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  Surrey/Berkshire solicitor recommendation
Posted by: Surreydad1 - 10-01-2018, 09:11 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies


Just wondering if anybody can recommend a family/divorce solicitor in Surrey/Berkshire; I'm between Ascot and Camberley so ideally not too far from that area.

Many thanks

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Posted by: Blue1982 - 10-01-2018, 08:59 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Hi All,

I have lots of text messages from my ex re the following subjects:

> Messages stating that my daughter hates me and she'll make sure of it.
> Stating that my daughter hate me and that she cannot wait for her not to want to come and stay with me.
> Admitted that she has 'battered' my daughter on text.
> Admitting that she cannot cope with her children's behaviour and that she feels anxious and worried all the time because of it.

I also sent my daughter in with a letter and some photos of a recent holiday saying she had a lovely time with me, her step-mother and family.  That evening the letter along with the photos were posted through our door with the word RAT written on the front.  This was posted due to her objection for me referring to my wife as 'step-mother'.  It was never done to aggravate her I only sent this because I wanted my daughter to be able to show her friends during 'carpet time'.

My daughter is 7 and access has now been abruptly stopped because she has decided she no longer wants to stay overnight.  I am having to go to court again to regain overnight access.

Will any of these texts or incidents be relevant in court?  Do courts or CAFCAS consider texts and abuse received?  Does anybody have experience of texts being relevant to court proceedings?


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Posted by: Blue1982 - 10-01-2018, 08:48 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

Hi All,

My daughter is 7 and 2 months ago started to tell me and my ex partner that she no longer wanted to come and stay with me and my wife.  She has always stayed with me between 6 and 10 nights per month and I have for the last 2 years been recording all dates that she stayed overnight mainly because my ex can be very difficult at times, makes regular threats to withdraw access (Without seeing it through) and I could foresee something like this happening.  I have also taken my daughter on holiday (Abroad) 5 times since she was 3, the most recent being 10 nights in the August school holidays.

I had asked my daughter a few times what her reasons were for not wanting to stay anymore and she said she didn't know.  My ex has basically said that my daughter is old enough to decide for herself and has therefore advised me that i can have her during the daytime once a fortnight for 8 hours but overnight access has been stopped completely.  I have challenged this as i do not believe my daughter realizes the momentous decision she is taking and i do not believe at the age of 7 that she can decide this for herself.  I feel that i have had no option but to refer the matter to a solicitor and, due to the fact that i'm certain my ex will ignore mediation, i'm sure this is going to end up in court.

Now, only after sending the solicitors letter, my daughter is referring to an incident when we were on holiday in August when she was demanding that i take her home in our hotel room.  She was trying to smash the room up, hitting my wife, hitting herself in the face and screaming at the top of her voice.  She was completely out of control which I feel is down to a complete lack of order, routine and discipline from her mother.  In the end I had to restrain her because i genuinely believed she was going to hurt herself.  At no point did i hurt her and she did eventually calm down in my arms and fell asleep.  My wife, who is a teacher, saw the whole incident and can back me up on what happened but i'm not even sure if she would be asked and of course she could be accused of being biased.

I told my ex about what happened and she advised via text that she had 'battered' her in the past and it makes no difference as she does not listen to her.  She has regularly sent texts saying my daughter has behaviour issues and that she can't cope.  Anyway now that things have gone legal I am certain my ex has primed my daughter to refer to this incident.  I'm now worried that this is going to go against me when CAFCAS interview my daughter.  Can anyone share any advice?

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  Advice on what to do next
Posted by: takethemike - 10-01-2018, 08:47 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)

Advice needed . . .My STBX had an affair on me after 8 years Married- 12 years together- we have 3 children 2, 5 and 7 and when the affair was uncovered she accused me of DA and all kinds of lies- she was abusive to me and when it all unravelled I discovered she was spending time with the OM with the children- and everywhere says this is a no no- I went to pick up the children and he was there and whilst there were words- there was no violence other than him pushing me- I was then arrested on suspicion of coercive control and financial control which I was told no further action would be taken- I was however charged with assault which was utter rubbish- but as I was charged I was bailed not to go home as my STBX was a witness- so effectively this forced me out of the family home. I am currently still at my mum's.

In terms of child arrangments, I cannot have my children stay with me at my mum's as there is no room- she calls all the shots, but she does allow me to bath them and put them to bed, but as I work full time she controls when this is etc. I have them usually one day at the weekend at the moment, but ideally would like to formalise arrangements when i get my own place.

We attempted the whole reconciliation thing- she wanted to go to counseling etc. but I discovered she was still in touch with the OM and I knew the writing was on the wall as I never got back into the Family Home . . . I even thought about going home as we both own it, and my name is on the deeds etc. but when I said this she threatened me with the Police and said if you do I'll just move out and take the children with me- emotional blackmail.

We have a 4 bedroom house, £200k outstanding, value circa £255k with about £10k of debt- the house deposit was paid by me and I have always paid the mortgage as she never worked. She uses threats to tell me she is staying in the home and if I try and get her out I will be making the children homeless etc. in the meantime he is round every night and whilst I'm sure he isn't staying over, and whilst it doesn't really bother me that she is moving on- the fact she is introducing him to the children without us having spoken with the children does really upset me as they think I am coming home.

My solicitor told me to stop paying the mortgage and only pay child Maintenence as I need to get myself my own place suitable for having my 3 children stay with me- and I wouldn't be able to afford both . . .I currently pay her £600 per month for the equivalent child maintenance- whereas before I was paying her £1200 per month. I earn circa £2500 per month after tax, and have the usual things coming out like car finance, credit cards etc. 

