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  PSO, second time.
Posted by: Alibash - 07-06-2018, 12:01 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies


The judge granted a PSO last year which expires next June. I intend to return to Court to extend it but not sure when to start the procedure again to make sure that it doesn't run out.
But I don't want to start too early either as I want my ex to be informed as late as possible.
Has anyone extended a PSO or have information about how to go with it second time?
Of course I'll contact my solicitors at a later stage.

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  What is going to happen next?
Posted by: Unhappy1987 - 07-06-2018, 09:49 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (5)


Sorry to post again.

So as said previously my son is point blank refusing to see his dad due to verbal abuse. 

He hurt himself at school the other day so I let his dad know and asked him if he wanted to pop up to my home and see him. It took 20 minutes but I convinced my son to come outside and he agreed he would speak to his dad at the end of the driveway. His dad had sent a text saying send him out and I said he would need to come to the end of the driveway as agreed.

He came down and just said get in the car, my son said no, he wanted to speak at the front of the house where he felt safe, he repeated get in the car now I want to speak to you there and my son said no and walked into my house.

I called his dad to wait I would try and get him out again but he stormed off. 10 minutes later his gf messaged me saying I needed to teach 'that little s**t some manners* and learn how to f*****g parent.

He is now saying he is going to court for parental alienation even though I am not stopping any access. Short of physically assaulting my son I cannot get him out of the house- he is nearly as tall as me.

What will happen next?

Will they at least speak to my son so that they can see I have done nothing but encourage a relationship between them or will they just go on what his dad is saying?

And what happens when I stand in court say I am happy for access but my son still refuses to go? Do i get in trouble or do I have to physically drag him out of his room to get in his dads car?


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  Total mess, and think I've been friendzoned by the new girl
Posted by: Elwood Blues - 07-06-2018, 07:35 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (4)

The short version is that I started seeing someone new, things seemed to be going quite well, my ex found out, kicked off, including telling the new girls ex about us. New girl has said we had to stop seeing each other, but we've carried on chatting online since, pretty much constantly - talking 100's of messages a day back and forth. Some flirty/suggestive, otherwise just a lot of chit chat and heart to heart stuff. In the meantime, she's back sleeping with her ex (casually). So it basically seems like I've been friend zoned - I'm giving this girl all the company/attention/emotional support and keeping her from getting lonely, and she's getting her physical satisfaction from her ex.

I'm pretty wrapped up in her, never met anyone I get along with like this, we were chatting as friends for a long time before either of us thought of going further, and even now we talk more candidly than I ever have with anyone, man or woman. I am now wondering though if some of the friendship is a bit fake from her side, and she just likes the attention. My head says that I should just stop talking to her completely and try to get over her (not easy as our paths cross a lot), my heart says to keep going a while longer and see how things play out. One the one had I don't want to lose the friendship, on the other I want more than that as well, and she is totally distracting me from looking elsewhere.

The long version is a bit more sordid and Jeremy Kyle-esque, but I might try and type it out here when I get time!

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  More moving stuff
Posted by: Charlie7000 - 07-06-2018, 12:27 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Son tells me tonight they are going to look at house rentals at the week-end - about 1.5 to 2 hours drive away.  She could be signed up to a house on Monday and moved within 2 weeks.  Not giving me enough time for mediation to agree on a variation of the shared care arrangements.  Think I need a solicitor's letter sending asap saying she needs to confirm her intention to move and start mediation before committing to anything or she'll be in breach of the undertaking (I think). Son thinks he is moving house and changing schools without it even being discussed with me.

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  Surreal nightmare
Posted by: Paulmac - 07-05-2018, 11:32 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

Not sure where to start so I’ll blurt it all out and hopefully it won’t seem like unhinged gibberish.

Fell in love with my partner 32 years ago, I was working class from a broken home (alcoholic father, who was quick with his fists towards me and my mum), in spite of that my mum stuck with him. My partner was upper middle class went to university and her parents were never overly keen on me. Her father was and is an overbearing controlling bully, her mum just gardens, walks her dogs and drinks a lot of red wine, very subservient.

