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  Contact time vs Nursery attendance
Posted by: Jamie - 06-15-2018, 02:14 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Hi everyone,

I am in the process of suggesting a new contact schedule and I would like to ask a few questions:

Me and my ex separated 2 years ago, at the time my son was 1.5 years old. From age 1.5 years old to 2.5 years old, I used to travel to where he now lives (we live 33 miles apart, roughly 45 mins drive) and took him out locally on every Saturday and return him at 6/7pm. For the second year, from age 2.5 years old till now, 3.5 years old, I now see him fortnightly, on a Thursday and Saturday for a full day (8-9 hours in total including the commuting), where I take him back to my city and he spends time with me and my parents+siblings, and drops him back at 7pm/8pm.

The reason for a Thurs+Sat on alternate weeks is because he was breastfed for 26 months and have co slept with mum ever since birth. He has not spent a night without her, she is one of those hands on mum that does everything for the child herself. So as a result, I have not pressed for a full weekend with overnights, and travelling 33 miles x 2 on two continuous days is too much (i.e. a Sat and a Sun) so we arranged Thurs and Sat so there would be a gap in between.

Recently I have asked my ex for 1 night overnight fortnightly but she has refused. She doubts my caring abilities as in her books, I have the child after breakfast, play with him all day and am only responsible for lunch, and then hand him back for dinner and bedtime. I do have to admit he is a fussy eater and even lunch is a struggle. He only eats properly if it's his mum feeding him, otherwise he is happy to go hungry all day long!

So in light of this, I have asked if I can have him Thurs+Sat one week and a Friday another week. She is reluctant to pull him out of nursery as he has been in nursery for the last 2 years (5 days a week for 4-5 hours a day) ever since we separated, and even the Thurs is very unsettling for him, having to return to nursery on Fri and then again seeing me on a Sat. The other reason for refusal is also because she wants to keep the arrangement to fortnightly only.

She works part time for 18 hours and has a flexible job where she can work from home some days, so I can't argue that she is using nursery for her own childminding purpose.

Since age 2 he has been getting free 15 hours funding. And in coming Sept 2018, he will be entitled to 30 hours free funding a week.

I can’t see the point of taking her to court as she is giving me contact, 2 full days fortnightly, and extra days for special occasions such as mine or my family members' birthdays etc (on those days he misses out on nursery day), so I do get to see my son 5-6 days in a month.

Moving forward, I am confused as to how to go about getting my days if the child is genuinely not ready for overnights yet and he will be in a school based nursery from this Sept 2018. Will they view nursery as non compulsory until he is 4.5 years in Sept 2019, and promote contact time with father, or will they actually side with mother and thinks the Thursday is no longer workable given the confusion it creates for the child?

In legal terms, how do courts view contact time vs nursery time? Should the child be pulled out of nursery on certain days to meet the non resident parent? Certainly mum can argue that nursery is good for the child and necessary in prepping him for starting school. Although I am hoping to sort this out with my ex privately, it would be good to know what the law thinks and if any of you can think outside the box and give me some suggestions please. (school/nursery pick and drop is out of the question given our distance)

All I want is to continue spending time with my son, somehow getting 5-6 days a month. Thank you.

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  Financial Order in place - Ex demanding more money for kids
Posted by: mrthc - 06-14-2018, 09:15 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Hey everyone! Smile Hoping someone on here has been through the same situation as detailed below ...

I have had an FO in place since Jan 2017 It stipulates a clean break clause, no spousal maintenance and has a section on Child Periodic Payments detailing amounts to be paid and dates when they are to finish and a statement in the paragraph that says variations can only be made by a 'further order'. These figures were calculated at the time using the CSA calculator and based upon my income at the time. I have 100% adhered to the payment amounts as per the FO for my kids without fault. In fact - I have overpaid my ex occasionally and support my kids individually with pocket money ETC.  Now, 18mnths later, one of my kids is about to turn 18 and the FO states payments are to be made for them until September 2018 after that they stop. 

Recently my EX has contacted me and has stated that the payments for my other child must be as per the current CSA guidelines and not as documented in the FO (a significant monthly increase).

Can she go back to the CSA and ask them to enforce a review despite the FO being in place? If she can - what is the point of having the 'Child Periodic Payments' signed, amounts agreed and rubber-stamped by the court in the first place?

What rights do I have here?

Thanks in advance.

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  School parent app denied access
Posted by: Mike1983 - 06-14-2018, 04:59 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)

Hi I am a dad with parental responsibility, daughter secondary school has introduced a parent app called SIMS parent.this contains school info but also info that school holds about daughter such as addresses, contacts and medical info. Resident mother has full access to view and edit info.i have been given no access with school saying rules say for access child has to live with me 50% of time. I have asked for read access as I don't need to edit. Do you think I should have right to also see the same information that resident parent can see?

