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Breach of Contact or Residence Order: What to Do

By: Abigail Taylor - Updated: 16 Jun 2018 | comments*Discuss
 
Court Order Contact Order Breach Courts

A 'contact order' is an order made by the court that determines who is entitled to communicate with a child (either through face to face meetings or telephone calls, or indirectly such as by letter). A 'residence order' is an order made by the court that determines where and with whom a child lives. From April 2014, these orders have been replaced with a single 'child arrangement order' which covers both issues (given that they are intrinsically linked).

You can apply to the courts for a child arrangement order. For most parents, this will be the end of the matter, and both parties will comply with the order. However unfortunately for some parents, this can be the stage at which further problems begin, if the other party breaches the order.

What is a breach?

Arguably anything that does not comply with the order is a breach. For example if the order states that the non-resident parent should have contact every Friday from 5pm and contact is not provided until 5:05pm, this is technically a breach of the order. However it is important to be reasonable; the courts are unlikely to take any action if the breach is insignificant.

The courts' guidance states that unless a breach is regular and intentional, they will not usually take action to enforce the order or punish the breach. Further it is important to consider the needs of your child first and so some flexibility may be needed on occasion.

"I have a contact order which says that I have contact with my 14 year old daughter from 6pm on three evenings a week. My ex-wife has agreed that she can play netball for her school team on Wednesday evenings until 6pm which means that I won' see her until 7pm. Can she do this?"

Whilst it would have perhaps been better for your ex-wife to discuss this with you first, try to be flexible. Does your daughter enjoy playing netball? The courts consider a child's welfare as paramount and so her participation in such activities (if she wants to take part) will likely take precedence here. However if this causes you problems, perhaps ask your ex-wife if you can swop the day that you see your daughter to a day when she is home earlier.

"I have lost my job and have been unable to pay child support. I have a court order to see them twice a week. My ex is now saying that if I can't pay child support, then I can't see my kids. Is this a breach?"

Any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the Courts.

"I have met someone I really like and would like to introduce my kids to her. I have a court order to see my kids every Wednesday and Sunday. However, my ex has said she doesn't want the kids to meet my new partner and that I can only see my kids when she's not there. Can she do this?"

Concerns often arise over a new partner being introduced to children. However the Courts will not impose a restriction on whether this person can be present during contact unless they can be shown to be a risk to the child's welfare (e.g. someone with convictions for violence or sex offences).

What to do if there is a breach

1) Discuss

The first step in the event of a breach of an order should be to try to discuss this with the other party involved. Whilst this can often be awkward when a relationship between you has broken down, this is the quickest and cheapest way to resolve the problem. When approaching the discussion, try to be flexible. If the breach has occurred due to a change of circumstances (such as the child moving from primary to secondary school, or the other party changing jobs) then maybe you could agree a way to vary the order to something that could realistically be followed.

[The Court does not have to approve any agreed amendments to the order. However make sure that you have this agreement in writing to protect yourself should a further dispute arise.]

"I've had a court order for three years to see my children and everything was working fine, until we had an argument last week when she refused to let them come, after the third week in a row. Admittedly, it got a bit heated and we had a big argument on the doorstep. She called the police and now she has taken out a non-molestation order against me. What happens now?"

If you are unable to contact the other party directly (for example due to a non-molestation order) you may need to ask someone you trust to try to discuss the issue with them, or as per step 2 below, ask a solicitor to correspond on your behalf. In this situation, it is likely that some amendments will be needed to current contact arrangements so that you and your former partner do not see each other. For example one of you drops the children off at school and the other collects from school. Contact or Children and Family Centres will also assist with the transfer in such situations.

2) Write

If you are unable to get anywhere by discussing the issue with the other party, write to them setting out your concerns and proposals to resolve the problem. If you have a solicitor, you may wish to ask them to write to the other party reminding them of their obligations under the order. [Keep a copy of any letters / emails sent in case you ever needed to refer to these in court.]

