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  11 Year old wants to live with me
Posted by: Gingerwiz - 09-20-2018, 01:55 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

I have a child arrangements order in place for past 3 years for my 2 boys now aged 11 & 7.
Eldest ran away in April at end of school day and turned up at my mums. He remained with me overnight on advice of school safeguarding officer. Eldest has also refused to return to his mum on 2 other occasions.
First occasion, I warned ex and she turned up with parents. I invited them in but after 2 hours I told them to either drag him out or call the police. They decided to leave him with me and we would meet to talk. few days later, meeting cancelled and solicitors involved.

On other occasion I made him leave my home and closed the door, but as she couldn't get him in car, she drove off and left him on the front. I brought him in after 15 mins. She ignored all calls and texts and refused to talk. Solicitors letters ensued stating I was in breach, but I had already contacted them telling them their client was ignoring me and that I had returned him to her care, she just couldn't control him. So I decided it was time to go back to court as he was and is upset each time he leaves my home. 

So, I went back to court in June as he wants to live with me full time. Section 7 ordered and officers recommendation last week is no change to living arrangements as per original order (Alternative weekends with me Fri to Mon 6.30 pm and every Mon/Wed from school until 6.30 pm & half of all school holidays too apart from Christmas as I get a bit less) but report does tell the court to acknowledge that both sons need extra time with me and knows that both parents will have different opinions on what exactly extra time is. Son told Cafcass he will simply get bus from school to mine or my mums every night and refuse to leave if order remains the same or he doesn't get to live with me more. I have made him promise not to run away whilst I brought things to court and to just try to be calm around his mum. He has found this hard but has stuck to it.

In court next week and solicitor already advised that judge won't go against report and so it's see what is offered and barter or go to a 3rd hearing with possibly same outcome. Son won't be happy. Cafcass do acknowledge he is intelligent and quite mature for an 11 year old. Extra cost for a 3rd hearing will break the bank but part of me knows I have then done everything I can for my son and he will know that too.

I have always maintained I would like 50/50 with both boys but she would have me have no contact if she could and admitted this in front of boys. Cafcass acknowledge boys are cared for, loved and there are no issues in my home. Son argues and fights with his mum (I know how frustrating she can be and she is not very maternal), Cafcass see this as normal arguments and in part it's also because son blames mum for not being allowed to live with me more. Son knew 3 years ago it's not what I wanted, but it was a case of deal or let judge decide and Judge had already let me know I wouldn't get what I was being offered if left to him.

So, what happens if son keeps carrying out his threats. I can always make him leave his home with me but I refuse to drag him into her car. I also won't punish him for his natural feelings. If he said he wanted to live with his mother more, then I would facilitate that. He knows Police may be called but said that he will just keep running to me. Anyone have experience of this? Will court criticize/punish me in any way? I can't stop him turning up at mine after school every night and 3 years ago I spent months having to drag him from my car every time I returned him to his mum. He is a good son and well behaved and I treat him with respect and as a person. Different parenting styles and mine is about talking whilst his mum expects every order and demand to be followed without delay or question. Eldest and I never argue and he does everything I ask of him as he says he respects me. Youngest is just as good but a bit cheeky at times but he knows his boundaries with me. They don't have it easy with me but son says that ex's home is full of hatred and she is moody. I don't want eldest spinning out of control by being dragged home by police all the time and I don't want repercussions from court.

In short
1) What to do when kids keep turning up when its not your time?
2) What happens when police are called?
3) Will court somehow punish me?
4) What is outcome when this keeps happening?
5) Any cases where judge has gone against Cafcass recommendations? 

Any advice is appreciated.

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  Burden of Proof
Posted by: LTCDAD - 09-20-2018, 01:16 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

At every stage for the last 18 months I have provided the court with evidence... wages slips, bank statements, money i save for kids, flights for kids, school clubs, school fees, evidence of child maintenance... the lot... they must have a file the size of a small car

To be fair, only what has been asked by the judge or recommended by the lawyer... nothing more or less... didn't want to get into reams of text messages and emails trying to prove who is crazier (left that game to the ex)

The judge has also asked the ex to provide documentation but nothing has EVER been put on the file by the ex or her lawyer

We should have our last hearing next week... 50:50 custody was ordered by the judge last year, after my ex applied for sole custody and tried to make me a visitor and we have only holiday schedule (50:50 but ex still not happy) and child maintenance to finalize (I've always paid the right amount but ex refuses to believes it until judge tells her.. ex wants x3 what court says!)

