no one and all i wanna do is die. At least the girls wwould get death benifitz. Im sorry lilly and ava i love yall so much

I've split from wife,moved out 2 years ago her call, I don't have a problem with getting access to kids which is great on other hand,I don't get a minute to myself she wants me up taking care of kids every evening n weekend at her place, she can be very difficult deal with and never sees my point of view,when I get stressed about it all she says I wanna go sort myself out, with what time I ask?? I give her half wages every month to which she tells me she is one keeping roof over there head,I basically have the kids when there awake and she looks after them after I have them tucked up in bed asleep, I exhausted trying to deal with her on daily basis,wish I could afford my own place to take kids half week and she does other half

My ex and I had a baby. I couldn’t take care of them at the given time...2.5 years later with contact with the mother. I got to see my daughter grow but the goal was to be able to tc of them. Even flew and saw them spent time with them but due to Covid it was difficult. I wanted to spend quality time to get to know each other again. We slept together and things were looking more positive and then I had to leave the country but I told them I’d take them with me so we can start a new life I’d look out for them. Fast forward 2 months since I left she’s seeing someone else and now I just fear I have lost my daughter...what is a life with just talking through a phone or video call being miles away. I have lost a part of me. I am destroyed mentally and emotionally.

My step son got married a few years ago and has two beautiful kids. We have rarely seen them in years. That's not the problem. He's recently separated after a few years and it's clear, he's hasn't been coping with fatherhood for some time and he either won't ask for help or ask us even. He loves his kids but it's clear he's feeling overwhelmed by them? We're really worried about his sanity and wonder if he's close to a breakdown?

Hello, I am struggling right now, basically me and the wife split up in Feb and I was having the kids every other weekend but in May contact was stopped and she took out a Non Molestation order for her so I cant contact her or go within 100m of the house, I don't know how she got this, I haven't spoke to my kids since May and I'm struggling, any advice please?

When it comes to relationships, I'm fond of saying, “You never really know what goes on between people.” People who really enjoy each other. Respect and support one another. In these families, the parents put their relationship before the kids. They are the dynamic centriforce around which the family's life orbits. And everyone thrives as a result. In cases like this, spending the quality time as a family is the most important factor for success. If we're doing something together, even for an hour a day, our kids are more than happy. If you don't know what to do and what is the perfect togetherness activity, start to play chess with your kid. Regardless of the child’s age, chess develops concentration, increases patience and positively affects the intellectual and emotional development of the child. One thing your child will appreciate most is that playing chess is also great fun. The rules of chess are very simple and children can learn them already from around the age of three. Not everyone can or wants to become a professional chess player but everyone can use chess for learning. For this purpous I can recommend a book (net-bossorg/chess-puzzles-for-kids-by-maksim-aksanov) with bunch of great exercises, which will help you and your kids to be better in this :)

I'm in a slightly different situation. I'm a uncle who was a stand in father for my niece and nephew for over 5 years as the only male role model around. My sister reconciled with he ex husband, and they generally ignore the kids. I made it a point to listen to the kids when they were excited about stuff and play with them when they had no friends around, but I also had to make and enforce rules and boundaries. They are in the age range where they get wired for who they will be in the future and being treated like a nuisance will only lead to bad decisions in adulthood. I try to be around for the kids as much as possible, but I cant help but feel bad that the kids are being treated like they don't matter anymore, and it frankly tears me up to see it.

I havnt seen my kids for 5 years My fUghter is now almost 19 and my son 17 I dont know them and they dont kniw me

After 4.5 years having to deal with hundreds of false allegations from my ex, I've given up all hope and walked away from it all. My son was taken into care just before christmas 2019. He's still in care now. I've done nothing wrong at all. No charges brought against me, not even a fact finding hearing. My 10 year old son loves me very much indeed. However, after 9 months of being in care and the social services vilifying me at every opportunity and treating me like the worst sort of scum imagineable, my son has turned against me and doesn't want to see me any more. The social services, CAFCASS, the judiciary, the police, my son's school, all have inexplicably taken up a position against me and I can see no way through it. I've completely withdrawn from the proceedings and now I'm utterly heartbroken.

