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  breach of court order/human rights
Posted by: karlsmith2k - 09-06-2018, 03:48 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

hello all, 

    I am currently waiting to attend my 4th court hearing with no end in sight. my solicitor wants another £900 before i attend court which i cant afford. I am thinking of attending without her. 
let me give you a bit of background. My ex and i separated over 3 years ago and we have 3 beautiful children together. when we split i moved back with my parents (im 33!) and i had the children every weekend and every wednesday night. I met a woman and eventually after much deliberation introduced her to my children. They all loved her and she was wonderful with them all. My middle boy who was 8 at the time made an enormous attachment to her. he wanted to be with her all the time which also exaggerated his anger and violence. He would become very jealous and loose his temper throwing anything he could get hold of or kicking anyone near him or assaulting anyone near him including my partner. My eldest also has some issues and he has assaulted both me and my partner. In the beginning my partner had a good relationship with my ex. They shared contact number and would text. My partner was helping my ex find a job and they would arrange pick ups and drop offs between each other when i was at work. 
'We asked my ex for help and the school. the school suggested counselling and put both my boys on a waiting list and my ex simply said it was my problem to deal with. 
things came to a head on NYE last year when my middle boy lost his temper because my partner wouldnt go to bed with him (she was desperate for e glass of wine, we had the children  for all but two nights over christmas!). My son became violent and nearly kicked me down the stairs and then began punching and kicking my partner. 
My partner decided to take my son out of the house and into her car and in an act of desperation took him to our local police station where she knew he would be safe and we could get help (she is a police officer and the local station does not have a custody suite) 
The next day my partner informed my ex what had happened and that there was a referral made to social services and that my middle son had disclosed that 'mammy and daddy hit him' which would be investigated. 
My ex was angry (which is reasonable) however this ended in her assaulting my partner by putting her hand round her neck and shoving her twice in front of our children. 
she stopped the children from seeing me and we attended court initially in February after i made an application. 
The arrangement order has in my opinion been a joke and currently I have the children on a Friday from 4.30pm until Sunday at 3pm (this is every other weekened) and on a Tuesday for tea. In the order it states that my partner will not be present and my ex has stated in court that she does not want her anywhere near our children. 
My youngest two have both expressed that they want to see her and the arrangements have even allowed for this but with my exs permission, this she has never allowed. 
my eldest had been receiving counselling and has made alarming comments about wanting to harm my partner. it has been agreed that my partner posses no safeguarding risks to my children. the last court hearing stated the above contact times and an additional Thursday evening where my partner would be present and the children could choose to come if they wanted. my Ex has refused this contact stating she didnt agree to this in court. it was at this time the CAFFCAS worker was also appointed a legal guardian...... something my ex hates but ill be honest i am all to happy with as i cant get anywhere as where ever i look for help and information all the agencies state they need consent from my ex.... even though we both have legal guardianship
so back to the now. we are due to attend court next week, i cant afford the solicitor. the CAFCASS worker now has her own solicitor to assist with the best interests of the children. 
does anyone have any helpful advice or has anyone been through something similar?
I didnt think the court could impose an order which made my partner leave her home if she wasnt a risk to the children. 
any help or advice or guidance would be appreciated so much.

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  Spousal Maintenance - examples of how long?
Posted by: SherryDan - 09-06-2018, 03:45 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (8)

Hi all, 
I understand that Spousal Maintenance is different to Child maintenance (which goes until the child leaves full time education).

What how long does Spousal usually run for? Does anyone have an example,  3 years? 5 years? 18 years?

Surely there should be a transition and she should be getting a job? Especially if looking after the kids is joint.

Any one have some real examples?

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  Maintenance query
Posted by: johnboy1998 - 09-06-2018, 03:32 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Hi all looking for bit advice trying to cope with the anxiety. I had contact with my kids for 6 or so years but stupidly got in argument with my ex and she stopped my contact again, been here before this time I getting accused of abuse but different story.

