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When did the emotional "f...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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Celebrity Big Brother
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To err is human to forgiv...
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FDHRA Disaster
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  First Hearing Happened - Mother Did Not Come
Posted by: Bluesintown - 09-12-2018, 08:04 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - No Replies

Hello Members,

In my first hearing other did not turn up for the hearing. I was asked if I know anything I conveyed that she told me she had written to court change date due to medical issue but have not heard anything from court and I replied that i cannot do anything as it is between her and court.

I also informed court that last week she relocated to NW London which is 25 mile and 1.5 - 2 hours journey thereby creating more distance between me and my child.

Court said they have to transfer the case and cannot do much as I have to wait for my next hearing.

They wanted to discuss about domestic violence-mental stress raised by my ex with Cafcass but cannot since she was not present in the court.

So please can anybody tell what can I do as she is even creating issues for me to talk to my little one on phone, not letting her spend weekend and I do not know when will next hearing happen and where?

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  school 'club' issue?
Posted by: pauljames - 09-12-2018, 07:05 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)

Long story short - myself and my daughter's Mum have a private / family based arrangement which works well. My daughter (8) lives with me 3 days per week, all year round.
 
No safeguarding issues on either side. No dramas re child maintenance. All pretty much amicable and straightforward.

An issue has arisen over the past 9 months. My daughter goes to 'After school club' on the nights she lives with Mum (so 3 or 4 nights per week depending on where we are in the schedule). My daughter has raised on numerous occasions that she doesn't want to go and we've been through a 9 month phase of her being very anxious about going and getting very upset the night before and morning of. We've discussed with school and the club and she is fine 'once there'. I've been in a number of times myself and have observed her to be fine once there (however she does ask if she can 'come home'). However, this ongoing anxiety / distress remains and is clearly impacting on her wellbeing and her education.

 
I'm due to start a new job in a week and have the freedom to structure my working day as I see fit and am therefore 'available' to pick her up from school (on Mum's nights, as well as mine) and simply 'avoid' her having to go in the club on Mum's nights. She can then be picked from mine or I'd drop her at Mum's once Mum is home from work Job done you'd think?
 
Mum is adamant my daughter must remain attending the club on 'her' nights, even though I am available and live round the corner from the school. She wont give any rationale other than simply 'my nights, I say what goes'. This is also despite my daughter telling her, on numerous occasions in my presence, she'd rather be picked up by me.
 
Is anyone aware of the legal situation here? Surely in the absence of safeguarding concerns, the child expressing her wishes, and my availability to facilitate it, it makes complete sense? Is there anything within the law that addresses such a situation?
 
If she continues to be adamant, I take it I would be within my rights to override her wishes, in the best interests of the child, and simply just go and pick her up regardless?

Is it worth looking into a Specific Issues Order?


Please advise.....

Thanks Smile

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  When did the emotional "fog" lift for you?
Posted by: DanDad - 09-12-2018, 06:14 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (74)

Something I wasn't expecting has happened over the last couple of weeks so thought I'd ask when your moments came.

I'm coming up to 3 months into my split (still living in the home with her & our two boys, I'm taking the refuse to leave avenue until we've agreed on what happens next).

The first month I was a wreck. Barely eating (lost over a stone in weight), barely sleeping & that was affecting my performance at work massively. All I was hell bent on was how I could rectify things with her & get her back (I have to accept a fair degree of responsibily in our split & took a lot of time to self reflect).

The second month turned to anger. That's when I saw a solicitor as her intentions became clear & that was to fleece me for everything she could & get the maximum she could out of this & live happily ever after with our boys in the house while I skint myself in a rented flat.

The last 2 weeks or so have been a bit weird.

My mental state seems to have completely changed & the thought of being with her (as a couple, sex etc) no longer does anything for me.

I've started (possibly a bit prematurely but as we're not married, I'm hoping for a minimum of a 60/40 split on the house) looking at houses I could potentially afford, thinking things like "shit, that piece of artwork I fancied for the wall which she hated, that film she'd refused to watch with me, the Pink Floyd albums she won't let me play, the museums I'd like to take my boys to, the glare I get when I feel like popping out for a pint", all these things I may actually be able to do when this is all done & dusted.

I honestly don't know if the last couple of weeks have actually produced a "Eureka" moment for me or whether my mind is playing tricks & just gone into some kind of self preservation mode which will bite me on the arse again soon.

When did your moments (if they ever did) come?

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  Forced to move out
Posted by: separatedsoon - 09-12-2018, 03:24 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (13)

Hi guys. I'm hoping you can help me.

