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Third C100 in 3 Years: Ad...
Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders
Last Post: Londoniandad
5 hours ago
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Child Maintenance - some ...
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
Last Post: Fatcat1980
9 hours ago
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» Views: 42
CMS Payment Calculations ...
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
Last Post: Fatcat1980
10 hours ago
» Replies: 2
» Views: 211
New Non Molestation Order...
Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders
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Left the house, too toxic
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: Charlie7000
02-27-2021, 10:36 PM
» Replies: 6
» Views: 223
How To Write a Witness St...
Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders
Last Post: K79
02-27-2021, 08:20 PM
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Dating Apps
Forum: New Partners, Relationships
Last Post: Fatcat1980
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New concerns about parent...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: Charlie7000
02-25-2021, 12:13 AM
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Advice needed
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
Last Post: Charlie7000
02-22-2021, 08:14 PM
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Evidence in a Contact Ord...
Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders
Last Post: scoot76
02-14-2021, 12:04 PM
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  Child Maintenance - some concerns
Posted by: Fatcat1980 - 9 hours ago - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies

Ok, briefly.  My ex moved out to a flat 2.5 years ago. I bought the house from her.  We agreed to have the kids 50/50 but for the first few months she did the evening school run. But we still had them equal nights.  Then I got some help from work and didn't need her to do the evening school run anymore.  I earn fairly well and agreed a family arrangement to pay her about £400pm.  She was to buy clothes. I said I'd pay for school lunches and other online stuff to make life easier but generally we went 50/50 on everything which she said was fair.  The £400pm gave me peace of mind that she could provide a home for the kids and we could both have a life.  She was able to earn well just working part time and claim over £1k in tax credits and CB.  Working full-time simply wouldn't cross her mind, before you ask.  Her income could've been £3k pm back then.  Lots of this is in writing but nothing was drawn up legally. We weren't married.  She has a degree and has worked in several industries but has worked for herself for the best part of ten years.

She has struggled financially.  She became ill and won't have conventional treatment because she thinks doctors and big pharma caused her illness in the first place.  She lost many of her clients and Covid has ruined what was left of her business. I believe she's applying for the grant.  She goes bananas if you suggest she gets a job. In fact, if I suggest anything to her causes such deep offence to her that she won't talk to to me for weeks now I expect.  How dare I suggest she finds work?

We've fallen out.  She thanked me for this month's money but then added that as I'm no longer paying bus fares during this lockdown, is it fair that she's still paying for all the clothes.  So I said I wasn't happy with that suggestion and said that £400pm was plenty for clothes (she doesn't spend that) and reminded her that I want to move to a fairer 50/50 split on everything.  But I didn't say I was about to do this.  She claimed she was only earning £40 a month now and that I'd worried her so we spoke but it turned into a blazing row.  We've never fought like that ever.  We've spoken by text and cleared the air a bit but she's shamed me into agreeing to pay for some clothes in addition to what I've paid this month and that has annoyed me.  It's a situation I have to deal with.

My question is about the CSA process.  There's nothing stopping her claiming against me now, even though as far as I'm concerned a claim isn't justified simply because she won't earn a living and is shit with money, and would rather travel than work.  What happens if she does claim?  How do they assess this fairly?  Do I get contacted?  Do I get to appeal and fight my corner?  She could say anything.  I have plenty in writing thankfully but I don't need the hassle.  But she claims the benefits and the kids are certainly named at her place for some things.  Not fully sure exactly what.  She lives in a 2 bed flat.  I own a 4-bed house in my name that I provide for my kids.  I wouldn't end up paying more than I do now, but it would feel grossly unfair and remove the flexibility we have now.  Suggesting formal custody or anything is the last thing I want to discuss with her.

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Big Grin Dating Apps
Posted by: Fatcat1980 - 02-25-2021, 09:34 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - No Replies

Anybody else using dating apps at the moment?  If so, is the going slow or am I just minging  Big Grin ?  Any tips?

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  How To Write a Witness Statement
Posted by: K79 - 02-24-2021, 10:15 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

I've just attended my first hearing and have a date set for my final hearing. The judge ordered that we both file a 'Witnessed Statement at court no less than 2 days before the hearing'.

Can anyone advise what this must include and how it should be written please?


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  Left the house, too toxic
Posted by: harrison404 - 02-23-2021, 01:44 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (6)

So I know it's advised as a big no-no to leave the house, but for my own sanity, the toxic environment around the children I've pitched up back at my parents for the 4th time in less than six weeks. I've made my decision to leave her once and for all, it's simply not working.
She's an alcoholic, make no bones about it and she's now left in charge of my son, although no harm has come to him as of yet. I'm taking the biggest risk of my life leaving him in her care.
The property is a joint mortgage. We are unmarried, Our son is two and between us we have two other children each, She has hers with us 50% of the time, my other two every other weekend and school holidays, Her excessive drinking has even lead to threats from my ex wife to stop access after she was drunk in charge of them during the day. I've slept in my car, been back and forth to my parents but always returned to all her promises to change, she's been diagnosed with depression, getting counselling but forever falling off the wagon. The respect is gone, the arguing in front of children continues and after returning from dropping my children off at the weekend I returned to find her drunk yet again. I had to leave for my own wellbeing and before anyone got hurt. It's become an impossible situation and at the risk of sounding unsupportive I've had enough, broken.
So now I find myself in the position of negotiating access to my son from my parents back bedroom working every hour god sends. Ofcourse I can just walk into my property any time but the reason I've taken this decision is to avoid anymore confrontation and expose the children to anything worse. She's the woman scorned now of course, throwing my belongings away and claiming I've abandoned my son and how she's going nowhere. I'm paying all the bills and mortgage.
It's all early days, I'm fearing the worse because i know she can't quit the drink. Is social services the first step, or is that opening a whole can of worms?

