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  Holidays/ quality time
Posted by: Blackheath - 06-14-2018, 03:50 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

So , I have my two year old every other weekend , (not during the week due to the distance) and the CAO has been in place since December , all going fairly well  but cant wait to get more time as 12 days in-between is  too long. Usual stuff tho , the ex will not drive to any of the drop offs saying she has no vehicle ( I know she has ) .The order states that The mother must make sure that the father spends time with the father on these specific dates etc , one of which states , "each fathers day " I live an hour and a half away and I was so looking forward to spending most of the day with my little one, heres the rub tho, its not my weekend and although the ex has read the order she stated that it does not specify anything and that I can spend 2 hours with my daughter not because she has to let me , but through the goodness of her heart ! and I can take it or leave it. Cant believe just how spiteful and bitter some women can be. I have asked that I should be able to spend longer than this as the travel up and back should be taken into consideration.
Also , in my CAO it says that when my daughter attends nursery that" extra time is to be added during the holidays." This cannot be far off, but was really hoping to get the ex to agree to quality time with our daughter and not to go back to court and all that it entails to vary the order. It is very apparent and obvious now tho that because it doesnt specify exactly what amount of holidays ,and the sheer bloody mindedness of the ex she can say one extra day in the summer hols will suffice  for example if she so wants...  So ,  if I was to go through he courts again, would I get half the holidays ( xmas, Whitsun, easter and summer hols) if I started it now , or should I wait until she is in nursery as the order states ? I think I would have to do the mediation and cafcass thing again probably ? I have spoken to a friend that is a solicitor and they were very confident that as my daughter  is now over two (just ) that I would get the hols.  I also run the risk of  not being able to see my daughter whilst awaiting a court date as  the ex would withhold contact just to be spiteful( even tho this would  be clear breaches) this would break me, again, damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am nothing but pleasant an amiable in all communications, but some people just cant help themselves and are toxic.
Any advice much appreciated , thanks

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  Nursery time
Posted by: kettleman - 06-14-2018, 10:49 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

I'm due to have overnight contact with my daughter soon, and some of the days I have her she will be in nursery all day (my ex has had her in nursery for 3 full days a week since 9 months old!).

Since it is within my contact time, am i within my rights to let her have a half day from nursery? or even a full day off? It would only benefit my ex since she is saving nursery costs, though she would rather my daughter spend all day in nursery just to spite me..

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Posted by: Cheese_head_1986 - 06-14-2018, 10:32 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (5)

I found this article helpful seems like there are a lot of narcissists out there.


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  Legal aid
Posted by: jue1mac - 06-14-2018, 07:44 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)

Hi my nephews ex put in a claim for legal aid at his last court appearance with her solicitor claiming ( false) domestic violence and harassment by my nephew. Today my nephew has just had an email of the police saying they're not taking anything any further and he's in the clear. Does this mean his ex will now have to pay all her own legal expenses and will she have to pay back for all the lawyers / barristers / legal services she has used so far? Thanks in advance....

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  Child Welfare Hearing
Posted by: darren1587 - 06-13-2018, 05:01 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - No Replies

Hey all,

Have my first child welfare hearing this coming Thursday ( Scottish case ) and have to say I’m rather nervous and a bit anxious.

After many months of lawyers letters we are finally at the stage where I will be able to show the truth and how my ex has reduced my contact from 3 nights per week to 1 night per week for no real reason, she will come at me with ‘it’s in his best interests that he has a routine and has most of the time at home in his own bed’

Without all the petty tit for tat, the real facts surrounding my case are that my ex has had problems with alcohol. There was an incident last year where my ex had my son in her care and was under the influence, I contacted the police and after they seeking out of hours emergency social work he was taken from her and put into my care. He went back the following day, however the social workers did interview both families and made the decision that my son was not in any danger and that she had made a mistake, however I knew this was not the case and there have been other instances that’s i cannot prove, she drank when she was pregnant for example. Her family are quite erratic and aggressive people and went on the defensive saying that I smoke cannabis ( which I don’t ) and that my son had a bite mark on him one time I returned him to my ex ( also nonsense )

Fast forward to recently my lawyer asked me to request a copy of that social work report from local authority which I have now got. It states everything that happened that night and how they think her accusations to me were her on the defensive and if she ever has concerns that she should have contacted the police. My best friend does smoke cannabis occasionally and if he smokes it at my premises it’s always outside my flat and never inside ( albeit he doesn’t do this anymore as not worth the risk )

