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  Perspective. You're smaller than you think.
Posted by: Tamagoto - 03-02-2018, 11:17 AM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (1)

However bad it feels. Remember to give it all some perspective.

"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space."

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  FHDRA Done, Loved the barrister
Posted by: Naive - 03-02-2018, 11:14 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Well that was fun

Got there and met my barrister, loved her to bits. She was calm, sensible, tough and clearly knew what she was doing.

CAFCASS want nothing more to do with the case so thats great.

We sat and discussed what Im asking for and she took it to the ex and her solicitor. I waited, almost wondering whether there would be any reasonable reply.
What came back was truly horrifying, made the hairs on my neck stand up. I could go through the list but I think you all know exactly what it said.
Ex says no to everything. She also wants to substantially cut time down even more to one night every other weekend, thats it! they even tried to get an interim order to that effect and got pasted by the judge.
She doubled down on the alcohol thing, God knows why, not only is it a complete fabrication, she cant prove anything and they didnt ask for a drug or liver test. But they want to put in the order that Im not to drink around my daughter, they even pushed it in the court. I told the judge I wouldn't agree to anything like that because it infers there was a problem in the first place without evidence, he completely agreed.
There was plenty more petty crap, Im sure you can guess.
The judge said we need to improve communication if he is to make an order.
A date has been set to go straight to the final hearing so at least the end is in sight without too much delay.

Outside the court I approached the ex, I said if she would stop provoking me and deliberately building a case against me Id be willing to start talking at handovers [paraphrasing]
She wanted to talk with solicitors present so we did. A little off piste I know and I dont think my barrister wasnt keen at all but if there was a chance we could find a middle ground. 
What a shit show, it was just like mediation, petty shit. Said I return daughter in dirty clothes with wet hair, I actually wash her clothes every time and put them on daughter after bath when she goes to her. Yada yada yada.......... we got no where and the solicitors saw how controlling and petty she is.

My barrister just stood up and said lets go, as we left the courts she said, and I quote: "that discussion didnt help in the slightest but it was great for me to see how defensive, controlling and interfering she is, Im going to destroy her on the stand" lol, shocking coming from someone I considered so calm and professional.
Feeling a bit more confident, but imminently aware that her solicitor was watching me like a hawk. One thinks our learned friend will be pasting me up and down the court room at cross examination.

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  Advice needed - recently separated
Posted by: gregski93 - 03-01-2018, 09:05 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (9)

Hi all,

I have recently separated from my wife (October 2017) after finding out she had been cheating online and had a drunken fling.  Basically, she has the house (council rent) and she and my 5 year old son live in it.

I am now rebuilding my life and get to see my son at weekends and holidays.

We have a few debts between us, which have been mostly agreed to be 50/50 and I have a bit credit card bill that is slowly going down.

I am currently living with my parents while I save up for a deposit for a place to rent (and everything to go in it - I literally have nothing), and am thinking about the type of place that would be suitable.

As much as I would love a family home, the financials are just not balancing.  Would a one-bedroom apartment be suitable?  I will be in work all week and only be living in it evenings and weekends.

Have others had this issue?  How have you got around it?


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  Relocation case
Posted by: DadDolent - 03-01-2018, 08:41 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - Replies (4)

We still live in the marital home. We have seperated for more than a year and we are still sharing care of the child exactly 50/50 albeit both still living at the same house, while the house is being sold. both full time employed.6 year old daughter.

A few months ago, wife said she wanted to move her job to a place 150 miles away. She still could continue with her job here. No connections there whatsoever. We went to court and I wanted 50/50 shared care to continue and for daughter to stay in her current school and that we sell up and buy two smaller places around her school. I made an argument that there is no compelling reason for her to relocate and would be detrimental to the child.

Both myself and barrister knew within the first few minutes that the judge had already decided. Totally one sided judgement.

She is allowed to relocate with child. Live with order for both of us. Alternate weekends and half holidays with me. We share the commute back and forth 50/50.

Next week she will move with daughter. It will be first time ever I will not see my daughter for such a long period. We are planning to let the daughter know about it all next week which I am dreading.

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  Litigants in Person
Posted by: Hazy - 03-01-2018, 07:05 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

This guidance is aimed at judges but the section on Litigants in Person may be of use.


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  Successful 50/50 shared care application
Posted by: marwood - 03-01-2018, 05:40 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - Replies (4)

I posted about this in the other forum last month, but I'll report in here for ease of reference.

I put in a 50/50 shared care application, with a 5/5/2/2 pattern.

Historically I had looked after the kids a couple of days a week, and had some evidence to support this.

Ex resisted strongly, and it went all the way to a contested final hearing, which I won.

I had a great solicitor and barrister supporting me which cost a fortune but got the result I wanted.

CAFCASS officer fully supported my position after a section 7 report which really helped.

