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  Christmas conundrum
Posted by: Petem - 12-28-2017, 12:25 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (7)

Afternoon chaps,

I've been with my girlfriend for most of this year and she's fantastic - I love her to bits. And this Christmas myself, herself and all of our families have exchanged presents.

So far so good.

But here's the rub: Her Mum's bought me a lovely jumper and some PJs, but they were too big. I've had them exchanged for the right size, but now they're in the sale - so now I have the right gifts and about £13 surplus! Would it be offensive to pass back the cash? I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings for such a kind gift, but equally don't want to be hoarding her hard-earned money.

Council of Dads - what do you think?

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  Not taking it lying down
Posted by: JonnySpandex - 12-28-2017, 12:14 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Hi guys, new here.

Bit of background story, my daughter is 10 and up until a year or so ago I used to see her every other weekend (with swaps for busy weekends etc.). At one point it was painless to arrange with my ex. Then she got a new partner and up the duff. Now it's getting more and more difficult to see my girl and I can't even talk to her, apparently she doesn't want to talk to me but just before summer holidays her teacher got me and my daughter together and explained how much she misses me (having her was getting more difficult already at that point) and seeing me/my family. 

All the times I've tried to arrange to see her and my ex comes up with excuses for how my daughter wants to do this and that so I must bring her back early or can't stay overnight or whatever. If my daughter echoed those sentiments to me I'd accept it. But all the 'information' comes from her. Apparently she didn't want to come over to see me or any of my family (she's the same age as one of my neices and they are thick as thieves) on Xmas day and as she apparently she doesn't want to talk to me I've never actually had that conversation with her. Obviously if there was something wrong I'd try and sort it with her, but I don't get that chance, just fobbed off by my ex. Again what makes me so sure it's a load of rubbish is how my ex just presents some completely unverifiable statement and then just says tough that's how it is. There's definitely no want on her part to make anything better if something is wrong. I think my ex is the only thing that is wrong. 

My question is, how do I start the path to possible court action, bearing in mind it is something I'd need to do myself as no way can I afford the rediculous cost of legal representation.

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  Newly separated, long time coming
Posted by: Dekker - 12-27-2017, 04:58 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Hi all,

So today my wife and I had a chat about us and how we felt about each other and we agreed that our marriage was not making us happy. We have two small kids (girls, 5 and 2) who she had arranged to be out of the house when we had the chat thankfully. We have both been unhappy for a long time now on and off but I suppose I never thought it would come to this. Now that we have agreed to split all I can remember are the good times and they make me cry on a hair trigger. She mentioned that she had come to a decision a couple of weeks ago so fair play to her for holding on to it and not spoiling xmas for the kids.

Anyway within 3-4 hours of the chat I moved out to my mums who loves 5 mins away as we agreed that was the best thing to do. The chat was very amicable and in fact the best we have got on for months. My number one priority is making sure the kids aren't affected by any of this and therefore I am committed to maintaining a good relationship with my wife first and foremost. I realise that this is a lofty ambition but I am clinging to the hope that in the future we will be one of those cool divorced couples who are good friends and can spend time together occasionally with the kids without feeling the need to commit bloody murder.

Am I naive? Possibly but I feel its important to make a supreme effort to be friends for everyone's sake. Luckily there is no specific incident that has caused this breakup (that I know of) so I cross my fingers and pray that it goes as planned.

We have already arranged days where I will look after the kids during January and she is keen that I spend time with them every other weekend plus occasional weekdays. I think that has helped me transition quickly from the status quo to the new situation as I have something to look forward to and if I'm honest I will probably appreciate the time with the girls that much more knowing that its limited.

Anyway I'm blah blahing and I realise that I haven't actually asked a question. I think I just needed to get my thoughts out in words to help me accept the situation.

Thanks for listening!

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  Advice
Posted by: NIRich - 12-27-2017, 01:16 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

We have an legally agreed arrangement that I have the kids Wed/Thu each week and every other weekend, while holidays are meant to be 50/50 agreed between us.

This Christmas she asked that I take them before Christmas, she have them for Christmas and boxing day (also one of my daughters birthdays) and I take them again for the holiday period after. I regularly feel that I am a gloryfied sitting service to be used when required and ignored when not.

I came back and put forward that it would be fair if she had them the 1st week of the holidays and I had them the 2nd, and agreement was made.

I was due to pick up the kids tonight or in the morning and she was to let me know what suited her best.

Today I had a abusive message from my ex that my son was upset as he did not know if I wanted to see him over the holidays, my ex accusing me of not making any plans to see the kids.

Needless to say this is very upsetting and my reasons for not trying to have them with me for the 25th/26th was I now live in a very small place with my ex having what was the very large family home, that would give them a more traditional christmas, with lots of others about.

My ex on a number of occasions has lied to the kids and manipulated situations in the past, changing arrangements making out to the kids and others that I do the changing while I am forwarded as in the wrong.

