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  Do not ever accept consensual Non molestation orders EVER!
Posted by: IainM - 09-21-2018, 10:23 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (2)

I have been so screwed by my EX after 23 years of protecting her, she planned my down fall over 4 months in secret. 

So do not accept NON- MOLS as soon as you accept these you are basically criminal in all the authorities eyes. 

I have  been alienated from my children, arrested in the middle of night 4 times, no action, she has my dog, I now have a pending magistrates case for allegedly calling her once to polity ask her to include me in my children life after 6 weeks of no news. No one should have to go through what I am going though, the judge was an idiot, got asked twice if she had read the evidence and said on the second time i got the gist of it, but damned me under the pretext of protection. Which was totally unneeded.  I have no record, my ex has never complained about me to anyone every. The judge even stopped all communication with my children. I was the boundary keeper of 4 teenage girls.  

Her solicitors are her new best friend, they are aggressive they ignore their own guidelines i am helpless, she has cleaned me out of cash, her brother is fronting her bills. She has stolen one of our businesses setting up a parallel operation, she is hiding cash, because of the non mols she can refuse mediation on the kids on the money. I can do nothing until the finial financial hearing as the judges do nothing useful in the first two hearings.  So I just have to wait and sit on my hands.

It has cost use £50k so far in legal fees.  

It is sick what is happening. 

I thought be over in few months, i was wrong it gets worst, at the time I was in total shock, I was in no position to make any decisions, she had me near suicide.

My savior has been exercise, i swim 12,000 yards a week, 9 mths later I am in same size jeans as i wore as an 18 years old.  

So f**k her, I just pray my kids work it all out in time.

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  Advice request - likely outcome re. family home
Posted by: Surreydad1 - 09-21-2018, 02:39 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (8)

Hi, first post on here and really hoping for some guidance.

I am currently separated from my wife of 7 years, we have two young boys (2 & 5), and have a joint mortgage on our family home. I have been fortunate in that I have a flat to stay at for several months to allow for this period of separation (3 months) before divorce proceedings commence and my wife is in the family home with the children; we have agreed access etc.

My wife works 2 days per week and is otherwise a full time mum, I work full time and pay for the mortgage, council tax, bills, cars etc etc, pretty much everything. We have about £300k equity in our home.

My wife is adamant that come divorce she will be permitted to stay in the family home long term (until the boys are 16+) but that would necessitate me paying for and running two properties and I simply can't see that as fair as affordable, as nice as it would be; it would also preclude me from having a mortgage for many many years.

Is there anybody who can advise, based on figures and circumstances that I can detail, what a likely outcome might be? I fully accept that it is far from an exact science but this is my biggest concern at the moment and any advice would be most welcome.

Many thanks.

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  Foriegn Income issues
Posted by: JOHNAQ1 - 09-21-2018, 01:00 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Hi new to the Forum so looking for some advice 

I have been split from my partner for over 3 years now. For the first 3 I was self employed paid myself with dividends 40k a year max. For the first year of being sepertated I paid my ex partner 250 a week as I carried on paying my half of the moragage. So the Maintence payment was 150 per week. 

I signed over the house and dropped the money to 150 a week then last year I dropped to 120 a week. I go halfs on expesive things like coats school uniform and pay for activites gymantics and theatre school. I also dont have my ex provide clothes for when she is with me I buy my own 

Recently there have been a few changes, I work in brazil 6 on 6 off for a non uk based company. I have kept the payment of 120 a week in place. 

My ex wants more due to her having my daughter the weekends am away. I have asked for more time when am home to make up for being away but she just says no. She is threatenign to take me to court over what I earned in the past ( she has limited company statmetns not my personal) 

I roughly earn 60k a year tax free now. 

Has anyone been in a similar sitation 

I have to add i have a new home with my partner and her two children. So i think my current payment is in line with the CMS calc

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Posted by: Abigail007bbw - 09-21-2018, 12:43 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

