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  mortgage and CMS
Posted by: downes.m1 - 07-19-2018, 07:26 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies

Good Evening.

Here's a little background story and then a couple of questions, if anyone could answer or help me please, that'd be great.

To clarify, we were NOT married!

Nearly a year ago, my relationship with my young Childs mother irretrievably broke down and whilst away for business (without my knowledge) she moved out with my child to her parents, along with the majority of the house contents!
For around five months, very little access to my child, of which I spent £20+k on solicitors and court fees to get access (which I won-days only) I continued to reside in the home and pay the bills, my ex also continued to pay her half of the mortgage to our joint account.
I was on the understanding either one of us would "buy each other out" or sell the house and split the equity. Our relationship is very strained, we only communicate through a communications book at the moment.

About three months ago, whilst I was at work she moved back in and changed the locks, obviously I tried to gain access and she called the police, they asked me to leave but only because she was causing a scene and thought it was in the best interests of our child (who was present) for ME to leave! which I did!

I have been back a couple of times to retrieve my personal belongings, I am being constantly filmed, possibly in the hopes any of my actions are captured on camera and can be used against me where our child is concerned.

She is refusing to sell the house and is also refusing to buy me out!

I can see threads on similar subjects, but they are married and I assume "the rights' are different?
I stopped paying the mortgage after the first month of being kicked out, with the hope that she would feel the strain of paying it solely, but as of yet theres no budge! 

Will that go against me at some point? would anyone suggest I continue to pay the mortgage?

I have been paying around £450 a month maintenance through the CMS as she refused for me to pay her directly to her account, even though the CMS take a percentage!?
Last week, the CMS informed me id only have to pay half of that (after reviewing my income)....  Im happy to pay the current amount but not also pay the mortgage too, especially as id like to move on with my life and buy another home, but currently have no funds to go forward with.

Any suggestions? 
If I pay the mortgage would the CMS deduct a percentage off the maintenace anyway as my Childs residing there?

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  Looking for advice
Posted by: Davey Dave - 07-19-2018, 03:01 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (5)

Hello Dads. Just read several threads and it looks like I've found the right place to talk.

Current situation and financials:

Split up with my partner 3 months ago (not married), we have 3 children aged 17, 13 and 10.

I'm currently living with my mother and buying a 3 bed house (hopefully in a few weeks). The house is in a great location for my kids schools, and not too far from their current home which is also a 3 bed house.

I work full time £32k basic plus £5k bonus, so £37k. My X works part time 2.5 days per week and earns £19k. So if she worked full time (which is available to her if she chooses to go full time), then she would be on £38k.

I probably have a stronger relationship with the eldest two than she does. And probably on par with her with the youngest.

So in a nut shell. We're both earning roughly the same. We both have the same type of house. I would like 50% custody, and so would the kids.


1. She insists that she does not want a full time job. yet has the opportunity of taking a full time job at any time and would be earning £1k more than me (and thats if I get my bonus, if not she will be on £6k more than me). At the same time, she wants money from me, and has already asked for money several times even though I'm going to need money to get my house furnished etc.

My issue here is why the hell should I give her money if she can earn more than me with possibly the same custody? At the end of the day I may as well take a couple of days off a week and earn less so we are equal.

2. She wants custody of the kids as it's where they grew up and is their real home. She does not want the kids living out of a suitcase, so no 3 day, 4 day split. She also does not want 1 or 2 week spit as she says she will not be able to cope without the kids for that long. She also does not want the kids splitting up and staying in different houses at the same time (which I agree with). But, the kids can see me anytime they want!

My issue here is how will they ever see me because every possible choice is not available to them according to what she wants?

3. She is a social worker. Say no more.

Any advice would be great, and much appreciated.

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  Help on what to do next
Posted by: darren1587 - 07-19-2018, 12:52 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (8)

Opinions needed please. 

I have had my first child welfare hearing where the judge ordered me to have my son every sat from 4pm till 4pm on the sunday, this was to run for 6 weeks and then i have to return to court, i am due back on August 2nd. 

I currently have a stag doo for my best friend coming up and the dates are friday 17th august until the monday so i would not see my son that weekend but this was booked way last year before any of this was even considered. I am no doubt going to cancel this as i can't go without seeing my son

My ex took my son abroad last month without telling me where she was going ( i knew the dates ) but after repeated texts being ignored i had my lawyer write to hers and the response was basically saying she was taking him to her mother and fathers property in spain for a week and she will be returning there in august for a week too'', my permission was never asked about any of the dates. 

I have asked her what the dates are going to be for August recently and again she is not telling me so i am assuming i won't be told at any point, am i right in saying i can refuse her taking him abroad even though she has written me the letter from her lawyer ? 

