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Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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variation to order
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Ex wants to review spouse...
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Advice will be appreciate...
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  variation to order
Posted by: cheesy time - 4 hours ago - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

Hi Guys,

About to go to court again...This time just for a variation to the order already in place.

What do I need to write in my application? Am I essentially asking for another 'child arrangement order' to be made, and to essentially write what changes I am looking for?

Are there any real points I should make sure are in my application?

Ive tried to attached a screen shot of what I propose to write in application. What do people think?    

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  Any assistance welcome
Posted by: Willsy - Yesterday, 01:18 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

Hi all

Just came across this forum and have seen some similar situations as my own so looking for some advice.

I moved to Dubai several years ago with my then wife and 1 year old son from the UK. We separated in 2012 and divorced in UK courts with us having joint custody of our son. I moved to a new property and my son's main residence was with his mum but spent half the week with me including a full day at weekend. We have always been civil with one another and this worked well until recently. She wanted to move back to Europe and looked at Germany or France but is still in the UAE. Based on her plans I relocated back to the UK so I would be much closer to them and would be able to visit regularly. I am now 4500 miles from my son and have no idea when she plans to move as her ideas were delayed so I am a skype/WhatsApp/call dad in another country. He spent 3 weeks with me in the school holidays and we agreed that he would spend longer next summer.

During a recent skype call, she learnt her 'pet name' that I have called her since we separated, nothing that bad but she has taken this to heart and feels it was inappropriate as my son was aware I called her this. I have recently received an email specifying her demands that I can no longer call/skype/message him other than sending an email to a new address she has set up for him and that she will be vetting these before he sees them. He will be able to call me when he wants but again these will be under her beady eye. She also complains in her email that I drink alcohol and accuses me of having a problem with this but drinks herself (or maybe she has recently stopped given her high horse comments).

I am planning to travel to Dubai again next month and would want to be armed with a legal document confirming that she has no right to impose these restrictions. I have always been a good father and she knows this so justifies her stance by complaining about me drinking alcohol. I still contribute money towards my son and was paying for his schooling until I moved back due to the lower earnings and tax in the UK which was accepted (plus she wasn't meant to still be in the UAE)

Any help would be gratefully received.

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  Ex wants to review spouse/child maint - advise please
Posted by: puccino - Yesterday, 12:16 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (3)

Hi all..

First post, been divorced 5 years or so.

I have a financial order for child/spouse maint included in the consent order.

Child maint is for 3 kids and paid every month as per FO

Spouse maint is structured over 3 terms, 5 years for x amount, 3 further years for reduced amount, 3 further years for  final reduced amount.

The spouse maint has just hit the 5 year mark and has started to be reduced (2 months in fact).

I have received a couple of texts from Ex, that she has been advised by her solicitor that due to the 12 month rule she can revisit the terms of the FO and maybe get the CMS to review payments for the child maint piece. Can she do the same for the spouse piece?

Reading between lines she isnt happy with reduced amount and wants to get either the same or more back from me.

In those 5 years I have met someone new, moved on with life, in to a house together (only for 1 year), previous 4 were living alone.

Do I have any rights here? 
Are the the FO not worth the paper they are printed on? 
I assumed a consent order was something the courts would be reluctant to want to review/change?

hoping someone can give me a couple of pointers..

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  Need help with advice
Posted by: Eric J - Yesterday, 10:22 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

