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  Maintenance advice
Posted by: Helpful - 12-06-2017, 01:12 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies

Im paying for daughter maintenance. Asked csa when they started this about clothes and school excursions if i have to buy. They informed that i maintenance and thats all i have to pay mother has to supply. I still buy clothes for daughter for when she is with me. Can someone shed some info on rules about responsibility after paying maintenance please

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  christmas fun fun fun
Posted by: mrbungle - 12-06-2017, 09:35 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)

hi all

any of you guys have issues like this..all ive said is ill pick the kids up at 10:30 and drop them off at 1pm!

"To make it clear. You are not welcome on my property without prior, agreed arrangements. For the avoidance of doubt, you do not yet have permission to be on my property at 10.30am on 25th December.
I will let you know when permission is granted, at my earliest convenience"

I'm still on the mortgage and also the deeds though the house was given to the ex in its entirety by the judge at the FDR
there's no injunctions telling me i cant go near etc...

I've been asking for two months now when I can see my kids Christmas day...ill just leave the crank with it now

Angry Angry Angry

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  Help with legal costs
Posted by: asd1270 - 12-05-2017, 11:41 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - No Replies

Any help out there in ref to legal costs , im entitled to legal aid even as a result of dv yet cant access it due to owning my home, what a joke. So now I'm in a position I'm having to pay to get my appeal sorted due to the major bulls up on the final order. Which has been granted and im bk in court on Fri.The problem is the application for appeal ,court fees barrister n solicitor has sucked me dry of close to £5000 .
Cant get a loan without the interest rocket high and I haven't worked since the separation last Nov to take care of my kids. My safety funds are low . So wondering if there,are charities that support with legal costs? Hoping Fri will be the last order.

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  Cms payments
Posted by: Helpful - 12-05-2017, 11:05 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Im paying for daughter maintenance. Asked csa when they started this about clothes and school excursions if i have to buy. They informed that i maintenance and thats all i have to pay mother has to supply. I still buy clothes for daughter for when she is with me. Can someone shed some info on rules about responsibility after paying maintenance please

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  Court order... all legal now
Posted by: LTCDAD - 12-05-2017, 06:10 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (5)

Just got my court order in writing .... its now legally enforceable  Smile

Shared custody
Alternate week access so 50:50
Maintenance same as what i always paid - ex has to contribute more!!!

Just checked on Bet365 and shes 1,000,000/1 to comply with it and 1/3 odds on to ignore it and 1/5000 to appeal it  Big Grin

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Thumbs Up Mediation Success!!
Posted by: AKentishMan - 12-05-2017, 03:05 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (10)

Hi Dads,

I come to you a happy (and slightly shocked) man, after yesterday's mediation turned out to be a bit of a result for all concerned.

We started the day off by taking our daughter to school together - which she (the little'un) absolutely loved - and it was also the first time we'd all been in the same car together since before Hallowe'en. I hadn't seen our daughter so excited to spend time with the two of us for ages, which made the whole experience enjoyable (if a tad bittersweet) for all three of us.

Our MIAM started at 10AM, so we decided to go in separate cars, just in case we ended up wanting to kill each other afterwards!

We arrived early, which gave us time to grab a coffee and have a bit of a catch up, see how each of us were feeling and break the ice a bit...she took my arm as we walked to the venue.

We had a quick five minutes with the mediator each prior to the MIAM, and we were asked if we wanted to go ahead with the mediation after twenty minutes together - which we both agreed to.

I'm not sure if it was down to the skill of the mediator, but things never devolved in to mudslinging, name calling, finger pointing or anything - we each had bullet points we wanted to cover, and everything got spoken about and sorted.

The only thing we couldn't agree initially was the day-to-day care of our daughter, as my ex wanted the flexibility and I just wanted as close to a 50/50 split as possible.

Turns out we both wanted more or less the same thing, we were just approaching it from slightly different angles (and the emotion was clouding our respective judgements), so the mediator helped us build on what we had both agreed already, which was alternate weekends.

So, what I've ended up with is as follows:

- 6 overnight stays out of every 14 (including Fri PM to Mon AM every other weekend)
- 1/2 of all school holidays
- £0.00 CMS to pay
- Joint account set up in our daughter's name that we each pay £30.00 into every month
- Freedom for overseas holidays
- Voice/Video calls to the other parent when daughter requests them

The ex has:

- 8 overnight stays out of every 14 (including Fri PM to Mon AM every other weekend)
- Plus all the above

We also granted the ex the flexibility she needs to arrange the overnight stays for both of us based on her own diary, which I am a tad gutted about (don't really want to be at her beck and call for the next 10+ years), but unfortunately she doesn't have a normal day job so there would be times where she would just not be able to pick our daughter up from school etc, if we had agreed set days. So it needed to be fair for her too.

