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  My Head Is Exploding Over Access
Posted by: GLC - 03-23-2018, 10:35 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Id welcome all thoughts on this.

My kids live in a village with their mum. The nearest town is 6 miles away. It is where I was born, but don't like it. I have lived there since last July and hated every minutes of it when I am without my children.

Where I have worked and spent most of my life socially is 20 miles away. To move there means my kids have to stop over less in the week. Much as I don't want to I agree with her from a practical perspective.

I'm literally torn in half and she is loving this.

Would you live where you don't like to have the mid week sleep overs or move to where you want and work round that? At 43 I feel this is an important choice I'm making.

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  New born access
Posted by: Lm1986 - 03-23-2018, 02:18 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

Hi guys sorry never done this before but looking for abit I’d advice/thoughts

I’ve just had my second child with a second partner and everything was relatively fine apart from her experiencing a bit of prenatal depression before he was born. Whilst she was at the hospital everything was fine and I could not put a foot wrong but since leaving the hospital she went straight back to her mums (I wasn’t allowed to bring him home) and I’ve literally been cut out of everything. I’ve been able to see him for a few hours on three separate occasions over the last few weeks but only when she’s wanted something including getting him registered (I apologise as I know it’s a a lot conpared to some people on here)

I’ve been trying to get her to agree to overnight visits or at worse one on one time with him during the day which she is just flat out refusing to and is now claiming her midwife has said I should not be allowed on my own with him for the first 6 months which I personally can’t see as I never had this with my first and he is bottle fed, does anyone have any ideas if this could be correct as not only will I not get to bond correctly with him neither will my daughter who is his half sister who’s only met him once.

Add into this my ex has a learning difficulty, an eating disorder, cannot cook and hasn’t tried to learn, has no understanding on how to run a house as it’s always been done for her, she leaves him in the care of her own Mum who uses morphine regularly for a back problem so she can sleep I obviously have concerns on his welfare. I’m tempted to discuss this with social services and use this to help me gain access via the courts as she laugh at the suggestion of mediation and doesn’t seem to be taking this seriously and anything I suggest I get the reply of well I’m not stopping you seeing him.
Has anyone had similar experiences to this an is it worth going down the court/social services route as I’m obviously worried about the short and long term effects of this

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  Maintenance claim even though paying!?
Posted by: hazagawa35 - 03-22-2018, 09:01 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (3)

Hi all

Just some questions please if you don't mind.

just a bit of background. me and my ex-split up in 2006 (she was cheating). We had 1 son. Her mother took guardianship of my son around 2008 due to issues with my ex and was agreed this was best for the child as already living at her house etc and less upheaval.

anyway, I have always paid maintenance via standing order first to the mother and then to the grandmother once took guardianship. over the years the grandmother has asked for more money and I have increased the monthly amount with no quarrels.

anyway due to no fault of my own shes always tried to make life difficult for me and I received in the post today a child maintenance letter from the child maintenance service even though I've never missed a payment. I always see my son every week and he sleeps every other week.

She also decided to make a claim around 10 years ago but we arranged an agreed payment amount via a standing order (even though I was paying an amount anyway).

My question is.

Can payments be backdated if a private arrangement has always been in place?

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  Desperate Situation
Posted by: Shez - 03-22-2018, 05:56 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (3)


Hoping someone will have been in a similar situation to me or can give me some advice, I'll try to give as much information as possible but not go on.

In Jan 2013 I bought a house with my ex-partner. It is only me on the mortgage and the deeds. In Apr 13 we had a son. In Apr 16 I had an affair and got chucked out/left (this appears to be a mistake looking at other posts)

Since then I have continued to pay the mortgage and I also have to pay child maintenance. The difference that the mortgage makes to the maintenance is a disgrace btw but will save that for another time.

I am in rented accommodation with my new partner (not associated with the break up)

I cannot afford to keep paying everything and I have run up a lot of debt. I also owe HMRC £5k for outstanding self assessment tax now.

We did mediation but that was basically a waste of time as she then got the CMS on to me after this even though there we agreed I would pay the mortgage and that would be it and she changed my access to my son - so there was no way I was formally agreeing it after with a solicitor.