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  Holidays/ quality time
Posted by: Blackheath - 06-14-2018, 03:50 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

So , I have my two year old every other weekend , (not during the week due to the distance) and the CAO has been in place since December , all going fairly well  but cant wait to get more time as 12 days in-between is  too long. Usual stuff tho , the ex will not drive to any of the drop offs saying she has no vehicle ( I know she has ) .The order states that The mother must make sure that the father spends time with the father on these specific dates etc , one of which states , "each fathers day " I live an hour and a half away and I was so looking forward to spending most of the day with my little one, heres the rub tho, its not my weekend and although the ex has read the order she stated that it does not specify anything and that I can spend 2 hours with my daughter not because she has to let me , but through the goodness of her heart ! and I can take it or leave it. Cant believe just how spiteful and bitter some women can be. I have asked that I should be able to spend longer than this as the travel up and back should be taken into consideration.
Also , in my CAO it says that when my daughter attends nursery that" extra time is to be added during the holidays." This cannot be far off, but was really hoping to get the ex to agree to quality time with our daughter and not to go back to court and all that it entails to vary the order. It is very apparent and obvious now tho that because it doesnt specify exactly what amount of holidays ,and the sheer bloody mindedness of the ex she can say one extra day in the summer hols will suffice  for example if she so wants...  So ,  if I was to go through he courts again, would I get half the holidays ( xmas, Whitsun, easter and summer hols) if I started it now , or should I wait until she is in nursery as the order states ? I think I would have to do the mediation and cafcass thing again probably ? I have spoken to a friend that is a solicitor and they were very confident that as my daughter  is now over two (just ) that I would get the hols.  I also run the risk of  not being able to see my daughter whilst awaiting a court date as  the ex would withhold contact just to be spiteful( even tho this would  be clear breaches) this would break me, again, damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am nothing but pleasant an amiable in all communications, but some people just cant help themselves and are toxic.
Any advice much appreciated , thanks

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  Nursery time
Posted by: kettleman - 06-14-2018, 10:49 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

I'm due to have overnight contact with my daughter soon, and some of the days I have her she will be in nursery all day (my ex has had her in nursery for 3 full days a week since 9 months old!).

Since it is within my contact time, am i within my rights to let her have a half day from nursery? or even a full day off? It would only benefit my ex since she is saving nursery costs, though she would rather my daughter spend all day in nursery just to spite me..

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Posted by: Cheese_head_1986 - 06-14-2018, 10:32 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (5)

I found this article helpful seems like there are a lot of narcissists out there.


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  Legal aid
Posted by: jue1mac - 06-14-2018, 07:44 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)

Hi my nephews ex put in a claim for legal aid at his last court appearance with her solicitor claiming ( false) domestic violence and harassment by my nephew. Today my nephew has just had an email of the police saying they're not taking anything any further and he's in the clear. Does this mean his ex will now have to pay all her own legal expenses and will she have to pay back for all the lawyers / barristers / legal services she has used so far? Thanks in advance....

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  Child Welfare Hearing
Posted by: darren1587 - 06-13-2018, 05:01 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - No Replies

Hey all,

Have my first child welfare hearing this coming Thursday ( Scottish case ) and have to say I’m rather nervous and a bit anxious.

After many months of lawyers letters we are finally at the stage where I will be able to show the truth and how my ex has reduced my contact from 3 nights per week to 1 night per week for no real reason, she will come at me with ‘it’s in his best interests that he has a routine and has most of the time at home in his own bed’

Without all the petty tit for tat, the real facts surrounding my case are that my ex has had problems with alcohol. There was an incident last year where my ex had my son in her care and was under the influence, I contacted the police and after they seeking out of hours emergency social work he was taken from her and put into my care. He went back the following day, however the social workers did interview both families and made the decision that my son was not in any danger and that she had made a mistake, however I knew this was not the case and there have been other instances that’s i cannot prove, she drank when she was pregnant for example. Her family are quite erratic and aggressive people and went on the defensive saying that I smoke cannabis ( which I don’t ) and that my son had a bite mark on him one time I returned him to my ex ( also nonsense )

Fast forward to recently my lawyer asked me to request a copy of that social work report from local authority which I have now got. It states everything that happened that night and how they think her accusations to me were her on the defensive and if she ever has concerns that she should have contacted the police. My best friend does smoke cannabis occasionally and if he smokes it at my premises it’s always outside my flat and never inside ( albeit he doesn’t do this anymore as not worth the risk )

Last weekend there was an incident where my ex asked for my father to drop my son off at an unknown address ( my father always drops my son off as it’s on husband route home and my ex has never had a problem with him, she probably messaged him more than me to make arrangements ). My dad went into the house that she messaged when an unknown male to us accompanied with a dog let my dad in, there was a woman unconscious on the couch either hungover or still drunk, my ex had to be called downstairs 3 times before She appeared still in pyjamas, my dad said he would take my son back to me to help her out but Shen replied She ‘just wanted an hour to sort herself out abd wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the girl on the couch’ my dad of course didn’t know what to do so my ex insisted he return my son to her which he did. When he phoned me I contacted social services again who said they couldn’t do anything and to call police. When I went to do that she text to say she was home now abd She only gets 1 night off a week. Having spoken to social services since they won’t be able to do anything as it turns out it wasn’t a friends house and my ex is denying anything that my father said of course. My ex has now said that my father quizzes her each time he drops my son ( my father wouldn’t say boo to a ghost so I know this is a lie ) so from now I will always go with him to pick up and Drop off.