3) Consider applying to Court

Court enforcement should only be used as a final resort, as this will be added expense, and will generally only serve to increase tensions between the parties.

In order to apply to the Court for enforcement of a child arrangement order (or contact order / residence order), you will need to fill in, issue and serve form C79 (which can be found on the HMRC website). The Court will wish to see that other methods of resolving the issue have been attempted, which is where copy letters (as in point 2 above) are useful.

If you wish to apply to vary a child arrangement order, you will need to use form C100 (which can be found on the HMRC website)

If you are considering making an application to Court, seek independent legal advice. The Citizens Advice Bureau can provide you with free and independent legal advice in this regard.

What can the Court do if a breach has occurred?

There are a number of options open to the Court in order to punish the offending parent and try to ensure that the breach does not occur. Which route the Court takes, will depend upon the circumstances including the severity and frequency of the breach, and where the child resides.
  • The Court can impose a community service order, requiring the parent in breach of the child arrangement order to undertake up to 200 hours of community service.
  • The Court can fine to the parent in breach.
  • The Court can impose a short prison sentence on the parent in breach. (This is however very rare, as the parent in breach is usually the parent with whom the child resides and the primary carer.)
  • The Court may also impose an order for the parent in breach to pay the other party financial compensation if the breach led to loss (e.g. a cancelled holiday).
If in doubt, it is always best to seek legal advice. Citizens Advice Bureau provide free and independent legal advice and can be contacted on 03444 111 444.

Check out the Separated Dads Forum... It's a great resource where you can ask for advice on topics including Child Access, Maintenance, CAFCASS, Fathers Rights, Court, Behaviour or simply to have a chat with other dads.

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[Add a Comment]
Hugga - Your Question:
Hi my husband has a child by his previous partner there was a court order in relation to residents in mothers favor made about 5 years ago however the child is now 15 he messaged her at 10:30pm saying he wasn't going back to hers he wasn't happy there to which she responded "no worries" I contacted police and social services as he is now living with me and dad however she is refusing to give any of his clothing or belongings we've requested his passport for a holiday and she's ignored the request and blocked all means of contact what can we do

Our Response:
Your husband would have to refer the matter back to court. The mother is under no obligation to provide the child's belongings. With regards to the passport, please see link here .
SeparatedDads - 18-Jun-18 @ 11:08 AM
The middle one- Your Question:
My husband and his ex have a son aged 11, will soon be 12. There is a court order in place which states contact every other weekend, Thursday - Monday. This has been the case since he was born as there was never a relationship between the two of them. My step son has expressed continously that he would like to stay with us for a week, every other week. So he alternates the weeks between us and his mother. We are happy to accommodate however his mother will not allow it. She has stated that if we do not comply with the order she will get a bailiff to come and collect him from us. How do we go about getting my step sons wishes listens too? Will we have to go back to court? And if we do will they take notice of his opinion?

Our Response:
As stated in the article, any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts. Therefore, your husband would have to apply to the courts for a variation. Now your husband's son is older, his opinion will count. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 18-Jun-18 @ 10:12 AM
My husband and his ex have a son aged 11, will soon be 12. There is a court order in place which states contact every other weekend, Thursday - Monday. This has been the case since he was born as there was never a relationship between the two of them. My step son has expressed continously that he would like to stay with us for a week, every other week. So he alternates the weeks between us and his mother. We are happy to accommodate however his mother will not allow it. She has stated that if we do not comply with the order she will get a bailiff to come and collect him from us. How do we go about getting my step sons wishes listens too? Will we have to go back to court? And if we do will they take notice of his opinion?
The middle one - 16-Jun-18 @ 9:40 PM
Hi my husband has a child by his previous partner there was a court order in relation to residents in mothers favor made about 5 years ago however the child is now 15 he messaged her at 10:30pm saying he wasn't going back to hers he wasn't happy there to which she responded "no worries" I contacted police and social services as he is now living with me and dad however she is refusing to give any of his clothing or belongings we've requested his passport for a holiday and she's ignored the request and blocked all means of contact what can we do
Hugga - 16-Jun-18 @ 7:35 PM
Shell - Your Question:
My three children reside with dad there is an court order stating I have contact twice a week however my ex is refusing me contact even phone contact due to my partner having a criminal record from his teens.my ex claims it is he safeguarding can he do thus or should he take it back to the judge with his concerns.is he breaching this order please

