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Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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Star Ex won’t allow my partner near my Daughter, I can see her as much as I want otherwise
Posted by: completelyconfused - 12-23-2017, 10:28 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (7)

Hi All, I have posted earlier in the year but it was a very different situation then. I’ll try and be brief and simplify the following as much as I can. 

My ex wife and I were together for 15 years since school. The time came in April last year that I’d had enough of the relationship and left, knowing she was 5 weeks pregnant - I couldn’t stay in the relationship any longer and certainly couldn’t because she was pregnant, I felt that the child would be better off growing up with us having already separated and not to put her through any separation at a later date. 

We went through all of the mediation for divorce, etc and I’d left her everything to do wth the house and accepted a very small payment off her when it was finalised. During the time we were separated I paid her more than half of the mortgage every month and then when my daughter was born I agreed to pay the mortgage in full for 12 months. The 12 months has now passed and I’ve verbally agreed to pay her the equivalent of what I need to through ssp and around half of her childcare costs as my Ex has gone back to work 3 days a week (a lot of money!). I’ve always paid for extra clothes, food, nappies, etc on top too. 

Since my daughter was born my ex has been great in allowing me to spend as much time as I can/wanted with my daughter but was adamant that I wasn’t allowed to take her out and especially anywhere near my partner (we’ve been together since May last year) when I was allowed to, it was only in her pram. I see her on a Tuesday and Thursday evening and have her all day on a Saturday but only ever at my Ex’s house (my old house). This has put huge strain on my current relationship of around 18months now but my new partner is still as supporting as she can be. My daughter has just turned One and is the happiest baby alive!!

My ex still won’t allow me to take my daughter anywhere near my partner saying ‘it can be anyone else but not that slag’ and it really isn’t fair on my daughter, my Saturdays with her and limiting the amount of Things I can do with her and the lack of quality time with her. I’ve offered to have my daughter for full weekends but she won’t allow it because of my partner, constantly accusing me of choosing my partner over my daughter but would allow me to have her if my partner wasn’t on the scene. 

I feel now that there’s no option but seeing a solicitor and applying for a court order but wanted to see if anyone else had any other ideas first as the last thing I want is to ruin the ‘okay-ish’ relationship I have with my ex at the moment. 

Thanks for reading and thanks to any responses in advance.

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Posted by: byrondjones - 12-22-2017, 11:39 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)


I currently have no contact with my children due to my ex stopping me seeing them and domestic violence from her which the police have been involved.

She is looking to change their surnames now so do I still pay maintence because of this?

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  Nursery parental rights
Posted by: kettleman - 12-22-2017, 09:56 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)


My daughter is currently in nursery. And has been for a handful of months without my knowledge. My ex partner decided to do this without informing me.

If I recall rightly I do have the right to the same information as she does for my child's education, I do have PR.

My problem is that I do not know what nursery she is attending in the local area and as such see my only option to ring up local nurseries and ask if my daughter is attending there. Though I suspect they will not provide me with much information. Can anyone advise on how I can go about finding out were my child is at nursery ? Along with. What information regarding my daughter I can actually obtain from them ? I wish to be noted down as an emergency contact. And be informed of any concerns about my child, or any trips etc.

Cheers !

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  Daughter saying she don't want to come mine.
Posted by: frogs422 - 12-21-2017, 08:39 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Hi there guys,

Basically I have a court date set in January and also a CAFCASS phone interview in January and I'm really worried about something.

Bit of a background story...I have been having my daughter since she was 3, it started by having her 1 weekend a month with no problem, Then it change to having her for a week in term time then back to having her one weekend a month again, this is due to the 500 mile round trip.

At the beginning of this year I moved out of my mums house and in to my own house with my girlfriend who I have been with for 3 years and my daughter really gets on with my girlfriend so there is no issues there. But also when we moved out I also found out that I was going to be a father again and since letting my daughters mum know this information she as said my daughter doesn't want to come down anymore, There as always been little issues leaving her mum plus she does get a travel sick which i give her tablets for but now her Mum is saying she needs to start listening to what 'daughter' wants and she's doing what's best for her. This has been going on since the beginning of this year and now I'm only seeing once a month on a sunday. I have asked my daughter why she doesn't want to come down and she says she doesn't feel ready yet. I have given her the option to stay at my mums (her nanna's) house with me while she is down and even the option of going down in a bigger car  with my mum (her nanna) to keep her occupied. 

