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  Contact Once I Move
Posted by: GC1974 - 06-18-2018, 11:39 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - No Replies

I live 12 miles from my children. Access currently:-

Tuesday 6pm onward
Wednesday 6pm onward
Saturday night sunday sunday night


Tuesday 6pm onward
Wednesday 6pm onward
Friday night Saturday up till 5.30pm

Move to 23 miles away, although travel not much different

Wednesday night 4.30pm till 7.30pm
Friday night through till 7.30pm sunday night


Wednesday night 4.30pm till 7.30pm
Friday night Karate lessons
Sunday 12.30pm till Monday morning (varies if she away visiting friends)

I get bank holiday Mondays in general (I work she does as little as possible).
All other holidays split equally and I take unpaid holiday as needed.
Special occasions with relevant parents.
I attend sports day / naivety plays / parents evenings.
Rotate Hallowen and Bonfire Night duties.
Facetime tues and thurs evenings. (we will see when I have moved house)

I still feel im rolling over just to live somewhere I prefer to be.  I feel I should fight for more nights with me.

Thoughts please dads? am I mad or not?????

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  Advice on contact once school starts
Posted by: jodenice - 06-18-2018, 10:22 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (37)

Hi!  I hope you won't mind a mum writing?  But maybe a dads perspective can help.

My ex and I have a fairly volatile relationship (history has included some DV at the end) but we've managed, more or less, to stay on an even keel for the sake of our 4 year old daughter.  She currently attends nursery Tues - Weds every week. 

He hasn't worked since she was born and I work 5 days a week (hours squashed into 4 days) so his past contact has been - Friday night to Monday night one week and Sunday night to Monday night the week after (I pick her up after work on way home). 

He now has a job, so we're a bit stuck with contact - one week is Friday night to Sunday night as usual and the other weekend ('my' weekend) is a bit hit and miss, but I've rearranged work to work from home Monday to cover the day he can't have her but I'm going to have to put her in nursery as its impossible to do both.  I said he should have her one night every week (stayover) to make up for the Sunday night - Monday afternoon but he says he won't have her in week as he's now working.  PLus obviously split of holidays (again, he won't do as working).   

She starts school in September anyway, so this is just pre-empting the problems we will have then. 

He has said that he wants one full weekend and the next weekend Friday to Saturday night/Sun Morn.  He says that should be enough as I see her weeknights.  But that leaves me one Sunday to actually do anything with her - weeknights after nursery and work, we're pretty tired and after school I am presuming she will be exhausted.

I think one weekend and a night a week is fair.  But he is SO ANGRY about this, that I can't talk to him. He says I am an abuser, depriving our daughter of a father and contact with him.  I'm being inundated with angry texts about what a terrible, horrible, child abusing mum I am.  I'm dreading the phone going off. 

Last night was the last straw.  He blocked me all weekend and wouldn't tell me when (if) he was bringing her back, finally turning up last night and stopping her by the front door to say to her 'Ask your mummy why she's child abusing you and making me only see you once a fortnight'.  I fully admit, I'm a pushover, he's a bully, I quite often choose my battles to keep the peace, as long as she's happy, so am I.  But enough is enough.  Its completely unacceptable to speak to her like that and bring her into our arguments and I'm a bit heartbroken that she's being dragged into this.  So we need to act now, nip it in bud, get something written down.

I think we need to get some kind of access set at court, along with drop off times and picks up.  I'm not sure how to go about it.  A few sites I've read say mediation.  I'm a bit scared of him when he's like this but I think I could hold my own in mediation.  But then what?  Where do I even start with all this?  I don't have much spare money but I think figuring this out will be worth being skint for a while. 

Can anyone help?  am I even being unreasonable? (I should add that much as he is an arsehole to me, he loves her and she him and I want their relationship to continue and flourish).

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  Daily Mail today
Posted by: Tom_W88 - 06-18-2018, 08:41 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)


Worth a read how Laurence Fox has struggled getting access etc to his children. 

Something many of us on here are experiencing.

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  Breach of court order 4 weeks after final order
Posted by: TheDetective - 06-17-2018, 07:34 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Just in need of advice and pointing in the right direction. 4 weeks ago the final court order was made which stipulated a build up in contact to 8 hours a day 3 days a week, then by the end of July overnight to commence every other week, to be increased with agreement from the parents. Parties have agreed to make sensible arrangements with regards to christmas, birthday fathers day and mothers day.