Every other Sunday we have to touch base and arrange overnight stays for the coming 14 days.

But, overall, it was a really smooth process and we even managed to have a few laughs along the way.

(We also sorted out Christmas this year, which is a big plus - I'll update this thread: http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thr...age-2.html)

We went for lunch and a bit of Christmas shopping together afterwards, and we had a big hug too.

I think we were just both so surprised with each other, and it's restored a bit of faith and trust in the both of us too. We kept saying over lunch how happy and shocked we both were, and we couldn't believe that we got through it together, given the circumstances.

I'm just hoping that she can stick to it, moving forward - I'm fully aware that there are other dads on this forum who mediated successfully a number of years ago, but now find their exes changing the goalposts.

But, for now, I'm happy - means we can start thinking about putting the house on the market and I can now concentrate on my own next move, got some house and flat viewings booked for the coming weeks, so that's all good.

Of course, the big hurdle that we both have is how to break the news to the little'un. Not looking forward to that one!

We're all putting the Christmas tree up together when I get back from work tomorrow, and gonna watch a Christmas film too. Proper family stuff.

On another note, an amicable 50/50 split on equity out of the house has been mentioned, so I'm hoping that if she can be grown up about care for our daughter, she'll also do the same financially.

Fingers crossed, and I'll keep y'all posted!

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  Utter Mess
Posted by: A_N_other - 12-05-2017, 11:57 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

Hello to everyone, and may I say its such a relief to find so much level headed advice in what's becoming a nightmare area.

I am looking for some advice or past experience for a situation one of my relatives finds himself in.

As this is an on going situation, I will refer to his ex as Miss A, him as Mr B, another relative as Mr c (close relation to Mr c) and myself Mr D

Long story short....Miss A and Mr B were in a relationship for just over two years, had got engaged and found they were to become parents.

About two months prior to the birth Miss A announces she no longer wants to be in the relationship.

Mr B is gutted, but accepts this and suggests they make contact at the birth.

Miss A sends text announcing birth of child A but refuses to allow Mr B to meet the child.

Mr B leaves things for two months to allow things to calm down, then (on CAB advice) sends polite letter asking for contact.

Miss A responds stating she wants Mr B to be part of child A's life, and they all meet up. Two weeks go by and they meet another 5 times.

Since the birth Mr B had taken advice from CMS as to maintenance levels. They assessed the level to be X. Mr B thought he could cut back and pay 2*X (thinking x to be a little low). 2*X has been paid each month.

After the two weeks, Miss A demands Mr B doubles the payment. Mr B is unable to do so, and Miss A blocks all contact.

Mr B then attends mediation as part of the route to access. Miss A states she will 'think about mediation'

Then, about a month ago, it all hit the fan......

Mr C and Mr D (myself) were at the same address when a court service agent arrives, accuses Mr C of being Mr B and serves Mr C with Mr B notice. Mr D suggests court server has limited intelligence which results in court agent grabbing Mr D by throat and throwing him back into a window. In the struggle, court agent gets a cut, and tells police Mr C attacked him. Mr C is arrested Mr D is left with his allegation being ignored and court agent disappears.

Two days later at court hearing, Mr B finds that the court agent reported to the court that Mr B had assaulted him and was in police custody. As a result, and due to the claims of Miss A, a non-mal order and a steps order were made without notice.

As Mr B was gob smacked, he volunteered to the court to extend the orders until after Christmas to enable further investigations.

Mr B also discovered Miss A had made accusations to the police. Mr B contacts police and arranges to attend an interview. He was not arrested but gave his account in response to Miss A rape claims.

Now we are upto date. Miss A has two orders in place against Mr B, Mr B is subject to a police investigation, wrongly accused of assault and unable to see his child. Mr C is still under investigation for assault, and Mr D has raised complaint with police regarding not looking at his assault (BTW, the incorrect service AND the assault are both captured on CCTV which has been supplied to the police and the court, as a complaint, not as part of Mr B's case)

We don't believe any of this will be sorted in time for the next hearing......

So, do we instruct a direct access barrister to represent Mr B at that hearing, which is scheduled for just 30 minutes, or should Mr B represent himself to request further delay to allow the issues to be concluded, then use the limited funds available to gain representation.