Our Response:
As stated in the article, any changes to a contact order must be agreed by both parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to court. Therefore, if your ex is breaching the order, you can refer the matter back to court. In the first instance, a solicitor's letter reminding your ex of the terms of the order may help. If your ex refuses to comply, then court would be the next option. If your ex says he has new concerns with regards to safeguarding, then the court’s main concern is the welfare of the children in question. The court will always put the children’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order.
SeparatedDads - 15-Jun-18 @ 9:29 AM
My three children reside with dad there is an court order stating I have contact twice a week however my ex is refusing me contact even phone contact due to my partner having a criminal record from his teens .my ex claims it is he safeguarding can he do thus or should he take it back to the judge with his concerns.is he breaching this order please
Shell - 14-Jun-18 @ 11:57 AM
Elmo - Your Question:
My ex used to live in asia and when my child was 3 we went to court to arrange a contact order for when my ex was in uk. My ex then underhandedly moved to spain and took me to court to have my child visit him there. For the past 2 years his lived in the uk and another contact order was made for visitation over here.Iv sinced been told his moving back to asia with his wife and new child. He believes that we simply go back to the original court order and whatever bits from the new one he wants to keep will be ok. I dont know if this is true. I was under the impression that once a new contact order was in place the old one would be null n void? My child is nearly 11 now and iv had such a hard time getting him to visit his dad inc violent outbursts from him because he doesnt want to see him and feels lied to by his dad who hasnt informed him of any of the things his doing until the last moment.I would like to know if the old court order still stands and any advice I can get please

Our Response:
If you are unhappy with the arrangement of the original court order and you feel circumstances have changed since it was implemented, then you can refer the matter back to court.
SeparatedDads - 12-Jun-18 @ 11:28 AM
My ex used to live in asia and when my child was 3 we went to court to arrange a contact order for when my ex was in uk. My ex then underhandedly moved to spain and took me to court to have my child visit him there. For the past 2 years his lived in the uk and another contact order was made for visitation over here. Iv sinced been told his moving back to asia with his wife and new child. He believes that we simply go back to the original court order and whatever bits from the new one he wants to keep will be ok. I dont know if this is true. I was under the impression that once a new contact order was in place the old one would be null n void? My child is nearly 11 now and iv had such a hard time getting him to visit his dad inc violent outbursts from him because he doesnt want to see him and feels lied to by his dad who hasnt informed him of any of the things his doing until the last moment. I would like to know if the old court order still stands and any advice i can get please
Elmo - 11-Jun-18 @ 11:36 AM
Amber - Your Question:
I have a court order in place which states my son will live and reside with me (his mother) and will spend time with his father as agreed by both parents. So there are no exact times or dates or how often on the order. My son currently goes to his dads every other weekend from a thursday to a monday and the week inbetween a thursday night till friday. Recently I have changed it to a friday to a monday as my son goes football training on a thursday night. I did guve dad the option to take him training but he let him down. Because of this he has picked my son up from school and and said he is not bringing him home. He is keeping him and I need to take him back to court. He has done this on numerous occasions since the breakdown of our relationship over 2 years ago. He sends me messages saying if I dont do as he says he will just kidnap him. He will never sign his passport so I can take him on holiday next year ect he is very controlling and it worries me the emotional effect it id having on my son as he is 6 years old and when dad does take hom he doesnt take hkm to school and clearly states to our son he is living with him now and is not going home. He turns up at school when he wants and takes him out of school as he knows school cant stop him a he has pr. Just looking for some advice of how I can stop this happening again. I feel like he is still controlling my life by using my son.