I pay my maintenance direct to her bank (have done and never missed payment ever) but my question is if she was to go to CMS and claim abuse or anything would they still notify me a claim was made against me. I might just be over thinking but she said I would have kids on the weekend, I pay maintenance next day then day after she say I not getting them so I maybe just over thinking. So really if she said domestic abuse would they just not tell me then whack money out my bank as I plan to pay the next maintanence as normal to her bank on next payday. She is making claims of mental abuse regarding kids but its not true but it gonna be while before I can get it in court. Cheers guys

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  Pre Marital Pension Contribution Growth
Posted by: lotr123 - 09-06-2018, 12:25 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Can I quickly check how pre marital contributions are valuated in regards to pensions? In particular, is any growth on pre-marital contributions earnt during the marriage included as pre marital or marital?

e.g. pension made entirely up of pre marital contributions. CETV at marriage £10k, growth on investments £5k, CETV now £15k

Is the £10k classified as pre marital or the whole £15k?

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  Mediation madness
Posted by: proud_dad - 09-06-2018, 12:21 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)

Had first mediation session for child arrangements.

STBX narcissist is nuts!

I proposed 50 50 split of time, and how I could feasibly undertake this level of care. She went crazy, accusing me of being a shit father who has never cared for kids. Mediator led her through questions whereby she ultimately stated that the reason she wants kids with her is because she can't do without seeing them.

In front of mediator she threatened to take kids away back to her EU country if I don't agree to her paltry time offer - 33% school holidays and every other Friday to Sunday.

Got home after mediation to find her making huge efforts to exclude me from being with kids.

I don't know how I'm going to cope with this madness. She'll never let me have a normal life after the divorce.

I feel sick with worry.

Edit to add, she has asked to see a letter from my employer that I can work flexitime, wants to know where I propose to live as she wants kids to have a 10 minute walk to school max, and that she should be entitled to see them when she likes when the kids are under my care.

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  Advice needed for my son about visitation
Posted by: cornishtaz - 09-06-2018, 11:26 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

My son and Fiancee split back in April and have a 11month old daughter.
My son has his daughter from 3:30pm til 7:30pm Tuesdays and Thursdays and every other Sunday from 9am til 3pm. There isn't much to do in Swindon so my son was going to take his daughter to Bristol but his ex getting phoning and texting him to bring her back home as she doesn't want my son taken his daughter out of Swindon. Also she has told him not to visit his sister with his daughter.
There is no reasons of concern and his daughter would be perfectly safe. Can his ex dictate where he can take his daughter when he has her? His ex quite happily takes his daughter where she likes even if it means my son's visiting days being cancelled, there is no court order in place.

Any advice would be most appreciated

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Sad Mother wants to go on Holiday
Posted by: Unknow999 - 09-06-2018, 10:14 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

Hi All,

I need help/advice.
I will give you little bit background first.

I have 2 daughters 5 and 9 year old. I am separated from 2 years.
Me and my ex don't have any formal custody agreement we never been also in court. We fallow the plan prepared by myself however never agreed by her.
Plan is that I take girls from Fri to Sun every second week and Thu every other week plus holidays ect.

Yesterday my ex told me that she is going on holiday (in 1 week for 1 week) and she have to leave girls with me. 
I said that i am working during this week and in the weekend i am out of the town.
She said that she don't care and she will leave kids in school in Friday and go.

Honestly in this week the project which I am preparing over 1 year is going live and i cant take off like this.

Is there anything what i can do please? I cant believe she can do this kind of things without consequences.
I would be very  appreciate for any advices


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  Mediation suitable or not ?
Posted by: AnotherDad - 09-06-2018, 08:58 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies


3rd post on a topic similar to previous ones but with variations:

I am 5 months in to the ex moving out with the kids (she was no longer happy and wanted to move on)
I work shift patterns, roster is published 4th of each month for the following Month e.g. 4th September for October 1st onwards.
I pay a maintenance amount monthly for 2-3 nights per week based on CSA calculator.
I have parental responsibility for both our kids.

When ex and I separated the plan was that I would have the kids 3 nights a week, she said this would be too much to have in one hit so I suggested a 2 nights and then a 1 night, built up over time to allow her to transition to it.

When I get my roster I send her the dates of every night I can have the kids and nights I could have them for tea/dinner e.g. if I am working early the next day and couldn't have them overnight.

For the first 4 months there has been 10 nights a month the kids have stayed with me, at one point I suggested increasing to 12 (3 nights a week) she went ballistic "No", asked the questions here and people said not worth rocking the working arrangement for an extra 2 nights a month.

In September my work was so busy I was only able to have the kids for 8 nights due to the way my work shift patterns fell.