I have my proof that I had 3 nights a week before which was a Tuesday Wednesday and night at the Weekend however I’m now asking fornicate Friday Saturday Sunday back Monday as my ex doesn’t work a Monday or Friday, this way she can party all she wants at weekends and my son gets the care and attention he deserves.

My worry is that although I know She doesn’t have anything to come at me with, i know she will make up lies as it’s in her nature to, the Mark on his arm, the cannabis being smoked around him that will come up, again I know it’s lies but have any of you been accused of similar and if so what happens, I’m sure they hear these false accusations all the time but I’m sure they wouldn’t just let it go ?

She has recently taken him on holiday for a week and after 3 attempts to find out where she was taking him she ignored me each time, she was even asked face to face and got ignored. However in my most recent letter to her lawyer I asked for a week in August to take him away and she said no as our son has never been away from her for so long.

My new partner is also pregnant, she has never met my son but will be now as she is moving in with me as we are expecting in October, we have Held off long enough due to th upcoming case but I have a responsibility to her also. I have said in my lawyers letter it will Be done gradually I.e meet her in a park with my son and build it from there. My ex found out through a 3rd party that works with both me and my new partner, but she is trying to say she has asked me before if I was having another baby and I denied it which is a lie, all she said in a text message was ‘congrats by the way’ I replied but ignored that part as frankly it’s none of her business at the moment. Would me having another child be seen as a positive or a negative in my case ?

I apologise for the extremely long message just very anxious of what’s to come. Thanks for reading

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  final hearing
Posted by: warwickshire1 - 06-13-2018, 12:46 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - Replies (1)

Good afternoon all,

Success  Big Grin

after contact been stopped 7 months ago and ex wanting to reduce/suspend contact  and variate order  .
Went back to court for final hearing, all way up to court she was awkward, not encouraging contact and running me down and alienating children. Another s7 report was ordered by other side which was fine. I got an excellent cafcass report and good school reports. I am not a tit for tat person and would of been nice to see ex in witness stand to be put to shame plus she breached. However after one last attempt night before with a ridiculous position statement  we went to court this morning  and all other side wanted to do is arrange contact and come to an agreement.
No concerns or anything was mentioned in court other than contact agreed. I didn't get everything I wanted but didn't want judges/caffcass turning against me when they know how awkward she is.

I now have every other weekend fri(school)-sun. next school term fri(school) - Monday(school)

Tuesday 3-7 every week

2 x 1 week blocks in summer holidays including usual contact  , half of all holidays, Christmas day 3pm - boxing day

after arranging all this I didn't see any point of her going in witness stand as she had already decided she lost and given in, this very same person offered me 1 hour supervised contact at last hearing and a phone call and a present to be handed to a 3rd party at previous hearing. cafcass and now courts know what she is like and so do school. 

I decided not to follow up her breach as it would make things even more hostile and look at the positives and accept reluctantly that she had no choice but to give me access to our children again and pointless her been cross examined when she has agreed to lots of access. what more would I actually get? also possibility of been seen as a bully and whatever else which I am not. I cant see her been nice , on way out of court already asking if I got all clothes for overnight and am I paying for their clubs. 1st overnight in 7 months haha

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  First court case in a few weeks - nervous
Posted by: beehive84 - 06-13-2018, 11:22 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (3)

I'm starting to really worry about it now. 

It was awful the first few weeks of divorce, felt that I have recovered well but I'm starting to get nervous again. from everything I have been told my understanding of the financial side of divorce is it's supposed to be very emotionless. You tot up the core financial data, the judge considers children and he makes a decision. 

The problem is my horrendous ex just gas lights, lies and dramatises everything. She is trying to self represent. She's been through two solicitors already. I suspect she binned them because 1) she doesn't like to be told things she doesn't like and 2) she's probably not confident of being able to remain in the house, has figured why bother with a solicitor anyway, opts to self represent and gamble on court and drag out the entire affair. 

Her first form E was a ten volumed bible of crap containing ridiculous innuendo to which my solicitor simply rolled her eyes at and commented should a judge see this have the same response. You can't communicate with her, she's manipulative, gas lights and is clearly desperate to paint a picture of me and my solicitor not communicating with her at all,. I can hear the googled buzzwords already of financial abuse, not being amicable, ...etc. it'll be down to my barrister to drive the hearing. i'm trying to pre warn my solicitor about this already so hopefully she is on the ball.  

My ex is just so all over the place it's unreal but ultimately I'm banking on a judge cutting though her bull. 

You can communicate with someone lashing out any which way they can in some sheer desperation to continue living in a house she can't afford, is far in excess of her needs and beyond her means to buy me out. I'm assuming judges are usually experienced enough to see through the bull. 
My solicitor's opinion is the realistic scenario of the house selling and the judge telling us both to go rent but getting to that point is going to be hell, let alone then having a working parental relationship with her afterwards. 

She's a total lunatic.

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