Our Response:
If you have a residence order, the police should be able to intervene and return your so to you, please see link here. If the police do not wish to intervene, then you can apply to court for a Prohibited Steps Order. A PSO is an order granted by the court in family cases which prevents either parent from carrying out certain events or making specific trips with their children without the express permission of the other parent. This is more common in cases where there is suspicion that one parent may leave the area with their children, or when a parent refuses to hand a child back.
SeparatedDads - 11-Jun-18 @ 11:26 AM
I have a court order in place which states my son will live and reside with me (his mother) and will spend time with his father as agreed by both parents. So there are no exact times or dates or how often on the order. My son currently goes to his dads every other weekend from a thursday to a monday and the week inbetween a thursday night till friday. Recently i have changed it to a friday to a monday as my son goes football training on a thursday night. I did guve dad the option to take him training but he let him down. Because of this he has picked my son up from school and and said he is not bringing him home. He is keeping him and i need to take him back to court. He has done this on numerous occasions since the breakdown of our relationship over 2 years ago. He sends me messages saying if i dont do as he says he will just kidnap him. He will never sign his passport so i can take him on holiday next year ect he is very controlling and it worries me the emotional effect it id having on my son as he is 6 years old and when dad does take hom he doesnt take hkm to school and clearly states to our son he is living with him now and is not going home. He turns up at school when he wants and takes him out of school as he knows school cant stop him a he has pr. Just looking for some advice of how i can stop this happening again. I feel like he is still controlling my life by using my son.
Amber - 10-Jun-18 @ 10:59 AM
I separated from my ex partner a few years ago and ever since she has toyed with my access to my two kids whenever she sees fit. Our relationship was always volatile but never violent. She has a history of heavy drinking and mental health issues. In the last two years social services have been involved twice and an access agreement was put in place with all parties compliant. We agreed on three out of four weekends overnight. Sleeping arrangements were agreed on, everything was in place. Since then social services are no longer involved and my ex partner this year alone has halved my access twice. My son always comes but I have only seen my daughter four times this year. When confronted my ex is very aggressive and unapproachable. I am now out of ideas and just want to see my kids, I pay Csa and do all I can. Is a contact order worth considering?
Holtmartin50 - 8-Jun-18 @ 3:52 PM
Gignger- Your Question:
Hi , I have a court order in place the contact agreed at court is rotational weekend access with her friend being present at all times and during collection. My previous partner is now suggesting her father to pick the children up on her weekend as her freind that must be present is working she had advised me she won't be in attendance during her fathers access help needed.

Our Response:
As specified in the article, ' some flexibility may be needed on occasion'. It stands to reason that if your ex's friend is now working an alternative arrangement needs to be put into place. If you agree, the handover should continue as usual.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jun-18 @ 3:09 PM
Noel - Your Question:
I have a child arrangement order in place that states my ex must make my children available to spend time with me from 5 til 5 Friday to Sunday every other weekend but before this was put in place I’d booked a holiday but now it means one of those weekends I can’t have my children am I in breach of order if I go? She has known about holiday for months but is now saying I have to collect boys or I’m in breach I’ve also offered an alternative by saying my mum would have them on that weekend

