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Heart Merry Christmas
Posted by: invisibleintellectual - 12-23-2017, 07:37 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (6)

To all that read the boards and those who help out - Merry Christmas and a great and good 2018 Smile

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  Waited in vain.
Posted by: thelosshurts - 12-23-2017, 07:21 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

In 1999 my wife let me down, unforgivably. The relationship was over. We had two children (beautiful little girls) age 4 & 2. I left our nice home and lived in poor accommodation, as this was all I could afford (surprise) I saw the girls regularly. She very quickly moved a new partner into the house, a pre-op transsexual. Within weeks the new partner had been promoted to Daddy, I found this out one day while I had the girls for the day, they we're saying "our daddy" talking about another person. This had been drummed into them. A few days later and they were made to call me and ask me not to come see them anymore. The access I was being offered had gone from 50/50 to two hours once a fortnight. All due to the new partner. I fought it with dozens and dozens of solicitor letters.. Too and fro, just making it worse.  I was told as she was being the way she was it would be likely I'd only get the two hours a fortnight, and I would have to confuse the girls be telling them I'm am actually their Dad and not this other person. Every time I did see them there was massive trauma at collection, the girls were being weaponised and their emotional wellbeing put at risk in order for the new partner to gain control.
 
Two days before the court case, I decided in the best interests of me daughters.. I would walk away.... and I did.
 
It took me many devestating years trying to come to terms with it and I guess I never did, the desperate loss nearly killed me. I figured I'd wait until they're ready to come find me.
 
I did wait, 15 years later I got a facebook friend request form the eldest, and a few months later another one from my youngest.
 
That was 7 years ago, I've been unable to progress the relationships beyond a facebook chat box, they are not interested really. Just asking for money all of the time and being totally unwilling to get to know me in person. I have learned during that time, that dozens of presents, cards, letters I've sent were withheld from them. I've learned that their mother has gone out of her way to demonise me throughout their childhood years.
 
Two years ago I decided to start a new family, this took a lot of courage. The two facebook (generation Z) children I lost we're disgusted with me for this and refused to have a good word to say about it, actually being very hostile and unreasonable. (just like their mother)
 
With intense pain I've had to say goodbye to them again. Not by blocking them from my facebook account but by removing myself from contact. IE deleting my account.
 
The moral of the story...  be very careful who you have kids with. Get it wrong and you're in for some severe pain. As for those kids, what a cruel thing she did to them.

BTW you might think why?  I did absolutely nothing wrong. The new partner was the controlling probelm. It all ballooned out from threre.

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  Can't afford a flat, just rent a room
Posted by: essex_pager - 12-23-2017, 04:44 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (8)

Evening all.

I'm currently staying in a room on AirBnB near the (rented) family home, have two children (13 & 3) and was chucked out of the family house a week & 1/2 ago.

I make pretty decent money but now with debts from legal fees (and taxes to be paid) and two households to support, I don't think I've got enough.

My soon to be ex-wife doesn't work, and so with the cost of repaying debt, supporting her in our old house etc. I don't think I can afford to rent a 1 bedroom flat, never mind a two bedroom.

Right now I'm able to see my kids for 1/2 days but want to have them staying with me 2-3 nights a week. 

How am I supposed to spend time with my kids if I don't have a home for them to live in?

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  Christmas arrangements
Posted by: Froggy - 12-23-2017, 03:09 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

My ex partner saw my 5 year old girl last Christmas Eve and had the enjoyable experience of opening the presents from Santa with her .... I asked her to have alternative years - she declined . I did see my wee one for a few hours on Christmas Day.
I decided that my Christmas Eve with would be my overnight on the 23rd. So she woke up on Christmas Eve with the presents from Santa.
Sadly my ex has declined me having my child overnight on Christmas Eve because she needs to be with her family and it’s the best for her!!! When my daughter told her that she will be doing Santa twice this year my ex has decided to call me every name under the sun - dating I’m the grinch for ruining Christmas and the spirit for having Santa visit tonight ?
To be honest I personally think my ex is pissed that I’ll be enjoying Christmas with her first ..... why should I let her stop me from having that experience of a ‘Christmas’ morning with her - even though it’s on a different day - question to you dads am I taking the spirit of Christmas ... what you think?
Merry Christmas to you all to those who celebrate it.

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  Christmas Visits
Posted by: 5879 - 12-23-2017, 12:43 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (6)

I have a court order allowing me visitation on 26th, 31st dec and 2nd Jan, all normal days assigned to me by the family court, my ex has decided to go away with her new partner and my 2 yr old daughter, visiting her family around the UK, and has cancelled all my xmas visits, the next visit according to her now is 7th Jan. Apparently she spoke to the police who assured her she could do so . I did ask her to try and change her dates and allow me extra time for the days I would be missing, so my daughter would see me, her step sisters and my extended family, but she refused, insisting the tone of the email I sent was threatening, in fact the email was actually written by a barrister, and was very accommodating. I now have no contact with my barrister until the NY but wondered if anyone could advise me on what options I have come the NY. Many thanks.

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Star Ex won’t allow my partner near my Daughter, I can see her as much as I want otherwise
Posted by: completelyconfused - 12-23-2017, 10:28 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (7)

Hi All, I have posted earlier in the year but it was a very different situation then. I’ll try and be brief and simplify the following as much as I can. 

