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  Opt out of paying into pension pot?
Posted by: Chester Copperpot - 11-26-2018, 10:59 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Hi all,

Brief background..

Wife decided in April this year that she no longer wants to be with me and wants me to leave the family home.  We have 2 children (7,9), joint mortgage on a large 3 bedroomed home.  With her estimated tax credits and earnings she will easily be able to pay the mortgage when I leave - infact she will be rather well off.

Anyone - Like most I have company pension (not great value around £80k). I'm 40.

I have spoken to my salary department and I am able to opt out of my pension (can opt back in anytime). 

My thoughts are these: 

1.  I can have more available cash in the short term to clear debts and potentially pay rent.
2. It will stop my pension pot getting any bigger in the short term so my STBX will not get her hands on.

Has anyone done this?   The only downside that I can see if that I will lose out on my company contribution (4%) but it will stop my STBX getting her half.

I am interested in your thoughts

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  Most efficient way to divorce?
Posted by: Lincoln - 11-26-2018, 10:50 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (7)

Morning all, 

The wife and I are divorcing after 29 years...we've decided to do it amicably (famous last words Big Grin )

We jointly own the house, theres no mortgage and theres no debts.

I'm going to buy her out of her share and keep the house in order to give our son some continuity.

We have a 15 year old son and we've agreed he'll stay one week with her one week with me...she'll rent somewhere.

What are the options regarding getting actual divorce?  can we just go and sit together in front of a lawyer and say "We've agreed XYZ please draw a legal agreement for it"...can we do that?

We're both keen to keep fees down to a minimum.

I have a free 30 min consultation with a family solicitor this week sometime...what should I be asking?....I don't want to be swayed by lawyer bullshit....we want a straight 50/50 split.

I know these things are easier said than done but whats the easiest way to end this?

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  Chicken or the egg question (Child maintenance)
Posted by: Chester Copperpot - 11-26-2018, 09:22 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (9)

Hi,

This question has probably been asked before but I cannot seem to find the answer...

Brief background..

Wife decided in April this year that she no longer wants to be with me and wants me to leave the family home.  We have 2 children (7,9), joint mortgage on a large 3 bedroomed home.  With her estimated tax credits and earnings she will easily be able to pay the mortgage when I leave - infact she will be rather well off.

I have been working out some approximate figures with regards to what I can afford when renting.  I would like to have my children to come and comfortably stay with me so have been looking for a 2 bedroomed flat/house. 
The cost for renting such a property in my area is around 1k per month for a 2 bed or £800-£850 for a 1 bed flat. 

My question is regarding child maintenance.

How is it calculated?   Are out goings taken into account?

I wouldn't be able to afford to rent a 2 bed and pay £420 per month in child maintenance.    To be honest, on my salary  - it would be very tight on a 1 bed.


i.e. Am I able to have a 2 bed flat to be able to accommodate my children THEN see what maintenance I have to pay? 
Or am I forced to only have a 1 bed?


Are my 'reasonable' homing requirements taken into account before child maintenance is worked out?

I hope this makes sense.

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  Next to the word 'Hypocrisy' in the dictionary is a picture of my STBX
Posted by: Gra76 - 11-26-2018, 08:51 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (58)

So... interesting weekend!

Things were going as usual until I rang to speak to the kids as I do every weekend when I don't have them.

First thing my daughter tells me is "Mummy says we're meeting Nick later". Nick is the STBX's new BF if it isn't obvious.

No big deal, it was always going to happen and I'm cool, calm and collected about it all. Can't say I even felt a twinge of mild annoyance. I've been prepared for this for a while so mentally I'm solid as a rock. Actually surprised myself how well I took it.

Then I thought back to when I introduced the kids to my GF.

4 months after I met my GF we decided after lengthy conversations that it was time to mix the kids into the equation.

When I did that I got threats and a verbal leathering from the STBX about how I dare introduce the kids to my GF after only 4 months. Her argument at the time was that I should wait at least 6 months before doing anything like this! The big point she kept labouring on was that it was ONLY 4 months that I'd been seeing my GF so it wasn't long enough. Then because I introduced them anyway, she chucked her toys out of the pram big style and filed for divorce. Cost her £300 to get a solicitor to fill out the paperwork, which didn't get filed to court anyway. All this because I hadn't waited more than 6 months. So her getting angry at me ended up costing her...that made me chuckle.

Anyway...

How long has she been seeing her BF for? A fraction over 3 months. I've laughed to myself about it on and off most of the weekend. The hypocrisy level is huge. She has a habit of doing these things though. Whenever I do something she can't control and that she dislikes, her toys are straight out the pram. I suspect she did this because I've booked a holiday with my GF next year and it's no coincidence she found out at the end of last week.

