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Soon to be anxious depres...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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1 hour ago
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I just want to cry
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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Help needed - Ex stopped ...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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First hearing - a distast...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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Problems with Ex wifes ne...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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Need some advice, im abou...
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
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Agreeing finances - split...
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
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7 hours ago
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Never planned for this!
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: Hazy
8 hours ago
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Not seen my son in 3 mont...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: warwickshire1
Today, 07:02 AM
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Sudden break up
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: jmarchitect
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  DV Allegations! The Truth.
Posted by: jono - 05-24-2018, 10:19 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (10)

So as some may know, despite having had these made against me via the standard template of coercive/controlling etc. and despite providing more than enough evidence (in my opinion) that showed the ex was lying, including evidence that clearly showed I was not even at the location of any alleged incident - I had every allegation 'proven' against me.

I've been to see a Barrister to discuss appealing this and I have been told I should have made allegations against the mother by requesting findings be made against her. What I did was simply supply a response to the Scott Schedule of allegations. The Barrister told me that isn't enough. He said that the Judge won't read through any lengthy statement you prepare and will only scan the court bundle.

Essentially what he told me is the 6 months I spent preparing my case, gathering evidence and writing in-depth statements was a complete waste of time. All the Judge will do is look at the allegations of the mother, look at her evidence and if they determine the allegations 'could' or 'might' have happened they will always be found proven.

Fuck.

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  Access Denied - Can I stop paying?
Posted by: eMP3Danie - 05-24-2018, 07:29 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (8)

Hi guys,

In a bit of a jam and looking for some advice.

My current situation is this.. 

I have 2 children of whom my ex has stopped my access to the children forcefully and I currently do not have a clue where they are living.

As a previous Family Based Arrangement was put in place I paid no more than what was required but over xmas my ex told me to drop that down to £100 PCM

I agreed of course but since stopping my access I left the payments as is and had my hands tied in regards to contact her or the children.

She has since called the Child Maintainense folk and they are upping that to £250 per month on the basis I have not been paying which is nonsense and ofcourse I have the proof.

A teacher told me that I may be able to stop the payments full stop due to the access being denied but I am not sure on the legality surrounding this.

Does anyone have any advice?? I am trying to fight this but this increase in payment will end up me forfeiting my car first and then my home.

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  First attempted breach
Posted by: Cheese_head_1986 - 05-23-2018, 06:06 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (10)

I'll try not to rant and rave about this too much, but if I do, bear with me.

Things have been going great recently in terms of seeing my daughter, court order in place and things ticking along.

Then I get a call from the contact centre today saying my ex can't make the next 3 contact session because they are on a Saturday. She's claiming that she was expecting to get a "provisional booking confirmation" for each one rather than just the confirmation of the block booking (which is what the court order states)

So I asked the center to remind her of the order and that if any changes need to be made then I should get another session in its place.

She comes back with consecutive Thursday's (knowing full well that I work full time)

Luckily my work have given me some grace on my lunch breaks so I can make these sessions but I've been told that it's taking the piss a bit and no more leeway will be given because "your ex is trying it on"

So I'm supposed to see my daughter Saturday but won't be seeing her now until next Thursday (weekly contact is what I should be getting according to the order)

So tomorrow I'm going to update my solicitor on this development and then the center (who are really pissed at my ex) are going to tell her categorically that the contact sessions will be on weekends as per the order.

My question here is, how long should I wait before seeking an enforcement order? Because I can see her doing it again and when the sessions get longer she's going to really push for weekday contact (which I can't do because of work)

And ideas guys?

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  Ex Threatening To Move back in
Posted by: Padington - 05-23-2018, 06:05 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (9)

Good evening All, Another question, My ex moved out a few weeks ago and brought our little one and step Daughter who has also moved schools, she has move in to her Parents house, She is hoping to buy her own place asap (So she can move out of her parents house, Settle my Daughter and live with her new BF), We have agreed that I buy her out, which i'm in the process of doing. She wants the money now, or she has threatened to move back in , Make my life hell and Kick me out. I have also kick started the divorce which will take a few months to process. which she is refusing to sign when she receives it and also to seek legal advice I have taken on all the household debts, she is constantly goading me. What are my options here, Surely it would not be good changing my littlest ones schools again, Although I would love sole custody. The ball is in Motion but I do not want to hand over anything untill its legal and I'm protected, Has any of you been in a similar circumstance, Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

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  Email response advice
Posted by: proud_dad - 05-23-2018, 02:15 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (12)

Hi dads,

I am following on from this current thread:

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-6302.html

Basically, I am still living in marital home with kids and STBX. The kids love me and see me as the cool headed reliable one. They are scared of their mother's temper. 

The thread above details what STBX sees as contact (peanuts). I have decided to follow the advice given to me in the thread and that is take it to mediation -> court.

STBX has upped the harrasment game to try and get me to leave the marital home which I own 50% of. I got an email from her clearly written by her solicitor:

Hi XXXX,


I'm finding it really difficult living together and I think it also has a negative effect on the children. 

Do you have any idea of when you can find a new place to live? 

I feel the whole divorce procedure will go much easier if we don't have to tiptoe around each other all the time.

If you want to find time to talk about it, please let me know.


Can you advise what I should reply? I currently pay all bills, 50% of mortgage. Re: kids, I make breakfast, dress them, drop them off at creche/school. Evenings I do homework with eldest and then play with both them - DAILY.

This has stressed me out badly.

Thanks for your help dads.

