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Ex moving further away
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: DadDolent
3 minutes ago
» Replies: 8
» Views: 100
Soon to be anxious depres...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: Jim
2 hours ago
» Replies: 9
» Views: 159
hi dads
Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders
Last Post: avadad
3 hours ago
» Replies: 0
» Views: 11
I just want to cry
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: invisibleintellectual
7 hours ago
» Replies: 22
» Views: 876
Help needed - Ex stopped ...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: invisibleintellectual
7 hours ago
» Replies: 9
» Views: 162
First hearing - a distast...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: darren1587
8 hours ago
» Replies: 2
» Views: 64
Problems with Ex wifes ne...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: Robert London
Yesterday, 12:33 PM
» Replies: 2
» Views: 94
Need some advice, im abou...
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
Last Post: Charlielovesyou
Yesterday, 12:23 PM
» Replies: 3
» Views: 60
Agreeing finances - split...
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
Last Post: Hazy
Yesterday, 11:51 AM
» Replies: 7
» Views: 81
Never planned for this!
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: Hazy
Yesterday, 11:49 AM
» Replies: 9
» Views: 179

  Feeling bummed out
Posted by: Naive - 05-31-2018, 11:47 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (6)

Sorry I know this isnt as bad as some of you have it but Im just having a little rant.

So despite a 5/9 day split the ex got a sole residency order. Everyone says its just a label but with daughter about to start school I can assure you its not.
It seems the ex has been busy telling EVERYONE that she is the primary carer and my daughter only lives with her.

Theres a lot to sort out for schools, my daughter needs to go to a local pre-school as the infants school teacher will be visiting soon [during the week daughter is with me] so I phoned them to organise a few sessions at the pre-school, it was agreed with the ex that daughter should attend a few sessions to get to know the other kids she'll be going to big school with.

I got the usual treatment which is a very suspicious tone, she was very blunt with me off the bat. She's the first person not to ask for proof of PR which made me very suspicious. She then, without me giving her any details, announced that my daughter lives with her mother and so the mum will need to phone the school and book any sessions. She didnt even hide the fact she already knew about me and my daughter, clearly the ex has been very busy.

Im so fed up of being treated like a criminal.

But Im most angry at the court. They handed out the residency order despite the evidence. But on the way out of court there is no leaflet or information pack for newly "non-resident" parents. Theres no government website that says "have you been reduced to a visitor of your own child, here what you need to know"
The ex, her family, the village mothers, even the childminder are all drilling into my daughter that she doesnt live with me anymore, Im a sleepover. The clothes, toys, lunchbox, peppa pig bag, its all daddys, its not daughters.

The school has a clear policy of dealing with the resident parent only and expecting the parents to share information. All I can expect is reports and parent teacher nights. 

When I lived with the ex I was EXPECTED to do all this, from doctors/orthodontics appointments to getting jabs, all responsibility was shared equally according to who could get out of work mostly. I left my ex, I never left my daughter so why am I now a babysitter.

Im finding it impossible to adjust, my partner thinks Im the exception to the rule and that most men dont give a hoot about this stuff. Its not just about me, there are genuine practicalities, I need to get school uniform, I need to know about the school lunches etc.

Well the point is, I cannot find a shred of information/support/guidance on how to be a non-resident parent. Anywhere. Do I just give up and wait for the ex to get the claws out because I havent organised child properly on my days.

Rant over

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  Social workers recommended supervised contact, wife being unreasonable
Posted by: knigh7 - 05-31-2018, 09:34 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (3)


The kids are with me full time as their mother was hitting them and was cautioned by the police for child cruelty. Divorce papers have been submitted. The children are on a child in need plan, we have yet to have a meeting. 

Social workers have recommend supervised contact, I messaged her saying it would be good for the children to see her and for her to suggest some third party individuals that we both trust. She replied saying I suggest my sister, I said no then she said I suggest my sisters husband, again I said no and told her not to argue with me and not to use this as a platform to argue as this is about the children. She then said I only have my sister and her husband as I have nobody in the UK. I said to her think about it and suggest some reasonable names. again she said I have no one in the UK.

