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  Occupation Non Molestation Order
Posted by: andynumpty - 1 hour ago - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

Anybody got any advice or help on these matters that my ex and solicitor have stated they are seeking against me?

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  Interim contact arrangements advice
Posted by: thelongroad - 10 hours ago - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)


I am due in court next Wednesday for directions hearing following section 7 report for my 8 year old son
The Cafcass report said i should have half of school holidays and birthdays/Christmas/ Easter should be alternated alternated. Cafcass also suggested i should have contact every other week from Friday, school pick up until Monday morning, school drop off.

Now, for some background- on 29/11 my NMO was completely discharged when sons mum refused to give evidence, as i had her banged to rights with police disclosures, forgery,etc..i had not seen my son for nearly 7 months until last weekend. On the first weekend of interim contact following NMO discharge my son was not taken to see me and my sons mum did not answer 2 texts asking if he was coming...her solicitor contacted me on the Monday afternoon saying my son did not want to go. if that was so she would have responded to texts.last Saturday I was then able to pick him up for the first time on Saturday for a wonderful weekend together.. I had already emailed the judge who promptly replied last week and just told me to adhere to rest of interim contact.
My sons mum has also just received a interview under caution from education welfare officer due to my son and her other daughter "being persistently absent". I am also due to ask for a hair strand test as i am sure she is using heroin and has been for a while. She is currently on a heroin prescription since my son was placed on the child protection resister in 2016 and social services ended support in August 2017 and she went straight back to using. I made 2 safeguarding alerts that were dismissed in June this year and she got an NMO out preventing me from seeing my son... anyway we are where we are now and she is self destructing yet again. I also made a formal complaint to Cafcass as they missed out child protection information from 2016/2017 and only included reports from 2015. i am described as a protective factor and it states i have contact every weekend and one day a week. Cafcass are now looking to half that whilst she has been given a warning from education welfare team. My son told Cafcass he asked to see me but his mum said if he did he could never come back to her...he also called me from the school office crying which is again in report. Not quite sure how much independent evidence i need as i have streams of it. However cafcass said my son said he did not want to see me so it needed to be every other week....

I want to ask for every weekend from Friday until Tuesday morning as i have always had him, to start in January when he is back at school.-what do people with more experience think of this please? my son has missed every homework for the last 6 months so i need to try and support him with this weekly otherwise he will completely dis engage with school.

Christmas-i want to ask for Christmas day pick up at mid day until Jan 1st giving her Xmas eve and Xmas morning-this has always been agreed for last 7 years-son is now 8 years old.

What do folks think i should ask for, as i want to go for the very high end and negotiate if needed? Bearing in mind the directions hearing is on the same day as school breaks up for Christmas so school pick ups will not start until January. i expect final hearing will not be until February at the earliest.

Thank you

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  Order meaning
Posted by: Charlie7000 - 10 hours ago - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Now I know what it was intended to mean because I had the order drafted. Ex is trying to cancel a night - I think it’s a breach - she is putting her own interpretation on it.

Order says child lives with father on alternate Thursdays from school finish time through to school drop off time on the Friday (ie about 9am.

Last day of term is my Thursday night. Order says he spends the first day of the christmas holidays with me which is the Friday. So I would collect him from school on thurs and he would be with me until sat at when he goes back to her and I then don’t see him for a whole week all over Christmas. There are a lot of other times etc in the order too but just using this specific one as it is the issue).

Ex is cancelling Thursday night saying I have to collect son on Friday morning when the school holidays start. She is interpreting it that as the order says school drop off time on Friday that this means that night doesn’t count as there is no school Friday morning.

BUT - he lives with me for those ordered times and is with me all day Friday anyway. School drop off time does not specify he has to actually be going to school - it is to specify that son is in my care until that time after which he is in the school’s care.

I am swinging between just letting it go rather than more hostility etc. And wanting to enforce. Because I just had two consecutive nights and a day with son before he goes away for a week over Christmas.

I can just imagine if I said to her - you can’t have son your usual night before the summer holidays because he isn’t going to school next day.

So am I right? He lives with me during the ordered times - it’s a shared care agreement.

The Thursday is a school day and he lives with me from school finish time that Thursday AND the following day all day Friday.

Therefore school drop off time is irrelevant.

If I email her saying that she will just continue to argue blue in the face so I would need to be prepared to say - if you cancel that night it is a breach and be prepared to enforce.

It may just be one night but I feel strongly that she should not ignore the court order for chikd’s Living arrangements. It’s a shared care order.

Her email was nasty (par for the course) telling me my next “contact” would be the Friday - as if she was a solicitor.

What do you reckon I should do? And am I right? It doesn’t matter whether the drop off is at school or not.

What is annoying is I never wanted that terminology - I wanted 9am Thurs to 9am Friday (to cover early or late finishes or sickness on my days) but was told that wasn’t the way it was done. So school finish time was to cover it finishing early or late and school drop off time I was never happy about - preferred “school start time”. Have already had her insisting school drop off time is 15 minutes before school start time so she can interfere for 15 minutes! That settled down and I ignored it as long as son comes.

