Home > Ask Our Experts > What Are My Chances of 50/50 Residence?

What Are My Chances of 50/50 Residence?

By: Lorna Elliott LLB (hons), Barrister - Updated: 16 Jan 2024 |
 
Court Contact Shared Child Ex Family

Q.

I currently have my son 3 nights a week and this has been the arrangement that my ex told me I was allowed. I work a 4 on, 4 off shift system so my weeks are 8 days. Ideally, I want to share our son 50/50 but was told by her that I should think myself lucky as most dads don't have their children anywhere near as much. Is it right that I have no hope of 50/50 custody?

(PA, 20 April 2010)

A.

I can entirely sympathise with your predicament. This may not be what you want to hear, but you do have a lot more contact with your son than most separated dads. There is no legal minimum or maximum where Custody Is Shared, as each case depends on its particular facts. In all cases, however, the court will be primarily focused on the child’s best interests. You haven’t said whether you and your ex were married or not, so all I can advise you on is if you were to make a freestanding application to the Family Court to try to enforce your right to an extra half a day a week.

If You Go To Court

Of course, you will be able to judge your ex’s potential reaction to a family court case better than I can. What would she do if you told her you were taking her to court over the extra half day? This is a judgment call for you. At the moment, your custody is shared 43/57 – and while every moment with your son is extremely precious, would there be a possibility that your ex could make things a lot more difficult than they are now? I don’t know how old your son is, but what effect could his parents going to court have on him? Forgive me if I’m way off the mark here, but it seems to me as though you’re very angry that your ex has control of the situation – i.e. that she has dictated how much time you spend with your son, rather than it being a joint decision between two parents (and I can understand why you would feel this way).

The Court’s Decision

If you were to make an application to the family court, the judge or magistrate would look at what was best for your son. This doesn’t necessarily accord with what either you or your ex wants. The court would look at both you and your ex as equals, and decide what to do about custody based on the evidence put before it. Although it used to be quite rare, courts are increasingly prepared to grant shared custody. What they are looking for is whether you and your ex can get along for the benefit of your child, and, in terms of practicality, if you live close enough to one another and the distance to your child’s school.

