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How Visitation Rights Work For Fathers

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 27 Mar 2017 | comments*Discuss
 
Separated Dads Visitation Rights Contact

As a father you want to stay in close touch with your children, even after you and your partner have separated. Obviously, the best and simplest way to do this is an agreement between you and your ex, which can be made legally binding by solicitors. This means it doesn’t have to go through the courts, and will work when relations between the pair of you are amicable.

If you have Parental Responsibility, either by being married to the mother when the child was born, being present when the birth was registered and having your name on the birth certificate as the father, or through a Parental Responsibility Agreement or Parental Responsibility Order, you have rights and responsibilities to your children.

Obviously, part of that is support in financial terms, but also in emotional and legal terms, too. In return, you have contact with your children. Family Courts have a principle called “presumption of contact”, under which they have to do everything possible for fathers to see their children.

Contact Orders

Very often, Court-issued Contact Orders prove unnecessary, since arrangements will have been worked out privately or in mediation between the two parents. However, even where a Contact Order is issued, often the parents are allowed to work out the details for themselves. Before any Contact Order is issued, however, the court must take several things into consideration:

  • What the child wishes, if he or she is old enough to make any kind of decision
  • The educational and emotional needs of the child
  • Whether there’s any risk of harm to the child
  • Whether you’re capable of meeting the child’s needs during contact

These might seem possibly weighted against you, but the sole intent is for the welfare of the child. In the vast majority of cases – well over 90% – Contact Orders are granted. If it’s come to a hearing, one important factor will be the report by the Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer. Both parents, as well as other carers and teachers, will have been interviewed, and in most cases the court accepts the report as it stands (although you can challenge part of it or even ask for a new report from a different officer if you disagree).

Residence Order

A Residence Order determines who the children should live with. If none has been issued, then the children will stay with their mother. You can apply for a Residence Order to have full custody of your children, but realistically speaking, unless there are pressing reasons they should not stay with their mother, it’s unlikely your request will be granted custody.

Things Not To Do

When you have contact with the children, you should not attempt to take them out of the country without written permission from their mother. Even if it’s for a holiday, this needs to be discussed and permission in writing given. While you have the children, don’t say negative things about your ex-partner. It creates confusion and a bad atmosphere for the children. You have more positive things to concentrate on during your time with them, anyway.

Take at look at our article Making the Most of Your Time With Your Child for some ideas about what you can do together.

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[Add a Comment]
Zed - Your Question:
I would like to see my child. I have a restraining order (non-molestation order) against me from my ex-wife. I had a restraining order not to see my daughter but it expired in February 2017. How can I go about seeing my daughter. I do not have contact details for where she lives with the mother. Thank you for your help.

Our Response:
You would be advised to seek legal advice regarding this matter as you would have to apply through court. Along with the C100 contact form, you would have to apply for a C4 form, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts. This will allow the courts to put a trace on your child to allow you to apply to court. The address can remain confidential if your ex wishes it, but it means the court can serve papers.
SeparatedDads - 28-Mar-17 @ 11:00 AM
I would like to see my child. I have a restraining order (non-molestation order) against me from my ex-wife. I had a restraining order not to see my daughter but it expired in February 2017. How can I go about seeing my daughter. I do not have contact details for where she lives with the mother. Thank you for your help.
Zed - 27-Mar-17 @ 12:47 PM
Lol123 - Your Question:
Hello, I'm writing this on behalf of my partner. He and his ex have been separated for almost 2 years now. His ex was always the one to call the shots on what weekends he seen the 2 kids they have. He is on both birth certificate (issued after May 2006) which as far as I am led to believe gave him parental responsibility. His ex partner now is refusing contact overnight and only having them every Sunday because for the first time in a year and a half I had dinner with him and the 2 kids. This was the first time I have ever really sat in the kids company. He pays weekly child support as agreed by them and until now agreed every second weekend and 1 day through the week every week. Can she always still call the shots on when he sees them and also can she have a say on what they do and if I am allowed to be there or not? Before going through the courts I am trying to get as much information as I can on what is the steps to go by for him to have regular access to his children.