She knows I can’t face more legal bills and litigation. So is trying it on and if I let this go there will be more and more things like this with her seeing I don’t do something legal. So maybe I should enforce if she cancels the Thursday night (it’s unreasonable and no good reason) and ask to vary to specific times. Just playing games with me and running up bills for me. She keeps sending letters to my solicitor asking her to pass on messages to run up bills. When I asked solicitor to tell her she was no longer acting for me I get this nasty email cancelling the thurs night. As if I now don’t have legal back up so she can get away with dictating again.

I guess the other alternative is get a solicitor’s letter sent telling her it’s a breach and she must comply with the “lives with” order.

She ignores the lives with bit completely and writes to me as if I was a worm who is given orders by the boss. Sick of it. I don’t expect her to start being a normal civilised person but a smack of reality and some back up would help.

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Posted by: DadDolent - 11 hours ago - Forum: THE LOUNGE - No Replies

On my drive home today, I ended up listening to half of this podcast for "scientific" purposes only! I literally could not take it any more. Warning : very explicit. Common BBC really!


It is very possible I am turning into a grumpy old man!

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  I think im doing ok...
Posted by: greenf1nch - Yesterday, 03:16 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (2)

Hi all, i hope everyone is well.

I was in a desperate place around 4 months so months ago when my life fell apart, and i posted on here for the first time for advice & help. It was a dreadful time and the advice & support i received from this forum really helped, just to know there were others who could relate was oddly a huge help. Thank you to all who read & contributed. 

Like i say its been 4 or so months, which on the grand scheme of things is not that much time. Myself and my ex wife were together for for 13 years, married for 9 of them. We were truly happy and lived for each other, when our first girl in 2012, we started to drift apart, and by the time our second came in 2015 we were a mess. We tried to keep it together for the kids and our history, but both our heads started to get turned and once that's starts, then that's kind of it. There were no full on affairs, but we both did kiss other people over the course of out final 18 months. In June of this year I became suspicious of her phone activity, always messaging and when I walk near she would quickly put the phone down, it was really noticeable. I asked her about it one day and she just told me right there that she was not speaking with anyone she shouldn't have been, but that she knew the trust had gone and basically didn't feel we she should keep going. I agreed. I was also to blame for this, as i do like to play Xbox and i am fully guilty of ignoring her, which kind of drove us to live seperately in the same house. So at this point, i found a 2 bed flat about a 10 min walk from the family home and proceeded to move out. We agreed to 'stay friends' and to put the kids first always. I was nice and happy with our arrangement. It felt like the right thing to do.

That was until about a week after i had moved out, i really missed my girls even thought we share custody 50/50. I missed my life, i missed having my wife always there, I started to realize the gravity of what we were doing, and how living by myself was not just a little jolly. I text her like I always had and i felt sick one day not long after when she called me to ask me to only message her about the girls, and i couldn't keep acting like we were still together. Looking at it now, she was right, but at the time it made me really low. I was sat on a Sunday night around 2 weeks after moving out and I made the decision that I was going to fight for us. So we messaged a bit and it was good, she was at a party at work, and was sending me daft messaged and pictures. The next day i bunked off work and went round her house early in the morning to 'make sure she survived the night' but the doors were dead locked...i messaged her to let me in when she revealed she had someone with her. I couldn't believe it...that moment right there is the single worst moment of my life so far. I won't go into details over what happened the next hour or so, but it was not nice. It turned out she got asked out at work (she works at a Rugby club bar) 2 days after i had moved out, and she, as a single lass, accepted. They have been together ever since. Who knows if they were messaging beforehand, she denies it and it makes little difference now anyway. 

Since then, I have been through a wide range of emotions. Sadness, self pity, loneliness, desperation, forgiveness, anger, fear, anxiety, everything! I can honestly say if I didn't have my family there for me, i would have seriously considered ending it...truly. I also went through the dating app phase which i guess was a rebound thing, thankfully I didn't meet up with anyone. I soon realized i was ok to be on my own, to figure things out by myself. 

So for the past few months I have watched a million movies & tv shows, got myself a new job as my old one was also getting me down, and I have tried to have a pro active attitude. I find myself looking at my old life with rose tinted glasses, remembering only the good times we had together and mourning them. I miss my ex wife, even thought she has pulled some sly moves the last few months since, and I miss my ex life. We moved to her home city in 2012 which is 200 miles away from my home, so its been difficult to go out and be with people who are not connected to her, as I don't want to talk about her or hear who she is with. One of the hardest things for me has been to be on her outside circle, not to be the first person she tells everything too and knowing someone else already is that person and to be treated almost like an after thought, its just something I have to get used too i guess.

As for our kids, I have them half the week and i use them to keep me going. We have managed to transition and protect them through it all. They love having 2 houses and are excited for Christmas. They are my shining lights in an otherwise dark year. Their mum and myself have a really good amicable relationship when it comes to them which is the most important thing, although this is something that takes ALOT of work (more from me it seems) and i have to bite my tongue almost everyday to keep the peace. 