I phoned and spoke to my son and he asked if I could pick him and his sisters up and I said that is fine and told him I could be there for 6.30pm, in the background I could hear the ex saying 'see he does not even want to cook you dinner'.

I am very angry that I am lied about and run down with obvious negative effects on the kids, this happens a lot and , while I have text messages and e-mails that proove that I was the one pushing for arrangements to be fair and arranged, this time and in the past. Out of frustration I have used the who reads me service so I can proove that she recieved and read many e-mails, and although things have been finalised over the phone it is completely transparent that I was the one seeking to get the arrangements sorted.

Basicaly, what can I do about this.

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  how much can a man take
Posted by: avadad - 12-26-2017, 10:00 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)

i no this is not being positive but? ive had just about all i can take and thinking about ,,, so called walking away,? my little one is 2 years old ive seen her in contact center 12 times, in her  life having had to go the court route, i didnt want to do that but i had no ,, no choice, none, mother said all sorts against me,, and after 1 year in court im tired, just gone tho the heart ack of xmas again not seeing  baby,,  2nd xmas, and mother is still nasty over 2 years the relationship ended,, and shes still very very bitter towards me,, and even tho i love this woman,, and i dont really no why, tbh,, after all shes put me thro,, i here storys on here and other sites,, about mother turnning kids against good dads,, that want to be in there childs life,, and i just sit thinking that i cannot let this so called mother ever hurt my our daughter, thro her own bitterness, i like some guys on here, face the possibility that the ex will get new guy in and replace me, the real dad,, and again that hurts so so dam bad,,, my wiorry is now faceing 2018, as a single farther and want to be dad,, even tho mother dose not refer to me as dad,, more so sperm doner,, for gods sake,, and im really thinking about leaving the situation behind,, and in the process being torn apart ,, never to be dad,,, i relly need good advice guys please,,ive also been in court for a year , final hearing very soon,

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  CMS revaluation
Posted by: kettleman - 12-26-2017, 08:58 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (6)

Currently paying my ex partner through direct debit on a CMS decided amount.

I received a pay increase recently, around 10% increase. Im sure I read somewhere that the CMS will not 're adjust your payments unless your salary changes 25% higher or lower than what it was first calculated at. Is this correct?

Also, do the CMS do annual reviews on payments? Will they ask for my pay slips each year to see if I am paying the correct amount ?

Don't really fancy paying my ex partner more as she is already getting near £400 a month from me and I think that's an obscene amount for one child as it is !

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  Happy Christmas
Posted by: NewHill123 - 12-25-2017, 10:53 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (10)

Hope you are all having the happiest of Christmases possible. I know it will be a time for sadness and reflection for a lot of you, like it is for me as I have not been able to contact my 3 young daughters since The end of June, as their mother, my ex wife, refuses to answer the phone and I don't even have an address for her now to send them cards.

Hopefully for everyone and myself 2018 will prove a better year.

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  DNA Test
Posted by: Chase2018 - 12-24-2017, 10:31 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Hi guys, an ex girlfriend has recently had a baby but she’s telling me I’m not the dad without giving me a DNA. I have asked time again over the past 3 days and she is still refusing. I know there is more than a 50% chance that I am the father. My question is how can I get a DNA test of a 4 day old girl if the mother refuses?

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  How long did it take till final order?
Posted by: asd1270 - 12-24-2017, 07:06 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

Mine took 5months start to end. But not the end though as I have taken it through to a appeal hearing next month.

But I see that dads have been in the process of courts for over a year to get contact arranged..

Is it shorter when the boot is on the other foot???. I only say this because of how poor of a job the courts did in my case being the resident parent n primary carer? Do women not attend dv perpetrator programmes or have their contacts supervised?
Just a little baffled.

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  Ok, the breaches have started!
Posted by: andynumpty - 12-24-2017, 04:08 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

Got a court order in place for my son at beginning of October, we are not married but at this moment in time we still living in the same house.
The order states that she has to give me his passport in reasonable time for any holidays that I need it. She's stated that she doesn't know her next year's holiday yet even though they start in January.
I've eventually got her to agree I can have the first week in January as one of our shared school holiday entitlement and stated asking for his passport since beginning of December, she's refused. I've even just asked her to send me a picture of it for now so I can have the information on it to book a holiday but she says she won't unless I tell her where and when we are going. I've given her the dates but like I've told her I can't risk booking anything and as it's last minute I need his passport to book, she still said no I have to book first, so back to court in new year for that.
She now saying that the court order also only gives me weekend time with my son during term time, it doesn't state that at all! So that's getting mentioned as well.
She will not agree to me having him 3 weeks out of the 6 weeks holiday, as the order states as well.
I'm sure by the time I put in the court paperwork they'll be a bit more to add on.

And relax ?

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