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The beginning of separati...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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Wife had me arrested
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CAFCASS Report example [a...
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Final hearing?
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Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders
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Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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Post separation doing stu...
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Dying inside
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
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  pick up / drop off responsibilties
Posted by: chrisr - 12-14-2017, 12:06 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Any advice on the following would be very welcome. My ex-partner and I have a two and a half year old daughter.  My ex chose to leave and moved to Bath. I live in London.  We signed an agreement between the two of us where I would have my daughter every second weekend.  I would pay 3 out of the 4 train journeys a month. My ex would pay 1 of the 4 train journeys a month.  (Each return journey costs £60 so that's £120 each weekend I see my daughter).  I am already paying more than the CMS advises as support.  My ex is now saying that she has no responsibility for pick up or drop off costs whatsoever.
I would have thought this should be a shared responsibility.  Is there any precedent?  Any suggestions or advice would be much appreciated. thanks

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  Off To Court!
Posted by: Peggy9 - 12-14-2017, 11:34 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Hi all,

I'm off to court in January 2018 representing myself, and am just wondering if you guys can bombard me with anything and everything I will need in preparation. The more info the merrier!

Thanks. (this website is a life saver!)

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  Facing the abuser
Posted by: asd1270 - 12-14-2017, 06:47 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Its difficult enough having to communicate by text. Phone calls I avoid now cos I feel threatened still by the ex and its been a year since separated.

With Contacts I'm having to ask a friend to drop and collect my son as I have anxiety issues and feel sick if I have to see the ex , more to do with being frightened.

Why would a court not take this into account.?

It states on the order The father to take and collect to contact.
Im still receiving counselling over the domestic violence.
Still getting threats and being intimidated. Yet nothing is done by the courts

A year of depression and cant escape being put in vulnerable situations.

As many of you dads are which is GREAT FATHERS the worrying is much greater..we want the best for our children away from the abuse they have suffered.

Why women lie in this situation is beyond belief.

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  Any Members in the Shropshire area
Posted by: asd1270 - 12-14-2017, 06:34 AM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - No Replies

Would be nice to hit base with some dads in the area.
Sometimes I think it helps with current situations to be able to socialise with others, something I havnt done since this mess started.

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Posted by: daddyshortlegs - 12-13-2017, 04:17 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (6)

In my court order it stares that my ex has to make the kids available to me at certain times. However she is now taking that to the literal extreme and saying she will make them available to me and me alone.

May understanding...and the whole point of the order...was that in my time I can decide who picks them up from school and so on. You know, like a normal dad.

So is there anything that clearly explains that 'make available for contact' means 'handover PR for that time?

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  Court Orders - just words?
Posted by: LotsofpainNogain - 12-13-2017, 10:13 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)


Does anybody have experience or know of when the Childs mother was actually fined or sent to prison for breaking a court order?  It seems there are no official statistics on this, just number of orders issued, although I've put in a freedom of information request. 

From what I've gathered so far, only a few cases resulted in jail or a fine, and this was after 3- 4 years of  the mother breaking 20 to 30 contact orders. Jail or a fine can only be given if an agreement is reached by  cafcass, social services and the courts that the child will not suffer as a result of the fine/imprisonment. So if the mother has had custody for several years and makes the case that she cannot afford a fine and that the child will hate the father for her jail or that she will lose a job, or has other kids to look after too....jail or fines aint gonna happen!

Instead you just see years of threats and warning of jail or fines. A recent case in the media spoke of 28 breached orders before jail time...it took 4 years to punish her...the father despite spending so much on solicitors and turning his life upside down....saw his kid 4 times for an hour over the 4 years.....some victory eh.

I told my court last week, what is the incentive for my ex not to keep making allegations,  turning up for court, not refusing access etc... delaying the cases and me seeing my child for years?  Turns out there is no answer. I also told them whilst all the fact finding goes on and eventually its shown she has lied and I have told the truth (I had evidence from day one)...whats her punishment? 
Answer - there isn't one. 

Some of you may side with the courts, thinking its wrong to punish the Childs mother as it will affect the child...well ultimately its her actions that are affecting the child! And maybe an actual punishment would stop her from repeating, otherwise, we will miss our childs childhood!

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  Shared care order
Posted by: nibbler - 12-13-2017, 08:37 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Hope someone can give me some ideas on this.

Myself and my partner split up about four months ago, we have a 4yro daughter. To begin with things were quite amicable and we both wanted to have a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement. So I thought I could draft an agreement that we both agreed and sign and we could use that going forward.

I have since discovered that she has been seeing a work colleague, and consistently lying to me about a lot of things for months. So I am now thinking I need something more substantial than a simple non-binding agreement between us. Especially if she is planning to move in with this guy who lives some distance away.

So what would be the best next steps? I'm thinking mediation followed by a shared care order? How binding can a shared care order be?


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Posted by: asd1270 - 12-13-2017, 06:25 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (8)

Really doing my best to stop myself from falling in to depression. Waiting for the Judge to respond to my letter re clarity on the appeal order where permission was granted to appeal. Which is before the judge for the last few days.
I wonder if the childrens welfare is really looked at in court or its a paper exercise.

Rather than waiting for a response on the phone ,shall I just turn up to court? And wait to see if can get to see the judge?
How to stop the process of this downward spiral of feel low and undermined as a parent.

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Posted by: NewHill123 - 12-12-2017, 09:35 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

Hello, I have 3 young daughters that live a long way from me I had an informal agreement with my ex to call them on the telephone on certain days and at certain times she had chosen to suit her that was fine by me, however I'd say more than 75% of the time there was no answer or when she did answer she'd say they are busy and don't want to speak to me, for example they were watching their favourite film on the TV. A coincidence, maybe, although seems a bit of a convieient that she put a favourite DVD on when she knew I was due to call.
Anyway the last time I got through on the telephone Sat 1st July this year, she told me that I could no longer contact my daughters as her solicitors had advised her I should not have contact with them, and I had to contact her solicitors which I have done on many occasions and still I cannot get in contact with them. The last time I spoke to any of them was 28th June when I spoke to one of them for about 1 minute on the phone.

But now it's been so long since I have had any contact with them I am actually afraid now, I really don't know what to do, I pay my maintenance regularly every month I never miss, I love my daughters dearly and I often cry over the situation I am in, I feel so alone and don't know where to turn, I have no one to talk to about my position. Maybe I am just a rubbish dad and I don't deserve to have children and they are better off without me, I just feel at my wits end and totally confused about my situation.
Does anyone have any advice for a shy dad with no confidence left in his father qualities?

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  Error in Child Care Agreement
Posted by: ad0612 - 12-12-2017, 08:19 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

Little help and advice required

I have just updated my childcare agreement with my ex in line with the CSA calculator and her payemtn have reduced from £230 to £130 as we now have equal shared care (2 nights one week, 5 nights the next) sharing cost for schooling, clothes, toys, trips, basically everything

However I have just came accorss a 2 page document (CMSB041GB v003 (October 2013)) were it states that equal shared care should result in no payment between parents.

We update the agreement every 6 months and have just entered into the next 6 month period

Am I now snookered and have to pay her for the remainder of can I quote this document and get out of the payment without vreeching the agreement

Our agreement as its written below


Following the trial period (during this time there have been no issues) of having ********’s care split equally between us both (2 nights one week and 5 nights the following)
and the previous 6 month period ending 5/11/2017, applying the CSA calculator for the current agreement the monthly fee will reduce to £130. This will remain in place
until the end of that 6 month period and will be reviewed week ending 6th May 2018 unless the care package changes.

Much appreciate

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