My ex wife and I were together for 15 years since school. The time came in April last year that I’d had enough of the relationship and left, knowing she was 5 weeks pregnant - I couldn’t stay in the relationship any longer and certainly couldn’t because she was pregnant, I felt that the child would be better off growing up with us having already separated and not to put her through any separation at a later date. 

We went through all of the mediation for divorce, etc and I’d left her everything to do wth the house and accepted a very small payment off her when it was finalised. During the time we were separated I paid her more than half of the mortgage every month and then when my daughter was born I agreed to pay the mortgage in full for 12 months. The 12 months has now passed and I’ve verbally agreed to pay her the equivalent of what I need to through ssp and around half of her childcare costs as my Ex has gone back to work 3 days a week (a lot of money!). I’ve always paid for extra clothes, food, nappies, etc on top too. 

Since my daughter was born my ex has been great in allowing me to spend as much time as I can/wanted with my daughter but was adamant that I wasn’t allowed to take her out and especially anywhere near my partner (we’ve been together since May last year) when I was allowed to, it was only in her pram. I see her on a Tuesday and Thursday evening and have her all day on a Saturday but only ever at my Ex’s house (my old house). This has put huge strain on my current relationship of around 18months now but my new partner is still as supporting as she can be. My daughter has just turned One and is the happiest baby alive!!

My ex still won’t allow me to take my daughter anywhere near my partner saying ‘it can be anyone else but not that slag’ and it really isn’t fair on my daughter, my Saturdays with her and limiting the amount of Things I can do with her and the lack of quality time with her. I’ve offered to have my daughter for full weekends but she won’t allow it because of my partner, constantly accusing me of choosing my partner over my daughter but would allow me to have her if my partner wasn’t on the scene. 

I feel now that there’s no option but seeing a solicitor and applying for a court order but wanted to see if anyone else had any other ideas first as the last thing I want is to ruin the ‘okay-ish’ relationship I have with my ex at the moment. 

Thanks for reading and thanks to any responses in advance.

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  Payments
Posted by: byrondjones - 12-22-2017, 11:39 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)

Hi

I currently have no contact with my children due to my ex stopping me seeing them and domestic violence from her which the police have been involved.

She is looking to change their surnames now so do I still pay maintence because of this?

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  Nursery parental rights
Posted by: kettleman - 12-22-2017, 09:56 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)

Hello,

My daughter is currently in nursery. And has been for a handful of months without my knowledge. My ex partner decided to do this without informing me.

If I recall rightly I do have the right to the same information as she does for my child's education, I do have PR.

My problem is that I do not know what nursery she is attending in the local area and as such see my only option to ring up local nurseries and ask if my daughter is attending there. Though I suspect they will not provide me with much information. Can anyone advise on how I can go about finding out were my child is at nursery ? Along with. What information regarding my daughter I can actually obtain from them ? I wish to be noted down as an emergency contact. And be informed of any concerns about my child, or any trips etc.

Cheers !

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  Daughter saying she don't want to come mine.
Posted by: frogs422 - 12-21-2017, 08:39 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Hi there guys,

Basically I have a court date set in January and also a CAFCASS phone interview in January and I'm really worried about something.

Bit of a background story...I have been having my daughter since she was 3, it started by having her 1 weekend a month with no problem, Then it change to having her for a week in term time then back to having her one weekend a month again, this is due to the 500 mile round trip.

At the beginning of this year I moved out of my mums house and in to my own house with my girlfriend who I have been with for 3 years and my daughter really gets on with my girlfriend so there is no issues there. But also when we moved out I also found out that I was going to be a father again and since letting my daughters mum know this information she as said my daughter doesn't want to come down anymore, There as always been little issues leaving her mum plus she does get a travel sick which i give her tablets for but now her Mum is saying she needs to start listening to what 'daughter' wants and she's doing what's best for her. This has been going on since the beginning of this year and now I'm only seeing once a month on a sunday. I have asked my daughter why she doesn't want to come down and she says she doesn't feel ready yet. I have given her the option to stay at my mums (her nanna's) house with me while she is down and even the option of going down in a bigger car  with my mum (her nanna) to keep her occupied. 

I just feel since the big news there is some parental alienation going on, I feel like she doesn't encourage her to go like she used to before and now is making the situation worse. im spending less time with her and i feel like i can't be a dad by doing dad things like sitting and watching a film on settee together..cooking tea for her and putting her to bed etc.    

Also I ring her on fridays at a set time (requested by her mother) but when I ring she's never at home. She's always in a situation where she doesn't really want to talk on the phone..she would rather play with her friend or she's in the middle of town shopping with her and i just feel like all these distractions are just pulling her away from me, the phone conversations only last a 5 minutes..10 minutes if i'm lucky. 

Should i be worried? or will this get better once court have decided on dates I have her etc. Or am i forcing my daughter to do something she doesn't really want to do?

I have lost my confidence with going to court and representing myself thinking my daughter doesn't want to come down and with her saying it herself I just don't want to think or do.

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  were do i stand
Posted by: helpless dad - 12-20-2017, 10:18 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

hi all,

back again, since court order for me to have him every weekend things have been going fine up until last week, now the court order states the mother shall make my son available on a Saturday, between ourselves we made a pickup time of 10 am on a Saturday as I never worked Saturdays.. but now I do we also had personal agreement if I cnt have him a Saturday I wouldn't pick him up till the sunday. but as im only working till 4pm each sat I can quite clearly have him but she is saying unless I pick him up at fixed time of 10 am each sat then I cant have him that day... my question is were do I stand with this as order just states she shall make him available on a Saturday not at a specific time.

thanks.

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