I just feel since the big news there is some parental alienation going on, I feel like she doesn't encourage her to go like she used to before and now is making the situation worse. im spending less time with her and i feel like i can't be a dad by doing dad things like sitting and watching a film on settee together..cooking tea for her and putting her to bed etc.    

Also I ring her on fridays at a set time (requested by her mother) but when I ring she's never at home. She's always in a situation where she doesn't really want to talk on the phone..she would rather play with her friend or she's in the middle of town shopping with her and i just feel like all these distractions are just pulling her away from me, the phone conversations only last a 5 minutes..10 minutes if i'm lucky. 

Should i be worried? or will this get better once court have decided on dates I have her etc. Or am i forcing my daughter to do something she doesn't really want to do?

I have lost my confidence with going to court and representing myself thinking my daughter doesn't want to come down and with her saying it herself I just don't want to think or do.

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  were do i stand
Posted by: helpless dad - 12-20-2017, 10:18 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

hi all,

back again, since court order for me to have him every weekend things have been going fine up until last week, now the court order states the mother shall make my son available on a Saturday, between ourselves we made a pickup time of 10 am on a Saturday as I never worked Saturdays.. but now I do we also had personal agreement if I cnt have him a Saturday I wouldn't pick him up till the sunday. but as im only working till 4pm each sat I can quite clearly have him but she is saying unless I pick him up at fixed time of 10 am each sat then I cant have him that day... my question is were do I stand with this as order just states she shall make him available on a Saturday not at a specific time.


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Question Soon to be separated...
Posted by: sad al - 12-20-2017, 03:51 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (23)

Well never thought I would be on a forum on this subject but here we are. First post be understanding guys!

Married: 17 years
Together: 22 years
my age: low 40's
Two kids: 10, 13

So I am looking for advice how to prepare for the path ahead, my wife openly says we dont connect anymore. She recently said she doesnt fancy me and my personality is too quiet for her....
I am a loving husband and would do anything to stay together but to be honest after the sentence above I am like...whatever.
My wife has recently changed career from part-time admin to f/t paramedic and has always valued her friends more than me in my opinion. 6 out of her 7 closest friends have split from their partners.

We have tried counciling 2 years ago and got a few things out in the open but she just dredges them up again.

None of us has cheated(to my knowledge) and I we can do an amicable split for sake of kids.

I am still at home and we share the same bed, general chit chat about our days and kids nothing more.
At the time of writing we have agreed to put discussions on hold until xmas/new year over for kids sake.

We have a joint-mortgaged home
2 cars both in my name
I earn about 50k and she is 20k

So thats a rough background, love each other but not in love was her phrase.

Initially I am planning to rent somewhere for 6 months until she can work out if she can buy the family home with help of her dad.
I am hoping before January to have drafted up a non-legal Separation Agreement to cover the 6 month period.
Other issue she is on relief shifts so no set pattern, I dont want to be a mug and jump to help her with childcare as I feel she should adjust to single life and if she works get her family to help out. Otherwise I end up in every weekend with kids when she works and when she is off work she will want to go out.

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  Clear Social Injustice
Posted by: Hazy - 12-19-2017, 10:49 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - No Replies

Some time ago I posted that Cambridge University was doing reasearch into shared accommodation for Non Resident parents

Today I found a response to it.


I’ve posted it in his thread as it is to do with contact and accommodation but it also refers to benefits (lack off any for your children when with you and you’re on a low income)

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  Maintenance while in care
Posted by: SwisshJohnno - 12-19-2017, 11:08 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hi does anyone know the ststus of child maintenace while my child is under the care of the state?

I assume there are little or no costs involved when my child is being looked after by the state, haing paid my taxes and NI for many years, it's be paid for by me already.