Our Response:
In the first instance, your partner would have to consider/suggest mediation to try to resolve any issue, before the courts will allow an application. If this is unsuccessful, or his ex refuses he would have to apply via a C100 contact form and a Specific Issue Order. SIO are orders sought from the family court to determine a particular matter in connection with the exercise of Parental Responsibility. These orders can cover a wide range of issues including who the children should be allowed to have contact with i.e, you. Please see link here. A court will always decide what it thinks is in the best interests of the children and if your partner's ex cannot justify a reason why you should not have contact with his kids, then an order will be placed allowing you contact that his ex will have to adhere to. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 21-Mar-17 @ 1:54 PM
Hello, I'm writing this on behalf of my partner. He and his ex have been separated for almost 2 years now. His ex was always the one to call the shots on what weekends he seen the 2 kids they have. He is on both birth certificate (issued after May 2006) which as far as I am led to believe gave him parental responsibility. His ex partner now is refusing contact overnight and only having them every Sunday because for the first time in a year and a half I had dinner with him and the 2 kids. This was the first time I have ever really sat in the kids company. He pays weekly child support as agreed by them and until now agreed every second weekend and 1 day through the week every week. Can she always still call the shots on when he sees them and also can she have a say on what they do and if I am allowed to be there or not? Before going through the courts I am trying to get as much information as I can on what is the steps to go by for him to have regular access to his children.
Lol123 - 20-Mar-17 @ 8:35 PM
Im writing this for my boyfriend, him and the mother of his child have been split for a while. He was living at his mothers and his ex would not allow there child to sleep there overnight. We have since moved out and have a spare room for her to visit. This has been going on since october. She would come friday through to saturday one week and saturday through to sunday the next. He also had her one night during the week for 2hrs but his ex stopped this as their child was struggling to get up for school. As much as he didnt want to see his daughter less he knew it was what was best for her. 3 weeks ago she said she wanted to change it to just friday through to saturday every week. We said this was ok and so for the next few weeks this is what we did. A couple of days ago she wanted to change it back to how it was as his daughter preffered it before. So we said we could change it back. The day after she wanted to change it again so that it was every fortnight for the whole weekend. We only live round the corner from her as we chose to live close by so it was easier on his kid, he doesnt not want to change to fortnightly. Can she make him? Shes been the only one to mess up arrangements but goes mad saying she wants their kid in a routine, he agrees but we havent changed anything, she has a new boyfriend and i think this is why everything keeps changing. Shes picked her up over 4hrs early for the past 2 weeks because she was taking her to a party. What can we do?
Sam - 8-Mar-17 @ 5:57 PM
Lovable- Your Question:
Good evening Just a couple of questions I would like to ask please. I have two boys for are under 1 me & the father are not together anymore he has them once a week at the moment but soon it will change to every other weekend.He will be taking them to stay with him & his new girlfriend about an hour away from where we live I have never met this new girl before & I would like to know about there living arrangements to I have a legal right to know this? Thank you