We still have a joint bank account which is circa £4k overdrawn and she is making no moves to want to close that down.

She is claiming all kinds of benefits etc. although not too sure what she is getting etc. 

She has said that when she can afford to do so she will buy me out of the house- but at 42 I am not getting younger and I would ideally like a clean break- can anyone advise me as to what to do?

My solicitor said it doesn't really matter when I start divorce proceedings and that it may be in my interest to keep things as they are for now to allow me to save up for a deposit etc. he did say however that she is likely to dig her heels in as she wants to stay in the FMH (which is 4 bed detached so a nice property- why would she want to move right?)

I feel like a right mug- and I am being taken for a ride.

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  CMS Over Riding a Family Based Arrangement
Posted by: Rossdav37 - 09-30-2018, 07:22 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hi, hoping someone can assist. 

My ex and I split up some eleven years ago and came to a mutual arrangement in relation to her receiving a higher proportion of the proceeds from our the sale of our family home (some £30k more) to ensure that our daughter had a nicer house in a better area than she would have had had we split the proceeds 50-50. In addition to this I also paid a reduced amount of monthly interest. 

This arrangement has gone on without a hitch until about three weeks ago when we had a falling out over my access to my daughter. My ex has now gone to the the CMS and lodged a claim with them which they have taken on doubling my monthly maintenance.

Firstly can they do this without first checking with me that there wasn't a pre-existing Family Based Arrangement and secondly can this be taken into account in their calculations.

There has been no dispute raised by her in respect of the maintenance paid and she hasn't asked for an increase.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.


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  cannot see my kids as not allowed to contact mum
Posted by: mucha79 - 09-30-2018, 07:06 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

Hi there,

I am at my wits end so please help. 
To cut long story short I am in the middle of separation which became very nasty due to my still wife having applied for non molestation order. I accepted it as did not want that to go any longer. I had full access to the kids then. the nastiness of it thawed a little bit and put my guard down and breached that bloody order - nothing nasty !!! My solicitor called it technical breach but she called the cops anyway. Now I cannot contact her at all directly or indirectly till trial date which is in 2 months time except via social service to arrange children contact. Social services have been dragging their heals to do anything. Now social services said that because there was a breach of nmo whey would have to investigate what have been going on in our household at all so now they wont help me until the matter will have been fully investigated. She keeps saying to everyone that she would not dare to keep me away from the kids but every new restriction regarding her I would have less opportunity to see my kids. I cannot afford another solicitor -could you please advise what would be the best course of action to get even a temporary access to my kids in my situation? 

Ps. English is my second language so please make some allowances if anything proves to be of non senseSmile
Kind regards


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  How bad could this get?
Posted by: SherryDan - 09-30-2018, 06:37 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (9)

This weekend has been a nightmare. Still share the family home with the soon to be ex. 

She was shouting, furious and raging at me, that I'm not moving fast enough, that I've not found somewhere to move to. She wanted me fking gone. I pretty sure its because theres a new bloke on the scene.

What power does she actually have? The house in our joint names, the divorce filing process has only just begun. We both have money in our own accounts.

What could do actually do to me? Could she kick me out of my own house? Any insight into how strong or weak my position is?


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  Mediation Nightmare
Posted by: upthecreek74 - 09-30-2018, 04:26 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)


I attended first and last mediation session this week and it didn’t go too well.

For background been split up coming on 4 years. Divorce went through November last year. I did have access once a week from Friday through to Saturday. This stopped in January this year when ex found out I had a new partner. She said the reason for stopping contact was because my daughter doesn’t want to stay over at mine anymore. This is despite my daughter saying she wanted to stay over. I believe she is being brainwashed against me. I have not see the children at all since May.

Unbeknownst to me my family (mother and sister) have been arranging contact between themselves without telling me. This has led to a major fallout between me and my family. I told them it wasn’t fair for them to do this but all they are concerned about is seeing the kids at any cost.

So went to mediation this week. I purposefully chose this mediator because she was qualified to speak to children and had told her my concerns. The mediator then told me at the session she couldn’t speak to the children because they were too young????

I had printed out a page of what I thought were reasonable arrangements for access to children. Ex refused every point outright. Her proposal was that I could only see the children for a couple of hours each week. She would drop them off at my parents and I had to drop them off at her parents or aunts. This is a total non starter because considering how the relations are between me and my family at the moment. I have also repeatedly told her in the past that I was not comfortable dropping the children off at her family.

Am I ok to refuse her proposal and go to court. I am at my wits end. This is a situation totally of her making and it is my belief she wants me totally out of the children’s life. On another point I am Autistic and she has always tried to threaten me with saying I am unfit to look after the children if I was to go to court.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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  Anyone else miss the sex?
Posted by: Chester Copperpot - 09-30-2018, 12:12 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (15)

lots of posts from me !

My wife decided back in April that she "wasn't sure about us any more" and that she making a decision on whether we stay together or not.

In the meantime she can't being herself to have any form of sexual relations with me.
it's been 5 months now and have not had as much as a cuddle.

I'm not gonna lie - it's been hard (pun fully intended).

I was wondering if anyone else has gone through the same?

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  Does it work in reverse?
Posted by: Chester Copperpot - 09-30-2018, 12:05 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (2)

hi, I read lots of posts on this forum regarding ex wives claiming their husbands are violent and using that against the man as a means to get him removed from the house. How about if this was reversed?
what if the woman did something to the man? or to the kids?

Would the exact same process apply if it were the female?

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