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About to go to court
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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5 hours ago
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DV advice
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Reasons we’re better off ...
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7 hours ago
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My daughter refuses to co...
Forum: New Partners, Relationships
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How do you start again...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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Feeling Alone and Worthle...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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Would you feel this is a ...
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Marital mortgage shortfal...
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Online dating
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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Yesterday, 06:40 PM
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Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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  Financial Consent Order - Change to CSM?
Posted by: Midgey76 - 04-05-2018, 01:35 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (5)

I have a financial order that has been in place for a few years. The only ongoing element of this is periodical payments (monthly) for the benefit of my children. Like may here I don't see the kids getting the benefit of this and also know that being assessed through the CSM would reduce my payments considerably. When I signed the consent order my solicitor said that I would be able to leave it for a year and then apply to the CSM... Has anyone done this or have experience of it?

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  Would you ever get married again?
Posted by: Tamagoto - 04-05-2018, 05:14 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (11)

I just wanted to see the general feeling!

Personally - no. I could never take the financial risk to my children. I can see myself living with someone, but never again would I blend my finances nor take legal responsibility for someone else.

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  When to tell the kids?
Posted by: sau00btk - 04-04-2018, 09:43 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (5)

Hi gents,

Time to pick your collective brains again!

Current situation:

Wife and I setting up for divorce. Two kids (8 and 12).

We will end up selling the house.

At the moment, we're both still amicable and under the same roof.

We've kept it from the kids so far (although I'm sure they know something is going on).

All the adults on both sides of our families are now aware as are our close friends and colleagues.

Ultimately this will be a decision for me and my wife but I'd appreciate your thoughts / experience as it may be some time (months) before we sell and go our separate ways.

I can see two options:

1: Tell them now(ish). This would avoid them finding out accidentally and possibly give them more time to come to terms with it before a "for sale" sign goes up. However it will also mean they're worrying for longer.

2: Tell them just before it becomes blatantly obvious (sale sign goes up). This would mean they don't have to worry for so long but would give less adjustment time and increase the risk of an accidental news spill.

I suspect the 'right' way is option one but as there's pros and cons to each, it's hard to know what's best.

Thanks in advance.

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  Re marriage
Posted by: MissMyAngels - 04-04-2018, 02:44 PM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (1)

Heh guys, I’m just wondering if anyone can offer any experience advice on re-marriage. I plan to re marry this September having been divorced since Feb 17 with no financial order in place.

Does this leave any complications for re-marriage? I had no assets to split and I pay an informal agreed maintenance payment per month.

Any advice on re marriage financial implications for my new partner, we both work and partner has a mortgage and own home.


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  Change from Agreement to CMS
Posted by: Billy1892 - 04-04-2018, 01:26 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (13)


I'm after a bit of advice as things seem to be getting a bit out of control.

6 years ago, when i found out my wife was cheating on me with numerous others, I made the choice to leave. I was pretty devastated to be honest and couldnt bear to be near her and moved out at the earliest time I could, leaving my son with her. I have my son 2 nights a week and altenate weekends.

During the whole rigmarole that followed I ended up signing an agreement which everyone seems to think was a bit daft. But to be honest I mentally couldnt handle any conflict at the time and was pretty much in shock and pain.

The bottom line is that I signed an agreement saying, she could have all the equity in the house (70k) and I would pay £500 a month which would go up annually at the RPI.

I am self employed and the last year has seen a reduction in my monthly wage.

I've had a look at the CSA/CMS website for the first time and run my genuinely correct figures through it, and based on my weekly wage and dividend it says I should be paying is significantly less than I'm paying now. (almost 50% less)

The question I have I suppose is, what standing does the early agreement have in regards to having the amount reduced to the CSA/CMS amount?
i'm quite happy to pay over the odds a bit for a quiet life and easy access, but its getting to the point where its affecting what I can do with my son at weekends and holidays .

Any help/guidance appreciated


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  Reasons we’re better off without the mother of our children: this should be cathartic
Posted by: Tamagoto - 04-04-2018, 01:23 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (16)

So many posts here are, understandably, about how shit things are now. But, every set back is an advantage we didn’t know about, every time we have to pause, we can think of a newer, better way to proceed.

So - tell us all, what benefit comes from being apart from that woman?

Don’t slag them off, don’t be negative, don’t, of all things, say nothing. Try like hell to tell us all WHY things are better now, what you can do, where you can go.