My soon to be ex and I have filed for divorce and going through the mediation process. 

Ever since we both decided this, she has wanted me to move out of our marital home. The mortgage is in my name and we joint own in. As we haven't been close for years, I said we should just get separate beds and spend this time with the kids whilst we can. I wanted to keep it amicable. We both spend a huge amount of time with the kids as we both work locally.

However, she is doing everything she can to make me move out and to make it look like it was my decision to. She has made the situation so impossible to be in the house, that I don't think I have any choice. She has said she isn't going to work on any of the financial or childcare details whilst I'm in the house. Blackmail, combined with her toxicity and now with her getting the kids against me, has forced my hand.

So she will remain in the house with the kids, and I will need to move out to a flat somewhere. 

There's just that niggling feeling that she's doing this because she'll get something out of it though. Will she gain in any way if I move out? Will the courts favour her at all? Will she have any additional rights? Would I be seen as abandoning the family? What negatives are there for me to do this?

Thank you for any help you can give.

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  Child benefit/ child tax credit
Posted by: AnomDad - 09-12-2018, 02:11 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hi everyone, 

Myself and ex separated over two years ago, last September we finalised everything in court that we would have 50:50 of our two children so on a fortnight basis we both get 7 nights each. 

CMS closed our case down because it's shared residence and they stated that they have closed the case, this was a few months ago. 

A few people have suggested i should look into child benefit/child tax credits... My ex currently gets all of this money but I didn't know if there was a way I'm entitled to anything?

Thanks in advance!!

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  Going to court while ex is pregant
Posted by: Stinkyjim88 - 09-12-2018, 01:36 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (9)

Hi basically im going to court to get a court order varied, my ex is pregnant with my second child and basically her solicitor wants to pros pone the court till the new year as its near her due date and basically has  a letter from her midwife saying it would be to stressful for her. I know this sounds heartless but i spent loads of money on solicitor and going to court and i be chucking away if i stop now and feel she has exaggerated her symptoms, not only that she insists on being with me when out with my daughter in the mean time and i feel she is just bidding for time to make up another excuse. So i just wanted to know if the court would look unfavourable on me if i continue with the process? And can i take her to court still? my solicitor is away for a week cant even ask her, thanks in advance!

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  Bill Burr
Posted by: Living Bate - 09-12-2018, 12:46 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (6)

I've enjoyed Bill Burrs stand up for years now, and his podcast can be brilliant too when he's not talking about American sports.

Thought some on here might appreciate this one:



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  Biased BBC
Posted by: DadDolent - 09-12-2018, 11:32 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

Another biased article from BBC, this time regarding alienation featuring arguments from the usual suspects (women's aid and professor Liz Trinder)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-45448100

Even the video depicting what alliantion feels like features the story of a mother being the victim of alienation.

It seems to me BBC is now reallly an organisation run by and for the feminists.

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  Separation Agreement
Posted by: jamesharris1966 - 09-12-2018, 06:24 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (5)

Hi All,

I am looking to get a separation agreement drawn up. I saw a solicitor the other day who advised it would be between £1500 - £2000.

Surely it doesn't need to cost that much? 

Is anyone aware whether I could draw one up between myself and my ex and just get witnesses to sign? Would this be as good as getting one done by a solicitor?

I obviously want it done as cheap as possible but on the flip side i need it to be done properly in case i ever need it should she turn.

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  What now fresh seperation
Posted by: Oultonpark - 09-12-2018, 03:00 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (7)

Hello everyone.

As you will all be aware and have been through this fragile period,please forgive my emotions if they spill out on to the page.

My partner ( not married ) of 10 yrs has just today left our old home and taken the children away,between us we have F15, M14,M6 and F4.
The eldest 2 are from her previous marriage but i have brought them up as my own and treated them that way from day 1.
We separated from each other in Feb this year after she asked me to leave after a prolonged period of falling out over money,never any physical violence but raised voices from both in front of the kids.

My ex believed some strange things and began making odd statements regarding spy cameras in the solar panels on the house roof and more weird accusations regarding monies,bank accounts,cashed in pensions..... all totally unfounded,and making me aware of a mental health issue she was developing.

I slept in my van for a few weeks in Feb until i got a nice place sorted out where i could continue to have my 2 kids at the week ends.

I would take them to school everyday or pick them up  (depending on my shifts) and have them all week end,this was fine with ex.

Me an ex still had a sexual relationship from time to time,Not the right thing,but we actually got on really really well after separation,we began to talk more,laugh again,even declaring that we did in fact still love each other... however.