I know even by posting this all i have spoken about is my ex wife, I know i still have a long way to go, I know i still get sad, I know i have to still turn the radio down when a song she likes comes on, or i still want to show her things she would like, just the thought of her pops into my head at least 5 or 6 times a day but I have to cut myself some slack, we were together for a long time. I am terrified about how it will be, how it will work when my girls meet her new guy, the fear of being replaced in the family unit, of them going on days out or holidays without me..i can barely stand the thought, but no matter how bad that thought is, I do know it has to happen. That said I have to trust my girls and i trust they will love me above any other guy. Someday the shoe will be on the other foot and i will be introducing them to a new friend of mine. I am trying to think logically, keep a level head and put my girls and myself above anyone else. To always look on the bright side. 

I don't really know why i am posting this, I guess its to get it down on paper and also I hope it will help someone who is going through any sort of similar situation, to let them know that it will be ok. I would say to them to stay cool and don't do anything stupid. Worry about yourself and focus on your kids if you see them, or getting to see them if you don't. Your own actions, which you control, speak for you, everyone else's don't. Don't rise to any bait if its laid, no matter how much it makes your stomach turn. Also its ok to be sad, to cry, to be angry and all the rest. 

Anyway, this is pretty long. I appreciate you reading and im happy to chat to anyone who wants or needs too.

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  Is it worth me opening a CMS case?
Posted by: theDad - 12-10-2018, 02:59 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hello, (unfortunately) "experts"!
Hope life is good for you all, if you're in the mist you'll come out of it!

I have recently got a clean financial break and the following decree absolute;
My situation with kids is as follows:

Ex wife is the primary carer so she gets the CMS.

I Have them
1. Mon - Tue - Wed + every other weekend (she picks them up on Weds though, afterwards I pick them up at hers)
2. Three weeks during half term
3. I pay some of their stuff (not all*)
4. I already share big expenses (birthdays, school trips, etc)

I could attempt to revoke the Wednesday pick up if that was unsetting the balance.
All in all if you calculate the extra night I have them plus the half turn, it pans out the same amount of days.
Except when they are ill she *should* take care of them (she always moans about this and wants to go 50/50 when it happens)

* I buy them some clothes, some school clothes, birthday parties that fall on my dates are my expense, snacks for school etc (all in the norm I feel).

I find myself wondering what I am paying this money for at times, so I thought to myself "what the heck, I should raise a CMS case!", but before doing so I wanted to ask you fellas if you think it will go in my favor or not;
I appreciate every instance is different than the other, but what are your guesses?

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Posted by: avadad - 12-09-2018, 07:44 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

as i hae a court order, and says on it ex allows pr,  how would? that affect my child if my ex wants to change childs second name? thanku

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  advise single dad no involvement now who do i ask
Posted by: tdci - 12-09-2018, 06:36 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

so i received court order other day she gets two contact sessions a week some things have came to light her new partner who was a factor in proceedings and my child was not to be in same room as him is back on scene i suspected he never left her but she was to have no involvement with him i now have solid proof they together do i continue to allow her to see child i dont want anything coming back at me but i have to stick to courts two days ,can i refuse this and what does one say,personaly couldnt give a monkeys who shes with but him been a factor in case and fact she still with him what does one do this is short dont want to much details here

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  Own mother now threatening to take ex to court
Posted by: Ric134 - 12-08-2018, 09:49 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

So, here’s the facts. I’m probably case number 100500657865 where the usual crap has been spouted by an ex partner with whom you have a child to – dv, police come knocking, ‘investigate’ for 6 months – find nothing because there is nothing and all of a sudden my new born son is now one year old whom I do not know at all.

I was seeing my son before it was abruptly stopped by Cafcass privately in the summer -  no doubt with a heavy nudge from the ex  - citing my son was heavily distressed. Sure, babies cry and at the end of the day I’m new to this. The reports I got from the private centre worker weren’t that bad actually but I will admit he was crying for large periods – of course he was – I’m a stranger to him and contact centres aren’t a natural environment in my opinion for a child or a parent.

So anyway, I go to court in November after the dv is dropped for ‘insufficient evidence’ (I.e. no evidence) and it is recommended to go back to a contact centre from Cafcass guy. This time Cafcass commissioned – so free for me essentially. Great I think – I’m seeing my son again. Wrong – It’s took Cafcass 3 weeks to get anything going and I won’t be seeing my son for a second Christmas in a row. 

This whole saga has annoyed my own mother to a point I’ve never seen her at before though. She is now threatening to take my ex to court if this isn’t sorted soon and she’s a retired nursery nurse. I’d love to see Cafcass try send her to a contact centre or put up with half the crap they come out with.

However, I am worried if she does, how will this affect my own case or will the two have no bearing on each other? If not, I'm all for it.

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  New CMS rules now in place
Posted by: Hazy - 12-08-2018, 12:34 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (5)


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