What I fear is that she is being unreasonable and this may show to the social workers that we can not work things out which may affect the children? What do you guys advice?

We will go through the contact centre route, I started the process and will get the forms soon but this will take at least 6 weeks to setup.

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  what can i maybe? get,
Posted by: avadad - 05-30-2018, 09:40 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

my baby, i say baby because she is to me, having missed much of her life, due to court, not seeing her, shes over 2 years old now,, and in some ways , time for me has stoped, whats the minium,, i could possibly ,, get,, ? i say minium, because,, even tho,, id like lots of contact ,, mums not going to agree to anything, i dont think,,,,, so im asking you guys ,, whos been there, and ,, come out,,? so to  say, cheers, and thanks very much, any and all advise, most welcome ,

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  Welsh Women’s Aid
Posted by: Hazy - 05-30-2018, 09:16 PM - Forum: Outside Involvement, CAFCASS etc - Replies (2)



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  Child Services
Posted by: Tom_W88 - 05-30-2018, 02:38 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies


Most of you know my situation and what the last few months has been like.

Finally turning a corner.

Now, because of what I did to myself I have had numerous dialogues with people from Healthy Minds and direct NHS staff to make sure I am no risk into harming myself.

Due to the distress they could see in what I was explaining to them, (different men around the old marital house and my kids, money not being used what it should be, ex giving drugs to minors)

They decided to take action (not something I asked them to do), so this morning i received a phone call off child services, advising that they are contacting me to inform me what they have done moving forward.

They spoke with me ex, began stuttering on the call with regards to what was said (it was all from a anonymous tip so they say) but my ex denied everything.  

They are now closing the matter, despite the fact what she said back is false.  The woman who called me advised to get a solicitor ready for any potential backlash.

Has anyone else gone under similar circumstances? What can you advise?

Again, I never asked for Child Services to be involved, but down to my meditations with support staff they took action on what was being discussed. 

Just looking for advice.

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  Mediation coming up any advice?
Posted by: DeclanH - 05-30-2018, 02:32 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Hi everyone, 

I have a nearly 10 month old son with an ex partner (we were never officially an item) and she has denied on several occasions the opportunity to have him stay with me which has lead to me starting the mediation process (6th June). Since he was born I’ve been travelling up 2 weekends a month, she lives in Sunderland which is a 160 mile journey each way and I have to stay in a hotel for the duration. I pay my maintenance every month.
She’s cut off contact since I instructed a mediator and even refused to send me a picture on my birthday which I thought was a bit harsh. She’s arguing that she doesn’t think its in his interests to come and stay with me as he is too clingy with her, doesn’t like being confused etc. She’s been spoilt her whole life and is extremely difficult person to deal with and will do anything to get her own way.
Do those arguments or her opinion bare any weight? My mediation is next Wednesday I’m trying to weigh up my chances. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

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  Ex has decided i can't have my lad overnight anymore, any advice please?
Posted by: Holt bolt - 05-30-2018, 01:09 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Hi, i have a court order for contact for my son. 
I have received a text today saying that she does not want him to stay over night with me anymore, which is a breach of our court order. 
She reckons she has taken advise of a social services worker but won't give me a name or case number, her reason are fabricated (apparently i don't brush his teeth, let him stay up late etc, nothing serious)
Whats the best course of action i can take?
He is 7 by the way.
I'd like to deal with it amicably but i feel we are past that as she just accuses me and my son of being a liar about her imaginary issues that have only surfaced in last week or two.

Just an update to this, she has told me now i can have him today, just from 15:15 till 19:00, my court order states that i have him 15:15 till tomorrow morning at 08:00 AM. I am within my rights to collect him and keep him as per the court order?