I have also asked her in the last month could i take him away on holiday for a week to which she refused as 'he has never been away from her for that length of time', i then suggested taking him away for 3 nights fri,sat,sun to which she also refused stating she wouldn't discuss anything until we were back at court. 

i do not want to go away on my friends holiday incase i go 2 weeks without seeing him of course hence why i want to cancel that part. 

what would people do in this situation ?

Thanks in advance

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  Adding my surname to the kids names
Posted by: Elwood Blues - 07-19-2018, 10:44 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

I have 3 kids (9yo and younger) with my ex partner. We were never married, and and she's a raging feminist. She said that even if we got married she wouldn't change her name (but I could change mine to match hers)!

When we had kids she insisted that they took her surname. I wasn't happy about it, but went along with it because she clearly wasn't going to back down. Now the real kicker is that the surname she's using (and now my kids) isn't even her maiden/family name, it's the surname she took from her ex husband when they got married, which she kept after divorcing him.

So the name means nothing to either of our extended families, and I often get funny looks and questioned about if I'm their dad when providing their names for anything official!  I thought I'd seen on this site somewhere an article or forum post that gave guidance on adding my surname to theirs, to make it double barrelled? That it isn't an unreasonable thing to request, and usually wouldn't be denied? But I can't seem to find the info on here now. Anyone got a link, or did I imagine it?

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  Missing Kids and They've Met His Kids
Posted by: GC1974 - 07-19-2018, 08:05 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

Well the boys on holiday with the nut and her daughter / mother and sister. Womens lib influence on two small boys. Never liked it when we were a couple and really dislike it now.

I am missing them like crazy so filling my time in the gym / working / internet dating BUT missing them beyond belief.  The only dates I seem to get are via the internet, which isn't ideal but cant seem to meet women anywhere else which isn't great...…………

Plus his and her kids have now met, so the inevitable of the wealthy bloke now buying them all a big house to live in gets ever nearer. Not sure how Ill cope with that one...………..

WHEN is a change of fortune going to arrive?

18 months on, much better than I have been at any point previously, but seriously unhappy that she walks out leaves me, takes the kids walks straight into another relationship and then prepares to set up home with the prick.

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  Body cam for handover
Posted by: TheDetective - 07-19-2018, 07:01 AM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (3)

Following another verbal tirade from my partners ex and her partner, the police have strongly advised he wears a body cam to record handover to protect himself and to provide evidence of domestic abuse. She has already been on an offenders course thanks to cctv capturing the physical assault she committed.

Has anyone had experience of this. It seems while it's all admissible in family court, the police are actively wanting this kind of recording to be able to prosecute with. Or it just becomes tit for tat. Without the police record, social services and family court won't accept the concerns.

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  Wife accused abuse - concern for kids
Posted by: Tro321 - 07-18-2018, 11:22 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Hi everyone, I am new here and could really use some help. I'm not sure i've posted on the right thread, apologies if this is not correct. 

I have a court case coming up on Friday (this Friday) about domestic violence and this is all new to me. I have a solicitor for this case, but would like some opinions. Here’s my story:

In April I was in the kitchen on a particular morning and my wife came down and asked me why I told the kids that she wouldn’t give them any money until they were 18. I asked her to leave me alone as I had been warned by the police not to get into any arguments with her. She repeated the same question again, and I repeated the same answer. 

After that she slowly walked out of the kitchen and made an almighty scream as she entered the living room and started to bang on the living room walls.  
Due to her mental health and the way that she had a manic look on her face and in her eyes when she was asking me the question related to the kids and money I became fearful that she was having another mental breakdown (she has a history of mental illness).

Immediately, my daughter came down the stairs having woken up because of my wife’s screams. She said ‘Daddy, what’s wrong?’ I said I didn’t know (she was screaming uncontrollably).  

My wife then told my daughter that I had kicked her (my wife). I hadn’t touched my wife and told my daughter so. My wife then picked up her handbag to leave the house and I tried to pull her back because she was only dressed in her pyjamas and a dressing gown as she wasn’t appropriately dressed. 

She went outside anyway and was screaming. A neighbour came rushing over and I couldn’t see what was happening because a hedge was in the way. My daughter followed my wife while she was screaming hysterically. 

Eventually the police arrived and I assumed they were going to knock on my door. When they got out of the car they turned right and went in the opposite direction so I was unaware where they had gone. Then 10-15 minutes passed and the police arrived to see me. They said my wife made an accusation that I had kicked her and pulled her hair. 

A couple of weeks ago my wife had also alleged that I had hit my son, and it was the same police officer who attended this time as well. 

So that day when my wife left the house in her pyjamas, they arrested me. About 5 days before this I had reported to the police that she was constantly threatening to call the police about me.

It’s clear to me now that my wife had a plan.

My wife had violently attacked me on Boxing Day causing my face to bleed but I never reported this to the doctor until about late March. 

The result of my wife screaming and the police coming that afternoon that afternoon was that I was not allowed back at the house and had to sleep on sofas etc. for the first month before finding a 1-bed flat where I have been for the past two months. 