Obviously today was fathers day. The agreement made was that he would have his daughter for 5 hours at a set time. That was what she offered, and he agreed to that.

Last night she messaged cancelling today. He replied with concern for his daughter asking if she was unwell. He got the response back to say no she is not ill, but she will not be coming to contact because I have (his partner) posted a picture of him, his daughter and my children on social media. She wrote the words "This is the reason she won't be coming". (FYI: she posts pictures on SM of her daughter, as does her own partner, who has publicly visable pictures of him holding the little one, and describing her and the other daughter as 'his girls'. So this is not a case of antagonising or objections to pictures on SM of the child).

He replied back calmly that she would be in breech of the court order if she did that, and he wrote the words in the order and the agreement they had made. She confirmed this agreement was made but said that if I took the picture down he could have her until 1pm (3 hours not the 5 agreed) as her plans had now changed.

A couple more messages passed with him saying that the agreed plan was 5 hours and that he would be sticking to that arrangement. He said if she had safeguarding concerns she should report those in the correct channel and that withholding contact was not in the child's best interest.

In the end he simply said I will be there to collect at 10am. Then he blocked the number to avoid any further conflict.

He turned up at 10 this morning and her boyfriend answered the door, and refused him access to the child saying that he (my partner) had chosen to refuse contact by not replying to messages.

He walked away, as this man was clearly tryibg to provoke, hence why he answered the door, not her.

So, given the above, he wishes to return to court. The order simply isn't explicit enough. He knew this. He knew it would happen. She can not make sensible arrangements and is quite happy to use the child as a weapon.

There is obviously a lot more history to the case which I've posted previously, if you feel it may be relevant to this.

What does he do? Go for an emergency hearing? A variation? He's currently not working and will be eligible for legal aid as he is a DV victim. But he will have to wait for the legal aid to come through. In the meanwhile he doesn't want to waste time and wants to start proceedings.

Can anyone offer advice?

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  Recommendations please
Posted by: Minitroop - 06-17-2018, 01:21 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

Looking for new legal advisors that specialises in dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Ex wife has classic case of NPD from childhood.  She loves the attention of the fight for child contact and breaks every single order. She only responds to shame when in the court room. Her Emotional IQ is running low which is impacting on the children's wellbeing. Also shows signs of Obsessive Ex Syndrome. She does not want me out of her life.

I have witnessed physical and verbal abuse inflicted on the children for wanting to go out with me. Now the children are alienated/scared and won't go near me.  Cafcass and Social Services are not interested.

I have run out of money and now in debt. I need advice on going forward alone, possibly with a barrister if I can afford it.

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  Why do we allow it?
Posted by: Ric134 - 06-17-2018, 10:50 AM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (1)

I'm sat here thinking there are clearly sexist elements to the system, for example, a mother is automatically given PR whereas the father must be named on the birth certificate to have PR. She can even register the child without him if they are unmarried. He cannot do the same however.

Why do we allow in a breakup or divorce just to assume the kids live with their mother and we'll fight them in court for access? Why not a 50/50 split down the middle until it is worked out at mediation and a custodial sentence if neither party adhere to it in the mean time? Why are mothers not being punished for breaking contact orders? It is their duty to promote contact in a sole PR scenario yet they go out their way to do anything but...because they know they can.

I've had a look around on various sites this morning such as change.org and petitions uk and whilst there are a few that try to address the above points, the lack of signatures says it all in that nobody sees the current system as a problem when it quite clearly is. The government won't even look at them until 10000 people have signed it and they are nowhere near it.

You know what does have a high number of signatures? A mother wanting her ex's PR revoked. In that case he has walked away so I can see where she is coming from. My point is though we really need to be signing petitions and get our rights or lack thereof them debated in parliament. Too many similar stories you read time and time again and it is all because the current system allows it.

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  Happy Father's Day!
Posted by: Spigot58 - 06-17-2018, 10:01 AM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (3)

Hope everyone on here gets to be a happy Dad in some way today.

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  Happy Father's Day
Posted by: proud_dad - 06-17-2018, 09:49 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (15)

Dads, wishing you all a happy father's day.

