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Posted by: TO2411 - 12-17-2017, 10:52 PM - Forum: Outside Involvement, CAFCASS etc - Replies (4)

Hi, can anyone give some idea of the questions asked by Cafcass in a telephone interview?

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  CMS consultation + arrears
Posted by: Hazy - 12-17-2017, 05:23 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies


Feel free to make submissions.

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  Ex has had multiple partners since split. Should I worry?
Posted by: Redington - 12-17-2017, 05:07 PM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (1)

Hi all,

A quick question about something that has been bugging me for a while.

My ex and I split up a few months before my child was born. In my opinion, the split was always going to happen as she is possessive, obsessive and frankly untrustworthy.

Now just a few months after giving birth, less than year after we split, she gets into a relationship with a guy I had never met before and they are soon moving in together. He is subjected to a background check as his own ex was making things difficult for him to see his own son, which came back all-clear. That relationship ends after about 18 months.

Almost immediately, she gets into another relationship with someone it seems she has just met. They do not move in together formally yet he is spending a lot of time with my child with me not knowing the first thing about him. That ends after under a year.

With little time passed, the same happens with another man who I know even less about. That relationship has now ended and now she is talking about moving in with a 'friend'.

In all this time, I have travelled twice a month at weekends to see and spend time with my daughter, hopefully making it clear to her that I am her father.

Now, I know about my ex's background and family issues and why she seemingly needs the validation that comes from a relationship, but I can't help but worry about the effect this may have on my child. I worry that this will lead to an unstable environment for her to grow up in, or worse, leave her vulnerable to someone with ulterior motives.

I plan to get a background check done on this next person anyway given they will be living with my child, but I just wan't to know, do you think this is something I need to worry about? This is starting to look like a pattern, which wouldn't bother me if my daughter wasn't in the middle of it.

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  New Member saying Hello.
Posted by: Redington - 12-17-2017, 04:21 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (2)

Hi Everyone,

I am Redington, a new member that has joined today. I separated from the mother of my child shortly before she was born 3 years ago, and I have tried my best to be a part of my daughter's life ever since, regularly visiting her despite living in another city several hours away. I decided to join the forum becuase I felt it would be good to discuss matters in the safe space of an anonymous forum rather than relying solely on the (sometimes overenthusiastic) support of my family, seeking advice from others in my position on what to do and how to get past any difficulties that may arise.

Take Care and I look forward to being part of the forum.

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  Competency and privacy
Posted by: SwisshJohnno - 12-17-2017, 12:40 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

Hi all,

I am a complete newby to posting here, however I have a long and hardened history regarding my one teen child (X). There is a lot of relevant history to this question, but rather than write an essay I will focus on the issue at hand without too much detail as it could easily lead to identification.

I have been alienated from X gradually over recent years. A very close loving relationship that has turned sour. There are valid reasons why X might be frustrated at me, but those reasons have been magnified and promoted by the mother. This has gotten to the point that this year X decided to stop speaking with me recently.

Roll forward to some time this year, X has experienced some major life-changing issues . The social services and medical contacts have said that X on their own decided to exclude me from any information about what's going on and I am beside myself. They have made a judgment that X is competent to make a decision to exclude me in matters that clearly pertain to me, and have made a judgement about X's best interests without involving me.

My question is: if these professionals did not inform me of the highly critical issues and have allowed X to be corrupted by the mother in this regard over a lengthy period, is there any recourse to have them provide information regarding X decision to exclude me, how they formed it, how X was even presented with the decision to include or exclude me in the first place and to challenge the decision made by them? Is there a way to establish if his mother was involved in the decision by X? I am acting blind here.

Any pointers or recommendations? I firmly believe they are not acting in 'best interests' and have failed in their duty to help X consider all relevant facts and consequences before allowing X to make that decision,

I am distraught, scared, horrified and angry at the thought of the situation but I appear powerless to do anything to assist my child.