Another option would be to look at Mediation, which would mean that the decision would remain you and your ex’s to make rather than at the discretion of a third party. If you went to court, there is always the chance that the court could direct that you had less of a share of the custody of your son, rather than more. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
[Add a Comment]
(you guys are so different to myself.)the way I was raised or environment facts when I was a child (I don’t know .)but I made fun off weak guys who acted like women and you know those guys that have there kids stay with them .(it’s so foreign to me ) because I’m a men and it’s a woman job to raise kids and I f ing hate my daughters mother and it’s been 16 years sence the fat old ass hag left best day off my life .the halfwit didn’t even calm child support ha ha ha because she thought I didn’t no about Gordon and Jacob and others ha ha ha but in reality all women are dumb there games don’t work on a guy like me I see though everyone and I mean everybody.
Big lips - 16-Jan-24 @ 2:40 AM
Thi relates to my son and his 4 nearly 5 yr old daughter. They have a 50/50 shared custody agreementb and have had since the split over 3 years ago. Originally shared care (so paid maintenance) since September shared custody. No maintenance. collection from school 2 days one week 3 days the next. The mother is currently INSISTING that my son MUST do the school collections (rather than us as grandparents) and presumably drop-offs (although that hasn't come up yet) otherwise she will and im guessing the claim will be that that will affect the 50/50 custody/care arrangements and subsequently maintenance. (Although apparently it's not about the money.) It's impossible for my son to do all the collections due to work so we step in to support but he is ALWAYS home by 5:30 on the days he has his daughter...... thoughts?
Pete - 15-Jan-24 @ 12:45 PM
Hi I'm a father of a 2 year old boy I've not seen him since July I've been to 2 court hearings but the court have still not located him what can I do any help plz
Zizu - 15-Apr-23 @ 1:33 AM
@nick ,you sound like a angry lemon, before you go accusing me off things .take look at your own life in reality your a misfit outcast .
Chris - 11-Oct-22 @ 10:54 PM
I am a 55 year old dad or 2 kids 3 and 6 . My partner ( not married) is refusing me 50:50 care . She has family and friends nearby whilst i have no family but friends. I am working at present but considering a career change and going back to uni. At the very least going part time due to issue with work and stress. This would easily allow 50:50. I will live local and easily take them to school etc. Currently we are still in the same house hoping it will sell in next few months. childcare is difficult and certainly when we were a couple it was 60:40 in her favour but i was paying all the bills being the higher earner. I’m tryin to think why a court wouldn’t let me have 50% care?? As a couple we are dont get on at all. We are starting mediation but i don’t think she will change her stance. All things being equal why wouldn’t i be allowed 50:50 care ? Am i missing something ?
Dave - 11-Oct-22 @ 8:20 PM
I have 3 Children witb my Ex 11.,8 and 5 I want to go for 50-50. i never used to be in a position to do this due to work I have now changed Jobs to enable this how do i go about this.
Sav78 - 21-Apr-22 @ 9:17 PM
I am currently going for 50/50 custody of my 6 year old son. I currently have him on a Friday from school - Monday drop off to school every other weekends, 50/50 holidays and alternate christmas and birthdays. Unfortunately my ex will not agree to anything which isn't on the court order. I wanted to take him to football practice on a Friday and she refuses as its not my weekend. I also don't see him for around 12 days at a time. Its just too long. I appreciate that I probably get more than others on here but I wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and what the outcome was ? This is the second time in court as my ex just refuses anything I ask for... Take him to his swimming lessons in the week. The solicitor costs are now upwards of 5k so some guidance would be appreciated. I hope to hear back soon
MR GB - 25-Jul-21 @ 3:51 AM
I have two boys 13 and 12 the eldest one will be 14 in November. I currently have 5 nights she has 9 nights . The boys want equal time with both parents as you can imagine she’s refusing . I live 10 mins from their mother and 7 minutes from their school . She’s refused mediation and keeps going on that it’s all because I will not have to pay child maintenance, not realising I will be financially worse off . She’s refused to listen to both boys who have both stated to her face they want equal time . I’m just a normal dad who loves his time with his children I don’t drink don’t smoke don’t get drunk .. What are my chances at court and any advice during my hearing would be much appreciated. Thank you .
N/A - 2-Jun-21 @ 7:53 AM
Hi there. My ex wife left me 2 years ago for a woman..and I had to move out of our the family home which we don’t own..and had to pretty had to find accommodation etc as I have no family support here in the uk..now I’ve met someone who has been so supportive that she allows me have the kids every 2nd weekend..in a 1 bed flat..now the ex wants 50/50 custody but I can’t provide that what grounds do I stand as she trying to move them to America or that’s the only way she can save her relationship if we do 50/50 thanks Jason
Jd - 16-Apr-21 @ 2:18 PM
I have never lived with my ex, we broke up 2 years ago. I have a 10 year old with her. I spend most weekends with my kid. Will I be able to get 50/50 shared care?
DanR - 14-Apr-21 @ 6:46 PM
@chris are you a troll or just a cuckold? Your comment fills me with rage you're lucky we are not in the same room. You're an absolute disgrace to your children. Their father is a weak pathetic cuck. A true father and real man NEVER gives up on his children and No other man can nor will replace him. You're disgusting.
Nick - 26-Feb-21 @ 8:41 PM
@MANNY I Hiya I know it’s been a few months but my best advice is to keep all your messages this will be valuable evidence when going to court. ask for your children as much as possible and keep a log of how often you have your children as evidence for going to court keep all of your text conversations civil and only about the children/separation and don’t give in you don’t deserve to be a bit part player in your children’s lives . In going to court know everything about the children do something routinely special with them like walks where you can talk and spend actual quality time . Also waiting is the enemy the longer you leave it to get sorted the harder it will be to sort and prove your side of the argument . Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you .