I will try to keep this as short as possible - SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP
My new partner has been a victim of DV for years - He is currently trying to get custody of his two girls from his ex ( who has a 15yo son who is a known to police for having child porn on his phone - he is also a known drug user & trouble maker ) whom lied to get a ex mol against my partner. 
My Partners Ex has taken out so many injunctions against him so he is unable to return home and collect his belongings, he literally has the clothes he left the house with when he was falsely arrested for DV 3 months ago - He tried to tell the policeman that it was in fact he that was the victim - but - in the police's actual words - " Sorry mate - she got in first " 
Statements have been written against my partner who has actual evidence proving that everything she is saying is a lie - Hard evidence available but no-body - inc the police - will look at it ! ... 
There are so many incident reports, and even complaints about the complaints lady - this stuff couldn't be written about, its ridiculous. 
The woman is a textbook narcissist whom controls my partner and the children with the threat of withdrawal or rage ... My partner is loving and attentive and without a doubt not the violent man she has persuaded everyone he is ... But - Being of stocky muscly build and tattooed - he is NOT the stereotypical 'Thug' she has made him out to be - people are so judgemental !!!! 
His ex has managed to alienate his entire village & friends and he now has actually had to flee 100 miles away for his own safety ( as she was intimidating and harassing him at every turn - he has a non mol on her stating that she ( or any third parties ) is not allowed to contact him - which she is still doing ) 
Anyway - he has a court order affirming contact every other weekend until court hears the evidence he has as to why he wants and in fact needs, the girls in his care - ( Social workers are at present carrying out a section 37 report ) The girls have been with us twice now and have loved every minute - yet on their return to the mother they scream and shake and PLEAD with their father not to return them - This is heart breaking. When in the mothers care the girls forced to listen to foul language, threats, physical and mental abuse and are often left to their own devices - they have even been bribed with a 'kitten' if they say they want to 'stay with mummy' to the social worker .... Video evidence taken..... The children have also now had all devices taken away  ( when the mother found out that they were contacting their dad ) so they are now no longer able to contact " daddy " at all -  they were doing this every night - often till very late - He would often Face time for hours and then eventually put them to bed - from 100 miles away - via face time -  his ex was on the phone to her new bf - she had no idea what the girls were doing all this time. 
Now - His ex has made up crime numbers and basically lied to everyone again to keep the girls off school - to stop my partner from having them on his weekend - BUT - we have overturned this and shown it to be total fabrication - Social workers and the school were aware that my partner could in fact see his children and informed the mother yesterday that this was the case, to which she agreed.
Today she has kept them off school - My partner is beside himself and everywhere he turns there is a brick wall - nobody can seem to help - His legal adviser says this is good for the court proceedings but - he wanted so badly to see his girls and had in fact arranged so much for them to do together - Now the police are saying he is giving them too much information and they are too busy ( Their words ) and the social workers - being in the middle of the section 37 report have their hands tied too - apparently the court order is not worth the paper it was written on as there are no powers of arrest on it - 

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  How to avoid potential fake Rape domestic violance case
Posted by: bitterending1818 - 09-21-2018, 07:04 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (3)


All i am going through really rough period i am married from 15 years and 2 kids we are separated now.

However, she is demanding more and more money every day if i don't follow what she wants she threatened me with fake rape and domestic violence and assault on kids charges.

All this allegation are baseless as nothing happened in 15 years however because she wants more money from the pot and wants to rule my life she is being really difficult.

Can anyone please help me before this happens how to avoid this as at the moment she can confirm to mutual friend or relative there is nothing happened however if i don't follow what she asked me to do she can file any possible case against me she don't have any heart conscious only lust for my hard earned money.

 Really appricate your time and effort in giving me any help or advice  in advance


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  Writing a position statement
Posted by: beehive84 - 09-20-2018, 09:01 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Couple of questions again please chaps

I have to write a statement and respond to the false domestic abuse allegations as ex was refusing even unsupervised access at a contact centre. Keep in mind the child is only one year old. 

Court allowed supervised contact thus far. 

What is the maximum amount of contact I can reasonably request for a one year old? At the moment I was only considering  unsupervised at a contact centre anyway. More so for my own safety as she's determined to catch me in a non public area to keep carrying on the abuse allegations. 

She's tried the police already, nothing happened. I didn't even hear from them. CAFCASS in their first report recommend they had no problems with me having unsupervised access. 

Next hearing is next month for a FHDRA but I read there can be more hearings and more hearings after that if neither party can agree. 
My main question is am I better off now asking for an order just for unsupervised access at a contact centre, stick to that until our child is older say 2 and use that as a building block to ask for more later. i.e. start small and build it up later. 

Or I am simply better off asking for the maximum I can get now which is what for a 1 year old? 
I'm trying to look at this tactically as at the moment it just feels that the more I ask for the more this will drag out. Whereas will a court be more likely to grant something smaller quicker? I think it's very unlikely the ex will at any point even agree to supported contact at a contact centre and given the lack of evidence, non molestation, lack of any non molestation order and zero concern from CAFCASS it would seem very unreasonable from the ex. 

Any thoughts please?

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  FDHRA Disaster
Posted by: tempe_arizona - 09-20-2018, 03:35 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - Replies (3)

Hi all, had a lousy day at court today. FHRA was held up for 2 hours, in the waiting room was poisonous ex, her sociopath ex-lawyer sister who must have relished the whole thing, and her mum and dad.

She has made some spurious DV allegations and has somehow managed to get legal aid off the back of them, which instantly puts me at a disadvantage as I am now on the back foot. 

I did manage to get supported/unsupervised contact for a few hours each Saturday in a contact centre as an interim. There will be a fact finding hearing in three months time (Merry Xmas).

Something strange happened that threw me a bit. As I was representing myself, her solicitor dominated the proceedings (I thought this was my application?), the three lay magistrates allowed her to do so, they didn't let me speak, they allowed her solicitor to introduce and close the proceedings, the three lay magistrate women didn't even let me produce the court bundle as "you need to be represented". Seems like utter nonsense and just affirms to me that family court is just about the mother and dominated by middle-aged harpies. I feel like I've been (and will be) utterly shafted. 