I sought legal advice in Sep 17-Dec 17 and didn't get very far.

I have now run out of money to continue things with my solicitor and on the verge of missing payments. I work in financial services, I will lose my licence if things go bad on the credit front.

Long and short of it is I need to sell the house, but my solicitor advised me previously that the court would likely block a sale due to it being my son's home and my ex would use the childrens act to win this.

Is there any way of winning this? Even if I can prove that my situation is unaffordable?

Are there any steps I can take to move this forward (and won't cost a lot of money as that is something I do not have or seem to have anyone to help me with)

I saw the CAB earlier and they pretty much advised me to file for bankruptcy! If that happens then I am completely finished and my son is effectively made homeless, whereas if we could sell it now I've told her I'll happily give her half the equity to move on with.

Any help appreciated, thank you in advance.

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  you'll be able to conquer your back again soreness with your concepts
Posted by: MerlinDraix - 03-22-2018, 04:21 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

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Heart Definition of a Consent Order
Posted by: Charlie7000 - 03-22-2018, 03:35 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

Bullying Hitler and Gandhi to come to a mutual agreement and charging them a lot of money for it.

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  He hopped it from the Kangaroo Court!
Posted by: Kate - 03-21-2018, 09:43 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Hi Everyone

I'm a newbie here and I've just realized that my first mistake was giving myself the username 'Kate'. I know that it probably puts you off clicking on my posts as you'll probably think it's another irrational rant by a woman.  But, I post on behalf of my son, and I have noticed that a couple of people who post here do so in names that are neither male nor female. In fact my real name is androgynous if shortened.

Anyway, my son split with his partner in November 2016. There had been an incident of dv in May 2014, but their relationship continued nonetheless (it began in 2011). Then when she finished the relationship (because she'd met a new man, as he found out a few weeks later), she obtained an ex-parte Non-Molestation Order on him based on the incident in 2014. That must set a precedent of some kind in legal terms - how long after a dv can you keep saying that this person is a danger to you?

So once she got the NMO that was the green light to ring the police. I thinks it's been 10 times since November 2016. He does have 2 convictions from this period for texts he sent trying to reason with her, but what never seems to get taken into account is that he's not some jealous ex who won't leave her alone, he's the father of her youngest child. Even after the NMO was put in place, once she'd split with whatever current bloke she had, she'd be back in contact. The big mistake he made was that he got a CAO in March 2017, but then he started seeing her again. She has 2 older children and, surprise, surprise, neither of their fathers have contact with their children.

She applied to extend the NMO issued in Nov 2016 (ex-parte, of course!) and the dozy Family Court extended it for 2 years!. He's contested it, but when hit with a bill for £800 for Police reports by her solicitor on the day of the hearing in front of a District Judge, he just lost it and walked out with a few choice words! I think he did pretty well to get his case up to District Judge level without legal representation, so it's a shame he blew it. Unfortunately, he doesn't have money to throw at this.

He had just given up at that point, but now we've had papers saying that the District Judge thinks it's "necessary and proportionate" to carry on with this and wants a statement from her and a response from him by 23 March and that there'll be another hearing on 10 May. He's not seen his son for 9 months now, even though he has a court order. 

If his son ever finds us, we'll explain that we did try to fight to see him.

My main worry now is that now he's been beaten down, will the judge award the costs of this contention of the NMO against him?  It's mainly the NMO that's preventing contact with his son.

I wish everyone on here all the best. There are some truly heartbreaking stories.xx

