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Posted by: Frisbos - 04-27-2017, 10:55 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)


Let's assume a contact order states "holidays to be equally shared".

What happens if I do not get any days off work in the February term and as such ask for the full May term.

Can the ex refuse and are the days I can't take lost or can I enforce them to take later on in the year?

What is the opinion on that?


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  Urgent advice needed on a court matter
Posted by: Summer187 - 04-27-2017, 07:28 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Hi i have an Urgent question that i hope someone can advise me on.
So my brother is due in court early next week for what is meant to be a final hearing.
- There was supposed to have been a CCI programme that was meant to have taken place but hasn't as first his ex refused. After a directions hearing in January the judge insisted this happens. Cafcass yet again took another three months just to respond.
- We have been chasing them with concerns as a) court hearing is in may and no contact has happened for a year and b) cafcass are meant to write a report based on that.
- We get letter today and its dated the 25th saying they cannot submit the report as the officer is sick. The report was due on the 24th. Were they gonna write it on the day?!
- They are tryin to reschedule the hearing and suggesting its in july or august due to a waiting list for the contact centre!!!

What can we do in this instance. We are goin to respond saying we do not accept postponing it as we have raised our concerns months in advance and they told us it was all in hand. This really does sound like they have neglected this case. My brother is a litigant in person.

Any advice before we respond will be great. With it being bank holiday they really have left us with very little options.

Please help!

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  court tomorrow morning
Posted by: DeanRuby - 04-27-2017, 04:50 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Hi everyone,

its my first court appearance in the morning, contact order to see my daughter who I haven't seen or heard from since December. to say I'm anxious and feeling apprehensive is an understatement, I'm so freeking nervous its unreal. I'm representing myself and the advice on this site has been so valuable and needed I cant thank you guys enough.

I'm wondering if theres any last minute advice you guys can give me ? check list, conduct, questions I need to ask etc etc

thank you so much

kind regards


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  My 8 year old son
Posted by: guy307 - 04-27-2017, 04:34 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

Not sure were to start but am desperate for some advice about my 8 year old son, he has expressed that he no longer wants to live with his mum and wants to move back to live with myself, he is not happy with the school is at and has to spend all of his time in his bedroom when not at school.
A bit of background info: Me and my wife separated 10 months ago after 10 years of marriage as I found out she was having an affair.
She convinced my son at the time that it would be an adventure moving back to her home town and I decided that if that was what he wanted then I would not stand in his way, I have regular contact every other weekend and Holidays, I work full time and my ex does not I have things in place for him If he does come ie school before and after school clubs and plenty of good friends and neighbours as well as grandparents. My ex refuses to talk to me about this even though she did approach the subject in January this year, my son has asked her and asked her she just shouts at him and tells him that there is no way she is going to let him.
The long and the short of it is my concern is for my son and what he needs not what I need nor what his mum needs. I have been told that the man she had the affair with has children himself but has a injunction against him to stop him from been any where near them yet my ex allows him around my son.
grateful  for any advice given as am at my wits end trying to search for help without lengthy court battles and fees Huh

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  What can I gain
Posted by: jonsnow - 04-27-2017, 04:11 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

when we met my wife already had ***** who was then 3 and I know consider my daughter. We both had our own home and due to my son being on the way we only had 2 bedroom homes each so sold them. ***** lost her job when they found out she was pregnant with ***** circa April 2006 she sold her house in July 2006 making what she believes to be 40,000 this was locked for a while due to a land registry issue where her previous partner claimed he was due a share later getting 2000. She then moved in with me in July before I sold my flat in November moving in together then with a mortgage taken out in my name and roughly a deposit of 20000 made from the profit on my house and previous savings. For the next few years I supported the family on my wages and the money which was eventual  released from the sale of *****'s property. Roughly 10000 of this went on our wedding which ***** planned. She eventually started work part time for a few years. We both then decided to go back to university to make our life's better I did a nine months course and she did a 3 year course. During this we supported our self's with loans taken out in my name as I had credit history and was working and my wages for the final 2 years of her course. During this period she had her first affair. She then started work as a roughly 3 years ago and I had a plan to pay off the loans. We remortgaged with the intention of paying off the loans but used the money for home improvements such as a new kitchen and a family holiday ***** was now put on the mortgage with hindsight I believed she planned it as she was currently having another affair. We separated our finances and I moved out into rented accommodation on the 26th of August last year due to her and the person she was having the affair with not being discrete and rubbing my face in it. ***** refused to acknowledge the loans forcing me to take an iva as such I cannot get a mortgage to buy my own home for the next 6 years. There is approx 5k in the home at the morning based on the mortgage providers estimation of 130k but estate agents have valued at 150k. I left the home with my clothes, books, van which was on finance with 3k paid off and a old television and had to start from scratch everything bought between us has been claimed by *****. I've been paying into my pension all my working life. A lot of the items bought on credit as part of the IVA are still in the family home with her refusing me access to them.
I have seen a solicitor but money is extremely tight and as I have my IVA I cannot get a loan to pay for legal costs.
I have asked for the house to be valued know and be paid my share of the equity with any inflation when the IVA expires but she is refusing and would rather pay now knowing I would not see the money it going direct to creditors. She denys it but her current partner is now living with her.
Any ideas how I could proceed?