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  Taking Daughter on holiday
Posted by: chewy89 - 05-23-2018, 01:43 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Hi guys,

Long story short I've had issues with my ex in the past had to get child arrangements order, court had to give me parental responsibility etc. I'm from Australia and living in the UK so naturally I want to take my girl for a holiday out there to spend time with her family, I asked my ex to speak about taking my daughter out there in January for 2 weeks (my daughter will be 3 by then) and she has all out said no and become extremely nasty again, same old story. What is my next play? Talking it out doesn't work it never has, it just leads to horrible malicious behaviour so that is off the table. My daughter is a well rounded and confident little girl, I have her 2 full days and nights and then 1 day every week (sometimes more) and we have an excellent relationship. Anyone have experience with this sort of thing? Or does someone have an outline of how a magistrate would decide on a matter like this?

Thanks in advance

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  Anyone able to help
Posted by: Bluebear - 05-23-2018, 07:46 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

I am looking into possibly self representing myself in a Scottish court and in Scotland you have to submit an initial writ instead of C100 form.

Has anyone on here had any experience of an initial writ or has a copy of one that I could look at to get an idea on writing it?

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  Trying to get more quality time.
Posted by: ChrisN - 05-22-2018, 09:32 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (6)

Dear All, 

I have a daughter, soon to be 4 years old. The child lives with her mother (about 1.5 hrs away from where I live by public transport). We were never married nor have we ever lived together. I see my daughter once a week- either on a Saturday or Sunday all day (about 10 hrs a week). 

Over the last 4 years, we have got into a routine that we all go out together on the weekend- I pay for lunches and other treats of course for my daughter and I also buy the mother lunch. I do not pay child maintenance 'officially' but do pay for things as and when the need arises. I spend on average about 220 pounds per month incl. my travel expenses.

So why am I writing to this forum? I want to change this situation and spend more quality time with my daughter but I don't know where to begin. Last week I mentioned taking my daughter to see her grandmother (my mum) but the child's mother said that she needs to accompany us in case my daughter needs to go to the toilet! I found that a slightly bizarre excuse. 

I'd like to spend more quality time with my daughter but I'm feeling that the mother's 'a control freak'. I admit that I'm not the most domesticated man but I used to bath my daughter every weekend and offered to change nappies (but was never allowed!) I also get on really well with my daughter and we both have a great time when I'm with her. 

The other reason for writing is to get your views on summer holidays. The child's mother has recently hinted at the 3 of us going on holiday abroad. I found this a bit odd given our situation but I kind of just laughed it off. Of course I'd like to go on holiday for my daughter's sake but I just don't think I could bear being with her mum for an extended period of time. I want to come up with a compromise but can't think of one- does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks for your time- it's much appreciated.

Chris

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  contact center blues,
Posted by: avadad - 05-22-2018, 09:22 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

i see my baby every 2 weeks unleess shes,, a tummy bug? or the center closes, due to bad weather, ??????? and i love seeing her little face, summers here,, and im stuck in this , boring, place , playing trying to be the best dad i can be,, enjoying every second with her,, and then shes gone,,, and that hurts,,,, somtimes as now ive got to wait one month, to see her, and a month seems a looooooooong time, its just,,, xxxxxxx Huh

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  Ultimatums
Posted by: Larri002 - 05-22-2018, 06:43 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (10)

good evening, I currently have a court access order which I applied for in 2015.  I lived in England for 13 years with my ex wife, we have two sons now 5 and 7, in 2014 I had to move home to Scotland due to having to live with my parents for financial reasons.  She was found in breach of this order in 2017 and this is the third year in a row I have had to apply to the court for my summer access to be granted because she is being difficult.  I am not asking for anything more than what the courts have already granted me, but my ex is being very difficult and continually gives me ultimatums regarding my access.  I have access to our boys for half of half term and am supposed to be picking them up on Saturday the 26th from England and bringing them to their home in Scotland which CAFCASS has encouraged.  It is for 4 nights, but my ex is saying that if I don't stay local she wont bring the boys to me, What can I do? Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.


(05-22-2018, 06:43 PM)Larri002 Wrote: good evening, I currently have a court access order which I applied for in 2015.  I lived in England for 13 years with my ex wife, we have two sons now 5 and 7, in 2014 I had to move home to Scotland due to having to live with my parents for financial reasons.  She was found in breach of this order in 2017 and this is the third year in a row I have had to apply to the court for my summer access to be granted because she is being difficult.  I am not asking for anything more than what the courts have already granted me, but my ex is being very difficult and continually gives me ultimatums regarding my access.  I have access to our boys for half of half term and am supposed to be picking them up on Saturday the 26th from England and bringing them to their home in Scotland which CAFCASS has encouraged.  It is for 4 nights, but my ex is saying that if I don't stay local she wont bring the boys to me, What can I do? Any help would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

My order was granted in Ipswich in Suffolk...The order does not state that I cant take the boys to their home in Scotland, therefore if she doesn't bring the boys to me is she in breach of the order? Her reason is that its too long a journey for the boys, however they have done this a fair few times and don't bother at all.  CAFCASS have stipulated in their report that the boys should be encouraged to spend as much time with their family in Scotland so that they have a sense of belonging and entitlement.  Families travel the length and breadth of the country for weekends to visit family.  She has already backed me into a corner once with her ultimatums and the last one was where she was found in breach of the order.....I can't keep giving into her all the time, its not fair for my sons to miss out on their other family!

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