Our Response:
You have a right to ask and your ex has a right to tell you what he wants to, just if the situation was the other way around. However, if your ex is refusing to tell you this information, you would have two options; request mediation in order to try to resolve the issues that are troubling you, or take the matter to court. If a parental relationship can be amicable, then it is better for all. However, many relationships aren't. If they aren't, we can only hope that our ex's will naturally attempt to ensure our children are looked after in a maternal/paternal way, which means responsibly. Therefore, if you have an amicable relationship with your ex then voicing your concerns to your ex and asking for reassurance will help.
SeparatedDads - 23-Feb-17 @ 12:32 PM
Good evening Just a couple of questions I would like to ask please. I have two boys for are under 1 me & the father are not together anymore he has them once a week at the moment but soon it will change to every other weekend .......He will be taking them to stay with him & his new girlfriend about anhour away from where we live I have never met this new girl before & I would like to know about there living arrangements to I have a legal right to know this? Thank you
Lovable - 22-Feb-17 @ 7:35 PM
Hi all dads in despair. Today I suffered another punch in my tummy when I wanted to see my little girl at the nursery at the end of her session. The manager didn't open the door for me because my ex had called the nursery to ask them not to let me pick up my daughter. Then I realised that my ex is telling everyone that we are not together anymore... And my question is, has the mother all the power to go speaking out our separation and defamation on my name? I guess she can. I think men who want to become dads might be interested in looking other countries where the law can be ruled out closer to equality
Viks - 28-Jan-17 @ 1:07 AM
Might sound a bit long winded....I broke up with my ex when I was pregnant and he never kept contact with me through the pregnany. When she was born she was ill and took him a while to see her in the hospital she is now nearly a year and he's seen her roughly 8 times for about 15/20 mins each time. When she was 6/7 he bought 2 packs nappies, 2 tubs milk, and a coat. Didn't buy her anything before and after. When he doesn't get his own way he uses court to scare me. He's only changed her nappy once and that's it nothing else. He has depression and tried to commit suicide when she was about 5/6 months so in my opinion hes not up for looking after her. What would the court say? Would they grant him access when they have no bond? Would they let him look after her by himself? And I never stopped him from seeing her. Once took 4 and half months with no contact and I had to contact him.
Edm - 27-Jan-17 @ 7:11 PM
Hi. Me and my childs mum have been split since 2011 and have always been civil. I used to have my child half the week. Until i joined the armed forces in 2012. It then went to every weekend which is understandable. After a few of my weekends ended up me being stuck at work due to duty, training exercises overseas. We then agreed to every other weekend. But now when i physically cannot get home due to work she goes mental and speaks to me like dirt and its my fault i cant get home. I'm getting sick of being spoken to like i'm nothing. I am based 250+ miles away from where my son is and i drive to him every time i have him if not working. And also give his mother 170 pounds a month since i have been in the army. I'm wondering if there is a way I could get some form of legal help without going to court. To get to a agreement where she could meet me halfway with my son travelling wise.
Bee - 21-Jan-17 @ 1:20 PM
Rio - Your Question:
Hi,Can I start by saying that I think the state of legal positions concerning children are ridiculous, the system is way more empowering of women whom in most cases are not any more providing of care than fathers! We have a legal framework whereby it's almost supportive of women weaponising children after a split and us fathers having to jump through hoops for basic rights all while being liable to pay maintenance! My Question; I separated with my partner 3-4 years ago who immediately got with another man and has not been consistent with my visitation sometimes outright just refusing, I do not know where they live, what school he goes to nor his medical health even though I pay an agreed amount to her every month! Of recent she has been taking the child abroad a lot without consulting me most recently to go and get married and I want to know where I stand legally in order to gain equal access to my child! I really think the law needs to come down tougher on mothers who do this because they are basically untouchable and obviously the child is going to be more familiar and desire to be with their mother more if that's what who they exposed to in the more consistent manner.

Our Response:
Firstly, if you have not had consistent access to your child, then a family court is not going to offer you shared care, as it would not be seen as in the best interests of your child as it would cause your child disruption. If you have any specific issues then you either have to suggest mediation to your ex and if she refuses, take the matter to court, please see link here. If your ex denies you access then you would have to take the matter to court via a C100 form. Despite what you may think, the court does want fathers to have good access to their children. If you do not have the address of your ex, then you can apply via a C4 form, which is an application for disclosure of the whereabouts of a child/children. This will enable you, as the father to take the matter to court. In situations such as this, court although seen as the last option is sometimes the only option, as once a court order is in place your ex will have to adhere to it. Therefore, you may wish to seek some legal advice in order to explore your options.
SeparatedDads - 19-Jan-17 @ 10:48 AM
Hi, Can I start by saying that I think the state of legal positions concerning children are ridiculous, the system is way more empowering of women whom in most cases are not any more providing of care than fathers! We have a legal framework whereby it's almost supportive of women weaponising children after a split and us fathers having to jump through hoops for basic rights all while being liable to pay maintenance! My Question; I separated with my partner 3-4 years ago who immediately got with another man and has not been consistent with my visitation sometimes outright just refusing, I do not know where they live, what school he goes to nor his medical health even though I pay an agreed amount to her every month! Of recent she has been taking the child abroad a lot without consulting me most recently to go and get married and I want to know where I stand legally in order to gain equal access to my child! I really think the law needs to come down tougher on mothers who do this because they are basically untouchable and obviously the child is going to be more familiar and desire to be with their mother more if that's what who they exposed to in the more consistent manner.
Rio - 18-Jan-17 @ 10:26 AM
cncrnmum - Your Question:
I left my husband in July. He has had regular visitation with the children each month. We live a fair distance from one another so weekly visits are quite impossible. He speaks to them every day. Skype on weekends. The problem I am having is his insistence on sleeping with both children aged 5 and 6. Even in a hotel room with 2 double beds he will sleep with them. He is living at his mother's at moment and sleeps with them there as well. He and I were not allowed to sleep together as consenting adults before we were married. He had to sleep on her sofa so I see no reason why he can't sleep there when the children visit. On his last visit here he had a night terror scaring both children senseless. He doesn't just wake up screaming he punches and kicks too. I have demanded a letter of confirmation of the sleeping arrangements on the forthcoming visit. Can I refuse to take the children to see him if the letter is not produced? I have no interest in using my children ad weapons. I am genuinely concerned about them. I can appreciate he misses them but can we please move on in an appropriate manner? They are not securite blankets. I don't want them developing anxiety issues.