Look forward to any suggestions.


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  First Court Hearing - any help?
Posted by: LotsofpainNogain - 12-04-2017, 03:14 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Hi All,

So long story cut short - I have my first hearing for a court order this Friday to gain access to my child. CAFCASS gave me a ring, I received the form just now...it's got biased information all over it. She has only now made false claims I have assaulted her in the past and emotionally abused her. Instead the opposite is the truth, and trying to be a man, I just want to forget her and see my child. Of course she knows what she is doing in terms of delaying access and throwing in obstacles.  Am I right I will just be deferred to a full hearing? Im scared a solicitor will cost too much money. Any body had any success with a lying scallyag mother who will say all she can to stop you access?  Or will it really be like the horror stories, no access, many years, lots of money and then child's childhood is over anyway? Any advice, or pointers to useful info would be appreciated. 

Thanks in advance,

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  How do I deal with game playing?
Posted by: jamie3179 - 12-04-2017, 03:05 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

My wife and I have been married for over 12 years. 6 months ago, I left as I was deeply unhappy and our marriage was a mess.

We have 2 boys aged 10 and 8. We have no formal agreements in place yet but I am suppoed to see them every Wednesday and every other weekend.

She has become very bitter and angry. She bombards me with vicious texts all day and night, then accuses my responses of being angry! The boys appear fine. In fact, my relationship with them has improved a lot. I do appreciate that they miss me at times and probably get a bit upset and frustrated at times. I would be naive not to think that and have experienced my own parents break up.

Recently, she has started claiming that the boys are suffering trauma and stress although they show no signs of this. They appear happy. Their teachers have said there has been no change at school and both continue to do well. They attend an array of clubs etc. and none of the responsible adults have any concerns.

She has always wanted to get back at me for leaving and has now contacted the school asking that they provide additional support. She is also insisting she is going to book them appointments to see their doctor due to stress? I am firmly of the belief this is only so that at some time in the future, when things are taking a formal route, she can claim 'she has had to seek support for them'. It is nothing more than points scoring and game playing.

She constantly criticises me in front of them. She is always changing her mind and issuing threats about stopping me seeing them, stopping them going on holiday, stopping them from seeing my family etc.

I have a nice, comfortbale 2 bed flat and pay her enough to continue living in our old house which is vast. She has the kids far more than me. I've offered to have them more often if it's too much for her yet she has refused.

What can I do? She is driving me mad. I so wanted an amicable relationship but she is hell bent on revenge and making my life as difficult, awkward and distressing as possible. She is vile and spiteful and I feel terribly sorry for the boys. I never talk about her in a bad way, i even still go out with them and buy her birthday and xmas presents so that they can see im trying.

I am at the end of my tether. Can anyone please tell me what I can do or where I stand? she refuses to sign a seperation agreement. she refuses mediation. she just wants more money, and to get back at me in the most hurtful way possible which is through using the kids.

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  Baby in foreign country - what can I do?
Posted by: Lucky Phil - 12-04-2017, 12:46 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

Hi All,

I have the following issue which I would like advice on as I am totally out of ideas what to do now. My ex girlfriend moved in with me about 18 months ago. She became pregnant and relocated back to her home country Spain. Since she left communication with her was always a struggle. At the time I had no idea whether she had even decided to keep the child or not. I asked a friend of mine to call her and we re-established contact and I found out that she had given birth to a boy. I went to Barcelona and met my son for the first time about 6 months ago.

However since then we have lost contact again. She has responded to any of my messages at all. A week ago I went to Spain again and asked the wife of my friend to call her and to see if she would speak to her. They managed to speak for a while and my ex basically said she wanted to be left alone to raise her son.

My current circumstances are as follows
·        I am not named on the birth certificate
·        We currently have no contact at all. Her family have encouraged this
·        The birth wasn’t in the UK
·        I have offered money but this has been rejected
·        I have seen a British solicitor recommended by this forum. Sadly they told me that I have no rights at all and I am totally reliant on her kindness in allowing me to see him

I am due to go back to Barcelona for Christmas so it would be the perfect opportunity to see my son again. I am considering writing one final letter as the last attempt at making contact with her.

This issue is very emotionally painful for me and I have told my boss who recommends that I take time off work. I am also considering seeing a counsellor as I feel mental issues are affecting me

Any advice or suggestions of any potential action I can now take would be greatly welcomed

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