Looking forward to seeing my gorgeous daughter again though, haven't seen her for nearly 2 months! Hopefully she will remember me (she's only 2). I feel utterly exhausted and beaten by the whole thing.

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  Holidays ...
Posted by: MikesWife - 09-20-2018, 02:59 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Husband has court order to provide holiday dates and EW to respond within 2 weeks.

Holiday dates for Christmas 2018, Easter and Sunmer 2019 submitted via email with a reply they would be looked at at her convenience but we have since heard nothing and the 2 weeks are up today.

Husband not sure what to do next or how to address this again to prompt an answer (although we have both requested these dates from work and been authorised so we get the leave, DH has form for leaving til last minute and getting what’s left of the summer hols ?)

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  Breach of Court Order
Posted by: Elliottdavies7 - 09-20-2018, 02:42 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)


I am looking for some advice in regards to breach of court order, I have my daughter every Sunday currently. Sunday just gone 15/09 I had I call from work at 8:10am asking where I was I had done a shift swap prior to court order and completely forgot I was due in and under circumstances at work I would have potentially had a disciplinary if I didn't turn up. I made my ex partner aware an hour before picking her up (I'm human I made mistake) and asked if could make an arrangement to collect her after work and take her to school on the Monday, my ex partner was completely uncooperative and blocked me from contacting her in every way. She has finally replied as I am due to pick my daughter up Sunday but saying she is going to withhold my child and that if I want to see her again I will need to go back to Court. What can I do about this? 


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  11 Year old wants to live with me
Posted by: Gingerwiz - 09-20-2018, 01:55 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

I have a child arrangements order in place for past 3 years for my 2 boys now aged 11 & 7.
Eldest ran away in April at end of school day and turned up at my mums. He remained with me overnight on advice of school safeguarding officer. Eldest has also refused to return to his mum on 2 other occasions.
First occasion, I warned ex and she turned up with parents. I invited them in but after 2 hours I told them to either drag him out or call the police. They decided to leave him with me and we would meet to talk. few days later, meeting cancelled and solicitors involved.

On other occasion I made him leave my home and closed the door, but as she couldn't get him in car, she drove off and left him on the front. I brought him in after 15 mins. She ignored all calls and texts and refused to talk. Solicitors letters ensued stating I was in breach, but I had already contacted them telling them their client was ignoring me and that I had returned him to her care, she just couldn't control him. So I decided it was time to go back to court as he was and is upset each time he leaves my home. 

So, I went back to court in June as he wants to live with me full time. Section 7 ordered and officers recommendation last week is no change to living arrangements as per original order (Alternative weekends with me Fri to Mon 6.30 pm and every Mon/Wed from school until 6.30 pm & half of all school holidays too apart from Christmas as I get a bit less) but report does tell the court to acknowledge that both sons need extra time with me and knows that both parents will have different opinions on what exactly extra time is. Son told Cafcass he will simply get bus from school to mine or my mums every night and refuse to leave if order remains the same or he doesn't get to live with me more. I have made him promise not to run away whilst I brought things to court and to just try to be calm around his mum. He has found this hard but has stuck to it.

In court next week and solicitor already advised that judge won't go against report and so it's see what is offered and barter or go to a 3rd hearing with possibly same outcome. Son won't be happy. Cafcass do acknowledge he is intelligent and quite mature for an 11 year old. Extra cost for a 3rd hearing will break the bank but part of me knows I have then done everything I can for my son and he will know that too.

I have always maintained I would like 50/50 with both boys but she would have me have no contact if she could and admitted this in front of boys. Cafcass acknowledge boys are cared for, loved and there are no issues in my home. Son argues and fights with his mum (I know how frustrating she can be and she is not very maternal), Cafcass see this as normal arguments and in part it's also because son blames mum for not being allowed to live with me more. Son knew 3 years ago it's not what I wanted, but it was a case of deal or let judge decide and Judge had already let me know I wouldn't get what I was being offered if left to him.

So, what happens if son keeps carrying out his threats. I can always make him leave his home with me but I refuse to drag him into her car. I also won't punish him for his natural feelings. If he said he wanted to live with his mother more, then I would facilitate that. He knows Police may be called but said that he will just keep running to me. Anyone have experience of this? Will court criticize/punish me in any way? I can't stop him turning up at mine after school every night and 3 years ago I spent months having to drag him from my car every time I returned him to his mum. He is a good son and well behaved and I treat him with respect and as a person. Different parenting styles and mine is about talking whilst his mum expects every order and demand to be followed without delay or question. Eldest and I never argue and he does everything I ask of him as he says he respects me. Youngest is just as good but a bit cheeky at times but he knows his boundaries with me. They don't have it easy with me but son says that ex's home is full of hatred and she is moody. I don't want eldest spinning out of control by being dragged home by police all the time and I don't want repercussions from court.

In short
1) What to do when kids keep turning up when its not your time?
2) What happens when police are called?
3) Will court somehow punish me?
4) What is outcome when this keeps happening?
5) Any cases where judge has gone against Cafcass recommendations? 

Any advice is appreciated.

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