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  At least I'll never do that again!
Posted by: Petem - 12-17-2017, 04:32 AM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (13)

Right, here's one to think about:-

What do you miss least about your ex? Is it something they would say? Or do perhaps? Maybe it's that you never have to listen to their Mother, see their friends or watch that godawful TV programme again?

Can be serious or silly.

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  Child benifit for 16 year old
Posted by: steph1234 - 12-16-2017, 10:03 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hi All

Have my 16 year old who lives with me. He will be starting 6th form education next september 2018 and I asume will  leave in september 2020. My question is when will my child benifit stop for him. His birthday is 11th Sep. Also could my e force me to sell marital home before he leaves education.


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  Where to start..
Posted by: Ukfirestorm - 12-16-2017, 08:59 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (19)

Been married eleven years, have two girls aged 4 and 2, and recently my wife has told me she is seeing someone else, so far only kissing, but they message each other all the time.
She tells me she is confused, has feelings for him, but isn't sure. 
I'm in limbo..

Any ideas? They have met up around 8 times and tell each other they love each other, she says she loves me but it's different..

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  Child arrangement order breach
Posted by: jamez2018 - 12-16-2017, 07:31 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (19)

I have a child arrangement court order to have my daughter at the weekend, my ex has not let me have her and has told me not to contact her.

I have printed the form of enforcement at the moment it has just been the first breach, however i am on low income and the £215 court fee i was not sure if i would get this back or be able to get legal aid or some help with this fee?

Thank you for your help 


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  Advice needed
Posted by: seperatedfather87 - 12-16-2017, 04:51 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

I separated from my wife in October and failed to arrange any contact when she left hence I applied for a contact order. The night before she left we had an argument where she attacked me and I restrained her and when I returned from work the next day she was gone with our daughter too. I called her family and was told to wait for her to get in touch. So since then I waited and then decided to go through court and had heard rumours her family were saying I had assaulted her so I was mentally prepared for that argument but also thought my wife wouldn't stoop to throwing false accusations my way. So I didn't plan to use a solicitor initially as I have been reading on the issues and thought should be a simple case of applying for contact however following the CAFCAS call I was left in shock and as the initial court hearing is on Thursday I'm unsure of what to do. She claimed domestic violence, controlling behaviour, sexual abuse and the worst that I raped her. I asked why have the police not visited me then why did she not get the police involved if that was the case, the CAFCAS lady reply to that was that apparently she went to the police the day she left but didn't want to pursue it further because of the impact it would have on my work however now she is away from the family and feels safe she said she may get in touch with the police to pursue it further. The CAFCAS lady also said later that we are only know to social services for the incident where my wife reported the domestic violence the day she left she didn't mention rape, so does that mean she has now added on the rape accusation once speaking to CAFCAS? She also included that my family are dysfunctional and that I was not a good father as she claimed I used to get angry with my daughter, be controlling with her and have unrealistic expectations of her as a two year old. She said that I used to shout at my daughter when she used to wake up in the middle of the night as an example of me getting angry at her. Now I said that my wife is a good mother and did not want to start mud slinging but I clearly remember how she used to get angry at our daughter and shout at her a lot of the time when she got frustrated with her to the point where I would have to intervene however I would see this as part of life as at times I could expect my wife to get annoyed with our daughter. Now I am really nervous about the upcoming first hearing and further hearings can I represent myself as I am in debt already and can not afford a solicitor without borrowing more cash. I am usually a confident speaker in many situations however in this case I must admit I feel scared and I am beginning to doubt myself. Any advice tips or just general pointers will be much appreciated. I find this whole situation is pissing me off so much as potentially due to my ex wifes allegations I may lose access to my child she also said she opposed the contact order and was only willing to give supervised access. I find it incredibly frustrating that I maybe prevented from seeing my daughter, how can this be allowed to happen! I feel very angry and upset but I also feel like my every action is now going to be scrutinised, so a man who becomes emotional and frustrated by it needs to not show this in case that is misinterpreted as some sort of indicator that he is violent?

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