Quick - GO!

I can get up at 5am, which is when I always wanted to, without asking permission.

I bought a bike and go riding alternate weekends over the downs and get filthy dirty.

I read a lot more. I bought a kindle and I can read for 5 hours at a time if I want.

I can watch porn with the sound up.

I control my own finances. I don’t need permission to save or spend and I can make my own one man financial plan to get myself straight.

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  Birth Certificate
Posted by: trsisko - 04-04-2018, 10:44 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

Dear Sirs, 

I'm at  a loss at present with my partner (Religious Marriage and not Civil). 

I booked an appointment to register the child's name (She gave me no rights to do so) and she has now sent me a text to say that the name has already been registered and she hasn't put me on the birth certificate. 

I'm gutted and very angry and haven't responded to the text and am now planning legal action. 

She has got what she wanted...

How can I get my legal rights as a father?

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  Almost cracked tonight
Posted by: Jim - 04-04-2018, 03:38 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (16)

Hi. My wife left and took the kids almost exactly 6 months ago. It was a good marriage and happy family almost until the last minute. After that everything changed. She became a different person. Harder and more harsh than I could ever have imagined. History was completely re-written to devalue every contribution I made to the family. Emails go unanswered. Presents for the kids unacknowledged. What seems to be a wall of hate. But for some reason she hasn't started divorce action yet (although I reckon that train is coming down the tunnel soon.) Through it all I have tried to stay positive. Tried to imagine things from her point of view. Tried to stay emotionally open to her. Spent endless hours thinking and hoping and trying to work out what is going on and how it's going to end. Even tried to encourage newbies on another forum. Maybe I've been in denial. Tonight I've just had enough. Enough of all the thinking about it. Of being lied about. Devalued as a husband and parent. Blamed for everything. Being treated like a piece of shit. I don't deserve and I especially don't deserve it from her and the kids she's turned against me. And when she does finally get round to divorce and she can do it with a clear conscience and feel totally justified about it I'm going to utterly shafted by the person I thought was my best friend. Tonight I ran out of hope and the love turned to contempt. I'm going to lose everything I gave many, many years to building and I'm scared it's too late to make something new and if I'm going to have enough resources manage it. It seems a rotten future ahead. Too long to have to live through. Too short to be able to make something in.

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  Problems with my ex
Posted by: shall2188 - 04-03-2018, 05:08 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

Hi, I'm new to this forum so I apologise now if this is posted in the wrong place or these things have been asked before.