Our Response:
I am sorry to hear this and your ex is obviously feeling very insecure and is emotionally affected by the break up. Have you not ever wanted to be close and sleep with your children for comfort yourself? It is understandable he wants this kind of closeness to his children after separation - but equally understandable you feel that there needs to be some balance, especially if he has night terrors (which is more where the issue lies). The fact you have 'demanded' a letter possibly may not be the best way to approach this. Both of you have equal parental repsonsibility, so presumably both of you want what is in the best interests of your children. Therefore, you might want to approach this amicably, if you can, without any need for a written confimation (there is no point to one as it won't hold any legal water). If you feel there are issues to be resolved and you can't resolve them between you, then mediation is the best option, please see link here.
SeparatedDads - 11-Jan-17 @ 2:27 PM
Leroy - Your Question:
Good evening, I have come across this site and would like some advice please.My ex partner and I split up before the birth of our daughter approximately 3 1/2 years ago. I wasn't present at the birth as I wasn't told she was in labour. When my daughter was born she was very sick and taken to a specialist hospital who treated her for a number of ailments. I was present at the hospital for a week but never really give much information about how poorly she was. I was asked for a blood sample to see if I could offer her blood if needed. During this time a DNA test was conducted to confirm I was infact her father which proved I was.When she was registered at birth my name was not added to the birth certificate (we weren't married, I understand the mother has the right to omit this from the certificate). I had restricted access to my daughter during this time and never formed a bond with her.We agreed at the time to make an agreement for child maintenance which was paid cash, but then I received notification (12months later) from the CSA that I had been named as the father and needed to pay some arrears (£98 for 12 months). This has been paid.I am now paying a further amount per week to my ex for my daughter (not a problem as a standing order has been set up so all payments have been recorded, this includes any arrears owed).During the last two years I have had no visitation rights to my daughter, this has been for a number of reasons:1. My ex has moved to a number of different addresses of which I wasn't made aware of.2. A PIN notice was served on me by my ex as I wanted to drop some birthday presents off to my daughter and it got a little heated. I was told by the police that I couldn't contact my ex or daughter from the point on.My ex has now had another baby (3 months ago), and I have been made aware that her new partner is looking to adopt my daughter. Where do I stand?So in a nutshell:1. I am not on the birth certificate but confirmed parentage by DNA2. I do not know where my daughter lives.3. The CSA have no contact details for my ex so I have no way of forwarding a solicitors letter to her.4. I want to know where I stand if her new partner adopts my daughter.Your advice would be appreciated.Kind regards