My partner didn’t talk to her father for two years 16-18 then went to uni, we met in the 6th form, I went to work and she went to uni and we started seeing each other in her 2nd year of university, long distance relationship but it worked.

We moved in together when she finished were happy for 9 years then she decided she wanted more and we separated ( no children, no mortgage) still pretty young. I was devastated but got on with my life, by this stage all our friends were getting married and having children 6 months later she told me she wanted to get back together, I agreed as I loved her, we went to relate for councelling and seemed to be all good, got married, had two children and I tried to be the best father and husband, and son in law I could. Her parents were overly involved in our lives, we had to do family holidays and 4 day Christmas sleepovers at theirs, I sucked it up and took it for the good of the ‘family’ two brother in laws and partners. Birthdays, social events group holidays, never allowed to do our own thing as a family...

We set up home buy our first house, all good, sell house move to village away from town. my wife then has a hard time at work, suffers from stress for 6 months and is signed off, gets another job same again and eventually has to leave the 2nd job too, parents very supportive, I’m happy for her to stay at home and we get a dog, she looks after the home, walks the dog, life is great, I work hard, we’re happy, have our first child, wife works for brother in law (she was a software developer) 2 days a week from home, I work full time IT engineer, paid a lot less than my wife.

Eldest son In law had two children, girl and a boy, the little lad was the same age as my eldest daughter (3 years old) his mum worked full time and the mother in law liked to point out that a working mum was not right, the woman should stay at home and be a mother? (Bite lip and move on, sexist mother in law, or just brainwashed big bigoted, sexist father in law - who know) caused a lot of friction.

The little fella died of menangitus, I was at the hospital with my step sister as she couldn’t get hold of husband brother in law, it was something I never want to go through again, she was in pieces, doctors asking if they could let the little fella pass away as there was nothing more they could do, I asked them to keep trying until the father got there ( got hold of him on the Mobil and he was in a lay-by in his car, having a meltdown as he didn’t want to come to the hospital to deal with it, told him to step up do the right thing) he turned up and they both broke down in the waiting room. I then held the family together for the next few weeks, the father in law slipped into depression, the mother in law spent most of her time walking the dogs and generally it was grim.

I’m great in a crisis as long as it’s not my own I suppose...

So skip forward a few years the remaining daughter of the eldest son in law and working wife gets sent to a public school (single child lots of disposable parental income), grandparents over the moon as remaining daughter is the apple of their eye.

Skip forward a couple of years and my eldest daughter says she would like to go to the same school as her cousin, at this point we have had a second child, another girl (life’s great, two beautiful girls, a wife I love, a dog I love, only other man in the house!) my wife and my in laws think it’s a great idea, I don’t but who cares what I think, my wife has taken a job as a teaching assistant working 20 hours a week at the village school so she walks our kids to school and they all walk home every day, great, I’m working hard, am happy, everyone’s happy, all good in the world etc... then this, how do we pay for this, as we have to treat both our children equally, wife and grandparents think let her take the entrance exam and maybe is she does well we will get a scholarship, and they can help out financially... she does well, she’s offered a place and a tiny scholarship, daughter is over the moon, wife is over the moon, I am happy but worried, 15k a year, I earned 28k, wife earned 6k, good mortgage, it snowballs, grandparents back out of financial support offer, daughter goes to school and I start working 11hours days, 6days a week, roll forward to 2nd daughter, she goes to same school, another 15k a year so now we’re up to 30k a year, I am now earning 40k a year, wife is still on 6k, grandparents just keep interfering.

We’re now parents not a couple, wife says ‘you’re getting fat, I don’t find you attractive’ we stop having sex, she was never overly keen or particularly given to signs of affection as it’s unseemly according to her parents to show affection in front of others (hello Victorian middle England!).

I decide to get fit, hard work, and apparently she was then passed off that I didn’t do enough around the house, which was not true but apparently if it wasn’t done the way she did it or her mother then it was wrong, (how you can get bollocked for loading, and the unloading a dishwasher the wrong way is beyond me as the plates are still clean when they come out?).

So I am working hard, trying to provide for my wife, children who now mix with rich kids and start feeling inferior as they don’t live in a mansion, or go on holiday to the Maldives, all we could afford was Norfolk once a year, we had fun but it was always there in the background.