Through all this ... my ex has not submitted one document... not one proof of wages (she needs to here by law as she has to pay % of her wages into the pot) not one bank statement (has been asked for by judge) , not one supportive document to all her lies

I mean the judge could be stronger here and pull ex and her lawyer up... but we just keep going back to court to listen to my ex lies and complaints about why she shoudl have to contribute financially to the kids upbringing 

Now my lawyer is saying if nothing is filed by Monday the ex, then the case will be delayed again for another 3 months

Anyone got any advice?

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  Can a 15 year old be "forced" to see other parent..
Posted by: Joanne25 - 09-20-2018, 12:46 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

I realize this forum is titled separated Dads, I hope as a mum it ok to post here ?

I'm a mum or 2, child one is 21 years old, child 2 is 15 (16 in February)

I have been divorced for over 12 years now, the children live with me and have always had regular contact with there father.

This changed earlier this year, after a normal weekend visit with there father they have both decided they dont want to see him again, its now been 9 months since they have seen him last. The reason is due to the kids being witness to some kind of family argument which was alcohol fulled  - whilst this didn't involve the children directly this would appear to of impacted them)

Child one is of course  of age and free to make there own choices.

Child two is 15, 16 in feb

Its worth pointing out that on several occasions since I have encouraged child two to make contact with father, they point black refuse. Earlier this year I also emailed there father making him aware of my efforts.

Today I have received a letter, the father has involved a solicitor and wants to force the issue. He doesn't want to go to court but wants child two to attend mediation, child 2 has no interest in doing so.

In February they turn 16, from what im led to believe once this happens they come of age and can do as they please with regards to who they see ?

Can child 2 be forced to attend mediation ? 


If they refused would there any value in the father using the courts to seek a child arrangement order, if they did would there be enough time, child 2 turns 16 in feb - even if this was the course of action it seems a little pointless, child 2 is adamant - surely the courts wouldn't force her ? (she is of sound mind and body - this really is how she feels)

Bottom line, when I look at the letter received I pretty much agree, I also would like child 2 to resume contact, but she simply doesn't want to....

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  recomended solicitor in Birmingham?
Posted by: DaveyBoy - 09-20-2018, 10:07 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

Hi there, I may have to go to court to obtain reasonable child access, or at least to initiate mediation. I had a look online for solicitors, but it seems like a bit of a minefield, and I can't see a decent review site. Can anyone recommend a decent solicitor in Birmingham for dealing with family issues?

thanks in advance

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  Keeping physically fit - Meet more women & be strong and capable for your children
Posted by: Tamagoto - 09-20-2018, 09:24 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

Hey folks - most of us have been in some sort of long term relationship, had children and in some way been 'put back on the shelf'. I don't know about you but in the 10 years I was with my ex wife, I definitely let myself go a bit. I put on weight, lost strength etc. Now I'm single again I want to look my best, feel my best.

I am 2.02m & 104KG. That's a BMI of 25.4.
I was 118KG, BMI 30.1

I ride 50K per day and do strength training at the gym 3-4 times a week. My watch tells me my BMI every time I look at the time. I get on the scales every day and have done for 5 years. The scales talk to my phone and gives me a trend. I have healthy food delivered from AllPLants every 2 weeks for my dinners and I eat Huel for lunch (Skip breakfast).

I will be 95KG when this is over.

[Image: IMG_1545.png]

Three main reasons:

- To be strong for my children so I can play with them, take them places and not be held back by my body
- So I can be in relationships with attractive women, if that's for one night or the rest of my life
- So I can rub my exes nose in it a little bit at pick up time!

How do we do this:

- Get some good exercise every single day
- Create a routine. You don't ask "Am I going to the gym this lunch?" - you just go. Every damned time
- Eat better. I'm vegan, you don't have to be but it sure as hell makes it easy to eat healthy food. Like, really easy. Even meat free Mondays will help you.


