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  What is happening to our wives?!
Posted by: mikec - 09-25-2018, 06:18 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (30)

Has anybody thought: “what is actually happening to our wives?!”.  

For the last 9 months I’ve tried every variation on the “wife changed overnight” google search string and been unsatisfied with the results.  So it’s nice to finally discover this forum and read the stories on here because, although I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, it’s good to know I’m not the only one going through this.  I like to think I’m quite good at the internet so I’m surprised it took me so long to find this site!  Saying that, I met my wife on the internet so …

We all are on our own journey of discovery around what went wrong to lead us here.  The thing I am still struggling so much with is the behaviour of my wife since the day she announced she wanted a separation.  My situation is nowhere near as bad as the ones I read about here with the false rape / domestic violence allegations, but my wife is on that spectrum.

I believe my marriage broke down due to a combination of bad communication and differences in our ideas of what it means to be married and what it means to be happy / content.  Like many of you, I consider myself a good guy.  I am a very hands-on dad, I do a lot of the housework and all of the earning.  We rarely argued (in hindsight - part of the problem!) and there was certainly no infidelity or physical abuse.  But her behaviour since this all happened makes me feel like I’m guilty of all of those things.  This is made harder by the fact that the day before the announcement I was 100% happy with my marriage and family.  OK maybe 85%.  But, that was pretty good in my book!

She never wanted to try and work out finances amicably, preferring to go straight to solicitors.  She talks to me like I’m a business associate who she has just met, and doesn’t like very much.  "Luckily" I’m seeing my kids 50% of the time, but I think a lot of that is because she values her free time without them, not out of any kind of compassion.

What is it about our wives that make them feel like they are entitled to treat us this way?
Should we be sympathetic to their behaviour - like they have some mental / emotional problem that they can’t control?
It’s hard to be sympathetic when the results are false allegations, and withholding of access to our children.  I really feel for men who are going through this in addition to everything else.  It must be agony.

Men seem to own their mistakes a bit more when they are the ones that initiate a separation.  Is this complete rubbish?  I don’t want to open up a can of misogynistic worms here, but I would like to try and understand my wife a bit more, because I think it will benefit me!

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  High income child benefit charge
Posted by: miker_71uk - 09-24-2018, 05:22 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (3)

I just wanted to double check, the high income child benefit applied to the parent who receives child benefit right? So for example, if I am living alone and have the children 2 nights a week and my ex receives the child benefit, I don't have to worry about paying a charge if my income exceeds the 50k limit, right?

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Big Grin End in Sight
Posted by: Hendry1979 - 09-24-2018, 04:47 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (1)

Hello everyone, 

Just to update you guys. I have been through two hearings at court. 1st hearing mom and her solicitor was kicked by the judge and asked them if they can allow me to see my son. Mom disagreed so I did not see my son for 9 months. I was only allowed to have postal contact with my son and I was regularly sending him gifts and receiving some as well. As usual, Caffcass did not do a telephone interview before 1st hearing so they decided to do section 7 report after the 1st hearing. Caffcass is the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. They put the worst things in section 7 report and did not recommend to proceed any further contact except postal contact. 
I was depressed and broken as I was without my son for 9 months. 

I was not expecting any miracle in a second hearing. However, the judge (not the same one) was damn fantastic. She smashed into her solicitor and the mother. She told them off and screwed her solicitor very badly. She clearly said to the solicitor that Father is suffering for 9 months and you still want to go for a fact-finding hearing. She said she went through lots of fact-finding hearing and they found nothing in those cases. I will not let this father suffer without his son. The judge asked her solicitor to consult with mother and check what sort of access she gets agreed to. The judge clearly said, if you do not give permission, I will give permission cause this is not right. 

She threw away section 7 report and told her solicitor that this is a time wasting procedure and she is not going to accept any of it. The judge got words from the mother that I will get access for every weekend and plus a telephone call from my son. After that, she told me that I am not supposed to go for any DV course (recommended by her solicitor and the mother). The judge said I can go to GP and ask for a recommendation for the anger management course. I confirmed with the judge and the judge made it clear that it is not for something you have been accused of. This is something you do as a gesture of goodwill. It should not be a 3 weeks course. It can be an online or 1-hour course. 

I was very thankful to the judge and she knew I was going through hell. The funny part is, whilst we were leaving the room, the judge told mother, don't waste time and money after these lawyers they are there to make money and not for your problems. I was like just wow. I believe miracle happens. I am looking into filing divorce now. I welcome any advise on it. This website has been very helpful and learned a lot about this. Hang on guys you will get to see your kids and that is what you concentrate after. 


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  Thinking of Representing Self at Final Hearing
Posted by: Powerkiter - 09-24-2018, 02:50 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

I have my final hearing at the family court in a few weeks time. Was going to take a barrister but my solicitor has just quoted me £2,000 for the day.

