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  Ordered not to see my child
Posted by: CY2010 - 06-25-2018, 03:49 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (5)

Hi guys

Ive been in a real mess regarding custody, court orders, false allegations etc this past year so im just gonna start from the top. Thing are getting worse and worse and i really dont know what to expect next.

I was in a relationship with my ex partner for around 8 years. 3 years ago i ended the relationship and moved out for good, our daughter was 5 at the time and is now 8 years old. I have a very strong bond with my daughter and we love each other very much, but because of work commitments at the time i could only have access 2 days a week which included 1 overnight stay.

Things continued this way until early last year when a change of job meant i could have my daughter an extra night a week which i gladly did. Around this time my ex partner got into a relationship with a man and within weeks he had moved in with her and my daughter which i wasnt happy about but there wasnt a lot i could do about it.

Within a month I'd been contacted by 2 different people regarding my exs new boyfriends violent criminal history and after looking into it myself i discovered that he had been sent to prison on 4 seperate occasions for domestic violence on his ex partners over a period of 10 years, not only that but he was still on liscense from prison for his last sentence. 
Like most worried parents would do i contacted social services and also the probation service so they could hopefully put my mind at ease by checking into him. within a couple of weeks they had decided that he wasn't a risk to children and had a good report from probation so i had to just leave it...for now. 

2 months later i got a phone call from my exs brother in law saying that my exs partner had been arrested for a domestic at the house. luckily my daughter was in my care on the day that it happened otherwise she mightve got caught up in it. anyway i rang social services back and told them what had happened. I got told that because no child was there at the time they couldnt act because it was a police matter, i then contacted the police...but my ex had refused to press charges and was seemingly covering up for him so yet again i couldn't do anything about it.
Now, the backlash....
During this time my daughter no longer wanted to go home after being with me on weekends and kept asking if she could live with me instead of her mother. I got into a heated argument with her through text messages about it and she blocked contact between me and my daughter and refused to speak to me for weeks.

After not hearing anything for weeks and having my calls and texts ignored i was obviously worried about my child so i went up to her adress to see her. That day was the start of what im having to go through now. I was refused access without any good reason and got upset about it and we argued on her doorstep (my daughter wasnt there) The next morning i woke up to a non molestation order imposed on me without any notice.

I obviously contested the order and after 3 hearings and 3 months of not being able to see my child, the case went in my favour and was dismissed from the courts, i saved messages on my phone that had threats and provocation from her and her family which supported my allegations of the court application being premeditated and plotted...god only knows how bad things would be if she'd won the Non mol order.

I applied for a child arrangements order so that i would have legal access from now on and shortly after my ex recieved my application through the post, she began to be more reasonable, access to my daughter was reinstated and she pleaded with me to withdraw my application, but i didnt trust her so decided to still go through with it......my life has been hell ever since. 

Cafcass reports have meant that it is now illegal to have direct access to my child as im now being investigated because of a police callout at mine and my ex partners house for a domestic 10 years ago (2 years before my daughter was even born) when i was arrested for "breach of peace" after a neighbour heard us arguing and reported us. According to my ex, i tried to strangle her but this is the first time ive ever heard such a claim, it is not in the police report and i was never charged with anything.

The social services are now doing a section 37 report, and during this time neither me or my ex are allowed direct contact with our child, what does this mean? is she going into care? its such a horrible situation to be in when the only thing im guilty of is wanting to carry on loving and developing my own child. be careful about involving the courts guys, in my case its well and truly backfired

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  How in the...?
Posted by: Cheese_head_1986 - 06-25-2018, 12:49 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

Hi guys

Update on my contact situation, so final order stipulated weekly contact supervised in a center until the 7th of June when a review was held (or supposed to be) the review was to determine if the contact should be unsupervised or remain supervised until the next review.

Had my meeting and the centres position hasn't changed, that being they agree with me that contact is going brilliantly and should be unsupervised.

Cut to the ex who cancelled her meeting until the end of the week thus ensuring that there were no spaces available for my weekly contact.

The centre are bewildered by her as she seems to think that it's still going badly and wants it to remained supervised.

Kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place because she won't agree to anything changing, her argument is as solid as someone just saying "because reasons"

I'm feeling like I'm going back to kicking water uphill again, because she's being so obtuse.

Come July I can't see it progressing any further and the final order states after July that we should agree between us how it progresses.

Would this mean a new c100, because it's not varying a final order?


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  realistic opinions on this ????
Posted by: pazzer1973 - 06-24-2018, 06:20 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Evening peeps, just after some advice on the matter of selling the family home, iv'e been separated for almost 5 months now, non married and the ex partner is still no further along following her decision to end our 20 year relationship. Her financial capacity earns around £350 a week and poor credit history means she can not buy my share of the home we jointly own mortgage free.. circa £135k...fortunately i can purchase her share, but shes refusing to move out as she says she cant afford to rent ????.... can i force a sale through the courts and is it worthwhile cost wise??? we had 3 children but two are under the age of 18, 11 and 6....we have solicitors involved mine adament that the sale will go ahead... shes stopped instructing hers as she cant afford them anymore even though she initially instructed them with unicorn law demands of £100k minimum.... any advice from peeps whom have gone through this horrible scenario.. just want to move on with my life with what i'm entitled too...cheers.