Resources:
Nike running app (free, Android & iPhone)
Nike work out app (free, Android & iPhone)
Nokia Smart Scales
Apple Watch
Lean Gains
Cheap, healthy regular deliveries of nutritious food from AllPlants
Get Huel delivered (£10 off) to your door

(The food links are both referral links, if you buy something though I'll stick a tenner donation over to Childline instead of taking it myself ok?)

What can I add to this guide to make it useful for all of us?

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  Threatening Supervised visits
Posted by: Dave_R - 09-20-2018, 07:51 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (6)

Hi everyone,

Looking for some advice, my son is 18 months old and so far I have been seeing him regularly, there have been a lot of bumps along the way and meditation was required but we got there eventually.

Basically what has happened in the last few days is, I started seeing a new lady in my life but I haven't told my ex about her, it's still early days and I wasn't planning on introducing her to my son yet so didn't feel there was any need to disclose my personal affairs to my ex partner, especially when she's been known in the past to kick up any trouble when there's been any sniff of me meeting someone new.

Now she has heard about the relationship from someone else and has hurled a fair bit of abuse my way but during that has threatened me with supervised visits only because "she can't trust me not to lie to her". 

Is this actually something she can do? I'm not a risk to my son and everything has been fine up to now so should I be worried?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

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  Too old to start again?
Posted by: SherryDan - 09-19-2018, 06:27 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (11)

Im 40. My hairline is receding, but I used to be an ok looking guy. bit out of shape, but nothing a few months at the gym wont fix.

Despite the shit storm Im going through, I enjoyed being a dad (I know I still am), and a husband. I just made a poor choice of wife.

Im not in a rush, but is it too late for me to find something with a younger woman, maybe one day have a family again? I know its crazy to think that when this is going on. 

Even before this I had often heard that second marriages were happier.

Just from a numbers point of view, Id have to be looking at woman 8-12 years younger, (biological clock and all), is that realistic?

Anyway Ive just had a tough day and am rambling.

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  Guidance
Posted by: pikachu - 09-19-2018, 03:22 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)

Hi people

The ex chose to go to her native country Lithuania to give birth, she left UK in January - expected due date was in May 2018. She deleted her Facebook and mobile phone numbers, the only information I hold is her bank account details.
She refused to do mediation, therefore i do not have any court form papers. I will very much appreciate some pointers in what I can do to request DNA testing as a primary action. She said she would return to UK in September 2018 , however, I have had no contact. Thank you for reading, any thoughts , or questions, please post and I will surely reply!

Angel Heart Angel

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  Declaring maintenace payments in a mortgage application
Posted by: bavdav - 09-19-2018, 02:54 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (12)

Hi all, looking for some real world advice.

I'm separated (soon to be divorced) and all legal agreements are in place around finances.

What I'm looking at now is trying to get a mortgage for myself, while I'm still paying a hefty chunk of maintenance. I can afford to pay a lot more than I'm being offered by the lenders, and I'm told it's simply because their affordability model sees that maintenance sum as a big problem.

So I'm wondering if I pay that maintenance from a savings account instead (and move money into my "savings" on a regular basis), whether it then constitutes fraud when I don't declare any maintenance payments in my mortgage application.

Seems like a simple way around, has anyone any experience in this regard?

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  Child Maintenance + New Partner
Posted by: Wozza - 09-19-2018, 01:56 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (3)

When I moved out I agreed to split the household fees with my separated partner by family members. It is more than what the gov.uk calculates as the child maintenance required payment is. I wanted to make sure my kids are taken care of but I also stipulated if someone new moves in that this amount would have to reflect that she has a new partner in her life and the costs would shift dramatically... 

Currently, I agreed on £630/pm. But this is largely based on covering my portion of the rent plus for the children. With my ex having a new partner move in end of this month, I'm not happy to subsidise his living costs while living with my ex. Calculator shows a payment of £400pm. My ex has proposed adjustments of less £100 difference expecting £530pm. 

I have my kids for 10 days a month at present and 6 days/week during the recent school holidays. 

What are my options here? How do I handle the new negotiations to reflect support for the kids BUT not being taken for a ride?

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