Our Response:
If you are not registered on the birth certificate you have no parental rights unless you apply to court for parental responsibility and/or contact. It means your ex can press ahead with the adoption. If you do not challenge the adoption and the adoption takes place, you will no longer be financially responsible for paying towards the upkeep of your child, this will transfer to the child's adoptive father. Please see Family Lives link here .
SeparatedDads - 11-Jan-17 @ 12:26 PM
I left my husband in July.He has had regular visitation with the children each month.We live a fair distance from one another so weekly visits are quite impossible.He speaks to them every day.Skype on weekends.The problem I am having is his insistence on sleeping with both children aged 5 and 6.Even in a hotel room with 2 double beds he will sleep with them.He is living at his mother's at moment and sleeps with them there as well.He and I were not allowed to sleep together as consenting adults before we were married.He had to sleep on her sofa so I see no reason why he can't sleep there when the children visit.On his last visit here he had a night terror scaring both children senseless.He doesn't just wake up screaming he punches and kicks too.I have demanded a letter of confirmation of the sleeping arrangements on the forthcoming visit.Can I refuse to take the children to see him if the letter is not produced?I have no interest in using my children ad weapons. I am genuinely concerned about them. I can appreciate he misses them but can we please move on in an appropriate manner?They are not securite blankets.I don't want them developing anxiety issues.
cncrnmum - 10-Jan-17 @ 6:17 PM
Good evening, I have come across this site and would like some advice please. My ex partner and I split up before the birth of our daughter approximately 3 1/2 years ago. I wasn't present at the birth as I wasn't told she was in labour. When my daughter was born she was very sick and taken to a specialist hospital who treated her for a number of ailments. I was present at the hospital for a week but never really give much information about how poorly she was. I was asked for a blood sample to see if I could offer her blood if needed. During this time a DNA test was conducted to confirm I was infact her father which proved I was. When she was registered at birth my name was not added to the birth certificate (we weren't married, I understand the mother has the right to omit this from the certificate). I had restricted access to my daughter during this time and never formed a bond with her. We agreed at the time to make an agreement for child maintenance which was paid cash, but then I received notification (12months later) from the CSA that I had been named as the father and needed to pay some arrears (£98 for 12 months). This has been paid. I am now paying a further amount per week to my ex for my daughter (not a problem as a standing order has been set up so all payments have been recorded, this includes any arrears owed). During the last two years I have had no visitation rights to my daughter, this has been for a number of reasons: 1. My ex has moved to a number of different addresses of which I wasn't made aware of. 2. A PIN notice was served on me by my ex as I wanted to drop some birthday presents off to my daughter and it got a little heated. I was told by the police that I couldn't contact my ex or daughter from the point on. My ex has now had another baby (3 months ago), and I have been made aware that her new partner is looking to adopt my daughter.Where do I stand? So in a nutshell: 1. I am not on the birth certificate but confirmed parentage by DNA 2. I do not know where my daughter lives. 3. The CSA have no contact details for my ex so I have no way of forwarding a solicitors letter to her. 4. I want to know where I stand if her new partner adopts my daughter. Your advice would be appreciated. Kind regards
Leroy - 10-Jan-17 @ 5:26 PM
hi, my partner has asked to be put on his daughters birth certificate, she is now 7 years old (he was not told of when she was getting registered) anyways he pays for his daughter and gets her every 2nd weekend when hes off from work and during holidays. but he has nothing written down on paper and i am scared she will one day stop his contact with her as she now has a new partner and he doesnt like her dad. she never answers the phone when my parnter phones to speak to his daughter. but will only get in contact when regarding money.
boo - 27-Dec-16 @ 9:06 PM
Hello, my main question is how many people can have parental responsibility of one child as the law when I read it say's more than 2 which suggests any amount of people can have it to the one child e.g. a silly number like 10 ... however the forms show only 3 spaces... Parent 1 or A, Parent 2 or B and Step parent... could you clarify this for me?? Also if there was only the mother with parental responsibility and the biological father is estranged by choice from the child does he need to be involved although not having parental responsibility? And finally if the Mother (only one with parental responsibility) and I (Step dad) are happy to go ahead with an application for 'Parental responsibility' and the estranged father (by choice) does not need to be involved, but a grandparent who was one of the main resident carers of the child for 6 years (child and mother lived under the mothers parents roof mainly from birth) also wanted to be on the application for parental responsibility would they be eligible as the 'other parent/Parent 2/Parent B'?? I eagerly await your reply.
Step dad - 22-Dec-16 @ 11:53 PM
cncrnmum - Your Question:
I left my husband in July. He has had regular visitation with the children each month. We live a fair distance from one another so weekly visits are quite impossible. He speaks to them every day. Skype on weekends. The problem I am having is his insistence on sleeping with both children aged 5 and 6. Even in a hotel room with 2 double beds he will sleep with them. He is living at his mother's at moment and sleeps with them there as well. He and I were not allowed to sleep together as consenting adults before we were married. He had to sleep on her sofa so I see no reason why he can't sleep there when the children visit. On his last visit here he had a night terror scaring both children senseless. He doesn't just wake up screaming he punches and kicks too. I have demanded a letter of confirmation of the sleeping arrangements on the forthcoming visit. Can I refuse to take the children to see him if the letter is not produced? I have no interest in using my children ad weapons. I am genuinely concerned about them. I can appreciate he misses them but can we please move on in an appropriate manner? They are not securite blankets. I don't want them developing anxiety issues.

