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Posted by: Skintdad - 04-06-2018, 11:27 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

I currently pay child maintenance through a private agreement and I am thinking of raising a case through the CMS. It may result in me paying slightly more, but I would rather just have one direct monthly payment. Just now I get constantly hassled about lots of other costs. I have no issue with supporting my children, but I would rather not be constantly dealing with my hostile ex.
I'm interested to hear about people's experiences of dealing with the CMS as the paying parent?

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  Need motivation
Posted by: Naive - 04-06-2018, 10:25 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (8)

Ive hit a wall, its Friday and its sunny outside and I have to prepare rebuttals and evidence to my barrister. Ive been trying for days, I just cant read more than a couple of sentences of her statement without going out for a cigarette. Its honestly heart breaking, she is blaming me for a miscarriage many years ago. I thought I was done with the relationship when I walked away but she has just dragged it all back up again. 8 long long pages of nasty, personal attacks. DV, alcohol, emotionally abusive, controlling, it reads like a jeremy Kyle show. Im losing the fight in me today, Im exhausted.

Any tips on keeping your energy up? I feel like Im back at school, putting off doing my homework until Monday morning.

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  Quick help please
Posted by: ST4N80 - 04-05-2018, 08:23 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)

Hello guys quick question. I have a contact order that has been in place for the last 2 years. I see my kids every other weekend for 2 nights and a midweek visit and also half the school holidays. My question is that my kids are settled in school and have both been in the same school for a number of years, my ex has met a new man and my daughter has come today saying that hey are moving and she doesn’t want to go cause she’s having to change schools. My daughter is 7 and my son is 5. Is there anyway that I could block them moving school as both the kids are quite shy and I think the move is gonna have a massive negative effect on them. They both say they want to come and live with me because they want to stay at the same school but with their age it’s not possible because of my work I’m not at home enough. Also my ex wouldn’t let me.
Any Information would be much appreciated guys.
I’m thinking it would be hard to block a move but would I be able to poissiblt get her to help with some of the pickup and collections of the kids cause it’s adding an extra hours travelling each time. Thanks Adam .

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  New partner has moved in...
Posted by: MrP - 04-05-2018, 06:24 PM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (4)

I am happily divorced but not financially and still own half the house she lives in with the children. Basically we can't agree on a settlement figure and the next step is taking her to court but I need a break as all the divorce and court stuff over the kids has worn me out... We divorced because she got caught having an affair and as much as it messed me up for a longtime I am actually quiet happy now. She is now with the bloke she had the affair with 2+ years now and as much as I knew he stayed at the house every now and then I get the impression now he has actually moved in...

My question is, can I charge him rent as I still own half the property.? And by doing this hopefully it will push her to up the settlement figure and finally get this finished and keep this out of court.

Update - I don't pay anything towards to house as she can afford the mortgage payments.

Look forward to your responses...

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  Daughters 21st
Posted by: sc0tland - 04-05-2018, 03:34 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (5)

The relationship ended 19yrs ago when my daughter was two with a mother who denied access and set the tone for her state of mind over the years, you know - 'Dad's got his new family now' etc etc. I have seen my daughter sporadically  although never for any longer than a three month period.

Now coming up for 21, she is at the 'you never loved me, you love your other children more than me, you owe me money and when i ask for something, just give it to me irrespective of cost (guess we all know that one!). Things are awkward. I choose not to show her evidence of her unstable,  irrational and narcissist mother as this only serves to cause them arguments.

My question to those in the know is; What are your opinions on doing a weekend trip away with my daughter who has no respect for me, only contacts when needs money and calls me Marky Boy or big man? Almost makes me laugh but not the point. Trip could be in uk or abroad?

Good idea?
Bad idea?
Bloody idiot?


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  Advice please
Posted by: Akarou - 04-05-2018, 02:33 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (14)

Hi everyone I am need of some serious advice on what to do.

My ex-wife absconded with our children in February and I hadn’t seen them for 7 weeks due to her deciding she had the divine right to decide I should not have contact, and she had relocated 300 miles away to Stoke on Trent. She applied for a Non-Molestation Order that was resolved by means of an undertaking on my part. I’m not allowed to contact my ex-wife directly or indirectly because of that undertaking.

I had also applied myself for a Child Arrangement Order as she had taken the children away without consent and more importantly to be around her Step-Father who she accused of sexually molesting her.
We had the preliminary hearing last Thursday which was the Other Directions Hearing to arrange for me to have contact between now and the FDHA. There were proposals that were put forward by my ex-wife which I found completely unreasonable given the fact I had not seen my sons in 7 weeks.

