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  Cambridge Union
Posted by: DadDolent - 11-22-2018, 10:23 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - No Replies

There are some great speakers available to watch on the Cambridge union YouTube site. Below are some on my watch list.

Jordan Peterson

Slavoj Zizek

Stephen Fry

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  Children clothjng
Posted by: Tom_W88 - 11-22-2018, 07:59 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

Evening all.

Despite many times asking for clothing to be returned to me, my ex is still not sending over any of my two kids clothes that I haha Either sent back as there wearing them, or let her have them for a little break she took them on.

Does anyone know the best way I can get her to return them? Is there a legal option?

It’s unfair on my kids and I literally have nothing at my house unless I go through birthday presents

Please help

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  Child benefit / maintenance
Posted by: markrugby - 11-22-2018, 04:29 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)


My son, aged 17, has recently dropped out of education at college.  As he was previously in education his Mum was entitled to child benefit and I was paying maintenance.  

My understanding is that Child Benefit will now stop and that maintenance will stop.  Is that correct?

Secondly, does anyone know if Child Benefit and/or Maintenance can be re-started?  And in what circumstances?  Are there any age limits that affect this?  He will be 18 in a couple of months time.

Many thanks

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  Solicitor Importance?
Posted by: Living Bate - 11-22-2018, 03:55 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (24)

I'll try and keep it brief and straightforward. I'm essentially trying to establish how important it is that I pay a solicitor in regard to agreeing the sale of the house. I started paying one and she started invoicing me for big sums that I wasn't expecting so I bushed her.

Basically the ex wants to receive the full amount of the deposit that was put down for our house. The deposit came from the sale of her old house, which I moved into and lived in for 2 years. While at that house she insisted I wasn't just paying her rent but contributing to the mortgage. I also spend hundreds of pounds on home improvements - now she is saying that whole deposit was just her money, despite my contributions.

We moved to our new house and it obviously cost me a lot in terms of fees, stamp duty all that lark. At our new house I also spent a few grand on home improvements.

I want to walk away from this with an amount I feel i'm entitled to - nothing more. The deeds are in joint names with no clauses of uneven split etc.

I think i'm sharp enough not to agree to anything i'm not happy with. Can I just get this done by myself? 

I'm not looking at a massive return so I could end up spending a large part of my return on getting it agreed if I pay a solicitor again. I've already spent a grand and its got me pretty much nowhere.

I do want this agreed ASAP though because i am desperate to get that house sold.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

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  advice about divorce strategy needed
Posted by: mrconfused - 11-22-2018, 01:35 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Hi there, not sure whether this is the right place for it, this is my first post.

I'm going to try and keep this short, so here goes...

Been married for 4.5 years, have a 2 yr old child.

The last 2 years have been the craziest time of my life. In short, I have a huge log of all the major conflict, abuse and madness on her part. She has ducked in and out of therapy and medication, usually just before anyone gets close to her or to the heart of it.

I truly believe she has a low empathy personality disorder, she has huge swathes of narcissistic traits, but also shockingly huge voids inside her where empathy and compassion should be for her child, and family.

I have no proof of this in so much as an official diagnosis. Her behaviour has brought me close to financial ruin, and self-admittedly I have let it go on far too long.

I visited a solicitor in April and they said to me before I pull the trigger, she absolutely has to go back to work and also if possible I should sell the house.

My other problem, is that in my eyes she's awful, cruel and neglectful toward our child. But in the eyes of the law I don't have anything tangible to show, as I have always picked up the slack.

She has manipulated, lied and abused me for two years, and i'm confident that over time she will do the same to our daughter.

I put our house on the market a month ago. Awful, awful time to do so but if I don't take action I could well be bankrupt in the new year. Suprise suprise, within 2 weeks of the house going on sale, she got a job - after living off me for two years and our child being in daycare as she refused to look after her properly.

So with the house on the market and her back in work. Her behaviour worsening toward me reaching a peak now. Cold, distant, bullying, condescending.

I need to figure out what to do. I'm planning on visiting a new solicitor, one that has experience with high-conflict people. I just don't know how to demonstrate what a monster my wife is behind closed doors. It's seems so awful that the test they apply is 'is she a danger to your child? yes/no'. My wife completely lacks empathy, and i'm convinced now that she knows this about herself. She doesn't comfort our child, she doesn't know how to show any love. And I can't bare the thought of my child being looked after my wife in the future and left to cry it out every night, never embraced and told that things are ok, never looked into the eyes of and feel the comfort of being given complete attention.