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  Travelling to the US.
Posted by: Goetia - 04-27-2017, 03:01 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (8)

I know this sounds like a line but I genuinely am “asking for a friend” or colleague to be precise. As a fellow separated Dad he has the chance to travel to the US later this year with his children but is worried what to do with regards to their visa waiver form.
Unfortunately, like many of us know or have direct experience of he was falsely accused of something and arrested by the police and put on bail while they investigated. As he was innocent eventually before the Bail date arrived he was told no further action was going to be taken. However the visa waiver forms state that you need to apply for a full visa even if you have just been arrested which technically he was despite being innocent.
His dilemma is, online he’s read by many that the US do not have access to this information so fill in the waiver form and keep your cool at customs and it will be fine, and that even people who have been to prison use the waiver because unless there is a marker on their passport it won’t be found. But equally he has also read stories where people have been turned away because of a charge on their record.
I asked why he didn’t just get the full visa and his answer was because of the nature of the charge that he was innocent of, he fears they will deny his request even though no further action was taken because of an unfounded allegation and then that will ruin any further chance of him going to the US ever again as they will then have a record of him.
I’ve no experience in this so all thoughts welcome and I’ll pass them on. However, as it genuinely isn’t for me any question might take me a while to get answers. Thanks

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  mother being obstrcutive when daughter wants to meet me
Posted by: dwallis2012 - 04-27-2017, 10:42 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)


Dont really know where to start here but a little back story:

I had a little girl in 2003 with an ex partner, she didnt work and literally sat at home all day from morning to night in her pyjamas (and so did my little girl!) while i was out working.I was always the one doing the bottles, changing her and playing with her while a mountain of mess filled the house! (she literally didnt do anything)
One day I came home and her bags were packed, her mum and dad arrived and they all left (she took my little girl away).
After that happened she made it very difficult to see my daughter she said I could only have supervised visits, when I saw my little girl I wasnt allowed to hold her and speak to her.

It got to a stage where I just wanted to die and instead had to move away for my own health which meant leaving my little one behind 

Now in the last few days the mother and her friends have been spamming my facebook and business page with comments saying my girl wants to see me.

I have agreed to this and started talking with her which I have been very happy about. We arranged a meeting for Sunday (but her auntie HAS to be present I am not allowed to see her on my own) - now her mother is again making things difficult accusing me of this and that and they are trying to force me to meet somewhere else further away (I live 100 miles away from where they live and we agreed a location around half way)

She is trying to make it difficult to see me again rather than helping her daughter see her dad. It really shouldnt be this difficult.

I know there have been lots of lies told about me (to my knowledge she has always been in council accomodation and I believe this was the reason she wanted a baby and took her away from me as it was a fast way to a free house etc)

I really want to see my daughter , it has been ripping my heart out for 14 years and I have never spoken about it to anyone. Now when I speak to my daughter on facebook I dont believe its her theres lots of nasty comments and i believe its her mum talking on there. I know my daughter was so excited to be finally seeing me now its seems like its all gone

I would really appreciate any help. I want to see my daughter I dont want it to be a group activity or supervised (i understand she may want someone there the first time as I am someone new and thats fine with me)

It all seems to be their way or no way and I really dont want to get involved in these games again. It took me many years to recover and get my life on track. I have a little boy now whos 2 1/2 and I love him very much and he deserves to know and see his sister

FYI my name was on the Birth Certificate which gives me 50% parental responsibility. She is using her mothers name, not sure if my name has been removed from the cert without my permission (I have ordered a copy to check!)