So I put forward the proposals as follows:
- Face to face contact for a maximum duration of 4 hours on Saturday and Sunday by means of a contact centre.
- FaceTime calls on Saturday at 18:00 and Sunday 13:00.
- Additional FaceTime calls to be arranged between myself and my sister in law around her working hours throughout the week.

These proposals were agreed to by my ex-wife, but so far I have only had the two FaceTime calls the first was on Saturday which lasted an hour and Sunday for 28 minutes where my sister in law either hung up or her phone died.

I attempted to call back on the Sunday but the call went unanswered and I didn’t even so much as receive an update saying “sorry phone died”. So I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye to my sons. The other thing here is that my ex-wife states she wants no contact with me and that she is fearful of her safety (all evidenced to disprove her claims) yet she found it appropriate both days to be in the call and directly speak to me. Naturally I did not reply as I did not want to breach the NMO, but the fact she has the audacity to make false claims in a sworn statement to get the order in the first place, then goes against her own non-contact clause is a bit irritating.

My sister in law is also refusing to allow any additional contact as agreed in the other arrangements hearing that was agreed by the judge.

I also have done everything required to book the contact centre so I can see my children, but I was informed that they are not open on a Sundays nor can I see my sons for 4 hours on Saturday as the centre is only open between 10am and 1pm. Surely this should have been checked beforehand and my 4 hours face to face contact not agreed to by my ex-wife and her solicitor?
To further add fuel to the fire, I wanted to book the centre this Saturday 7th April as I haven’t seen my sons face to face since February, only to be told that my ex-wife has refused to conduct her pre-checks today or tomorrow in order to allow contact Saturday. I know the reason for this is because her birthday is on Saturday so she obviously doesn’t want me seeing our sons interfering in her plans, which surely goes against my children’s rights and my parental rights?
Now I am being told that I am looking at “potentially” being next Saturday, which means that if this is not allowed to go ahead I will not see my children face to face before the FDHA on the 25th April.

I am due to speak with Cafcass on the 12th so do I have any legal rights? Is she breaching the order?

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  Financial Consent Order - Change to CSM?
Posted by: Midgey76 - 04-05-2018, 01:35 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (5)

I have a financial order that has been in place for a few years. The only ongoing element of this is periodical payments (monthly) for the benefit of my children. Like may here I don't see the kids getting the benefit of this and also know that being assessed through the CSM would reduce my payments considerably. When I signed the consent order my solicitor said that I would be able to leave it for a year and then apply to the CSM... Has anyone done this or have experience of it?

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  Would you ever get married again?
Posted by: Tamagoto - 04-05-2018, 05:14 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (11)

I just wanted to see the general feeling!

Personally - no. I could never take the financial risk to my children. I can see myself living with someone, but never again would I blend my finances nor take legal responsibility for someone else.

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  When to tell the kids?
Posted by: sau00btk - 04-04-2018, 09:43 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (5)

Hi gents,

Time to pick your collective brains again!

Current situation:

Wife and I setting up for divorce. Two kids (8 and 12).

We will end up selling the house.

At the moment, we're both still amicable and under the same roof.

We've kept it from the kids so far (although I'm sure they know something is going on).

All the adults on both sides of our families are now aware as are our close friends and colleagues.

Ultimately this will be a decision for me and my wife but I'd appreciate your thoughts / experience as it may be some time (months) before we sell and go our separate ways.

I can see two options:

1: Tell them now(ish). This would avoid them finding out accidentally and possibly give them more time to come to terms with it before a "for sale" sign goes up. However it will also mean they're worrying for longer.

2: Tell them just before it becomes blatantly obvious (sale sign goes up). This would mean they don't have to worry for so long but would give less adjustment time and increase the risk of an accidental news spill.

I suspect the 'right' way is option one but as there's pros and cons to each, it's hard to know what's best.

Thanks in advance.

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  Re marriage
Posted by: MissMyAngels - 04-04-2018, 02:44 PM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (1)

Heh guys, I’m just wondering if anyone can offer any experience advice on re-marriage. I plan to re marry this September having been divorced since Feb 17 with no financial order in place.

Does this leave any complications for re-marriage? I had no assets to split and I pay an informal agreed maintenance payment per month.

Any advice on re marriage financial implications for my new partner, we both work and partner has a mortgage and own home.


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