Our Response:
As highlighted in the article; 'some flexibility may be needed on occasion'. However, if your ex is refusing to be flexible and refuses your mum to pick them up, then you would have to make the decision about what the repercusssions may be. If you breach the order and your ex denies you access on your return, then you would have to once again refer the matter back to court.
SeparatedDads - 5-Jun-18 @ 11:24 AM
Hi , I have a court order in place the contact agreed at court is rotational weekend access with her friend being present at all times andduring collection. My previous partner is now suggesting her father to pick the children up on her weekend as her freind that must be present is working she had advised me she won't be in attendance during her fathers access help needed.
Gignger - 5-Jun-18 @ 6:15 AM
I have a child arrangement order in place that states my ex must make my children available to spend time with me from 5 til 5 Friday to Sunday every other weekend but before this was put in place I’d booked a holiday but now it means one of those weekends I can’t have my children am I in breach of order if I go? She has known about holiday for months but is now saying I have to collect boys or I’m in breach I’ve also offered an alternative by saying my mum would have them on that weekend
Noel - 1-Jun-18 @ 11:10 AM
Ad - Your Question:
I have a court order for my 10 year old son but after years of mental abuse off his mom he now wants to stay with me permanently and I am trying to find out from everywhere how I can get the court order changed as the last thing I want for my son is for him to be forced to go back to his mom

Our Response:
You would have to seek legal advice regarding this matter. Once a court order is in place, then it is difficult for a court to decide to fully change the terms unless you can prove your child is suffering from abuse.
SeparatedDads - 31-May-18 @ 2:59 PM
I have a court order for my 10 year old son but after years of mental abuse off his mom he now wants to stay with me permanently and I am trying to find out from everywhere how I can get the court order changed as the last thing I want for my son is for him to be forced to go back to his mom
Ad - 29-May-18 @ 7:35 AM
hello, i ve 3kids with my ex and we ve cordial relationship and understanding in regards to the kids. so far everything has been going on well but i think is proper to ve a legal backing to our current mutual arrangement. so what can i do to legalize our arrangement?
kelly - 26-May-18 @ 12:55 PM
Michael - Your Question:
I have a son and his mother has sent the police around twice over the weekend and told them I was using firearms in front of my child. This is a very serious allegation and the penalty would be imprisonment. I think she done this presumably because my wife contacted social services due to my sons weight spiralling out of control and he is morbidly obese. We are only concerned about my son but now I am concerned her mental health has hit a major low and I am seriously worried about him being in her care. There is a contact order in place but would I be breaching this if I do not take him home on Sunday and keep care of him until his mum is confirmed as being well enough to look after him?

Our Response:
If there is a contact order in place, the police can get involved to return your child to the primary carer. If you breach the contact order by not handing your child back, this could go against you if the matter is referred back to court. It's never a good idea to take the law into your own hands, especially if social services are investigating you for firearms. If you feel your child is not being properly cared for, then you should refer the matter to court. However, you would have to have evidence to back this up via the school, doctors and social services etc, so you may wish to seek legal advice. I would certainly not make the decision to keep your son without the other parent's consent, as this could certainly backfire on you.
SeparatedDads - 22-May-18 @ 11:27 AM
I have a son and his mother has sent the police around twice over the weekend and told them I was using firearms in front of my child. This is a very serious allegation and the penalty would be imprisonment. I think she done this presumably because my wife contacted social services due to my sons weight spiralling out of control and he is morbidly obese. We are only concerned about my son but now I am concerned her mental health has hit a major low and I am seriously worried about him being in her care. There is a contact order in place but would I be breaching this if I do not take him home on Sunday and keep care of him until his mum is confirmed as being well enough to look after him?
Michael - 21-May-18 @ 4:43 PM
crosser - Your Question:
Good afternoon.I have a court order in place that gives me rights to see my two children at my house over a weekend every 2 weeks. This was as a result of the ex refusing to let me see them for over a year due to financial reasons (she said it was other reasons but this was the reason).When we went to court she claimed allsorts but most of it surrounded alcohol abuse and neglect of the children. This was all disproven in court and the Cafcass report showed me in a very good light and as a result the court agreed to Cafcass recommendations that travel to homes should be shared and overnights should commence. They then refused after to do any travel despite the order. every time I picked the kids up I got abuse from her new partner and threats of violence (I have evidence of this recorded). and one day he shoved a breath test device in my face and said do this or your not seeing the kids. Naturally I refused on numerous grounds. this was now 6 weeks ago and they point blank refuse to let me see them or call the children (they insist I have to supply a phone and sim despite me making the call).I was visited by social services as a result of a small accident to one child and they gave me a clean bill of health and said there were no safeguarding issues but they still refuse for me to see the children unless I take a breath test.I gave written assurance to the court that I would not drink 24 hours before or during any visit and as such have kept to that and don't feel its right being intimidated in this way not to mention I have no idea what the device he had is.I am returning to court to press for breach of order but don't have a solicitor and wonder if you would be able to offer any advice.thanks