Wife has a grand plan to retrain as an accountant, so begins 6 years of exams and a full time job that pays nothing, kids become young teenagers, start arguing a lot, trash the house, we’re both working full time, stress is building. Roll onto two years ago, my eldest turns 16, time to go to state school for 6th form, that was part of the plan, starts having anxiety attacks, doesn’t want to leave her public school, we can’t afford another 30k for two more years, let alone 60k (have to treat them equally) I’m staring to buckle under the pressure, work is bad, company gets bought out, gets worse, longer hours....

So my wife goes to see her parents in their half million pound house and is ‘given’ father in law says he’ll pay for eldest daughters two years in 6th form so she can stay. I wasn’t consulted, as apparently it would have just put more stress on me?

She stays at the school, wife keeps training to be an accountant, I keep working and paying for daughter twos school fees (2 years younger). We argue a lot,my wife is in charge of the home apparently and the girls don’t listen to me as I am only there to earn the money, the dog dies, not good, can’t get another one as the in laws say it’s not a good idea (they have two) wife agrees, I am very unhappy, I then suffer from stress and depression, am signed off for 3 months and my wife try’s her best to support me but she doesn’t do empathy or sympathy and neither does her mother, and the response to stress and depression is just to get done fresh air as it’s not a real illness (even thought the father in law and my wife have suffered from it).

Things get bad at home, my children become prope teenagers 16 & 17, and really start laying into me on a daily basis, I’m not sure they knew what they were really doing, every day my wife came home, the girls would tell her how horrible I’d been when all I’d asked them to do was take the cups and plates out of their bedrooms and pick up thief duty clothes, it all becomes very surreal and nightmarish.... I can see it coming but at the same time think that can’t really be happening.

In laws become more intrusive than usual, my wife asks me to move into the spare room, tension is palpable in the house, we got to relate, it is hard, it turns out my wife has issues with her father, and doesn’t want to end up trapped in a marriage to an overbearing bully inker her dad! I say I’m not your dad, and I am not really me at present as I’m depressed and on medication, struggling to hold onto a new high stress job (as the school fees and bills still need to be paid).

Relate councillor tells wife she has turned her children against me as I am a man and she hates men, sees her fathers anger in me when I get into an argument with her and projects her negative feelings towards him at me. She keeps playing the dutiful daughter to them though!

Skip forward 2 more months, I have now got a contract job, that pays half the amount but S not stressful, I feel in a better place work stress wise, just depressed over my rocky marriage.

Wife then decides we should stop going to relate as they dont know what their talking about, and it’s alldown to me really...

She becomes a qualified accountant and finally earns the same as me, great pressures off we got there, the master plan, we knew it would be hard but finally, she can now be the primary bread winner, i can take my foot of the gas, eldest daughter takes exams, leaves school, some pressure of...

But I’m sleeping in the spare room, really bad atmosphere at home full tribal mode with the wife and girls, I’m now their enemy, feeling very alone, think about suicide, we go on holiday abroad to try and patch things up as a family, had a good time but apparently not good enough... wife tells me it’s time for me to move out we can have a trial seperation, as she doesn’t love me anymore, father in law sends me an email saying the same, I flip out at him in response.

I move out into a rented flat, for 1 year, I am 6 months into that, we were supposed to be working at seeing each other on dates, to rebuild bridges, all our birthdays fell in that period, my daughters 18 and 15, and my 50th then my wife’s 50th, she gets a puppy 4 weeks after I move out. Her entire family turned their back on me, no contact...

I thought things were getting better between us all, I get on really well with my youngest now, my eldest as well but she is very focussed on herself and has issues sleeping away from home(who knows how she’s going to manage going to uni which is her plan).

Eldest daughter has been to visit me once for two hours, youngest has slept over twice, I purposefully got the two bedroom flat, 5 miles away from my house so it would easy to see them and help out (dad taxi) I pick up my eldest twice a week and give her a lift home form her evening job (she works two evenings a week at a local supermarket) so I am her taxi, so 20 minutes a week contact.