My ex has had lots of trouble with HMRC and tax credits and was constantly going over bundles of paperwork from years back when we claimed together as i worked self employed and with low earnings we qualified for rent,WTC,CTB.

She found herself in turmoil over the whole WTC situation that i kept getting blamed for all this mess.
She didn't like the house she was living in and was having problems removing my name from the joint tenancy,battling with the landlord as well.

This came to a head around the time just before the kids were breaking up for summer holidays,she had to attend a meeting with her TAF worker and school head regarding attendance record of the kids,which was poor to be fair.

She came from that meeting and told me that the kids wouldnt be going back that school !
We had a good summer,mostly together at our caravan.Still in a sexual relationship and quite fond of making a fresh go of things.
Had a great weekend away all 4 of us,eldest stayed at home,bought kids school uniforms for her and a new set of tires on the car i tax,insure and maintain for hers and the kids use.
She never sent the kids to school on the Monday,they rang me asking where are they,i didnt have any answers for them.
i called her to tell her,then after work called in to see her if everything ok,i could see she had been going through this mass of papers all covered in highlighter on the computer desk,warning signs of impending dip in mental state.I had been asked by the police if she had mental health issues as she had taken a fan uv sensor to the police station to report me for installing a camera in the ceiling fan ! he mentioned the state of the papers in no order as a sign of a problem.I could go on more about this but wont here.
Tuesday 2 welfare officers go to ex house and see her and all kids off school,she obviously got a ticking off.
Tuesday night came to my flat with the kids stayed had ice cream and a chat,seemed up beat so i asked if she had sorted the school places out.... no was the answer as she couldn't get any of the 4 pc,s in her house to work.
I got upset by this as she was going to get herself into trouble and more importantly the kids are missing out on their schooling.
She left with the kids.I didnt make any contact with her at all until Friday after id picked up the eldest 2 from school,i was waiting to get the 2 little ones for their usual stay over but she didnt arrive home,she rang abd told the eldest to get changed as they were going away for a while to sort her head out.Eldest lad said no he was staying with me,eldest girl got picked up,Saturday morning rang house she was back and the kids were screaming in the back ground,she sounded very subdued,i asked if they were ok she said fine,i asked if i could speak to them she said they are not to fussed and put the phone down !

She left again and would not answer any of my calls,on Monday night she arrived back at her home with the 3 kids as i was there feeding the cats she left.We chatted and she said she had been in a hotel near the midlands and the social workers had paid for all of it,food,fuel.
The kids were absolutely made up to be with me after 6 days they wanted to go to my house and started to fret a lot when i said id have to go home for bed.

I took the both up to bed and slept next to them,ex got in bed and initiated sexual activity( strange ) away from were the sleeping kids where.
I told her we could repair our relationship as we were not that far from being back to how we used to be.
In the morning i got the eldest up for school,went to work.I rang her at 10 and she was crying and saying sorry,ive got to do this,ive got to go away again to sort herself out,i pleaded with her to stay to chat things over later so we could sort out how id see the kids.

She left with the social workers,placed a note on the table saying Sorry i love you i will come back i need to do this so i can love you again.

Her eldest son left me a note and it broke my heart to read it...... it was clear he didnt want to go and the social workers made him against his will,he stated for the first time as a teenage lad that he loves me and he wants to stay with me.

Later tonight a get a phone call from the eldest lad,in tears,in a hostal for DV in Yorkshire,she has hit him ( always beating him up on the sly) he wants to give me the address so i can get him and bring him home,Mum said we are never going back ever.He is distraught,i ask about the little ones they are asleep on a couch and having been asking where is Dad.Mum has been telling them to shut up about your Dad hes gone.

Mum said to eldest we will be rich when all this is over ! she has been told that by a friend of ours if she was to report DV she will have all her debts gone,housing arrears wiped... gets a new house where ever she wants all furniture car... blah blah blah

Theres never been any DV in our house,she admitted that to a friend last week,said im a good father,i am.
Dont drink,smoke,take any drugs,just work for them kids and provide holidays trips out all the time,spend great quality time around them all.

How can she lie like that and have our kids miss out on their Dad who ive spent vast amounts of time with and just cut them off like that for money ? They will be suffering,i know they already are from the phone call.

Where do i go from here..... long winded,but believe me thats only half of whats gone on with her mental state,how would she look in front of a judge if i reveal she has been dealing class A drugs from her house just this last week.

Any advise would help right now. TIA
Forgot to add that she has done this same thing with her ex husband,but they did have a violent relationship,both as bad as each other,apparently in front of her 2 eldest.

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