Our Response:
I'm afraid your only option would be to refer the matter back to court. We cannot anticipate what a court may decide. Much depends on both sides of the story and whether your ex can prove in any way that you breached the order by drinking prior to picking up the kids (if this is the reason your ex prevented you from having them).
SeparatedDads - 18-May-18 @ 10:31 AM
Good afternoon. I have a court order in place that gives me rights to see my two children at my house over a weekend every 2 weeks. This was as a result of the ex refusing to let me see them for over a year due to financial reasons (she said it was other reasons but this was the reason).When we went to court she claimed allsorts but most of it surrounded alcohol abuse and neglect of the children. This was all disproven in court and the Cafcass report showed me in a very good light and as a result the court agreed to Cafcass recommendations that travel to homes should be shared and overnights should commence. They then refused after to do any travel despite the order. every time I picked the kids up I got abuse from her new partner and threats of violence (I have evidence of this recorded). and one day he shoved a breath test device in my face and said do this or your not seeing the kids. Naturally I refused on numerous grounds. this was now 6 weeks ago and they point blank refuse to let me see them or call the children (they insist I have to supply a phone and sim despite me making the call). I was visited by social services as a result of a small accident to one child and they gave me a clean bill of health and said there were no safeguarding issues but they still refuse for me to see the children unless I take a breath test. I gave written assurance to the court that I would not drink 24 hours before or during any visit and as such have kept to that and don't feel its right being intimidated in this way not to mention I have no idea what the device he had is. I am returning to court to press for breach of order but don't have a solicitor and wonder if you would be able to offer any advice. thanks
crosser - 17-May-18 @ 2:18 PM
Charlotte - Your Question:
Hi need some help. My ex took me to court a child arrangements order is in place the fourth one, four hearings we have had so he has to have full supervision from me in the community his not allowed unsupervised, over nights ect , the problem I'm having his stopped maintenance payments again , he only has two hours of contact Every two weeks between that he don't call them , doesnt ask how they are doesn't talk to them really when he sees them , not affectionate as well. His not supporting them one bit money wise or emotional wise what can I do, my daughter is scared of him for reasons I can't say she really doesn't want to go my son 5 is just really confused to help!!