We went out as family, my wife and the girls, for the birthdays had a meal, and a nice time, it got to my wife’s 50th and she said she was going to book a cottage, and I could come up to stay for 1 night with her and the girls and the puppy, gets to a few days before and she says sorry didn’t have time to find a cottage so am getting a b&b taking eldest daughter and puppy, no room for you but youngest daughter has sports matches and a friends birthday party so can you stay at home and look after her.

I am gutted, mixed messages everywhere, but at the end of the day, I stay at home and drop off and pick up my daughter,

I’ve had enough, and explain in a txt to my wife that we need to talk about the future, I want to try to work it out as I took my marriage vows seriously and I think if she stops and thinks about it that we have had more good times than bad, all marriages go through ups and downs.

I go to see her parents, to ask them four things, 1: why no 50th birthday card or contact after 32 years of ‘ you’re like as on to me’ from the father in law 2: did they ever actually like me 3: do they want their daughter to end up on her own and my children to lose their father and break up our home. 4: as you’ve suffered from depression, why don’t you understand I wasn’t myself, why no support

1: No birthday card= didn’t have your address
2: did they ever like me = we dont have an opinion either way
3: daughter alone and broken home = she has us, and why would there home be broken, they have their family around them, they have us.
4: depression, you’ve had it, why no empathy or support = if you mention I’ve had depression again I’ll ask you to leave (father in law responds angrily)

I leave feeling she’ll shocked, like my world has tilted, they were my family, what the f*ck is heppening?

I go For a pizza with my wife last Friday, she spends the evening saying our marriage was over before it started, that she felt trapped, and I was horrible for years, it this point i just nodded and kept quite thinking ‘perhaps she’s right, I’m a terrible person, I should just go home and end it all’ she then says she doesn’t know how she will feel in 6 months but if she had to say now, she wouldn’t feel any different and it’s over, and that all the occasions and meals we ve been on as family since I moved out have been strained and awkward for her, even though on Father’s Day she suggested we go out for a family meal, she had a couple of glasses of wine and had a really nice time, so did the girls she even asked me in for coffee on the way home.

She doesn’t want any contact via txt, and I said what if I meet someone else and she smirked saying ‘you, in demand I doubt that’, and on her way out said so that’s settled then? Regarding arrangements ie no contact for the next 6 months. She left, I sat down and then 15 minutes later had stopped reeling, it felt like it was all a lie for the last 6 months, there was no plan to see how it goes, it was just a way to get me out of the picture I think.

She wants me to give up the flat in December and move back into the house with my daughter (S) and pay the mortgage and bills, she will move into her parents and then pay for my youngest to continue in private education for the 6th form, she is pissed that I won’t contribute to the fees for the 6th form though, we’re paying for the current fees from our mortgage overdraft, her idea... and she wants to buy me out if the house, I want to sell to piss my wife off if it comes to that but equally I don’t as I don’t want my children to lose their family home, so confused... but we can’t afford to split the house and walk away with enough to buy a one bedroom flat each, due to the endowment shortfall we have to pay off in 5 years. she can just live in her parents house, if it doesn’t pan out I have nowhere to go so can’t afford to pay further private school fees for another two years so many mixed emotions...

I sent her one last txt saying I didn’t understand what had just happened earlier that evening and I thought we were trying to give it another go, no response that was a week ago.

So what do I do, stick to the plan, move back in in December, she moves to her parents, I get a year at home with my daughter and then we re-assess, or I just move back in in December and then don’t move out, she can file for divorce or wait two years until my daughters 18, or walk away, end it all, who knows, head is going to explode.... she thinks she will just come and go from the house even though she asked me to ask permission to pop around to my own home, I said with the greatest of respect no! But to be honest I feel so uncomfortable there now, it was home but now it’s not, nowhere is really, it’s all in limbo and feels surreal.

Maybe her moving back into her parents home is good as she’ll realise it’s her dad she has the issue with as the relate councillor suggested and she will realise I was not totally to blame.