So basically what it is, is that my ex partner and I have quite a volatile relationship, it has its up's and down but mainly very volatile, we've been separated 4 years. Our son is 10. I work shifts of 6-2 one week and 2-10 the following week. When I'm on 6-2 I drive 15 miles to my son's school, pick him up bring him to mine give him tea and drop him back home for 7pm, then have him from the Friday all the way through until the Sunday evening at 7pm, I also have him during the 6 week holidays for a week and occasional days to stay when he hasn't got school or I haven't got work, and occasionally when I'm asked if I can help out, like in the school holiday in May I've agreed to have him for a week as she has some training course to go on from Saturday to Saturday (I suspect this is a holiday but that's no one of my business). He's also coming on a big family holiday to Tenerife in the 6 weeks holiday for a fortnight which were all super excited about. My ex said I had to pay for his passport renewal so I have, but she wouldn't dig out his birth certificate so I have had to order a replacement, this angered my as I would find it out if it was the other way round. Anyway back to what my week of contact is like. I cant do a great deal with him in the week as I have a one year old daughter and a 9 year old stepson, so ultimately my time is made up of sorting tea's and chores around the house as my partner works from 2-6. I drop my son off at football training every Monday at 6pm and his mum picks him up when it's finished, I also take him to his football match on a Saturday which is again a 30+mile round trip. I wasn't asked if this would be ok when its my time with him which annoyed me but I take him as he loves to play football and its 9.30am so doesn't disrupt our time too much, we have a Derby season ticket so we go to any games that fall on weekends we have together, It's hard to do a great deal when the weather is so poor so we get out whenever we can mainly as a family. I suggested a few months ago to her that possibly it would be better for me to have him every weekend and drop the weekdays as we don't get to spend much quality time together in the week. My thinking was also that I would save money and be able to do more with my son individually but also as a family. This ended up not happening as I was told this was no good for my ex, I tried a few other suggestions but again this failed so everything stayed as it was. She asked if I could have him this week for a few nights but I refused as I cant get the time off work. She asked who was looking after my stepson and said 'It wasn't on that I wouldn't have my son', she was abusive texting me and said that his step dad is an amazing stand in (she tells me how much better his step dad is all the time too) Things had been ok since that about  month ago until yesterday, my ex had texted to say he had 2 football matches on Saturday, there was no thought as to whether we had plans and if I minded, so I texted her back and said not to worry if we had plans Saturday, and that it would be nice to have been asked if this was ok. I have asked her many times to run things by me when something is in the time I have contact with my son, it happened with a party a few months ago and him bringing his pet newts to my house when he stayed in the summer, I had no text no phone call to see if either of these would be ok, it's like she gives no thought to me in situations like this. I would never drop him off with pets or agree to him going to  party when he has his time with his mum. So after the text about the 2 football matches on Saturday I had an abusive message back saying 'who the F**k do you think you're talking to you little pr**ck' and then she rang me, she called me all the names imaginable 'fat c**t', 's**t dad', 'waste of space', I could go on, this clearly provoked me so I told her that because I said I couldn't have him stay over this week she was acting like a child that doesn't get their on way, she said she wishes I would just piss off, to which I replied I wished she would die, this was totally unacceptable of me but I was provoked into a response. She also said my son put on weight when he's with me and that I just put him in his bedroom and let him play PlayStation. To a degree this is half true, he asks every time he comes if he can play it, one day he's upstairs playing it while my stepson is downstairs playing, the next day I swap them around, it's difficult to entertain 2 9/10 year olds when I have a 1 year old daughter. My ex said I needed to get him off the playstation and pay him more attention but he gets a bit mardy when he's not on it. When I told her when he's not on it he's a 'mardy little git' she got even more aggressive on the phone, shouted my son in and said 'your dad has just said you're a mardy little b*****d' which has upset my son she told me to come nowhere near him. I tried as normal yesterday to pick him up as normal and no one was in at his, I texted and waited 15 minutes but nothing. I then texted to say I had waited and she couldn't say I didn't come to get him. Again today I tried to get him, rang but straight to voicemail, withheld my number and suddenly it rang through, but no answer. I knocked the door and my son came down crying saying he doesn't want to see me, I knocked again and asked him to come and talk to me, she said I should talk to him in her kitchen but I said no as my daughter was in the back of the car asleep. He came into my and he said what I said hurt him, I explained that what I had said was mardy little git and not what his mum had told him, I have apologised to him and asked if there was anything else on his mind or any other reason or him to stop coming mine, like me not being able to take him here there and everywhere like I know his mum does. The next thing she opened the car door saying that she doesn't want me telling him any more bulls**t. I never said anything about the phone call with his mum apart from the fact I called him a mardy little git not what his mum had said to him. I recorded this all on my phone's camera without anyone knowing as I think I may need to do this in future, she got a little aggressive and swore  few times, I kept saying I didn't want to speak to her about what happened on the phone yesterday, I don't want my son to know what was said as it will affect him. She then took my son inside and I drove off.

There has been many times things like this have happened in the past, she keeps mentioning I have no money also, like I should spend every penny I have on our son taking him out and about.

What do I do now? this whole situation is a mess, any help would be appreciated.

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  Marital home buyout
Posted by: bustr - 04-03-2018, 02:14 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Guys my 2nd post thanks for the help so far.

Me and my ex are getting divorced.


  • We both have our respective houses (hers a 2 bed and mine 3 bed and are both rented out). We have a 2.5 year old girl as well.
  • We have our marital home (50:50)
  • My ex hasn't got a job at the moment and is desperately trying to get full time employment. No luck so far, but I'm sure that will change.
She is desperate to stay in the marital home, but without employment she wont be able to take over the mortgage or pay me. She proposed to pay me my half (willing to put it in writing) by the end of the year and get my name off the mortgage by April 2019.

This would mean: I wont be able to get another mortgage or use the money I have in the marital home for improvements or another mortgage.

I could pay her / and sort it legally as soon as the legal stuff would go through - so for instance 60 days. 

I'm quite happy to stay but she doesn't want me to because:
  • she claim it would give me an unfair advantage with our daughter
  • inconvenience of having to move house
  • her 2 bed house is too small (she claims)
  • she's got more personal things which requires more space
What's my options here?

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