Dear Sir /Madam
I married and lived with my wife  for about 9 years and we have three children. My family arrived in UK in May of 2017.At the beginning of this year some group of people stalked me and used unknown gas from downstair  flat often  when I was alone at home because of my asylum seeking matter . My gmail , facebook had been hacked and my phone, notebook  were working with unknown programs that were watching and listening us .In May they moved out downstairs flat.  Since June 2018 they began to use a  gas from downstairs empty flat every night when my family slept  in the house. It was difficult for me to see my children are becoming weak and their eyes were red. Every morning my family woke up with bruising eyes and the kids were vomiting , laying on the floor at home as I went to the toilet at night I heard the sound of pumping gas.  Then I prefered to stay out of home at nights for the safety of my family and slept few days in the area without people. But in the morning when I was at home with my family the carbon monoxide detector alarm went off. The kids again went to the emergency with high temperature and vomiting and I went to London few days. That time the guys frightened me in the streets. I asked  from the G4s staff to change our house. In July I was depressed and I didn't know what to do.Then I wrote the email at the beginning of July about this problems and requested to relocate my family, that time I stressed and scared of my family safety , so I wrote about some people in a wrong way , especially G4s staff.  Beside of this a Mongolian family met my wife beginning of April when my wife and kids were in Children library. In May the Mongolian woman offered me a job and asked me many times about it. Then my wife asked me several times about it. I'm asylum seeker and I prohibited from job, so I refused the offer in June. Then she and her friend another Mongolian woman told me that I should do this job and nobody knows about it. They called me like a spam and then I blocked them  on my phone and facebook.It was only one week job. After that she met me and my wife  everytime in the street when we went to shopping. Then she met my wife secretly. That time my wife began to beat the kids suddenly.She never beat the kids before. When I took my kids from the school they asked me several times why I couldn't protect them from mother. I told to my wife everytime to stop beating the kids. She began to count a number and if the kids don't do something in the time she hit the kids. My oldest girl was already scared, but the middle one was crying, shouting and fighting opposite of her mother that time. Then she began to thickle my middle girl even she saying to stop. She is 4 year old and her sister is 7 years old. In July after I wrote the email she beat my oldest girl strongly when I entered the room. Also I was stressed from the other problems with the guys. I told to my girl angrily you should follow every words of your mother. Then my girl began to cry. I hugged her and I also was crying. My wife began to do like this things everyday that I couldn't accept. Now I understand she only tried to find a reason that I could hit her. That time I really want to go psychiatric doctor and explain the things that I wrote on email. But my wife hide the letter of psychiatric hospital appointment. On the appointment day she was angry and told me to bring the kids to school. So I was late from the appointmend and that day I booked another appointment again. The next appointment was 17th of July. Also I waited for relocation of my family. After the email someone sent my wife's wallet with my wife and kids' id cards to the Police that was stole from the bag at the bus station in June. In June I also lost my wallet and id card from my pocket in the library.  Then stalking, harassment and the gas stopped while. In July someone changed my phone number that was registered in GP. I didn't got any message from GP about my appointment because of the changing of my phone number. Several evening her phone rang and she went out. I think It was the Mongolian woman who asked me to do a job like a spam. Then she stopped to talk my kids to my mom by facebook messenger and few times told them when I was with the kids -Your father loves another woman. He doesn't love you.Then my kids were angry with me.  On 16th of July before my psychiatric appointment day , also someone called her and she went out. When she returned her one eye was a little blue.I thought it’s maybe makeup. Next morning it was clearly green in sunlight when we had a breakfast.She didn’t tell me anything about her eye. Then I asked her to stay at home when I go to psychiatric appointment  if I lost the appointment I can't get another one. She refused  and argued me.She hit me by mug in the kitchen and  it ended with l slapped her on head.It was my  mistake.  Then she went out with the kids and I was arrested  and next day  interpreter came to the custody. The interpreter was the Mongolian woman that offered me a job. I told the police officers in custody -she is my wife's friend. Then she told to the officers -I don't know the man. And then again told - I was unexpectedly saw this man one or two times, Doncaster is small town. Police custody officers cancelled the interview and I'm bailed. When I returned home the G4s   moved my family another place. I was bailed to the 14th of August. That time  harassment  was too tricky and too hard. Some nights horrible  smell filled all the  house even in the second floor bedroom. But it wasn't painful, it was only some bad smell.  I didn't know they only tried to fear me that time. Maybe they wanted me  sleep outside of my home so I breached  the bail conditions. They  cut off my voice when I talked with someone by facebook messenger. When I used skype to talk to Mongolia  there were many sounds throughout the conversation that eating food or coughing loudly  this way gave me signals. Sometimes blocked  my phone internet. After I sent the email at the beginning of July  I couldn't enter my gmail and I tried to enter my gmail. At the end I was recieved an email from google that allowed  to use gmail. It was on 8th of August. When I entered my gmail,I saw my wife's phone also entered my gmail few hours before I connect. Then I read an email from the Homeoffice that was sent on third of July. I called them and they told me that they will arrenge an interview about asylum seeking. We contacted by emails about the interview few times, by the way it gave me a lot of strenght to survive from this situations.  When I was bailed in July I scared of someone hit my wife and forced to do these things. That time I called some places and told about it. Because of the green eye. On 14th of August I got simple caution from Police and I saw my wife's picture at the Police interview.There was no green or blue eye. The blue and green eyes were make up that I saw. It was tricky. In the picture her eye was a little red  inside of it. Her eye had a red from May, my children are too. She took some eye drops from GP. She told the Police that I hit her face, But I didn't.  After that I got depressed and went to the A&E in London  and told them about my depression. They sent me menthal health hospital of Doncaster. In the hospital I survived from depression and I took positive energies from the staffs and patients for about one month.   My wife scared  a lot this year. Maybe from this she followed the Mongolians  word and since June she was  showed me most horrible things that I had never seen in my life. I believe that the worst ideas were not from my wife. Stalking and harassment could happen anyone. But when you are in trouble , your wife accept to accuse you with others and try to send back to place that run away  is ,.. How say? I don't know. I had 2 appointment with consultant  doctor when I was in the hospital and she told me - You are a depressed person and you are not menthal health. Your problems are real and you should solve with Police.
Last month I heard many unthruthful things about me. Now someone is already accusing me falsely by my wife. In 30th of August when I was hospital G4s changed my home accomodation to another flat that located in near my house. After the hospital on 20th of September  I travelled to other cities and from there I went my English lesson  of College in Doncaster.  When I was on travel  I refound my natural calm and positive mind. After that I live in London.Now I don’t care any problems that happened  and I left the past behind. I really don’t want to remember the things happened my family and me.  At the end I'm just a simple dad that loves his family like others. I worried about my kids still. I didn’t hear any news about my family 3 months.  I will deeply appreciate if you could understand my situations and help me with advice.
Your sincerely,
Erdembileg Jambaldorj  