Would really appreciate any help you can give me in getting the access i am entitled to and not on her Unfair terms[Image: link3.gif] but equal terms

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  Rock and a hard place
Posted by: Mdorset - 04-27-2017, 10:28 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (2)

Hi guys,
First post on here. So bear with me it's a long story...
After months of trawling the internet looking for answers I've found very little advice or support for a guy in my situation.
My wife's been having an affair for the last year(or more) with her friends husband (also my friend by association).
I knew something was wrong(sixth sense I guess). It wasn't until I developed a medical problem in my leg last May which left me virtually paralysed from the knee down! That I realised my wife no longer cared for me at all.
It was as if a switch was turned and she showed me no sympathy, no caring, and no help. Her words were "at least you can still work" and at night when the pain was at it's worse, I didn't even get a hand on my back or a hug of support, just asked to go to the spare room if you can't sleep because you're keeping ME awake!
Sleepless nights give you time to think and overthink situations!
I'd convinced myself her friendship had crossed the line with this guy, confronted her, and she told me they are just good friends and he is supporting her through a tough time at work (they also worked together at this time).
In desperation I used find my iPhone to track why she was late back from work, and discovered their secret meeting on certain days of the week. She was using family and friends to collect the kids from school while she met with him!!
Confronted her again! Eventually She admitted they had been meeting, but because she had now changed jobs she was just missing his company! And he is her friend so what's the problems!
I asked her to cut off ties with him!
She denied she was doing wrong!
Then I found text messages from him and confronted her again!
This time she admits they have feelings for each other and she's confused about who she loves!
I say "I'll make it easy for you! I'm not in the running for your love"and asked her to leave.
She had nowhere to go, said she'd stop contact and get her head sorted.
I moved into the spare room soon after.
She didn't care about that it just gave her space away from me at night, and I soon seen on the iPad that she had been sexting and doing intimate facetimes, in my bed, while I'm downstairs and the kids are asleep in the next room!!!!
Fast forward to an awful xmas where she made no effort!! I bought all the kids presents, filled their stockings cooked Christmas dinner, entertained her family and our friends with a fake smile while she moped about her lost love!
Boxing Day evening whilst trying to play games with the kids as normal as possible, she's again on her iPad.
When she goes to bed I check and sure enough, she's messaged him while I was sorting out Boxing Day Dinner . It was about how perfect they are together. And discussing getting a matching tattoo to seal there love!!
I'm livid but keep control because it's Christmas, and don't want it ruined for the kids!!!
Fast forward to New Year's Eve, go to friends party. Don't no how I got through it, but again the kids were there so another fake smile evening, later made worse by the discovery that she had texted him earlier that evening before the midnight rush!!
Fast forward to now!!
I've actually gotten her to move out, she leaves in about 3 weeks to a rented house nearby. I even have to support her financially as even with the benifits she will struggle to afford it.
I've agreed 50/50 minimum custody ( I actually asked for full custody)but she wants to put full custody on forms to get full benifits!!
This doesn't sit well with me.
I've been a hands on Dad, have changed my working life to be available for the kids, I've always done school drop off in the mornings, I've picked up twice a week to take them to my parents then gone back to work to make up ours etc....i cook their evening meals whilst she goes to exercise classes. I stopped all my hobbies to be the full time hands on Dad, and still worked full time (self employed so can be flexible)
Now at my advice she's had counselling.( now she says she never loved me really, and her counsellor told her she just needed me) after I nursed her through a depression more than 10 years ago!!
We've been together 20 years!!!
I think the kids should stay with me in their family home for stability but can see her as much as possible.
This seems highly unlikely, but a friend has said he thinks she's BPD and not able to cope with kids on her own.
Yesterday discovered she is again in contact with him and couldn't wait to rekindle things now she has her own house!!!
I'm in contact with his wife and she says he's promised that he's not been in touch with her!!
Do I tell her they are communicating again!!
They are going through counselling to try to save their marriage at the moment!!
What's all your thoughts (apart from me being a sap and a mug) .
My kids mean the world to me, she has no right to take 50% of their time away from me!!
I can't Win because if I don't act amicable, that then affects the kids!
Rock and a hard place!!!
I've behaved impeccably during all this and kept the household running, and been dignified and almost protective of her reputation to save the kids any harm (we live in a small village community)
When what I really want to do is throw her on the scrap heap of life and do him some serious damage!!
But of course I won't!!
Like I said.... rock and a hard place...
Thanks for letting me vent