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  New concerns about parenting
Posted by: Sb1353 - 02-22-2021, 04:19 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

Hi all,

Now I have had a court order in place and having to fight and depend fortune to get here, children are enjoying spending time and staying over in my place. However, as ex plans didn’t work to stop children from seeing me she has now making complaints about my parenting etc. I received a letter through my solicitor saying basically I don’t feed children, they go to bed late, don’t care about their personal hygiene etc. Basically all of this is lies same as other things she made up through proceedings. I am just going to respond saying we have court order in place and I advise her to stick with it and rather than making up these stuff spending all her her energy on how children setting having 2 homes. The reality is when I take children to hers they both cry and don’t want to leave. I’ve recorded a video for little one that is 3 years old crying her eyes out not wanting to go. What are your thoughts on dealing with this please?

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  Advice needed
Posted by: takethemike - 02-21-2021, 09:19 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hi everyone

My STBX and I split up in March 2018, in March 2020 she moved in taking the 3 children and moved in with her fiancé. Named fiancé in court papers during the CAO etc.

She is refusing to sign the acknowledgment form on the divorce petition, but she is now saying she is willing to go to mediation about finances.

The FMH has circa £190k left on the mortgage and the sale is circa £240k so about £45k after costs etc.

I have a company pension CETV value about £28k

Since we separated in March 2018, I was made redundant and got statutory redundancy of £11k but needed a car, I have around £20k in debt (of which £6k was to pay off the joint account overdraft)

She moved out of the FMH and too and took everything, she doesn’t have any significant assets I know of, her new fiancé is a very high earner and her and the children have moved into his house.

Any ideas on what is the likely outcome on this?

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  CMS Payment Calculations Are Illogical
Posted by: John Doe - 02-20-2021, 08:40 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

My clear and confused view on CMS...

If you and your ex have an equal 50:50 care arrangement (i.e. the children live with each parent for 3.5 days/ week) then no CMS payments are made from one parent to the other. It is suggested that as the children spend an equal amount of time with each parent, then both mum and dad will, theoretically, be paying an equal amount for their children’s upkeep.
This makes sense to me.

If you and your ex have an unequal care arrangement (i.e. the children live with one parent for more than 3.5 days/ week and the other parent for less than 3.5 days/ week) then CMS payments are made from the parent with whom the children live with for less time to the other parent. It is suggested that, as the children spend an greater amount of time with one parent, then this parent will, theoretically, be paying an greater amount for their children’s upkeep.
In principle, this concept makes sense to me, BUT only when the difference between the proportion of time the children spend with each parent is significant.

For example, if a child spends 3 days/ week with one parent and 4 days/ week with the other, I argue that, at this ratio of child arrangements, each parent still has roughly the same outgoings in relation to their children. The only difference would be the extra meal eaten by the child on the additional half day that the children are with the other parent. Each parent still needs to pay a mortgage or rent on a home; buy food, purchase clothes, provide a bed, use washing powder, heat the home, fund holidays, pay other bills, etc. Basically, the parent with whom the children live with for 3 days a week has effectively the same outgoings as the parent with whom the children live with for 4 days a week.

It could be argued this way as the ratio changes further. So, for example, if the children live with one parent for 2 days a week and the other parent for 5 days a week, there are still expenses attributed to the children living with one of the parents for 2 days a week. This parent still has the same outgoings as mentioned above.

As such, as soon as a child lives with both parent on a regular basis, the CMS payments should reduce considerably. If the difference in time spent with each parent is significant, then there may be a case for making a small CMS payment, but only in relation to the additional costs required to look after the children for the extra time - such as an odd meal...

I think that CMS payments are very old-fashioned and based on an ideology many years ago when the parents separated and the children lived solely with the mother. The mother would pay for everything including food, bills, holidays, school uniforms, and so on. However, in today’s age, when the parents separate they are paying an equal share of their children’s upbringing before CMS payments are even considered.

Any thoughts?

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  Third C100 in 3 Years: Advice Sorely Needed!
Posted by: Londoniandad - 02-15-2021, 01:06 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (14)

Good afternoon,

I’m hoping someone could offer me some advice. I got a CAO in 2018, children live with their mother, spends time with their father, for alternate weekends up to Sunday afternoon and one mid-week contact. This was carried over into the school holidays too, except for the 6 week holidays where it’s 3 days/4days and then 4 days/3 days. The main reason I was given less than the mother was because she made several false allegations, no findings were made, and because they have a sibling at their mother’s house.