GonZo - 24-Dec-20 @ 11:15 AM
Some of the responses to this thread are appalling if a mother wishes to continue a relationship with another person the rights and responsibilities of the actual father should not be diminished ignored or disrespected and I for one would be disappointed in myself for not fighting for my right to equal opportunity in regards to time with my children I’m currently going through a divorce where my ex is constantly dictating to me when where and how long I have my children there needs to be some consistency I have missed out on birthdays Christmases and holidays with them due to her controlling and conniving nature I understand if there are issues where people are unwell or unwilling but for all the good dads out there keep doing the right thing and fight to be in your children’s lives I will fight for my childrenas I am an equal parent under current U.K. law .
GonZo - 24-Dec-20 @ 11:06 AM
In the modern world where couples could be non gender specific the only justice is equality how can a court give or show any bias as each parents time, input and presence is as valuable as the other What if when a bias is shown by a court to the mother the father then identifies with being a mother which mother then gets the bias Hence equality is the only answer
Johnboy - 17-Dec-20 @ 8:23 PM
Hi I need some advise my kids have been having problems with there mum social services have been involved on many accassions well my kids Wish to leave there mum and live with me there 16 id love for this to happen but the place I. In wouldn't accommodate more people so would I get housedthrough council if this was to happen As I need a 3 bedroom house in London and to private rent would cost a ton of cash that I dont have
Soppy dad - 23-Nov-20 @ 12:48 AM
My personal suggestion is: Once couple separated,the best way avoid suffering emotionally is to move on to new relationship and new kids better income job,love yourself and believe yourself you only live better by moving on.No point to fight for custody as it’s wasted of time and energy.everyone should think about how to foucus on better career,and live better life.past must let it go.The more money you earn means the more can support kids. Money is very important once kids start go school...etc
Cindy - 15-Nov-20 @ 4:12 AM
Hi, my partner has a 14 month old daughter. His ex fell pregnant while having an affair. Refused for ages to do a dna test and threatened to put whoever she wanted on the birth certificate if he didn't comply with her ridiculous request, she has constantly breaks mediation and mico manages everything including him. He has recorded every vist he has ever had with his daughter and every encounter with his ex as she is always saying she doesn't do something when she has or is verbally abusive in front of the daughter. She is playing the breast feeding card as to why he can't spend more than 4-7 hours with his daughter. She took the baby 2.5 HR drive away from him to make it almost impossible to maintain work/life balance and travel all that way every weekend to see his daughter for a few hours, refuses to meet half way or drive anywhere to help with the extended travel from her taking his daughter away from him. He can buy human breast milk so he can respect the fact she only wants the daughter to have breast milk but she refused as an attempt to get longer period of time with his daughter. Basically if he just took her to court to get 1-2 nights custody every second week if it would be possible to achieve this given the situation. As his mental health is very bad because of the constant abuse and injust with no hope of it getting better. It's almost at the point where he doesn't know how much longer he can keep going before he walks away from his daughter because the mother is pure evil. Cheers
Amelia - 14-Oct-20 @ 2:29 AM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 7:52 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 7:30 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 7:26 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 5:22 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 4:55 PM
Hi, I stumbled upon this site accidentally and it's been a lifesaver sofar. My story; my wife and I have been married for 13years and have 2 girls; 7 and 3. Unfortunately and like many others in the country, I lost my job due to covid in May and whilst I was trying to deal with this, my wife told me just over a month ago that she wanted to split up which was even made harder by my emotional state from not being in work. Regardless, I did not fight her or disagree with her and she had decided to leave the house with the kids but we agreed that as the house was all the kids knew, it would be better at least initially if they stayed in the house along with her whilst I left temporarily. (Call me an idiot I know) I came back to the house a week and a half later at which point she tried to insist I leave again and I refused. She ended up calling the police even though I can say categorically that there was NO verbal or physical threat, just an exchange of heated words about not wanting to leave! I was advised by family by family to please leave again as the kids were in the house and if anything such as tempers flaring happened with police being there, the image of me being taken away/detained is something I didn't want the kids to have plus how that could affect my case if we ever ended up in court. I now temporarily stay with a mate until I can get back on my feet but I have this burning sense of injustice plus the realisation that the person I was married to for 13yrs tried to get me arrested especially as she's the one who wanted to separate. Need some steer as to how to be done with this quick and get 50/50 custody as soon as I can get my own place but she's hinted at child maintenance costs which is useless to talk about until I get back on my feet work-wise. How is best to navigate my scenario to get shared custody etc Any good advise is welcome. Thank You!
Manny1 - 25-Aug-20 @ 4:50 PM