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  Trying My Best
Posted by: MrM - Yesterday, 10:11 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (11)

Morning all,
So I've been out of the house for just over 4 months now with my child having regular every other weekend stay overs as well as every Wednesday night stay overs, and my ex and I are being very amicable / respectful with each other, so in that respect I am very lucky.  
However, try as I might to get over the loss of my family and the feeling that my world has collapsed (going to counselling, joining the gym, reconnecting with old friends etc etc.) I still can not seem to get my head around what's happened and how this is the new "normal"; it just feels so wrong.  
I'm taking one day at a time and not allowing myself to wallow my thoughts on what if's and should / could haves and I know I'm on the right path but I'd really appreciate some words of advice on how to get through it all and for the sharing of any tips other dads might be doing.
Just a quick one... this forum has proved invaluable and has helped so much.
Thanks in advance.

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  Ex lied to CMS about overnight stays per year
Posted by: scottstretton - Yesterday, 09:51 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hello all,

Firstly, as a separated father of 2+ years I am so grateful that there is this forum. It certainly feels like the system is against us law abiding fathers and wish I had found this forum sooner! Smile

Long story short, I had been voluntarily paying £200 per month to my ex for child costs and I have our daughter on average 2 nights per week.

A short while ago she started refusing for me to have daughter overnight during the week and I suspected that she was up to something.

Sure enough, she went to CMS and has claimed that I only have daughter 50 nights per year so they have told me I have to pay her £315 per month.

The reality is that I have her 91+ nights per year to fit around my work shift pattern.

I have told CMS that she has made a fraudulent claim and sent them a copy of my childcare pattern which has been in place since March 2018 and a Facebook message thread which shows the conversation evidencing when I communicate with ex to collect/drop off our daughter.

CMS appear to be completely ignoring my side of things despite the evidence and are only going on her side.

The most they have agreed to do is call my ex to clarify matters but I suspect she will maintain the lie about the amount of overnight stays.