Our Response:
If your ex does not wish to discuss this with you, then you may wish to suggest mediation as an option to resolve the issue, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here . I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 20-Dec-16 @ 3:04 PM
I left my husband in July.He has had regular visitation with the children each month.We live a fair distance from one another so weekly visits are quite impossible.He speaks to them every day.Skype on weekends.The problem I am having is his insistence on sleeping with both children aged 5 and 6.Even in a hotel room with 2 double beds he will sleep with them.He is living at his mother's at moment and sleeps with them there as well.He and I were not allowed to sleep together as consenting adults before we were married.He had to sleep on her sofa so I see no reason why he can't sleep there when the children visit.On his last visit here he had a night terror scaring both children senseless.He doesn't just wake up screaming he punches and kicks too.I have demanded a letter of confirmation of the sleeping arrangements on the forthcoming visit.Can I refuse to take the children to see him if the letter is not produced?I have no interest in using my children ad weapons. I am genuinely concerned about them. I can appreciate he misses them but can we please move on in an appropriate manner?They are not securite blankets.I don't want them developing anxiety issues.
cncrnmum - 17-Dec-16 @ 3:05 PM
Aj - Your Question:
Me and my fiance have split 2 weeks ago and she is saying I can't have our 2 year old daughter over night can she do this as I want to see her every chance I get

Our Response:
I'm afraid she can, as you are not guaranteed overnight access even if you have parental responsibility. Much depends upon the reasons why your ex is refusing. Sometimes resident parents can become over-protective for various reasons and when you split from your partner it is only natural that you will both have some very raw emotions and find it difficult to get along. However, because you have a child together, it is important that you find a way to communicate. The situation is not only about the two of you but also about the wellbeing of your child and that is what you need to focus on, please see link here . You are not being denied access, which is a plus, but if you insist on wanting overnight access then your options would be to either suggest mediation, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here and if your refuses as a last resort you would have to apply to court, please see link here. However, even if the matter goes to court, there is no guarantee the court will award overnight access. The court will always decide upon what is in the best interests of your child - but the courts do want fathers to have a good relationship with their children, so unless there is a good reason why you shouldn't have your child overnight, you stand a good chance.
SeparatedDads - 13-Dec-16 @ 2:31 PM
Me and my fiance have split 2 weeks ago and she is saying I can't have our 2 year old daughter over night can she do this as I want to see her every chance I get
Aj - 10-Dec-16 @ 1:08 AM
1markw - Your Question:
Hi,My partner and I split up 4 years ago to which I got a court order for every other weekend as access. Over the 4 years she has continually breached the order if I have something planned. I felt hard done by by the first order and therefore have requested mediation to which she refused.I work shifts and therefore on some of my weekends I am on nights. I have left the kids in the the care of their step mum, my wife, who they have built a relationship with over the last 3 years.Since discovering that I am going back to court and the children are rarely left wth my wife, my ex has been making malicious allegations to social services about the kids and my wife to prevent them from coming. Social services investigated and it was logged as malicious. She has ceased all contact as she says that I should always be at home when I have the kids. I can't possibly juggle both and often need help from family. My children come first but I also need to keep a roof over their head. Is she allowed to do this and would the court frown upon me going to work on the odd occasion?Please help!