Neither one of us intended to be a single parent. Nobody does. It’s not been easy. In fact it’s been an outright struggle. I’m fully aware that each and every situation is unique and therefore I will be brief in explaining how I found success co-parenting. 1) dating someone else only adds complexity 2) financial support is crucial 3) daily contact is a must 4) always show unity I the face of adversity 5) share your hobbies I’m far from a perfect father but I’ve seen a few things that my mates go through n I feel it could be simplified if they just made an extended effort to get along with the mum. Your child will never be happier than having both parents at the same time. Bury the differences and move forward together. Best of luck ??

The first sentence got me. No real dad want to be away from his children. Some males father children and have difficulty being present in their lives. I don’t get it really and I find it quite selfish to father children with someone only to see the irreconcilable differences after the birth of a child. To me, walking away says more than society lets on about the lack of confidence in that man than his perspective on why he can not be someone that is there 24/7 with his children. No matter what makes tell themselves, it doesn’t ease the pain of that child, it doesn’t assure that child that he/ she is loved or cared for. They still cry for you well into their teens. They still look for you to be there when they have something important to say.It mattered to you when you were a boy, but your child doesn’t get that privilege. The answer is you don’t have to miss your children. It’s a choice to be away. Deep down you know that. This is not geared towards the publisher, but this is what I would tell my kid’s father. I made many sacrifices to see my kids smile multiple times a day. I go to school, work, educate, and give my kids an abundant amount of love on everyday. Their dad only sees them on Wednesday and every other weekend. His total amount of days he sees them total 1 month out of the year. However on social media, he’s a doting father and misses them. I would love for him to be the father he pretends to be. I would love nothing more than to stop seeing my kid’s disappointment and cry by the front door. Waiting for the person who claimed to miss them.

I have had enough myself of the inability to stop the other parent from ignoring covid-19 safety advice. The children are not able to help themselves. My child was aware of being at a party that was not supposed to occur and was powerless to help himself. Since confiding in me it has also been unfruitful. Services in my area did not find themselves needed to be involved though thought it was not right. There is no sufficient power to help stop the harm potential with covid-19. Mentally all can be very flustration and confusing. In the question of evidence of such things. It is difficult to obtain as the child is out of your care also. Your child's word is not powerful enough when only spoken to you also. Record everything! Date, time, location, who, action, taken, outcome of action. Unfortunately a parent upto no good and not putting the child first is difficult to pin down. I wish you patience, luck and God's blessing in your struggle.

I need advice I’m trying so hard to be nice to my ex we been broken up a months now but things keep happening. where we have to contact each other but she always with her new boyfriend she adamant that they have only started talking but they were meeting just before we split. Am I right to be jealous or am I being pathetic. It just hurts so much seeing her with someone else so soon and she keeps lying. Also since we broke up we haven’t been in a good place and she decided to text me saying I think I have COVID-19 so I had the children and said why she said she had some symptoms. So I told her she couldn’t have the boys for 14 day and need to isolate I believed if she had it was her own faulty as she was breaking rules going out with him and a few other mates until 1 in the morningleaving me at home with the kids to do everything. When I told her shecouldn’t have the children for 14 days she turned around and said I was joking. Bearing in mind we wasn’t in a place for joking and that even though it not a laughing matter. So I ask her if she wanted the children back to isolate for 14 or get a home test she done the home test yesterday but she still not following any rules. I have been told I’m being stupid I believe I’m doing right by my kids can someone be honest with me and tell me if I’m stupid or doing the right thing please.