Hi my ex partner has 50/50 with my 3 children we have been split nearly 2 years and since then there has been none stop games he get the kids 3nights 4 days Friday to Monday he was only having them Saturday till Sunday and asked for extra days I agreed with that as I do believe kids should see both parents especially when there young anyway games have been none stopped played 1st it was I'm not bringing kids home they don't need there mum now he saying hes taking me to court for full custody y would anyone want to take 3 happy children of there motherand today my kids come home and there dad has asked if they want to live with him my 5 year old and 4 year old said they want to live with there mum my kids shouldn't ever be asked that or made to feel like they have to answer that what do I do iv been ringing for advice today and the fees are massive I currently don't work due to the ex no longer wanting to have them while I worked witch was fine but now he was full custody will he will even tho my kids are happy healthy and all there needs are being met
Jenna - 24-Aug-20 @ 7:54 PM
Hi, I recently split with my partner we have two babies one is 19months one is 2months old. He has said he is going to take me to court for custody but he was arrested for domestic violence towards me. He says I am mentally unwell (obviously a tactic he will use in court) I’m not but he is going to try everything to win custody. The fact that he has been violent towards me and was arrested for it and gave a statement admitting it will that mean he won’t receive custody or could he possibly gain custody?
Mum - 15-Jul-20 @ 9:46 PM
I have been a single parent since early pregnancy when my daughter's dad chose not to want a family with me, although I have ensured that he has played an active role in her life. She spends time with him 5 nights a fortnight as well as special requests - birthday's, family occasions, one week of his annual leave (his choice) as well as sharing Xmas, Easter and bank holidays. Yet this is not enough for him and wants to take me to court for more. What are his chances of 50/50 residency? I feel I am doing all that is reasonable in the circumstances.
Lou Saynuss - 18-Jun-20 @ 12:18 AM
My ex and I separated a little over 2 years ago. She moved 233 miles away (average 4-5 hour drive). For the last 2 years we have had a fair and reasonable arrangement where we would meet halfway for pick up and drop off whenever I have the kids. I only see them for one weekend a month and during the school holidays (half terms, Easter, etc...). Since the turn of the new year she has decided she is no longer going to bring them halfway and if I want to have them stay with me I have to go and pick them up after work, getting there for like 8pm then back home for around midnight at least, and then do the same when I take them back on the Sunday. I am taking her to court for this and I want to know if a court can order her to continue to bring them halfway? Does anyone know of any cases I can look at and use?
Rob - 21-Feb-20 @ 3:35 PM
I've recently told my ex her maintenece is going down as i pay what the calculator has told me shes due and I have them 3 nights a week and 4 weeks a year for holiday.My ex isnt happy with this and now wants to reduce the time i have with them so the money I currently pay stays the same, where do i stand
Dan - 10-Jan-20 @ 9:26 AM
Hi i am.a young dad split with my ex im.only allowed my son of a saturday night he goes home sunday n then have him of a monday till7 on nite im.on birth certificate but yet im not allowed no input on my sons life im on his birth certicate i would like to no wat rites i have and how often i shoukd have him by law.
Jo - 2-Jan-20 @ 2:29 AM
Hey im a sepatated father of two children boy aged 6 and girl aged 4. I have full parental guardianship of my son, has his mother gave him upto me just after his second birthday but kept my younger daughter who still lives with her mum full time. We attended family courts and it was agreed that my son would stay living with me and my daughter would live with her mum but i would get her 2 days a week and my son would go stay with mum twice a week too that way both children would spend 4 days a week together. This arrangment worked for a couple of years but then started to faulter and become a bit deteriorated has days were changing, split days were surfacing and now it's really took a turn for the worse cos my ex is only seeing our son for 5 hours a week on a saturday due to issues with my ex's partener who my son has said that he has been smacked by him. Now my son isnt allowed at his mums and partners home due to these lies that my 6 year old boy is coming out with although i believe there is truth within what he has said. this is why she is saying that he can go to her for 5 hours. My son really gets upset a lot over this cos he loves his mum but also misses he little sister too has now he dosent see her has much, im now having a lot of behaviour problems with him and i really do feel this whole siruation isnt helping him. Ihave always had my daughter twice a week from the start sometimes more, I've taken her on holidays with me and her brother, been very much invovled with her nursery/schooling attended all her events, activity, parents evenings even attended stay and play week after week religiously, where has my ex has hardly attended anything with her sons school apart from 1 patents evening and 1 sports day.and l know that we have a great father and daughter bond. I have a 2 bedroom house and both children share a room with there own beds. Im able to fully provide for them both. Im am looking to pursue shared costudy of my daughter so 50/50 cos im worried my children are guna grow apart from hardly seeing each other cos i dont see this situation with my son and his mum getting any better or changing much too even more so now she due to give birth to a baby boy in november and with another three children in her and her parteners household already, i can see my son getting further pushed away and im worried not seeing his sibling has much will damaged my children's relationship. Just wondering if there anyone who could enlighten me, mybe someone has been or going through similar problems, what chance have i got of winning shared custody????? Please any response id be much gratful thank you
Kenny - 14-Aug-19 @ 11:27 PM
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice...
Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Topics
Latest Comments