Any ideas how this might work?


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  Does this warrant a breach
Posted by: asd1270 - 12-19-2017, 05:52 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (9)

Does the below warrant any action? Stop contact?
I dont want to been seen breaching the order that wasnt agreed too.

Really lost in this.
Safeguard my child or put him at risk of harm given he has witnessed sig DV ,abuse etc in past .

Since the last hearing dated 16th October 2017 there have been

1.- three incidents where my son has not been not returned and whereabouts unknown . My son was returned the following day. Police was notified on both occasions. ( she has used the wording on the order to take advantage. Given the order made is awaiting a appeal date as it is,not wat was agreed)

2.A further 9 incidents to where my wife had absconded with my son from the contact venue and was not returned back in to my care at end of her contact .resulting in 3rd party having to travel 50minutes to collect my son and returning him back at 7pm. Contact on these days was during school week.

3.There have been recent threats made not to return my son back in to my care stating she can apply for axxxx foreign passport for my son.
HM passport agency and reunited international have been notified and have placed a marker on my sons current UK passport to prevent a duplicate British passport being issued.
This does not prevent a non hague passport from being applied for.

4. Incidents of aggressive and threatening language in the presence of my son.

As a result of the above it has had an impact on my sons emotional and physical wellbeing.he has returned back extremely distressed tired and confused.tearful etc

I asked the court to consider an application for a prohibited steps order in the following
While the appeal hearing date is set.

This is so that preventative measures are in place to ensure repeat incidents do not occur which is having a detrimental impact on my sons emotional wellbeing.
The admin clerk has told me that the judge has seen my letter and that I will need to wait for the appeal hearing date?
Ive been told it could be in 3-6months?

So in the mean time do I keep putting up with the above which is and will continue to have an impact on my sons stable and secure environment,,emotional and physical wellbeing.etc.

Please bear in mind
1.court order reads consent order, which the direction was not what I agreed or discussed with cafcass.
I had not seen the order,or draft in court watso ever. Only a verbal discussion outside the court room about my position. Only has it posted out. Contact arrangements was not even read out in court.

My position and wat was discussed with the cafcass officer .
A. Father resident parent.
B.the mother to have contact.
C.no over night contact until the mother completes a parenting programme.
D.attends dv programme
E.12month family assisted order
F. Supevised /supported contact until c,d completed.
G.no over sea travel etc
H. Contact every other weekend ,and 2 tea time contact.only when c,d completed
I. Contact to remain mon, wed ,,sat. 3hrs until c,d completed.
J. Graduale over night faise in , 1 night to start etc once c,d completed

The order I got does not reflect any of that at all.
Hense the permission to appeal being granted.

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  Section 7 Report in Final Hearing
Posted by: SF79 - 12-18-2017, 07:58 PM - Forum: Outside Involvement, CAFCASS etc - Replies (4)

Hi All,

I've been separated from my wife for  9 months. The initial court order stated that I could have access to my children for 11.5 hours per week over 3 days, with no overnights. Prior to the separation, I was a hands on Dad who was heavily involved in bringing up our children. Before the initial court order I had even less access and it wasn't prearranged (I was expected to jump at the last minute if required by their mum) so I have had to fight for every single bit of access which has been granted.

I spoke to CAFCASS and I received a Section 7 report last month which I thought was very fair. I have read a lot that CAFCASS haven't been fair in some cases and I can only comment on my experiences, but I was very impressed with their input after originally being very sceptical. The Section 7 report stated that I wasn't being unreasonable with what I was asking for (Every 2nd weekend - Friday - Monday, 2 nights per week every week & half school holidays). I am in a lucky position as a flexible home worker who can work around looking after our kids (aged 2, 4 & 6).

I now have a final hearing date after my ex-partner totally disagreed with the CAFCASS report in the interim hearing (she is still throwing accusations of physical, emotional & financial abuse). My question is how likely is it for the court to go with the CAFCASS report? And are their any general reasons why they'd choose not to?

Many thanks in advance for any feedback you can provide.

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