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  What to expect ???
Posted by: pazzer1973 - 03-21-2018, 08:49 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Hi guys ...first post and slightly worried ... right here goes.. been with the woman i love for 20 years this year, have 3 children with her well ones classed as a young adult now, the other two are aged 12 and 6, we own our home mortgage free and possibly valued around 130k ...both names are on the deeds when purchased, and ive been the main income for best part of our relationship full time employment on permanent nights for 21 years... relationship has been rocky for a number of years but we've always gone through the peaks and troughs lol... now all of a sudden she wants out and has had enough ??? problem i have shes wanting more than half the house or so she says... if its 50/50 on house its 50/50 on kids.... which is virtually impossible to do as a night worker... is this being unreasonable on her behalf, i cant give up a good paying job to suit her needs ... im going to book a mediation session and see what they say ... i've offered to go 50/50 split on the sale proceeds and have the kids two nights after school for tea and our time till i go to work and every other weekend fri-sat return sun before work...bearing in mind id have to change my shifts to later ones to accommodate the after school visits... from a 6-4 shift to a 10-6 shift nights... anyone experienced anything similar, still a bit fresh the news at the moment so im going through the stages of recovery probably in the anger stage now...so getting there  ....cheers, Chris.

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  Help Required After Harrasment Claim
Posted by: Awesome_Dad - 03-21-2018, 08:38 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Hi All

I really need some help please.  I'll give they key facts to keep it short:

- Split up in January

- Received a text last week from her saying I should no longer text, call, email, or visit her house.  Do not contact again.  

- I tried to contact various times (7-10 times via texts and calls and went to her house once).  No aggresion.  Knocked on door, no answer (although she was in) then I left.

- Police came to my door and arrested me for harrasment.

- 12 hours in cells.

- Released but still under investigation.  Apparently I need to do some new training course thing.  However no caution and no record.

- She has all my stuff etc but I cannot contact her again as it will be viewed as harrasment.  She said she wants me to go the 'legal' route to see the baby.

- I don't have money for solicitors etc.  None.  I'm broke as broke can be and trying to piece my life back together.

- I can't put a proposal to her to see the baby, she's also being cold with my mum who has done absolutely nothing wrong.

Never been in this position before - really need some help gents.

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  contact order advice, representing myself
Posted by: thedaddy11 - 03-21-2018, 07:33 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Hi fellas, sorry to bother you all.

Just a bit of background, it's all rather embarassing for me to be honest, I look a complete fool for being in this relationship, but it was my first ever girlfriend and I loved her despite what everyone told me  Sad We have a 10 month old son together and i'm being denied contact.

- Ex partner was a stripper before I met her, did alot of coke and everything else which comes along with that world.
- she has borderline personality disorder (not diagnosed but im 100% sure), the best liar and manipulator ive ever known. She convinced me for years and most of her family still don't know about her past either, they believe everything she says.
- Falsely accused me of domestic violence (released without charge)
- I've been punched, kicked, threatened with knives, spat at, you name it. I have managed to capture a video of her threatening to kill me and assaulting me.
- She has threatened to tell everybody that I have abused my son. Towards the end of our relationship, I would resort to filming her as the only way to protect myself and stop false allegations. When she knew i was filming she claimed I'd hit my son, so I have that on film. (maybe could be used to prove lengths she's willing to go to with her lies?)
- Everytime we have split up, she stops me from seeing my son. She also launches smear campaigns against me, to all my family and friends. Days later she begs for me back and I'm the greatest person ever again. This has happened many times as I've tried to get back with her for my sons sake.

Moving on:
My ex is denying me contact, so I have completed the mediation process, my ex declined to attend. I have been given the necessary forms by the mediator and I'm now applying to the court. I'm after advice on how to represent myself really, as I know I'm going to have all kinds of accusations and lies thrown at me:

- When the accusations and lies begin, what's the best way to defend myself? Do I touch on my partners past lies and her mental problems, and our relationship? I just think when people get the full picture, the truth is obvious. Do I offer the videos of me being assaulted and her lying saying i've hit my son? Again, I'm thinking once this is seen, it's easily established that this woman is lying.

Or do I stay focused on my son and what I offer as a father?

- my ex used to have the passwords to my phone and laptop and she has been on them and sent messages to herself, from my accounts, saying I don't want my son, and then screenshotted them. I know she will try to use things like these. Are these admissable? The only way I can disprove these is that she has sent messages from my account before to other people, and I still have these conversations.

- Finally, how much contact can I reasonably ask for with my son being so young? I would like 50/50 shared custody ideally.

Sorry for such a mess of a thread guys, I'm embarassed by it all.

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