I need advice I’m trying so hard to be nice to my ex we been broken up a months now but things keep happening. where we have to contact each other but she always with her new boyfriend she adamant that they have only started talking but they were meeting just before we split. Am I right to be jealous or am I being pathetic. It just hurts so much seeing her with someone else so soon and she keeps lying. Also since we broke up we haven’t been in a good place and she decided to text me saying I think I have COVID-19 so I had the children and said why she said she had some symptoms. So I told her she couldn’t have the boys for 14 day and need to isolate I believed if she had it was her own faulty as she was breaking rules going out with him and a few other mates until 1 in the morningleaving me at home with the kids to do everything. When I told her shecouldn’t have the children for 14 days she turned around and said I was joking. Bearing in mind we wasn’t in a place for joking and that even though it not a laughing matter. So I ask her if she wanted the children back to isolate for 14 or get a home test she done the home test yesterday but she still not following any rules. I have been told I’m being stupid I believe I’m doing right by my kids can someone be honest with me and tell me if I’m stupid or doing the right thing please.

I need advice I’m trying so hard to be nice to my ex we been broken up a months now but things keep happening. where we have to contact each other but she always with her new boyfriend she adamant that they have only started talking but they were meeting just before we split. Am I right to be jealous or am I being pathetic. It just hurts so much seeing her with someone else so soon and she keeps lying. Also since we broke up we haven’t been in a good place and she decided to text me saying I think I have COVID-19 so I had the children and said why she said she had some symptoms. So I told her she couldn’t have the boys for 14 day and need to isolate I believed if she had it was her own faulty as she was breaking rules going out with him and a few other mates until 1 in the morningleaving me at home with the kids to do everything. When I told her shecouldn’t have the children for 14 days she turned around and said I was joking. Bearing in mind we wasn’t in a place for joking and that even though it not a laughing matter. So I ask her if she wanted the children back to isolate for 14 or get a home test she done the home test yesterday but she still not following any rules. I have been told I’m being stupid I believe I’m doing right by my kids can someone be honest with me and tell me if I’m stupid or doing the right thing please.

I need advice I’m trying so hard to be nice to my ex we been broken up a months now but things keep happening. where we have to contact each other but she always with her new boyfriend she adamant that they have only started talking but they were meeting just before we split. Am I right to be jealous or am I being pathetic. It just hurts so much seeing her with someone else so soon and she keeps lying. Also since we broke up we haven’t been in a good place and she decided to text me saying I think I have COVID-19 so I had the children and said why she said she had some symptoms. So I told her she couldn’t have the boys for 14 day and need to isolate I believed if she had it was her own faulty as she was breaking rules going out with him and a few other mates until 1 in the morningleaving me at home with the kids to do everything. When I told her shecouldn’t have the children for 14 days she turned around and said I was joking. Bearing in mind we wasn’t in a place for joking and that even though it not a laughing matter. So I ask her if she wanted the children back to isolate for 14 or get a home test she done the home test yesterday but she still not following any rules. I have been told I’m being stupid I believe I’m doing right by my kids can someone be honest with me and tell me if I’m stupid or doing the right thing please.

I need some advice please. I have been alienated from my daughter since she was 13 and her dad& his mom did everything possible to separate us. They started brainwashing her very early on. They changed her phone # at 12 told her not to give it to me. They played tons of hurtful mind games between us. I don't know what her # is or if she is ok. It's like having a child you know is alive but feels like there gone forever. [ Like a death] If anyone knows how to find your child or a phone # to try & work on your relationship please tell me. I am desperate.I cry almost daily. Haven't seen or spoken in 8 years. Thank you, Trisha

iv binSeparated from my wife 2 months now she like me to move out during lockdown it was the hardest thing iv ever done 14 years is a long to just go from with my 4 kids to nothing I find it hard I keep phoning her i know I should not and I have to let go my kids are my world in alway want to be in there lifes as a good dad my head is all over the place and sometimes I wish I was not even here any more but it not about me it about my 4 kids they still need me so I will try and stop calling her unless it about the kids keep away from her it going to be hard i know it like given up smoking hard to let go but in time it will happen take one day at a time and who kick people out of lockdown not right hate this year already