Perhaps I am just grieving and will feel more normal in time, but to be honest turning 50 has really brought it all home, and I just don’t want to go through anymore sh*t again, I’m lonely, sad and don’t want to feel like this anymore but I don’t see an easy way out of this or an end anytime soon and I am finding it really hard to trust anyone at the moment, even my children which is awful...

Go back to relate, someone suggested arbitration, or use a solicitor and then it will get really nasty I suppose, don’t reslly want to go down that route but equally don’t want to get shafted, as I think I’ve been so fair up to now moving out to give her space, afte4 all if she wanted space she could have just moved into her parents straight away but she found the idea unpalatable, now she’s sees how much money is being wasted and the additional debt building up on the mortgage overdraft she’s realises it’s not tenable long term, ironic she’s an accountant now...

Blimey talk about verbal diarrhoea, that was a total mind dump, sorry for the above ramblings, but maybe someone has some sage advice or has been through similar...

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  False allegations, alcohol testing, breach of agreements and Cafcass - feeling lost!
Posted by: Londoniandad - 07-05-2018, 08:18 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Bit of  a long story, but then again most stories on here are long and that doesn't seem to deter people from offering advice and support so here goes.

Myself and my ex split a while ago and there have been issues ever since, in the sense that she can't move on and wants me to suffer for leaving - a sentiment she has stated to myself and our two children (two girls one who is 4 and one is about to turn 7).

She has consistently accused me of being an alcoholic and stated that the children aren't safe when with me - but has allowed me to have the children 2 - 4 nights a week for the past 2 years.

We went to court last week who, as a result of her allegations of DV and my alcohol abuse have order a section 7 report, which I expected. We also agreed that I would see the children every Tuesday and Friday, picking up from school/nursery and dropping them off at school/nursery on Wednesdays and then at hers on Saturdays - I was happy with this in the short term as it meant almost no contact between us, but since then she's constantly picking the kids up before me or insisting I drop them off with her before school, which I've emailed Cafcass to ask for advice, but they've not replied. 

My ex also has asked for me to do a hair strand test, which I agreed to, and in the future will likely ask for a liver function test.

I'm worried about the hair strand test as it shows an average and when I don't have the children I tend to binge drink/social drink and considering at the moment she's reduced my contact to two nights a week then my drinking is more than average. That being said, I never drink when I have the children.

I'm really worried that the results aren't going to go in my favour and that my ex will falsely use any positives to support her case, which at the minute looks flimsy to Cafcass, my solicitor and the courts. How do I prove that I don't drink when I have the kids - she wants me to go to her house and do a breathalyser but as I have been a victim of domestic abuse from her and also been consistently accused of the same, then I want to limit my contact with her to an absolute minimum to avoid putting myself or my children at risk.

I did a Thriva blood test, following a birthday weekend, which wasn't the best idea. My results stated that my Gamma GT (GGT) levels were  132.0 IU/L and said: This level is slightly raised. Gamma GT (GGT) level is increased for several possible reasons. There are a number of conditions which might lead to an increased GGT, the most common of which is alcohol abuse. If you have been drinking heavily, you should reduce it now, as further drinking will harm you liver even further. However, it is also possible that you could have mild liver damage due to fatty liver disease. This will be due to your diet, and the condition can be reversed by improving your diet and levels of exercise.

This has me somewhat worried as I'm not sure if it's indicative that I'm going to fail the test and I'm also worried that it's a sign that my hair stand test is not going to go well either.

I'm a teacher, and spend all my week with children. I've never had a safeguarding issue raised against me and my ex's claims are entirely bogus, but these results and my work hard/play hard lifestyle has me worried that my ex's allegations are going to ring true - has anyone been through anything similar or can try and put me at ease. I'm obviously not going to drink between now and my test, but as it checks the last 3 months, I'm worried this may be too little too late.  I'm also worried that after checking, my hair gel, my body wash and shampoo all contain some form of alcohol/ethanol - could this be bad?

Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you've made it to the end - feeling stressed and alone so any advice/support would be greatly appreciated.

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  Child Overseas Travel Without Consent
Posted by: Bluesintown - 07-05-2018, 06:14 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)

Dear Members,

Too much happening so you may see different post in different sections.