Take care brothers.

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  Sudden break up
Posted by: stigoftd - 06-16-2018, 11:12 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (17)

Hi All - first post here
Something i thought i would never need to do but here i am .

I have been with my wife since i was 17 . All together this year will be 18 years and 13 years married. In reality i have never been alone as an adult 

Life has been good everything apart from cash flow that is .
Ime not on bad pay the mrs returned to work 5 years ago and we have been steadily renovating a smallholding for the past 8 years happily with our 2 boys - now 8 & 11.

The last 12mth has been a struggle with cash each month although we dont go out we dont have posh cars and the house is silly cheap to run .

The mrs has moaned about not going out although most months i have gone in to overdraft so just not possible although we have sat down and spoke about ways of saving and cutting down .

Until last week the Mrs had had access to my card saying she only use £30 a time and me being trustworthy was fine with this  until i got a statement on the 9th [ i get paid on the 30th] over £490 had been spent on nothing - finally i found the reason .

So far 80% of spending on my card and also cheques have been her spending . 

Then i got 6 mth of statements and found the mrs was spending over £700 per month on nothing [ a few bits here and there for groceries included which is fine] This is on top of her £1000+ per month income and i pay all the bills and mortgage she pays for her car and elec that's it .

so i confronted her asking her to exsplian what was going on and -  bang off she went on one saying ime a tight git and she has to get everything for the house and kids etc etc , We know this isnt true as they have everything and need for nothing .

So this has now been put back on me to feel the guilty one even though i pay for everything do everything apart from some meal times and school pickup .

I have felt crap for the past 12 + months not being able to take us out for the day or for a meal on the spur of the moment but if the cash isnt there its not been possible. 

I have tried to talk to her but is now adamant she has had enough and wants nothing to do with me apart from sharing the same house , I cant talk to her without her arguing and acting like its a joke and even admits she has been taking the pi$$ out of me even though all i want to do is sort it out . 

The kids know something is up and i hate being around her with the way she is - she takes no responsibility at all and even now tries to get the kids on her side by buying them crap and having late nights watching dvd,s which is not what we have ever done 

Ime at a total loss why she has been doing this and being like this . 

I do not have anyone to talk to apart from my mum and don't want to worry her as she is just getting over loosing my brother.

I want to move out but know thats not going to help me later on but its hard seing her the way she is and seing the way the kids read things . 

Any help or advice greatly received

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  First court hearing advice
Posted by: CSKA82 - 06-16-2018, 10:32 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (12)

First Court Hearing Advice.

Divorced my wife in 2015 for unreasonable behaviour. She hit me over the head in front of my 2 year old girl so
I left the marital home because I didn’t want my daughter witnessing these incidents. There was a few incidents during the two year marriage where violence was used towards me and she also took a overdose.

I have seen My daughter 2 weekends a month since and school holidays.

I have paid child maintenance since we split up.

Since the divorce most arguments have been about money she as asked me for more money to pay for her child care costs due to her work I refused.

The latest incident I was assaulted outside my daughters drama theatre which resulted in a black eye I reported to the police even though I have a text admitting hitting me and picture evidence CPS dropped it due to not enough evidence. I reported my ex wife to social services because I worry about her temper they said she is seeking counselling but see no immediate danger.

After the assault I went to
My solicitor and we submitted a C100 I have had my court date through for July. I’m wanting a shared care arrangement.

Since the incident I have had the same contact with my daughter but have dealt with my ex wife’s mum for access and information I’ve not spoken to ex wife since she punched me.

Due to domestic violence my solicitor said no need for mediation if I felt uncomfortable which I did . But for the sake of my daughter who is now 6 i rang mediation I’ve had my individual appointment my ex is saying she not willing to go
Unless its on a weekend
It looks like I’m getting a letter from them stating I’ve attempted it. So least I have that for court .

What I find deeply concerning is my ex wife must of got the court papers this week and let my 6 year old read it she said to my partner today don’t tell daddy but mummy says daddy want to
Take me off her which is not true and mentioned things about police . I have never said anything to my daughter about being assaulted or going to court. My partner was that shocked she started recording what my daughter was saying to show me .

I’m awaiting cafcass safeguarding phone call any advice ?

And advice regarding text messages etc is it good to
Print things off for evidence.


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