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  HMRC and Company Car!
Posted by: FrustratedDad1 - 04-27-2017, 10:16 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)


So after a few months of back and forth discussions with my Ex she has contacted the CMS to formalise maintenance for our little boy.

To put you in the picture…. We split 5 months ago as she had an affair. We’re still currently married. She is living with her parents with my boy and I have my boy at least 3 nights a week. She left with me with the financial mess of sorting our rented house out which has almost crippled me financially and has had absolutely no regard for this….she simply wants money directly. I spend a lot of money on my son directly as we basically share custody but I've refused to simply load money into her account because I know it wont go on him and secondly I don’t have the money presently due to the house mess! Thirdly, she has absolutely no outgoings as is living rent and bill free and is simply twisting the knife.

Anyway…I appreciate as a father I have to pay. We had agreed a formal payment would start when she has her own place as will obviously need the money then but as shes done on many occasions…the goal posts have been moved and shes gone directly to the CMS.

Now the issue I have is that they’ve obtained a figure from HMRC as to my earnings. This figure has been massively inflated due to a company car. And my maintenance payment is based on this. I've tried speaking to CMS and explained that if I took this figure to a mortgage advisor id get laughed out of the place as I never see the £12k that’s been added to my ‘earnings’ because its for a car…yet CMS deem they can include it?!?!

Whats weird is that if they just took into account my actual salary, id pay less maintenance, and if I didn’t have the car id obviously earn more s I would have to pay the tax on the vehicle direct from my wage every month! It seems the system is all wrong.

How can they calculate a maintenance payment on money that you don’t actually ever earn?!?!  Angry

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  Help Please - Joint Custody
Posted by: notadeadbeat - 04-27-2017, 08:38 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

Dear all,

I have found this forum extremely useful since my separation from ex. I have gone through the mill as well as most of the other members here, long story short:

  • Last September ex applied for a Non-Molestation Order and Occupation Order alleging domestic violence throughout the 9 year marriage.
  • I appeared in court a week later, her lawyer proposed me to accept an undertaking and they were ready to drop the NMO and OO.
  • I refused, and asked for a finding of fact hearing. Case listed for 2 day hearing in November.
  • Her solicitors went to different agencies like DV support, police for reports that said she is a high risk, to bolster her case for the fact finding hearing.
  • I put a C100 application to see my children aged 9 and 5.
  • She made more allegations to CAFCASS, they recommended no contact to the court until the finding of fact hearing.
  • I submitted a massive bundle of evidence to counter all the allegations made against me. 
  • On the day of the hearing, her lawyer came back again with the proposal of undertaking and I accepted, thinking retrospectively I shouldn't have. I didn't accept the first time because I thought of clearing my name and get back with her. But things went downhill between September and November, she made more allegations and going to all the agencies. Hence I thought the marriage is clearly over and I wanted to move on.
  • Accepted supervised contact for 2 months as the kids didn't see me for few months. All sessions were great.
  • Wife refused unsupervised contact after 2 months, so I went back to court for CAO variation.
  • While waiting for the CAO hearing, she made more allegations to the police and got me arrested a few times. I was released with NFA on all the instances.
  • During the CAO hearing, her lawyer started circling back again on all the previous DV allegations, the Judge was having none of that saying there were no finding of facts and they had the opportunity when the case was listed for 2 days.
  • Judge ordered CAFCASS for S7 report and progression plan including overnights to be submitted before the next court hearing.
I am seeking joint custody of the children. I am seeing them every other week at a contact centre (supported contact) until the S7 report is made. I live 10 miles away from the FMH. Given the circumstances is there a possibility of having joint custody please?

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