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  What would your next step be??
Posted by: Bluebear - 06-24-2018, 04:11 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Background to my story is have not seen my kids since September, tried arranging next time to see my kids but always seemed to have something on then ex stopped replying to my texts and calls. Tried calling her from a mates phone in December and she answered and as soon as I spoke to made out could not hear anything then hung up.

January I decided to turn up at her door and asked what was going on, kids were not there. Part of me wanted them to be there but at same time did not want to get them upset. She starts saying about how I can’t just turn up after not hearing from me for so long and that I have no right going to her door. It basically turned into her shouting abuse while I stayed calm which annoyed her even more. Her partner also tried launching at me and had to be held back while she was holding their baby. She then decided to phone the police and saying that I had tried forcing my way into house and threatening her. I left at that point stating to her if I did not get contact from her about me seeing my kids then I would have no option but to come back to house. Never heard anything from police so don’t know if she was ever actually on the phone or not.

I decided to send her a recorded letter in February stating I was looking to get things sorted. It was a very polite letter nothing nasty in it, no reply to it.

I then got a friend to phone her house and ask to speak to her, not stating who it was. When she came to phone I spoke so it was too late to act as if she could not hear anything this time. I spoke to her for about half an hour about how I was wanting to get things sorted. She went on about how she was worried kids would be let down and was worried about them being messed about and did not know what we should do. I felt that we were getting somewhere and said that I would call her in a couple of days to discuss it again. She also denied ever receiving the signed for letter.

Have tried calling her and texting her nearly every day since and no answer. I know she is still using phone because I did use pay phone to phone her and she answered but did not want to talk as I want to record any contact now. Tried to call her back straight away from mobile and no answer.

Have also being to mediation before and she refused to attend.

Don’t know what to do next. Options I believe I have are

1. Go straight to court. Tried so hard to avoid court as not fair on kids. Will cost so much money and time and even if I win case, she has stated before when we have had an argument if we go to court she would still not let me see the kids. What can I do if that’s the case? Keep going back to court and we all know nothing really happens to the mums to force them to let us see kids.

2. Get lawyer to send a letter stating she has 7 days to respond or would go to court. Feel this may be waste of money and time, think she would rather go to court.

3. Turn up at door. Would really upset kids, mainly eldest who had slight learning difficulties but at least if it goes to court and they get questioned they will know that I came to try and see them. What if I go to the door, they may beg to see me but then they may turn round and say they want nothing to do with me and I can’t blame them.

Really don’t know what to do. Before I would have been happy just with an agreement between two of us now but feel she would never make it legal and if it’s not legal then she has some sort of hold over me.

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  No contact since 5th june
Posted by: Team Bean - 06-24-2018, 12:15 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (31)


I am after some advice, i have searched here and cant find anything that seems to fit with my experience.

From the start......

Up until the 5th June i had assumed all was well at home, i was living with may partner, stepson ajnd our daughter (we are not actually married). We have been together just over 10 years and our Daughter was9 on the 14th of this month.

When i got up on the 5th of June i had a text message on my phone from my partner, it simply said she and the kids had gone away. She said she held no malice and our daughter loved me very much.

After several days of trying to contact her and getting no reply i called the police, they did manage to find her but wouldnt say where, they simply said my daughter was ok.

I should point out the house i am living in is solely owned by my partner, a friend of hers has informed me that my partner is in England and intends to live there. I had a solicitors letter telling me to leave the house. But i have had zero contact with my daughter since they left,not even on her birthday. I have also found out my partner (ex partner i guess) has also changed her phone number.

Everything was in her name, i didnt even have my own bank account. She left taking very little with her. I have been to a solicitor but he says there isnt much i can do. He has written to her solicitor to ask that i have at least phone contact.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

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  18 month baby - confused and guilty
Posted by: barbek01 - 06-24-2018, 06:33 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