The items to be covered by the court order are as follows:

Christmas access arrangements.
Overnight stay on Thursday night (before the weekend they are not with me)
Overnight stay on a Tuesday night (after the weekend they are not with me)

I see my kids every other weekend from Friday afternoon to Sunday night. I also see them from 5pm to 8pm on the Tuesday at the moment.

Went to mediation, agreed some of the above points, then my solicitor wrote to ex's solicitor to confirm and she has completely changed from the agreement. So going to have to go to court for a full hearing rather than to get the court order signed.

I just can't justify spending £2,000 on a barrister. Just about to start financial process so saving the money for that (and the fact that my business is in serious trouble and I may not be getting paid from next month).

Starting to feel like it is going to come down to who can throw the most money at it will get the decision they want. And feel like using that as the opening line to the judge.

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  New Boyfriend bad influence
Posted by: andy000228 - 09-24-2018, 10:38 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (9)

After 6 week's of being separated from my ex she has now found a new lover boy ' No surprise there ' but she is having him over when my 3 year old is sleeping and drinking beer and smoking the illegal stuff as i found by accident a empty beer can's and the end of a joint in the bin ..

She does not know that i know about the new man and she does not know that i know about the beer and joint as i kept it to myself as i am seeing my boy regularly and i dont want to jeopardise that.

Should i have a quiet word with her and tell her what she does in her time away from our boy is her business but it's unacceptable to do that when our boy is sleeping in the next room?

Or should i wait until i get mediation done and i get what contact i am after before i approach her as i dont want to risk making her angry and defensive and give her any ammunition to try and stop the contact i am having now

What would you guys do, if you need more info please ask


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  Preparation advice
Posted by: Cheese_head_1986 - 09-24-2018, 08:50 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (17)

Hi guys

Contact with me and my daughter is going great, it's not much only and hour and a half weekly, I'm looking to increase this to 2 hours and then moving to outside the centre. I also want to gradually introduce my family to my daughter during the 2 hour sessions so she can develop a relationship with them.

My ex will point blank refuse this. I know that already. There's no safeguarding concerns and my family have no police records or involvement from social services. Long story short is that my ex just doesn't like them and has no desire to allow them access. She also has no desire to allow me to have our daughter outside of the centre.

I'm preparing a c100 (again) but if anyone has any tips or case law I can quote to highlight just how unreasonable she's being it would be a great help.

I feel like my position is very strong as we've already been through court once, if she starts making wild accusations now wouldn't the judge ask why it wasn't raised before? She's really got nothing but nothing seems to be a strong hand for her somehow... Any advice?


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  To err is human to forgive divine
Posted by: Kate - 09-23-2018, 09:13 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

I’ve not posted for a while, but I thought I’d share this. Recently my son’s ex-partner, mother of his 4-year-old son sent him a text saying that if he was finding it difficult to make child support payments then it would be OK to miss one. Very charitable I suppose, but, then again she’s used the court system and police to deny him access. It’s now been 15 months since he saw his son (although he has a CAO in place).

So, despite a NMO in place until November 2019 (thanks to the inept Family Court System), he spent 10 days liaising with her to arrange this meeting. She even put his 4-year-old son on the phone and my son promised him that they’d be meeting soon. The day of the meeting she didn’t respond.

How heartless is that? I can’t help thinking that if she wanted to be really nasty she’d delete all the texts that had gone between them over a 2-week period and then just show the police the one where he was asking what the hell was going on (and therefore being in breach of the NMO)

As someone responded to a post or mine, “I’ve, lost all faith”.

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  Need some help
Posted by: IainM - 09-23-2018, 02:19 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

I am being hit by a wall of silence, the Ex refuses to communicate, but now also her solicitors is refusing to reply. 

My life is being held to ransom by this silence. She has stolen one of our companies, she has alienated my kids. 

She has consensual Non-Molsestation orders against me, i should never of agreed too, allowing only emails,  so I am quite helpless. 

I am so feed up by the months of inaction. 

What can i do? 

I now self representing as It was costing a fortune and getting no-where.

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  Children ID
Posted by: AK2018 - 09-23-2018, 11:46 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)


My future ex is asking for ID card for the child. I kept it with me since we came from holidays in August. We never hide it. Not sure why she needs it. We not divorced yet( just recently received draft petition). I am afraid if I will give it to her she will never give it back. Confused

Does she need it for divorce purposes? Don't want to get in trouble for it.

Thank you

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  Draft divorce petition
Posted by: AK2018 - 09-22-2018, 04:20 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (8)

Hi. Finally I have received it.
1:Reason for divorce ' behaviour'
2: she want to apply for a financial order?
* Herself
Not sure what do I need to do now. I dont agree with her statement as it is not true.

Also it doesn't ask me to sign or reply.

Any advice?

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