Our Response:
If there is a court order in place for your ex to see the children and he is not keeping to the order and/or you wish to change the order, then your only option is to refer the matter back to court. Child maintenance is a different and very separate matter, which CMS can take on board (if you have a family-based arrangement and your children's father is not keeping to it).
SeparatedDads - 14-May-18 @ 1:38 PM
Hi need some help. My ex took me to court a child arrangements order is in place the fourth one, four hearings we have had so he has to have full supervision from me in the community his not allowed unsupervised, over nights ect , the problem I'm having his stopped maintenance payments again , he only has two hours of contact Every two weeks between that he don't call them , doesnt ask how they are doesn't talk to them really when he sees them , not affectionate as well. His not supporting them one bit money wise or emotional wise what can I do, my daughter is scared of him for reasons I can't say she really doesn't want to go my son 5 is just really confused to help!!
Charlotte - 11-May-18 @ 7:13 PM
Laynie - Your Question:
Hi. Ok. So my ex and I have 50/50 residency of our now 10 year old daughter. We have done since we split when she was 2.5. Over the years we’ve been in and out of court for one reason or another. Mostly by him. I ended up in a dv refuge because of him yet he was still allowed custody of our daughter till August 2019. Anyway. Last time we were in court was because I moved to Hampshire from the midlands and wanted to take our daughter with me for obvious reasons and he got that stopped. I could move but she wasn’t. So she stayed with him. Despite the alcohol rehab stint he’d just completed. Anyway. It was agreed that I get her from school in the midlands and he collect her from my house in Hampshire. He didn’t like that free a while as it took a good few hours in the car for him so I said ok how about we meet half way instead. He agreed. My partner and I along with our two children who have health issues then moved to Yorkshire. It’s the same distance between us just the opposite direction. I said we can still meet half way which he’s done twice. (Both times getting stuck in road works) I’ve spent the past two days being torn to pieces being told he will not be meeting me at the new half way point and that he will meet me half an hour away from his place and I can do the 1 hour 47 Minute trip the other end. I said no. And suggested that if we can’t agree we will go back to the court order. I collect from school. He collects from me. He’s telling me that everyone thinks I’m ludicrous for not asking his permission if it was ok to move so far away again and not move closer to him and that he won’t be sat in traffic any more and that he won’t be coming to Yorkshire to collect her or that I can’t collect her from school. I can collect her from his choice of services or nothing else. He’s told me I’m controlling him but all I want is to get my daughter. He got her to FaceTime me to ask why I wont agree to dads plan???? Which I think is totally wrong. She looked so uncomfortable and kept glancing to the side as if he was right there. I felt so sorry for her. The courts don’t want to see either of us again as we’ve been in and out of court for pretty much all her life. Apparently I was told I wasn’t allowed to move again but it says no where in our contact order that I can’t. I just don’t see why I have to bow down to his rules. I’ve tried to be reasonable again but he just won’t see it that way. Am I being unreasonable. He says that I didn’t ask if he was ok with me moving or going half way the other way and his time in the car is just too much. Do I want him to have a heart attack and him crash at 70 mph with his child in the car???? He has ongoing heart issues now but I can’t control that. He has a full time job but so will I soon. I don’t know what to do. He’s saying that I’ll need to take him back to court which will look bad on me which is what he wants. Help. I’m so stressed again. My other half wants to get involved and tell him to back down but