I shall wear the worlds biggest grin when I next see her! Big Grin

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  50/50
Posted by: MarkyB - 11-25-2018, 04:24 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Why is it that the courts do not promote equal shared parenting???

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  To much going on in a short Time
Posted by: M1CH431 - 11-25-2018, 11:48 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

Hello every body i'm still quite recently separated from my wife of 10 years  it has been 4 months we have 2 children together .
Things started in months leading up to the split . also things years ago like her being unfaithful to me  and then 1 day i decided to remove myself from the family home hoping that would clear the air and talk about things and try and see what changes we could both make in our marriage to make things work. She has not wanted to co-operate or talk i have had a verbal warning from the police not to make contact with her regarding our situation and even about the 2 children and also i had to get my belongings out the house even though both names where on the tenancy agreement . I have been using a solicitor to act on my behalf to try and get arrangements to see my children  it has taken 3 months for me to see my daughter as she kept changing the goal posts on contact so i only see her for the day on every other Saturday . I've yet to see my son and i haven't seen him in 4 months . Solicitor fee's are getting silly as i'm putting money into them for little results so i will have to stop using them . I'm guessing the only other route i can go down is to take it to court i have my concerns for both children as she is verbally abusive to them as well as other things my daughter has told me when she see's me . All of this that has been going on in the past few months has caused me to become very anxious and left feeling quite down and i really hate being on my own and not knowing what to do or where to turn to .I have been looking for local groups i can go to and chat to people face to face who are in the same boat as me but to no joy. I'm in the Warwickshire area if anybody local is able to point me in a direction of somewhere to go or if a member on here is able to help me i would be very grateful 

Regards

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  Is it 16 ?
Posted by: Lincoln - 11-25-2018, 09:47 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (6)

Hi all, 

What is the age that a child can legally decide which parent he wants to live with?

In my mind its 16 but i'm not sure.

My situation is i'm divorcing after 29 years together, we have a 15 year old son and the agreement between us is that I'll buy her out of the house and we'll split everything 50/50....including the child care, the idea is the boy will be with me one week and her the next.

But I know my wife and know full well that she'll soon get bored of this arrangement as it'll infringe upon her social life and the kid will suffer and bit by bit he'll be spending more time with me...which is fine by me.

But at what age can he decide where he wants to live?

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  Her solicitor signs everything with company name, not personal name. Normal?
Posted by: Noel-1972 - 11-24-2018, 04:38 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

All letters from my wife's solicitor to me are signed "XXX Solicitors" and there's never a person's name.

Even in forms filed at court, like the D8, there's only the name of the firm, not an individual.

Is this normal?

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  So the false DV has started.
Posted by: andynumpty - 11-24-2018, 02:46 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)

Hi, me and ex still live in the same house with our son 4 and her daughter 11.
Relationship ended 2 years ago.
Just received this letter. Totally false.

Any advice please?

Can't seem to add letter but basically from a solicitor saying that there has been a history of violence towards her, persistently harassing her and going out of my way to upset her!
They're asking I leave the family home, which I bought and pay for with no input from ex and if not she may seek a non-molestation order occupation order against me!

Andy

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  Problems with contact
Posted by: SeanS - 11-24-2018, 01:42 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (9)

As some of you know I had my directions hearing couple of weeks ago, where directions were made for 'fact finding' and my supervised contact to continue at contact center. 

SO I saw the children last sunday, I was told yesterday by contact center that children are unwell so can't make this weekend and next weekend ! Upon pressed by contact center to suggest alternate options, surprise surprise Ex has quoted some kind of observation CAFCASS has made that in case of (unproven) DA/DV  allegations they won't recommend contact at all, however as the contact was progressing well that CAFCASS would keep that unchanged as it deemed to have benefited children. 

Now the ex is supposedly using that 'observation' (I'm still waiting for the court papers to come thru as for the directions hearing) as an excuse to stop the contact or throw more hurdles at me ? She herself has agreed on CAO response form for contact to happen at contact center.

I got another batch of excellent reports only on Friday as to how children look up to me for their emotional and physical support and that clear evidence of affection between me and children, which I believe has somehow perturbed the mother and I believe the root cause of finding excuses not to bring children to contact center (how many mothers take that as positive, you guess)

Now the question is, the next hearing for fact finding hearing is still a month away, and then the holidays and new year. What if any option available to make sure Ex adheres to contact center which she herself asked for until the next hearing ? Children services are a joke. A really fine lady at contact center doing everything they can to reestablish the contact. I haven't spoken to CAFCASS yet but I fear they might ask me to wait until next hearing. As a side note, this is where I hate the system as a whole that mother operates with such impunity, makes mockery of all the agencies and court and still hopes to get away with it.

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