My wife is travelling overseas to her parents with our little one. i do not have issues but I have asked her to provide me inbound/outbound travel dates with scanned ticket copies. But beside several request she is not giving me.

So I need to understand what are my options?

Initially she said few weeks now she says 3 months. I just need clarity.

Please can some one help and tell me what should I do?

Thanks in Advance

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  Court Order for House Sale
Posted by: gompstomp78 - 07-05-2018, 03:40 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)


September last year my wife told me that our marriage was over, this came as a massive shock to me and I did not seeing it coming at all. We have 3 kids-1 9year old old and 5year old twins.

I chose to leave the house in the November to live with my friends, I then stopped paying any money in for the mortgage but paid her maintence.

I then moved into rented accomadtion in March this year, she has filed for divorce but going through solictors for my money from the house.

House is worth £370k the mortgage outstanding is £110k. Her parents gave us 80k to help buy this house (THEY ARE NOT NAMED ON THE MORTGAGE OR ANYTHING).

She has offered me £50K?! payable when the twins reach 13! My solitors and I have gone back and said no, ideally I want a lump sum now and then another lump sum when twins turn 13.

Ex wife has now said she will pay me £30K now and then £20k when twins are 13.

I now want to take her to court to force the sale of the house and get my capital now so I can then buy a house for me. Currently in a 2 bed apartment with no garden which I;m sure you will agree is a bit tight especially when the kids stay.

I have them every Wednesday and Friday night and every other weekend.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

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  Child Maintenance Calculations Dispute
Posted by: Bluesintown - 07-05-2018, 03:31 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (3)

Dear Members,

I need advice on what should I do if i have different calculation to what CMS has calculated?

I received the CMS letter yesterday which takes into account my last year income in P60 + Company car benefit. Last year I had one off bonus payment which ballooned my gross salary which I normally do not get.

I spoke to CMS they said this is the number HMRC gave and HMRC said you need to talk to CMS so I am kind of stuck in middle.

Therefore this year my income is less even if I take into account company car benefit. So please can you advice what should I be doing?

To add I was shocked to know company car benefit is included my income which I never see.

Please HELP!!!!

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  Allowed to have my sons hair cut ?
Posted by: wilson2018 - 07-05-2018, 03:01 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (9)

Ok guys my first post on here and i was wondering if someone could tell me if i'm legally in the right, or if she is correct in saying what shes saying. I will give you the story.

So i was at a Christening on Saturday with my Daughter (the eldest and my son), i was godfather so wanted the kids to look smart, got my son a little river island outfit..... his hair constantly hanging over his ears and looking like a butcher has cut it. I decided to take him for a cut he sat on my knee and watched me get mine done then he done the same....... no problems at all. i simply just wanted him to look nice, at the time i didn't realise i was doing anything wrong.
As soon as i got him ready i sent her a picture just saying how cool our son looked...... i then got bombarded with messages for the next 24 hours saying i had no right to get his haircut as she says she has parental responsibility and SHE makes the decisions not me, constantly speaks to me like dirt on her shoe.

So when i dropped him off i was getting him out his car seat, when she come out i said he had eaten like a little good one and he maybe tired as he had been playing with the other kids. I went to the boot of the car and i just received a load of abuse from her and her mother about his hair, I could see they were after a bite so i said look not infront of the kids got in my car and drove off. when i got home i had a message saying i still had his cap and that i needed to bring it back, the cap was forgotten about while i was trying to get away form the argument they were trying to cause. I refused and said she could come collect it if she wished or i would give it back this weekend(although he does have a number of other caps).

she is now saying if i get his haircut again she will stop my contact and get a solicitor, she also saying i need to bring my own clothes and change him before i drive away (even though all the clothes i buy go back with him so he gets more use out of them)

I pay my maintenance, i beg to see him more often but i'm constantly made to feel like the lesser person. Constantly being told i'm not doing enough or paying enough (all done through CSA) Currently at the lowest point I've ever felt constant arguments about nothing .. Sad

so what im saying is.... am i allowed to have his hair cut. 

Thanks in advance

ps: she asks for atleast 10 pictures in the space of 24 hours when hes with me, if i don't send them she threatens to pick him up..... is this normal?

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