My ex broke the order several times, so I went back to court and asked for it to be changed. They gave me an extra 2 ½ hours on a Sunday night and the option to take the children abroad for 7 days during the 6 week holidays. They were also very firm that the mother should not book holidays in the father’s time. This was towards the end of 2019. In January 2020, the mother told me that she had booked 3 holidays which all affected my time – in direct breach of the order and the advice she was given by the magistrates. Covid then happened so she never actually broke the order but would have otherwise.

Her partner has threatened me and I’ve reported him to the police and now always take a witness and record any handovers. There have been multiple occasions where he has been waiting for me in the garden at drop offs/pick-ups and when he realises I’m not alone, he stands there giving aggressive and intimidating looks. He has extended this form of aggressive behaviour to my partner and to other members of my family.

My ex has also sent me a lot of abusive, argumentative, rude and insulting messages, which I’ve all saved. I have kept a diary of all events, including when my children don’t want to go back to their house.

My partner is pregnant and given the hostility, threatening behaviours and breaches of the order, we’ve decided to go back to court. We tried mediation but my ex refused to engage.

I am seeking to change the order so that I have the children alternate weekends, Friday from school to Monday morning and every Monday and Tuesday evening from school to the following morning. This would mean there is no need for handover and done through school.

For holidays, I am asking for 50/50. Half terms, Friday to Wednesday dinnertime with one parent and Wednesday dinnertime to Monday morning with the other. End of term (two week holidays) – Friday to Friday with one parent and then Friday to Friday with the other. I would like this to be the same pattern for the 6 week holidays too. This would reduce handovers significantly and mean that the children (two boys aged 6 and 9) would spend equal time with both sides of their family.

We’ve both had our initial safeguarding calls and CAFCASS have been quite objective. She hasn’t raised any safeguarding concerns and I’ve outlined my concerns re handovers. They’ve advised that we should resolve this ourselves. Court have then ordered that we do another SPIP and

‘Should the parties so agree the court directs them to participate in mediation/other non-court dispute resolution process. By no later than 1week prior to the next hearing the parties are required to file with the court confirmation of the progress with the mediation/other non-court dispute resolution process that they have agreed to engage in and whether they wish there to be a further adjournment for further non-court dispute resolution, and if so, for how long.’

They have also advised that I write a position statement and that it might have to go to a contested hearing. I have already contacted the mediator I’ve used in the past, but I am fully expecting my ex to refuse.

I am asking for a non-molestation order to prohibit any future abusive text messages or threats from her partner towards me or my partner/family (I’m happy to accept an undertaking). A change to the order so that it’s a lives with both parents order and is 50/50 throughout the year. A change to Christmas, e.g. alternate Christmas Eve to 3pm Christmas day with one parent and 3pm Christmas day to 3pm Boxing day with the other.

Any advice? I am going to be a litigant in person. What should I include in my position statement? I am thinking that I should not include my evidence at this juncture and save that for the contested hearing, which I am fully expecting to get to as my ex will not agree to any changes unless ordered and then flouts the order when she is ordered to do something.

I really want this to be the end to all of this and I think what I’m asking for is fair and benefits everyone involved, whereas she is wanting the order to remain the same (partially because she likes to be in control and also because it would affect her child maintenance).

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  Specific issues FHDRA- what to expect?
Posted by: proud_dad - 02-08-2021, 09:27 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Hi dads

I have a specific issues FHDRA in 3 weeks. I'm self representing. What should I expect?

Background: ex wants to remove my children from their current local school and enrol them in a school that would teach them in her native language (not English which is the children's native language). Neither of them are at a level sufficient for them to succeed. It would also exclude me from their educational life. I have and continue to support their educational life.

I filled out c100 for specific issues to resolve schooling matters and received notification from court of fhdra date.

Cafcass have not contacted me.

Any advice would be great.

Thanks dads.

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  Evidence in a Contact Order final hearing
Posted by: scoot76 - 02-06-2021, 07:09 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

I had a final hearing last year (second contact order) and my evidence was dismissed at the start. How do I get them to accept my evidence and view it in the next final hearing for the third contact order coming up soon. It is very important as I can prove everything she has ever said was dishonest and that her issues are about me leaving her.

The evidence I have is the letters from the children stating they hate and one child saying "I hate you because you drank when I was in mummys tummy" which is clearly parental alienation in my mind. Other evidence is that even though there was a court order for her to read the letters to the children she claimed I was breaching the restraining order (long story) by putter her name on the envelope in February and June of last year stating both times she believed I was going to take it further. These were 999 calls made in the middle of a pandemic no less.

Thanks in advance.

I've been fighting this for 7 years with a break of 3.5 years where I stupidly got back with her due to her manipulative abusive ways.

Oh and the other child told Cafcass before the last hearing that she wanted to see me only for my ex to tell Cafcass she was confused and thought she was being offered sweets. Cafcass then put that in the c7 appendum report as fact. That child now also hates me. You can't make this up...

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