I've been torturing myself for so long over the prospect that, actually this insidiousness within her that is hidden masterfully cannot be proven by me as she won't stay with a therapist long enough. Do I have to give up on helping my child have a happy life with normal regular levels of love.

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  Increased overnight
Posted by: kettleman - 11-22-2018, 07:50 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)

If I have my daughter more nights per week than my court order says, how do I go about getting a CMS reduction? The tricky part is my ex will not admit to me having her more than the court ordered amount. Will CMS accept text messages as evidence ?

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  Child nights per year calculator
Posted by: AK2018 - 11-21-2018, 10:06 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)


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  Possible split...
Posted by: Gman1083 - 11-21-2018, 06:42 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

Hi all,

After some advice, I am recently married with a new baby, 8 months old but my wife has kids from her previous marriage.
Ex partner is a nasty piece of work and has a restraining order against him and a non molestsrion order against him for the kids but was due for renewal but now he’s contesting it.
So we have a lot of court stuff to deal with but he’s still influencing one of the older kids, contacting them, attracting with money but the said child
Is not in a good place, Mis-behaving in and out of school, and starting to get in trouble with the police.
It’s starting to affect all family life between me and the wife, the other kids are sensing it and is making for a poor family life.
It is causing argument after argument at home
And think we’re starting to resent each other.

My main concern is our 8 month old baby that has nothing to do with this and I want to save and protect him from the bad stuff and general atmosphere that is happening with there siblings and father.
It might sound OTT but Should I be looking to split and protect my child from as much of this as possible?

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  I’m so confused, maybe blinded by love?
Posted by: Calb1 - 11-21-2018, 01:03 PM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (7)

Hi everyone!

I was hoping for some advice and opinion really. It’s a bit of a long story so I’ll keep it as short as possible.

My ex and I were together for 4 years. We have two children together and recently had some tough times which we were both at fault for. I have accepted the blame and have tried to grow as a person and show her in my actions that her and the children are my focus in life.

This was progressing well in that we were becoming closer again and starting to act as a couple does however things quickly changed when a new man arrived on the scene. This man is the complete polar opposite to me. He spends a lot of time drinking and socialising and has a pretty chequered past. He also has two children who he doesn’t really see so lives his life as a single person. My ex has completely changed her personality for this man and is starting to show more priority towards him than towards our amazing children. She is effectively living as if she is a single person with no children. 

The thing that is confusing me massively and is also breaking my heart is that she still keeps me as a massive part of her life and that is not just for the children’s sake either. I see the children regularly and when I do at weekends she suggests that I stay, on more Han one occasion I’ve been there for the duration of the weekend. She suggests we do things together as a family, often when I’m there she’ll speak as though we are still in a relationship. However sometimes her mood changes drastically and she will go completely cold with me and express how
I’m just there for the kids etc.

From my point of view it feels as though this new man is giving fun and excitement of a new experience, a bit like the honeymoon period where she can be carefree, go on little days out without a care in the world and what me and my ex have is like a real life relationship which I’d describe as the dirty nappy, cold food, no sleep, having a laugh but focus on the kids relationship.

I’m really not sure if she’s been drawn in by something exciting which maybe the birth of our new child made her think about that, I don’t know? It’s very much a honeymoon kind of deal in which they both act as though they have no responsibility and can spend hours texting like you would do when you were younger.

I don’t know whether she’s using this as a chance to have that break from real life but is using me as the reliable family man who can offer her love and stability and who she knows will always be there for her whilst she can experience what I can only describe as a bit of a teenagers relationship. I’m not sure if she feels deep down that we are the right fit for each other but doesn’t want to admit it and go back to real life with me whilst she’s having ‘fun’.

Sorry to go on but it’s tough to get it all out! I just feel like she knows I’ll always be there and still wants me in her life but at the moment is having too much fun whilst I pick up the pieces. 

Ultimately I want her back and I want my family back! This man has changed her so much and it’s scary.

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  Clean Break/Finance Orders
Posted by: Tom_W88 - 11-21-2018, 11:45 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies


Can anyone recommend a firm that I can use for one of these orders based in the North West region?

Ideally a Manchester based firm be ideal.  

Thank you in advance.

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