Last weekend there was an incident where my ex asked for my father to drop my son off at an unknown address ( my father always drops my son off as it’s on husband route home and my ex has never had a problem with him, she probably messaged him more than me to make arrangements ). My dad went into the house that she messaged when an unknown male to us accompanied with a dog let my dad in, there was a woman unconscious on the couch either hungover or still drunk, my ex had to be called downstairs 3 times before She appeared still in pyjamas, my dad said he would take my son back to me to help her out but Shen replied She ‘just wanted an hour to sort herself out abd wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the girl on the couch’ my dad of course didn’t know what to do so my ex insisted he return my son to her which he did. When he phoned me I contacted social services again who said they couldn’t do anything and to call police. When I went to do that she text to say she was home now abd She only gets 1 night off a week. Having spoken to social services since they won’t be able to do anything as it turns out it wasn’t a friends house and my ex is denying anything that my father said of course. My ex has now said that my father quizzes her each time he drops my son ( my father wouldn’t say boo to a ghost so I know this is a lie ) so from now I will always go with him to pick up and Drop off.

I have my proof that I had 3 nights a week before which was a Tuesday Wednesday and night at the Weekend however I’m now asking fornicate Friday Saturday Sunday back Monday as my ex doesn’t work a Monday or Friday, this way she can party all she wants at weekends and my son gets the care and attention he deserves.

My worry is that although I know She doesn’t have anything to come at me with, i know she will make up lies as it’s in her nature to, the Mark on his arm, the cannabis being smoked around him that will come up, again I know it’s lies but have any of you been accused of similar and if so what happens, I’m sure they hear these false accusations all the time but I’m sure they wouldn’t just let it go ?

She has recently taken him on holiday for a week and after 3 attempts to find out where she was taking him she ignored me each time, she was even asked face to face and got ignored. However in my most recent letter to her lawyer I asked for a week in August to take him away and she said no as our son has never been away from her for so long.

My new partner is also pregnant, she has never met my son but will be now as she is moving in with me as we are expecting in October, we have Held off long enough due to th upcoming case but I have a responsibility to her also. I have said in my lawyers letter it will Be done gradually I.e meet her in a park with my son and build it from there. My ex found out through a 3rd party that works with both me and my new partner, but she is trying to say she has asked me before if I was having another baby and I denied it which is a lie, all she said in a text message was ‘congrats by the way’ I replied but ignored that part as frankly it’s none of her business at the moment. Would me having another child be seen as a positive or a negative in my case ?

I apologise for the extremely long message just very anxious of what’s to come. Thanks for reading

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  final hearing
Posted by: warwickshire1 - 06-13-2018, 12:46 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - Replies (1)

Good afternoon all,

Success  Big Grin

after contact been stopped 7 months ago and ex wanting to reduce/suspend contact  and variate order  .
Went back to court for final hearing, all way up to court she was awkward, not encouraging contact and running me down and alienating children. Another s7 report was ordered by other side which was fine. I got an excellent cafcass report and good school reports. I am not a tit for tat person and would of been nice to see ex in witness stand to be put to shame plus she breached. However after one last attempt night before with a ridiculous position statement  we went to court this morning  and all other side wanted to do is arrange contact and come to an agreement.
No concerns or anything was mentioned in court other than contact agreed. I didn't get everything I wanted but didn't want judges/caffcass turning against me when they know how awkward she is.

I now have every other weekend fri(school)-sun. next school term fri(school) - Monday(school)

Tuesday 3-7 every week

2 x 1 week blocks in summer holidays including usual contact  , half of all holidays, Christmas day 3pm - boxing day

after arranging all this I didn't see any point of her going in witness stand as she had already decided she lost and given in, this very same person offered me 1 hour supervised contact at last hearing and a phone call and a present to be handed to a 3rd party at previous hearing. cafcass and now courts know what she is like and so do school. 

I decided not to follow up her breach as it would make things even more hostile and look at the positives and accept reluctantly that she had no choice but to give me access to our children again and pointless her been cross examined when she has agreed to lots of access. what more would I actually get? also possibility of been seen as a bully and whatever else which I am not. I cant see her been nice , on way out of court already asking if I got all clothes for overnight and am I paying for their clubs. 1st overnight in 7 months haha

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  First court case in a few weeks - nervous
Posted by: beehive84 - 06-13-2018, 11:22 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (3)

I'm starting to really worry about it now. 

It was awful the first few weeks of divorce, felt that I have recovered well but I'm starting to get nervous again. from everything I have been told my understanding of the financial side of divorce is it's supposed to be very emotionless. You tot up the core financial data, the judge considers children and he makes a decision. 

The problem is my horrendous ex just gas lights, lies and dramatises everything. She is trying to self represent. She's been through two solicitors already. I suspect she binned them because 1) she doesn't like to be told things she doesn't like and 2) she's probably not confident of being able to remain in the house, has figured why bother with a solicitor anyway, opts to self represent and gamble on court and drag out the entire affair. 