I’m in the middle of a separation from my partner, still very new and very raw. We have a 2 year old together and she has 2 kids from previous who are 6&9. We always done everything as a family, I have an excellent bond with the 2 kids who aren’t mine and an unbreakable one with our 2 year old. We broke up begging of January, I moved out, watched the kids every night whilst she worked and then left, mostly taking our 2 year old to sleep with me as she wanted me too & also myself and him did too. I’d drop him back in the mornings before work & it went on like that. Anyway, I started staying over again near the end of January up until last Friday where after a good week & a good day shopping she decided she hated me and phoned the police. I’ve had no contact with her since, I’ve asked to see the kids and she’s point blank refused. She has an appointment next week with her solicitor to draw up an agreement as she said she doesn’t want to go through court which is fine because neither do I but until then she’s been advised to not let me have contact. The relationship had been rocky then fine some days her mood changing instantly. Not seeing my son or any of the kids is killing me. I’ve asked for 50/50 custody but had no reply yet because her solicitor is on holiday. Any advice on how to cope it try see my kids before that?

Hi, me and my partner have been separatedfor a while but still live in the same house, a the minute, I have been sleeping downstairs for the last few years but my kids heard me on the phone with my ex, so then I had the unpleasant conversation with them, telling them that they haven’t done anything wrong at all, it's just that our relationship has gone as far as it can, I've told them that no one is really to blame, it's just that our relationship has run its course and is making us parents unhappy, which we don't want the kids to pick up on it too much, I know that they are not stupid and will know that something is wrong, I keep reassuring them that the only difference there will be is that I won't be livi g in the house and they will see me just as much as they do now, they seem to understand and seem fine with it but I feel like my heart has been ripped out and are struggling to see a better side of the situation, for some reason, me ending it keeps jumping into my head, I love my kids to the stars and back and wouldn't do anything like that but the idea seems more plausible, each time it pops in, I hope I'm not the only one that feels like this

@mikey.i don’t have time to cope with not seeing the kids .i have to deal with working on a conveyor belt for the next( 30 years on minimum wage) men I need holiday before I even start the job might take one why I still have some penny’s left .

@mikey.like the article said coping with life as a separated dad .you try coping with my life I quit my job for no reason and only have 10 thousand pounds left in cash .the thought off working on a assembly line for the rest off my life is depressing but I have job if I want it .i think I will take it and become a slave to a conveyor belt doing the same thing for the next 30 years .

Hi, me and my partner have been separatedfor a while but still live in the same house, a the minute, I have been sleeping downstairs for the last few years but my kids heard me on the phone with my ex, so then I had the unpleasant conversation with them, telling them that they haven’t done anything wrong at all, it's just that our relationship has gone as far as it can, I've told them that no one is really to blame, it's just that our relationship has run its course and is making us parents unhappy, which we don't want the kids to pick up on it too much, I know that they are not stupid and will know that something is wrong, I keep reassuring them that the only difference there will be is that I won't be livi g in the house and they will see me just as much as they do now, they seem to understand and seem fine with it but I feel like my heart has been ripped out and are struggling to see a better side of the situation, for some reason, me ending it keeps jumping into my head, I love my kids to the stars and back and wouldn't do anything like that but the idea seems more plausible, each time it pops in, I hope I'm not the only one that feels like this

@jamz.hi I amAdam and I lost my eve and I can’t cope on a everydaybasis because i get flash backs to when eve ate the apple .

I can relate, I type this with tears on my eyes. I have been broken since July this year, she has moved on with her life and admired after 8 years she didn’t love me. That alone has devastated me as the amount of effort I put in is bizzare. I have a 5 year old son, words can’t describe my love that I have for him. He is not allowed to stay the night with me and that’s killing me as he was use to only me putting him to sleep every night. The hardest part is actually taking him out which she does allow me to do however it’s the saying goodbye that eats up inside me every time. I feel loss can’t cope on an everyday basis. I love you Adam and I always will do daddy.