Have you any advice on how I can continue to challenge CMS on the amount of overnight stays I am actually having daughter?
On 91 overnight stays per year I should pay £250 compared to the £315 on 50 nights per year

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  Ex' debts
Posted by: Alibash - 10-18-2018, 08:21 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (3)

I  divorced in 2015 and we both have not applied for financial break yet. We have a child and I contribute to child maintenance, my ex wife works and earns roughly £30k.  

Recently someone I don't know contacted me saying she owes him £10k, that he is thinking to take legal action against her as she's not refunding the money and he wants to speak with me. Other than getting worried for my child, I have been wondering who this guy is and how he got my details. I am somewhat apprehensive to contact him back. 

I am also wondering whether I may be obliged in anyway to clear these debts for her as we haven't gone through a financial break. And it is possible that some of these debts were taken before we officially divorced. Also, if she is in large debts during our financial separation, would the judge be more generous towards her as she has a child to look after?

Can any one suggest?

Thank you

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  Mother moving away
Posted by: mojo - 10-18-2018, 07:47 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

First post, I just don't know where to ask about this, maybe folks here have some advice...

I have a son (6), I have parental responsibility, there's a contact order and he sees me for 5 nights per fortnight (including one per week). It's going relatively OK, except...

His mother has tried at every step to prevent / limit his contact, has never won anything. She's moved house twice since he was born (she's in local authority housing, so this hasn't been because of unsecure tenancies, it's been her choice each time). Now she's moving away again and won't tell me where (I believe she's made false allegations of abuse against me but I don't know how to challenge this, or even if I can)

I've got a strong track record of involvement, positive parenting and no complaints against me from anywhere. I'm basically a good dad, who's worked hard to get court orders in place with no help from a lawyer. But his mum hates that he sees me, hates that he loves me, refuses to communicate or accept she's in any way answerable to me. She treats the boy so badly that he cries when he sees me and calls her mean and rude and says she doesn't love him.

I see her moving away as the latest in a long line of attempts to block his contact with me, as no other strategy has worked for her. She's moving so far away that he's talking about going to a new school (and I know changing schools is pretty bad for kids) and I want to know what, if anything, I can or should do.

1. Can I prevent him from changing schools? The school he goes to now is excellent.
2. Can I apply for a residence order / primary carer status? What does this involve, beyond the C100?
3. Is there a way to get Legal Aid? So far I see that being a victim of her abuse might make me eligible, but I don't know how to begin this process.

I think I may have more questions, but I've outgrown the CAB and so far have got 3 court orders all by myself. The problem is that she ignores them and acts as if she can do whatever she wants - plus as I mentioned, I believe she's alleged abuse at some point, but nothing concrete has ever been presented to me (and obviously I've never behaved abusively, in fact I can prove that she has .. if anyone cares to ask for that proof, which they do not)

That's it. Please feel free to ask more questions if anything needs clarifying. For info, I live in Bristol.

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  did i do ok????
Posted by: avadad - 10-18-2018, 07:17 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - Replies (1)

ok final hearing , done, the exs solicitor, and cafcass made a plan, and if id not agreeed with it then could get less more? so i went with it had to not to do loads, what ex wanted, all one sided i think, but this is what i got,,,,, every 2 weeks building it up every 2 weeks to 6 hours, and  once a week for tea, 2 hours, no xmas day, but boxing day, thats shit, and no holidays for me baby coz no overnights, i got pr,, now but cant take baby from nursery????????? so there u go,, i feel relived its all over, really just worry whats she got planed next,, trick??? ps,, guys do court on ya own,, its doable, even so its a hard time save your money , give ya son, daughter it,, not justice system, greedy solicitors,

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  Newbie Help! Education.
Posted by: DaddyStu - 10-18-2018, 04:51 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

Hi guys, still relatively new to this separated Dad thing and I have recently come out of the back of a rather unsuccessful court battle. I still see my girls often but didn’t get the 50/50 I was hoping for. Since our split Mom moved a few miles from school and she doesn’t drive so my twins (age 5) have to catch two buses to school. I’ve heard through gossip she is planning to transfer the girls to another school at the end of this academic year. We don’t speak at all and I know I can’t approach her. I’m not opposed to a move due to the travelling but I want to be involved in the selection process. Do I have any legal right to get involved? I have Parental Rights.


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