Her first form E was a ten volumed bible of crap containing ridiculous innuendo to which my solicitor simply rolled her eyes at and commented should a judge see this have the same response. You can't communicate with her, she's manipulative, gas lights and is clearly desperate to paint a picture of me and my solicitor not communicating with her at all,. I can hear the googled buzzwords already of financial abuse, not being amicable, ...etc. it'll be down to my barrister to drive the hearing. i'm trying to pre warn my solicitor about this already so hopefully she is on the ball.  

My ex is just so all over the place it's unreal but ultimately I'm banking on a judge cutting though her bull. 

You can communicate with someone lashing out any which way they can in some sheer desperation to continue living in a house she can't afford, is far in excess of her needs and beyond her means to buy me out. I'm assuming judges are usually experienced enough to see through the bull. 
My solicitor's opinion is the realistic scenario of the house selling and the judge telling us both to go rent but getting to that point is going to be hell, let alone then having a working parental relationship with her afterwards. 

She's a total lunatic.

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  Newly Seperated and 2 kids
Posted by: AnotherDad - 06-13-2018, 06:44 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (7)


First post so please be gentle.

I was wondering if I might be able to draw on the wealth of experience out there please. I was together with ex for 8 years, we have 2 kids age 4&6, never married and never bought a place together - thank goodness - a few less headaches.

We have seperated, I have stayed in the place we rented and she has gone on to rent another place, we're in a small village and about 500 yards away from each other.

My work has a variable shift pattern roster so no one week/month/ year will be a set pattern. She has said each month when my roster comes out we will sit down and work out what days work for me to see the kids. it's working out about 2 nights a week, sometimes 3. We have agreed what the amount I should pay is for maintenance and this is all recorded via text messages etc, no formal agreements.

Unfortunately I can feel my relationship with my
kids deteriorating - She has them circa 5 nights a week and I only have them 2, so the relationship is going to change - I understand that. Lastnight I suggeated i'd like to make it more like 3 nights a week where possible and she will not budge, "No, 2' is fine, sometimes 3" ! We've not been a couple for a long time, but she only moved out 2 months ago so it's all pretty new.

When I say but my relationship with them is deteriorating she says "well you weren't interested for years (i was I was just busy working and she was a very busy mum at home looking afternoon with kids ) why should I suddenly give up my time with them ? "

I have said,"look, the past is the last, if we end up going to mediation or similar they are not going to care about past arrangements, we lived under the same roof and saw the kids every day !, right now 2 nights sometimes 3 just isn't working for me - at the moment we are flexible and swap days to help and work around each other and i'd rather we didn't get into a pi$$ing contest".

I'm not sure what to do and would welcome some shared experience ? I recognise my arrangement may sound great compared to what some have out there.

should I -

leave it because mediation or some legal agreement likely wouldn't change the outcome ?

leave it - and hope slowly she wasnts to have more of her own life it will slowly become 3 nights

apply for mediation and get something formal in place now so she can't start being difficult and making it even less.

our situation is we just grew apart, she has met but is not living with anyone else. The kids like to spend time and nights at her parents too they are also local but really don't feel that should be taking / reducing my time with them.

Would mediation/legal be likely to agree more time than I have at present ? I have a stable home and job etc just varying work hours - but I'd find a way to make it work - i'd be quite happy for them to spend half their time with me.

I don't feel the current split of about 8-12 nights a month with me and the rest with her is very good for the kids relationship with me.

Thanks in Advance !!

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  Variation to Financial Order - Court Today
Posted by: Damianriley - 06-13-2018, 02:01 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Well actually the court hearing was yesterday but I'm sat typing this at 02:41 because I cannot sleep.

Following redundancy I applied for a downward variation in spousal maintenance. After 9 months of court contact I got to the final hearing. I thought the case was simple. I have no job, a large mortgage (used to buy ex out of family home) and limited savings which include statutory and enhanced redundancy payments. My ex has a job, no mortgage and a similar level of saving to me. She is adding to those saving every month. I was asking for a reduction in my monthly payments until I find a job.

The long and short of the decision was to dismiss my application to vary on the basis that I have funds to continue paying at current level, therefore I must continue paying until I have nothing left. The current level is actually almost twice the amount my ex says she needs on her E" form! 

I recon that unless I get employment quickly I will run out of money in approximately 9 months time and will not be able to meet my mortgage payments. There is a real risk my house could be repossessed and the judge is happy for all of the risk to be on my shoulders. This cannot be just or fair by anyone's standards - can it?

Since my ex had an affair, walked out and took our son almost 5 years ago, I feel I am living in an altered reality where nothing has gone my way and the law seems devoid of common sense and fairness.

Does anyone know if I can get this hearing published? It may be useful to others who face the same situation in the future.

Thanks for any comments.

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  Why the Right Judge Matters
Posted by: Hazy - 06-12-2018, 10:20 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)


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