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  Financial Proceedings - Result
Posted by: ADTR_2014 - 05-30-2018, 12:51 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - Replies (3)

Hi All,

There is a main thread here but the short version is as follows:

We separated in March 2015 but still lived together for a few months. During that time I looked for and purchased a house (which completed in May 2105) with the help of a very small deposit from my parents. We lived in rented accommodation during the marriage.

  • So home in my name and solely paid for by me, no marital monies used (no marital monies at all from anywhere)
  • There is equity in my house (around £30k)
  • No pensions, no investments nothing
  • She has a masters degree in relevant field (suffice to say she should be working and could be earning a decent wage) her hours would be completely childcare friendly
  • 1 child from marriage who is now at school full time
  • I took on marital debt (£17,000) and she left debt free
She wanted £17,500, which taking into account the debt I took on was the entire amount of equity left in my house that she had never set foot in let alone looked after or provided upkeep to in anyway shape or form.

The judge was not happy with her at all and made the following points:
  • Asking her directly why she is spending thousands to get very little in return, there was no money in the pot and that it seemed she was just after vengeance
  • Told her in no uncertain terms that it was very shaky ground to claim the home as marital and again reiterated there wasn't much money in the pot
  • He asked her directly what kind of person she was "this mans parents have given him a lifeline in his darkest hour, the breakdown of his marriage, so he could rebuild his life. What would you say to a person who then comes after that money?"
  • The hearing was for a FDA but he wanted it sorted on the day as it was pointless dragging it out. He told her that if she didn't agree on the day then he would award my costs for the next time reducing any potential pot she might have
  • He asked her directly why she wasn't working, her response was "Due to the stress of the abuse in the marriage", without missing a beat he replied with "I'm sure that's contested from the other side, but it has been three years since separation, So what? why aren't you in work?"
After 3 years, 3 complete form-e's (once for mediation, once for solicitors prior to court and then finally once for court) so that's 3 years worth of bank statements and her prying into my every transaction, her day had come! All of her bullshit, intimidation and bullying had come undone. I had stood my ground and it was worth it! To be honest the judge was that scathing that even after all she has put me through I felt a little sorry for her, she got a drubbing!

No spousal maintenance, not even a £1 per year door open deal and a settlement figure (£4500) that was far more realistic. If I'm honest I wasn't happy with having to give her anything, but I know that she is far less happy with the outcome and I was really happy that it was all done!

My barrister gave me some advice that in her experience good settlements are the ones where both sides are not entirely happy, that signifies its somewhere in the middle.

She also said that she had not seen a drubbing from a judge like that before.

Turned up for an FDA, the case was closed within two hours, he even pronounced the decree absolute there on the spot. It's still not quite sunk in.

Her reaction, as if to try and take some form of control back, has been to double down on everything. She has informed that she will only correspond via letter and that she no longer gives me permission to use her first name......I was so tempted to reply with "I have plenty of other names I could use......"

Rather depressingly I have already started the next court process as despite having two weeks solid contact in the summer (court ordered) she will not let me have a passport.....and so back we go. Given her recent complete shutdown o healthy, adult communication channels I think she has just given me enough to apply to the courts to remove all negotiation from the order and have set dates for holidays and the presumption of a passport.....

Thank you to those here that supported me through this, particularly through the darker times. this place is invaluable support. I'll keep you all posted about the application to vary.

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  Cms payments gone up
Posted by: civic4 - 05-30-2018, 08:53 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (9)

Well i just had CMS letter saying my payments have gone up another £55 a month. Can they do that everything just gone wrong for me since court, im so depressed i havent seen my kids since beginning of feb. She made up allegations on the day of court and now i cant see my kids, and contacted cms to say i dont have them any more. Basically she screwed me over ?

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  EX Asking for money
Posted by: helo123 - 05-30-2018, 08:47 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)


My ex is on holiday with my two children at the moment (no idea where - not allowed to see them - separate issue altogether)
I just had a text that my youngest daughter has taken ill and she told me I need to pay half of the medical excess.
I have no problem paying this if it is something that I should pay.

Can anyone advise? I just assumed that would be covered in the £780 maintenance she gets monthly.

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