Shortly after I went out of the house I applied to the courts for an emergency court order to gain access to see my children as my wife had prevented friends collecting the kids. I did not think that the kids were in a safe environment because of her mental history. The court arranged that I see them for 2.5 hours twice a week and then for most of the day on Saturday. 

My children are my life and they are the most important people to me. I have a daughter (9) and a son (7). It was really important for me that I saw them regularly and my friends would arrange to collect them so I could see them. Sometimes though, if my friends who are supposed to collect the children are not available to collect my children from the house for any reason, I am not able to see them and this causes me and the children great distress. On the weekends my wife now sends the children to her family sometimes so she can work and I wish they could be with me instead. 

My wife works and regularly sends money to her native country, to her extended family, and in the past I would fully support my family, all the direct debits and food payments went from my account. Most of her money went to her family abroad, I never saw any of it.

Last month I was ordered to pay nearly £500 per month CSA even though I see my children three times a week and now I am worried that she is sending most of that money to her family abroad while my children live on very little.  

So I’m asking for help for my case on Friday, all suggestions welcome. After that, I’d appreciate any comments on:

How to stop my wife sending the money which she gets from the CSA to her family abroad via western union when it’s my kids who need the money instead.

Today I also received papers about an occupation order for our council house: my wife wants to live in the house that I created for our family. 

I live in a 1-bed and once this mess is sorted out I would like my children to live with me and would like to know how I could possibly begin to afford a 3-bed house if I’m stuck paying nearly £500 per month in CSA. 

I feel like the walls are caving in on me and would like some clarity about my rights and which way to turn for help. Although I have a solicitor for the case on Friday (nearly tomorrow now) I cannot afford to keep paying money to solicitors to gain more access to my kids and for the occupation order. 
Thanks in advance for your help and comments.

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  CMS -I'm in arrears already?
Posted by: beehive84 - 07-18-2018, 06:32 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)


I made my first payment as per my schedule for CMS and it's since been varied down. 

I received a letter today confirming the new amount bu I note on the letter they state I'm in arrears by an amount of £200.
When I last spoke to a lady at the CMS she didn't seem to say there was a problem but when I log onto the portal it says in red tex with a minus figure I owe £200.

How's this possible, I made the first payment in full and I'm  already in arrears? 
I'm not on the 20% scheme so thats not the issue? 

Also you can tell the CMS portal is clearly a government website, bloody awful to use

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  Does it get better with time?
Posted by: beehive84 - 07-18-2018, 04:02 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (5)

I'm currently mid through the divorce process getting shafted both financially and with child access. 

The child access will resolve itself with time but financially it's hurting bad for the immediate future. 
I'm mid thirties and keep telling myself it will get better and I have time to recover but you obviously worry. 
Mine will be judged as a short marriage (2 years) and there is only one child to consider. 

How long after divorce would the gents on here say it took before they felt they were back to a good place? I'm hoping I look back five years from now think thank god it's over.

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  property woes...or not?
Posted by: juddermeister - 07-18-2018, 02:23 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)


After some advice regarding a buy to let property that is jointly owned by myself and the ex fiance........ we have two children whom live with her in the jointly owned BTL Family House........the plan was to add a massive extension and rent it out. We added the massive extension and then she had an affair. After 2 years of arguing it was decided that she would live in the property and i was ordered to leave by the judge. 

Considering that she worked full-time and i worked part-time this was difficult to accept....the fact that i had been (the wife...so to speak). Nonetheless i agreed to sign over my equity in the property to her sole-name only and she would undertake her best endeavours to get a mortgage and indemnify me against the mortgage etc....

She then decided she could not pay me any money for my share of the equity in the property which the judge was not happy about because it clearly meant that i would effectively be selling my share but not receiving any monies for the sale...which is not the normal arrangement.  To top it all nicely she then sent me the mortgage papers which were not in her sole name at all but had the fella she cheated on me with on the mortgage...obviously she could not get the mortgage on her own.

I decided that i would not sign the transfer papers. Not sure if that was a great idea or not.....  

I am curious to know where i stand on this issue of forcing a sale or making her actually pay off the original mortgage loan.... She has for the last 7 years only been paying the interest on the mortgage which is a tiny amount compared to what it would be if it were on a repayment basis, which effectively means she has netted herself a tidy sum of money over the last seven years. Obviously she is in breach of the mortgage t&c's as she is not meant to be living in the property.

Would a judge even consider forcing a sale as there are children in the property. Should i even be thinking about forcing a sale when my children live there....ultimately at court my percentage was 7% of the total sale price. My understanding is that if i do nothing i will get 50% of the equity in the property after sale....the ex refutes this stating that i signed the court order so i will get 7%. My argument is that i did not sign over my share so on paper i still own 50%.

So? do i rock the boat or just wait it out??  

Thanks for taking the time to read.


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