I began a relationship with another woman whilst my wife was pregnant. Four weeks after my beautiful daughter was born I moved out of the family home. The guilt was crippling – I’d never cheated before and I still struggle to understand what happened.
The last 18 months have been characterised by me flip flopping between my girlfriend and then trying to make things work with my wife.
I have a terrible confusion and guilt about what I’ve done and what I really want  - I think deep down I want to be with my girlfriend but have tired to make it work with my wife for the sake of my daughter. I think deep down I want a life with my girlfriend but I so badly want to see my daughter as much as possible and be given an opportunity to be the best Dad I can be given the circumstances.  All my family and friends keep heaping pressure on me to make things work with the wife for the sake of my daughter and because it’s the “right thing to do” and what kind of man can say he loves his daughter and then does that etc… I’ve lost pretty much all my friendship group over this too. Every time I flip flop away from the wife has been characterised then by a number of weeks where I don’t see my daughter for ages because my wife’s so angry and upset  – hence then the connection in my mind to then go back and try and make things work with the wife at least for the opportunity to see my daughter. I appreciate this isn’t a particularly healthy state of affairs but its now my life.
I’ve not been allowed any unsupervised time with my daughter (she’s still breast feeding) so haven’t had for her any overnights. In the last few weeks my wife has started back at work – so now she does leave my daughter at my mother-in-laws house for 2 days a week for up to 9 hours a day. So I am thinking now that it is demonstrably obvious I should be allowed to spend a day with her alone and that I should be asking for this?
Because of my guilt and the fact I caused this separation I’ve tried to not push things too much with my wife in terms of seeing my daughter. Our solicitors did draw up an informal agreement where I was supposed to be seeing my daughter for a couple of hours mid week and a couple of hours at the weekend (always under my wife’s supervision). But now my wife has started back at work, she’s tired and because she hasn’t seen our daughter as much because she’s been in work – she’s now renegaded on those midweek visits for me under the guise she’s tired or that our daughter is being clingy and has missed her.
Because of my guilt and the fact I’ve hurt my wife so much I don’t want to rock the boat – but I’m getting more and more down and frustrated at how little time I see my daughter.
I really want to be able to spend some time when it s just me and her – so I suppose the question is how much do I push this with my wife? What is reasonable for an 18 month old – I assume overnights are still out of the question given the breast feeding situation????
I think if I knew properly that I’d established regular and increasing contact with my daughter I’d be able to properly leave my wife and concentrate on being a good dad and my new relationship – rather than making things worse for everyone with my constant flip flopping. 
And advice on what I should be doing on any of these matters – especially how I should go about getting more time/access would be greatly appreciated.

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  Taking kids abroad for holiday - quite urgent
Posted by: lostsoul - 06-23-2018, 08:46 PM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (5)

Someone I know need advice, she is divorced with kids.
Few months ago she has planned her holiday with kids abroad, she been asking her ex for a while when he will take kids for holiday, No answer. She gave him dates When she will be away with kids, than he started saying that there is No way she would take kids abroad, that he would report her taking kids abroad without his permission etc. I would say apply to court but it will take time she does't have as holidays will be soon. Whats the best way around this situation? What would police/border Force do at the airport? He does know exact dates?
Hope someone can help.

Posted in the wrong forum, could you please move it Where it should be?
Thank you

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  When to tell the kids?
Posted by: seeker - 06-22-2018, 04:58 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Hi Everyone,

I am divorcing from my wife, and we planned that she would move back to our old house which is almost refurbished now. The move is planned for the beginning of the summer holidays (i.e. 21-22 July).

I wanted to wait for my 13yo daughter to finish her school exams before telling her, but every time I ask her, the end date keeps on going further... First, she was supposed to be finished by last Friday (15 June), after that she said they will be finished Wed 20 June. Now she is saying there is still 2 weeks left.

The closer we are from the moving date, the less time she will have to adjust to this new reality... I am starting to wonder whether we should tell her now, as it seems she did all the major exams (maths, English, foreign languages, geography, etc.) and the next ones are not that important (music, pe, etc.). That would give her more time to adjust.

I am not looking for directions, but just for some external feedback on the situation. Or if anyone had a similar experience, I'd be happy to hear about it.

I'm quite anxious about the situation, obviously, given that the separation deadline is approaching fast...

Thanks a lot for any help!

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  Ex wants to add her maiden name to our childrens names
Posted by: aj2016 - 06-22-2018, 01:56 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)


not been on here a while, but back for some more advice!

My ex has contacted me and said she wants to change her name back to her maiden name - no problem with that.
However she also wants to add her maiden name to our childrens names as a middle name.  They already have a double barrelled surname, which my parents created when they got married.

Her arguement is that she wants her to children to have her name, because it would mean a lot to her and because it would make things easier when going on holidays etc at airports.  
My arguement is that im not sure as its seems pointless from the childrens point of view, and knowing what she is like, in the future she may well say to the children that they can now use whatever name they wish - although maybe this is me being irrational!

She has said that the children would still be using the same name at school etc, so I just dont see the point!
However, I dont want to just say no to be difficult

any thoughts?

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  Cafcass Section 7 Interview
Posted by: Drayton359 - 06-22-2018, 01:44 PM - Forum: Outside Involvement, CAFCASS etc - Replies (3)

Had my meeting with Cafcass this morning and seemed to go well, only lasted half an hour.

My ex had her meeting before me and was meant to bring my daughter with her so cafcass could talk to her but she didn't so will have to come again with her, also she brought her mother who wasn't please she wasn't allowed in the meeting.

Cafcass said the saw no reason for ex to be there at contact any more which is good, I brought up something that they didn't know about which was surprising as ex used that as a reason why she don't want me to have unsupervised contact.

Only slight problem was my daughters medical issues, problems with her hips and legs, they had no information apart from what ex has said and possible she hasn't been fully assessed yet and I haven't had that information yet so they can't really recommend much as they don't know how it will affect my daughter, I.e. what I can do with her which I have agreed with as I can't plan anything without more info as I don't want to do more harm than good.

So it looks like the next hearing will not be the final hearing but they are recommending contact to continue.

Going to chase up the GP again as put in a request for access to medical records and to be put on file, going to give them 1 more chance then take it up with someone higher if I still get knowhere.

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