Any questions, fire away Smile

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  Denied Child Contact. Allegations Domestic Abuse
Posted by: SM86 - 03-01-2018, 02:14 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (8)

I was looking for some advice in respect of applying to the court for contact and residence of my 2 yr old son.
I am the father and married to mother at time of child birth. Relationship between me and mother has broken down and she left the family home with the child without notifying me on 10/01/2018.
She has fled to a women’s refuge and has refused me all contact with the child although she has confirmed the child is safe. Her uncle made false allegations of domestic abuse and she provided a witness statement to the Police. This was done in order to secure a domestic abuse visa so that she can stay in the UK as she is living in the UK on a spouse visa.  
I was recently interviewed by police and am advised by Solicitors there is no evidence against me and there is likely to be no further action. (her word against mine)
There have been a number of incident against me by my spouse such as verbal abuse, spying on me, not letting me in the home, withdrawing all money in joint account, abusing my parents, threats to abduct child abroad, threats of no contact and on two occasions she made threats with knife all in front of the child. She has also tried to harm herself and ended up in Hospital but police and social services took no further action.  There are various other incident that have occurred recently. I did not report her to the Police and do not want to proceed this way.
The mother does not work and has no access to public funds although if granted a new visa this may change.
Based on above I firmly believe it is in the best interest of the child that not only should I be given contact but full residence.
I have worked in the legal sector and would like to apply as litigant in person although I have not worked in family law.
From experience what are chances the courts will grant contact and full residence to the father?
Would it be good idea to list the allegations against the mother on form C1A when applying to the court highlight the domestic abuse against me?
Any advice on my situation would be greatly appreciated as it has been several weeks now and I have not seen my child and would like to apply to the court.

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  new member, advice appreciated.
Posted by: orings - 03-01-2018, 01:40 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (6)

Good afternoon.
I have read a lot of advice on the forum and it has all been amazing. I know this would probably have been covered but would just love a pointer or some advice.

I split with my ex in Dec just after Christmas, long story but she was very manipulative and controlling and got me to the point i thought everything was my fault, i even ended up in hospital due to me trying to end my own life . there was violence from her in the relationship ( to which i have a police report and pic evidence of assault).  We have a 3 month old daughter together for which 2 months of this she has denied me contact and refused to cooperate with my in regards to messages and meeting to discuss things privately including maintenance.    

I went to a MIAM and had mine and i have recently found out she has had hers and now i am awaiting a response from the mediators in regards to a further meeting.  I have received a CMS letter from her to request money which i have responded to and set up payment even though she is denying me any access at all.

I would just like advice on how to approach the meeting as i know how toxic she is and all i want is to see my daughter.  I know she will twist things and make me look to be a bad person.  I know i wont get that much access to begin with but when she is old enough i want her on weekends etc.... Ill admit this has all killed me not being able to see my daughter as i know she will hold onto her as long as possible to deny me seeing her.  I believe she will try every trick in the book to stop me seeing her.  

Sorry for the long winded message.

Any help would be appreciated.

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  Am I Invisble when it comes to my legal rights.
Posted by: Andrew1973 - 03-01-2018, 11:26 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (5)

HI Im looking for some advice or guidance in this matter,

I took my ex partner to court for access to my daughter who was 3 years old at the time , this was after nearly two years of not seeing her. I and my family and friends have been accused of everything from child abuse to drug dealing.
As i pointed out to my ex's solicitor what ever I am accused of I will make you prove in court , and if these allegations are so serious why has she not reported them to the police.

I attended separated parenting courses as instructed by the court ( my ex agreed but did not attend) 
We tried mediation some three times ( my ex kept cancelling the appointments so none of the mediation sessions were attended)
We were instructed to use a contact centre at my expense 7 sessions were book only three attended due to the ex cancelling the sessions. The court was happy with my conduct and the way I was with my daughter and had no issues at all.

The court did not issue a court order for contact as we agreed that I could attend my ex's property and have days out, she insisted that she be present until i had developed a bond with my daughter.

My daughter is now 5 years old Attending school and i see her from 3.30 pm till 6 pm at my ex's house every Saturday.

I have tried to make progress with this but it seems two years is long enough. I have maintained right from the beginning that my ex would prefer it if I would walk away as I am the only father out of the 3 children she has that has made a stand and fight for my rights.
in other words there are three children with three different fathers, all denied access. 

It is quite noticeable that my daughter is wishing to tell me things I.E. school work, about her friends, where shes going what shes doing but her mums stops her. 
example My daughter asks me to read her books with her but if they are school reading books they will be snatched out of her hands by her mother.

I was not involved in the school choice or involved in what she doing at school, I have recently contacted the school regarding my daughter and they have not replied or contacted me. I had to do an extensive investigation to find out which school my daughter attends. 

the problem I am having is that every organisation I contact refuses to help or get involved with this situation. 

Does my Ex really expect me to attend her house until my daughters 18th birthday because it really looks that way as she is the most difficult person to talk too regarding my daughter and her welfare. Unless its do to with money then she will give me the bills. quick to remind me about child maintenance and anything else that crops up. 

I,m kind if in two minds of what to do next as it seems that I cant get anyone to commit to the situation and say this is wrong lets sort it out. Im afraid that my contact will be stopped as a result of me pushing for more access, but i also feel this situation needs to make progress as i am being robbed of a relationship with my daughter.

I feel like I'm invisible and that when i \enquire to anyone who claims to have the welfare of the child in hand they just ignore me as a father 
can anyone offer any guidence

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  Home rights
Posted by: daddyshortlegs - 03-01-2018, 11:18 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Still on mortgage of marital home. Ex moving back in there with her partner again after a farcical spell where they moved out of it and rented elsewhere. She has left the mortgage unpaid and I have been forced to pay a bit in the interim to prevent repossession.

Now they are back there together what rights do i have to refuse to pay half the mortgage (arrangement before was that it is her house now and her responsibility albeit I cannot get off the mortgage) ...or refuse to let him live there if i am somehow forced to pay.

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