Our Response:
The courts will not frown upon you having to work. Given your ex is in breach of the order, you can take the matter to court to have it enforced, and the order may also be varied if the circumstances have changed since the order was made, please see link here. However, in general terms, you have the autonomy to make such decisions regarding who looks after your kids through having equal parental responsibility with your ex.
SeparatedDads - 6-Dec-16 @ 12:04 PM
Hi, My partner and I split up 4 years ago to which I got a court order for every other weekend as access. Over the 4 years she has continually breached the order if I have something planned. I felt hard done by by the first order and therefore have requested mediation to which she refused. I work shifts and therefore on some of my weekends I am on nights. I have left the kids in the the care of their step mum, my wife, who they have built a relationship with over the last 3 years. Since discovering that I am going back to court and the children are rarely left wth my wife, my ex has been making malicious allegations to social services about the kids and my wife to prevent them from coming. Social services investigated and it was logged as malicious. She has ceased all contact as she says that I should always be at home when I have the kids. I can't possibly juggle both and often need help from family. My children come first but I also need to keep a roof over their head. Is she allowed to do this and would the court frown upon me going to work on the odd occasion? Please help!
1markw - 5-Dec-16 @ 5:58 PM
HWDT2LG - Your Question:
HiI have been separated from my wife for 15 months, after a lot of too and from regarding our two children there was a period of 7 weeks where I was not aloud to see our children ( Not for want of trying ).I sat mediation and my wife rejected her appointment, I filed for court proceedings and instructed legal representation to write to her with my intent so that my intentions for rights to our children was clear.Since then we made an agreement ( Verbal non legal, supposedly drawn up for me to sign and never materialized ) between the two of us where I am to take care of my children every weekend Fri 7-7:30pm to Sunday 7Pm, If I make any plans to have time away from our children I give her notice of this within plenty of time ( 1 month ) at this point I did not progress with the court application.Recently I was coaxed out of work for 2 days to provide care for our children ( out of schedule ) again on her behalf under the pretense that it was not her partners responsibility to look after our two children whilst she was unwell, Last Weekend, I was blocked from seeing my children even after agreements had been made to travel with our youngest child to see family in another area of the country whilst our eldest child remained at home with there mother.I have since experienced the same unreasonable behavior shown in the first instance which has also been relayed through her cohabiting partner in a threatening manner whilst having care of our respective children. I would like to know what my next steps are as I would like a schedule for our two children that is agreed in full and adhered to.There are circumstances beyond my control that are unfair on our children and myself ( the children being the focal point) and would appreciate any information or help. All I would like is regular and fair access to our children.

Our Response:
If the mediation process fails, then court is the next step. If your ex has denied you access to your children, please see link here and go through the process. Once a court order is made both parties are committed to adhere to it, whereas an agreement made through mediation is not officially binding.
SeparatedDads - 2-Dec-16 @ 10:54 AM
Hi I have been separated from my wife for 15 months, after a lot of too and from regarding our two children there was a period of 7 weeks where i was not aloud to see our children ( Not for want of trying ). I sat mediation and my wife rejected her appointment, I filed for court proceedings and instructed legal representation to write to her with my intent so that my intentions for rights to our children was clear. Since then we made an agreement ( Verbal non legal, supposedly drawn up for me to sign and never materialized ) between the two of us where I am to take care of my children every weekend Fri 7-7:30pm to Sunday 7Pm, If i make any plans to have time away from our children i give her notice of this within plenty of time ( 1 month ) at this point i did not progress with the court application. Recently i was coaxed out of work for 2 days to provide care for our children ( out of schedule ) again on her behalf under the pretense that it was not her partners responsibility to look after our two children whilst she was unwell, Last Weekend, i was blocked from seeing my children even after agreements had been made to travel with our youngest child to see family in another area of the country whilst our eldest child remained at home with there mother. I have since experienced the same unreasonable behavior shown in the first instance which has also been relayed through her cohabiting partner in a threatening manner whilst having care of our respective children . I would like to know what my next steps are as i would like a schedule for our two children that is agreed in full and adhered to. There are circumstances beyond my control that are unfair on our children and myself ( the children being the focal point) and would appreciate any information or help. All i would like is regular and fair access to our children.
HWDT2LG - 1-Dec-16 @ 2:36 PM
My daughter is 5 years old, her father has had contact with her most weekends but never overnight although he wants this and is emotionally blackmailing my daughter with new bedroom and toys, and saying that I'm crazy and nasty and that's why she can't stay, this isn't the case her father was abusive to me and doesn't pay maintance and most weekends picks her up late and brings her back early, if our daughter is playing up he brings her early because he can't cope, now he is threatening to take me to court for him to have her every week and two weeks a year a alternative Christmas's which I do not agree with, a few weeks ago he threatened to hurt me physically so I had to phone the police now we talk through third party's usually his sister, out daughter didn't have contact with her dad for 5 weeks recently and I saw a dramatic change in her behaviour she wasn't getting angry with me and her behaviour was good, last weekend he seen her and her behaviour had changed she is angry and blaming me for why she can't stay with her dad and she gets upset and angry because he left her and she's seen him loose his temper and shout, I'm in the process of taking her to see a doctor so she can talk to someone without any worries. My solicitor advised me to go for a child arrangement order but I'm scared in case a judge will say he can overnights I really don't feel this is right for her he livs 30-40 minutes away with his partner and a he has a child on the way with her and a son living with them who I don't think our daughter has met. I don't want to stop contact completely and I never had I just have to put mine and our daughters safety first, however I do feel he is emotionally abusing our child I just want some advice on what he could get if I did take him to court or if he took me to court we have tried mediation which is how we made arrangements for the amount of hours he sees her over the weekend. Thank you
Mcc - 24-Nov-16 @ 6:10 PM
MATT - Your Question:
I have two girls that live with their mother but since June I haven't been allowed to see them. My ex made a case with child maintenance service which made little difference in terms of payments because I paid every month anyway, but since then I have not been allowed to see them. I have recently had a third child with my current partner and this seems to have added to the excuses that I cannot see my two girls. I get all sorts of excuses such as you are your not seeing them because you don't see them, you have another child now so you don't need to bother with the girls now. I used to have the girls once a month because the travel is so expensive we live over 30 miles apart and I do not drive, and have had problems with my ex from the start of my new relationship. my middle child's birthday was in July and I still have her presents at my home, its now November and I desperately need some advice.