Our Response:
If you cannot agree between you, then you have no alternative than to take the matter back to court. As specified in the article, any changes to a contact order must be agreed by 'both' parties. One party cannot unilaterally decide to change the order or apply additional terms. If they wish to do so, they will need to refer the matter back to the courts. By moving out of the area you have breached the court order (you should have gained permission to move from the area from the courts first). The courts would have then revised the order according to what it thought would be in the best interests of your daughter. Depending on the circumstances, it might have even prevented the move. Or at least made alternative arrangements for drop offs and pick-ups where you both cannot agree.
SeparatedDads - 10-May-18 @ 12:49 PM
Hi. Ok. So my ex and I have 50/50 residency of our now 10 year old daughter. We have done since we split when she was 2.5. Over the years we’ve been in and out of court for one reason or another. Mostly by him. I ended up in a dv refuge because of him yet he was still allowed custody of our daughter till August 2019. Anyway. Last time we were in court was because I moved to Hampshire from the midlands and wanted to take our daughter with me for obvious reasons and he got that stopped. I could move but she wasn’t. So she stayed with him. Despite the alcohol rehab stint he’d just completed. Anyway. It was agreed that I get her from school in the midlands and he collect her from my house in Hampshire. He didn’t like that free a while as it took a good few hours in the car for him so I said ok how about we meet half way instead. He agreed. My partner and I along with our two children who have health issues then moved to Yorkshire. It’s the same distance between us just the opposite direction. I said we can still meet half way which he’s done twice. (Both times getting stuck in road works) I’ve spent the past two days being torn to pieces being told he will not be meeting me at the new half way point and that he will meet me half an hour away from his place and I can do the 1 hour 47 Minute trip the other end. I said no. And suggested that if we can’t agree we will go back to the court order. I collect from school. He collects from me. He’s telling me that everyone thinks I’m ludicrous for not asking his permission if it was ok to move so far away again and not move closer to him and that he won’t be sat in traffic any more and that he won’t be coming to Yorkshire to collect her or that I can’t collect her from school. I can collect her from his choice of services or nothing else. He’s told me I’m controlling him but all I want is to get my daughter. He got her to FaceTime me to ask why I wont agree to dads plan???? Which I think is totally wrong. She looked so uncomfortable and kept glancing to the side as if he was right there. I felt so sorry for her. The courts don’t want to see either of us again as we’ve been in and out of court for pretty much all her life. Apparently I was told I wasn’t allowed to move again but it says no where in our contact order that I can’t. I just don’t see why I have to bow down to his rules. I’ve tried to be reasonable again but he just won’t see it that way. Am I being unreasonable. He says that I didn’t ask if he was ok with me moving or going half way the other way and his time in the car is just too much. Do I want him to have a heart attack and him crash at 70 mph with his child in the car???? He has ongoing heart issues now but I can’t control that. He has a full time job but so will I soon. I don’t know what to do. He’s saying that I’ll need to take him back to court which will look bad on me which is what he wants. Help. I’m so stressed again. My other half wants to get involved and tell him to back down but
Laynie - 9-May-18 @ 8:17 AM
Not seen my son since 2014 ex partner has brainwashed him against me ,court orders breached twice by ex no punishment issued by court ,caffcass report completed but ex brainwashed son to say he doesnt want to see me gets upset etc ,ima law abiding citizen , courts havent helped me whatsoever its joke , court dates are to far apart causing lack of time with son if contact was ever to resume , i feel im better off taking law into my own hands now because its been so long ?? im representing myself at court as not eligible for legal aid .
Boffy - 8-May-18 @ 11:51 AM
I have started to have contact with my son unsupervised. I took him to a family gathering were his father was present (his father is not allowed to see him yet until his application) my son has residency with his mother. She has proof of this via video facebook. I have court in two weeks I have breeched the order. What will happen now?
milly - 5-May-18 @ 2:01 PM
Hi my ex partner has not seen his daughter for 6 years. He was threathed behaviour. He had changed to see his daughter once a week at contract centre and didn't trun up on 3 times. I took him back and won a reaction order on my daughter. He says I run away with his daughter and whats to see her I called the poilce as he horrible to me 6 years a go
Stacey - 5-May-18 @ 12:13 PM
Maz - Your Question:
Hi,Last month my husband and I won a battle against his ex who was hoping to move their daughter to Poland after having lived here for 18years. His daughter is four and we had her every other weekend. The court ordered we can now collect her from school on a Friday and take her to school Monday every other weekend and half all the holidays starting this May. She text us and asked this May half term (bearing in mind the order has only just been made) if she could swap weekends and take her daughter to a communion in Poland and if this year (even though its our turn and court also ordered this) in August she can have her for her birthday because she wants to go to Poland again. We came to an arrangement re August and allowed her to do it this time around but as for May, we refused as the daughter is a bridesmaid for my brothers wedding the same day she wants to take her to Poland. She kept asking and asking and we kept saying no, we simply cannot cancel her being a bridesmaid and not going to the wedding as seating and meals have also been paid for. She’s now told us she is making an application to court again! Can she do this? What are our rights?? We paid over 20k to get this access and lost everything - can she apply every time she doesn’t get her own way??

Our Response:
Much depends on whether the court accepts her application. If you won the court case only last month, it is highly likely the court will refuse the application. Only if there is a change in circumstances or a valid reason will the court accept a new one.
SeparatedDads - 30-Apr-18 @ 3:27 PM
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