I have just received my October roster and sent the list of dates, she has replied back with 8 nights, I have said 8 isn't enough and of the weekend dates she has said I can have the kids from school pickup on a Friday to 1pm on a Sunday - which really doesn't give me much scope to do anything or go away at weekends etc with them (she has offered 2 weekend blocks like this) other nights are odd midweek night here and there.

I have said I really need 10 nights min and we are to be aiming for 12 as time has passed now, she is now saying 8 is enough !! I suggested a compromise of how about I have the kids the weekends I have them from school pickup to me returning them to school on the Monday morning, se has sad no. I said how about till 6pm - she said No - neither will she add two more nights to agree to make it 10 nights as has happened previous months with the exception of one.

There is just no compromise on her part.

So what has changed, well I have met a new partner in the last 2-3 months and the kids have met her and like her too, but the ex really doesn't like that there is someone else involved in their life(perhaps she feels threatened) - told the kids they are not allowed to cuddle new woman or anything like that ! who knows but she's being difficult and moody about it, she dictated to me that I may not take the kids to her house when I have them or that they should not be staying with people she doesnt knows and she wants to meet the new woman !! In my book all very unreasonable and I told her bluntly that what I do with the kids and who I introduce them to in my time is none of her business and the welfare of the kids remains paramount to me and my judgement is to be trusted and I have no problem with the kids forming a good relationship with her new partner.

So that's the background.

So - I am looking for a way to resolve the situation - one might say its not worth upsetting the arrangement from 8 days to 10, but this started as 12 and I can see what is happening here. We haven't even got on to the topic of school holidays, I took the kids away for a week last week for the first time without her, she didn't like that. But going forward I'm going to want to see them half the school holidays etc (family will help cover care if I am working some of them).

How would you move forward with this ? I have asked her if she is prepared to go to mediation to try and find a solution - she has said yes. That is good, I think, but what I realistically want to know is what I can expect from this. My goals are

to have the kids every other weekend from Friday school pickup to Monday return to school (3 nights x2) [great then we don't even have to see each other]
to have the kids one night a week in the week (4 nights).[pickup from school and return the next day to school]

This would be a total of 10 nights per month.

In the summer my roster is very busy and the above is manageable, in the winter I have more time off and could easily increase to 12 nights per month.

At the moment I live local to her (600 yards away) but am planning to move as its too close in a small village, so ideally any extra night would be bolted to one of the weekend blocks to reduce excessive car travel for everyone.

School holidays - what is the expectation here, It has been suggested that I can reasonably expect to have the kids half the school holidays is this the case ? is this in addition to the 10-12 nights a month or if I have them for a week can she reduce the other nights in the month ?

Birthdays, Christmas, I'm guessing alternating years ?

She isn't going to like much if any of the above - do you think mediation is a way forward here ? What would be a reasonable / expected outcome from mediation ?

I welcome any tips and advice, thanks.

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  System is a joke
Posted by: Bluebear - 09-05-2018, 11:58 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

For the past year my ex has stopped all contact between me and my kids with not even a reason. I have tried constantly to sort it out, letters, texts, emails and even went to her door which resulted in her partner having to be held back from attacking me. Not once have I ever been abusive or tried to cause problems. I pay for my kids every month through csa. I’m now going down the court route which is going to be lengthy as she has just put in notice to defend me having any contact as not in kids best interests.

I decided to send my daughter a balloon bouquet on her birthday but according to courier, tv was on and could hear movement in house but nobody answered so had to leave balloons with a neighbour, pretty sure daughter will not have got them.

To make matters worse, I get home this morning and I have a letter waiting on me from my ex’s solicitor, threatening to take out a court order against me for harassment. She says I have been trying to call her around 10 times a day. I have been trying to call her but nowhere near as often as she is making out.

The legal system in this country is a joke, a dad tries contacting his ex constantly for a year as he wants to arrange to see his kids, not once as he ever been abusive. In that year she refuses to respond to any contact and prevents the kids having a relationship with their dad and in return the dad is accused of harassment.

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  Pension claims
Posted by: paul1891 - 09-05-2018, 09:05 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Very quick one I'm about to separate from my wife.

When it comes to the divorce how does it work out with my claim to my pension?

I understand she is entitled to some of it for the time we are married but does this apply to the rest of my working life?

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