Our Response:
In the first instance you would have to suggest mediation, please see link: Mediation: What is it and is it For Me? here. If your ex refuses, then as specified in the article, you would have the option of applying through court via a C100 contact order. If a court order was awarded, both you and your ex would have to stick to the terms. I hope this helps.
SeparatedDads - 8-Nov-16 @ 2:59 PM
I have two girls that live with their mother but since June I haven't been allowed to see them. My exmade a case with child maintenance service which made little difference in terms of payments because I paid every month anyway, but since then I have not been allowed to see them.I have recently had a third child with my current partner and this seems to have added to the excuses that I cannot see my two girls. I get all sorts of excuses such as you are your not seeing them because you don't see them, you have another child now so you don't need tobother with the girls now. I used to have the girls once a month because the travel is so expensive we live over 30 miles apart and I do not drive, and have had problems with my ex from the start of my new relationship. my middle child's birthday was in July and I still have her presents at my home, its now November and I desperately need some advice.
MATT - 4-Nov-16 @ 3:06 PM
Hi, My wife and I separated just under a year after marriage nearly 4 months ago due to too many arguments and her becoming violent towards me towards the end of her pregnancy. The Police got involved during our last argument and I didn't press charges for her violent conduct with her being 8 months pregnant at the time. We have 2 children together and our eldest is 21 months old who I have have every weekend on Friday night and Saturday night. This works well and he loves seeing me when I show up to collect him from my ex. I love spending time with him and I feel we have a very strong bond that couldn't ever be broken. our newborn is 8 weeks old and I take him after work every Wednesday for a couple of hours and I see him for an hour when I pick my eldest son up Friday evening and when I drop him off again on Sundays. I would just like to ask advice in regards to rights on visitation of our 8 week old little boy. I love both of my kids more than life itself, however I feel like I haven't bonded with my 8 week old or even know him very well. I agreed with my ex that when my 8 week old reaches 3 months old we would half bottle feed (at weekends) and half breastfeed when he is with her during the week. seeing as he is 3 months around Christmas we agreed this would be the perfect time for me to start taking him for the weekend. Just to be amicable and so my ex does not feel alone, I agreed to alternate weekends with the children until my youngest is a bit older and then every 3rd weekend I would take both of them. The problem is she is now saying she doesn't feel ready to have her newborn taken away for at least a few more months which would mean I wouldn't get to see my youngest over Christmas. our families don't really see eye to eye either which makes it harder for my family to see our newborn too. Any advice anyone can give me in regards to my rights would be appreciated. Thanks, Max
Maximusaurelius - 2-Nov-16 @ 11:05 PM
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