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Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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Child care
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Post separation doing stu...
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Two days on......
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America ahead of the UK
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
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Solicitor or Not?
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: Hazy
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  Paternity leave - notice and eligability
Posted by: JH86 - 01-16-2018, 03:36 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hi I'm new to this forum and parenting, so don't judge me for my failures here. Time has flown by during the pregnancy and now I'm in a quandary.

I'm expecting my child to be born in the next 3-4 weeks and I'm separated from the mother.

Firstly, I had no idea of the 15 week notice period for booking paternity leave for work and so as it has long passed, can somebody tell me if I will still be able to book it?

Second, like with most employers, my HR dept requires an SC3 form from gov.uk. However, it won't let me fill in the form unless I declare that I intend to be in a an "enduring relationship with the mother". Is there any way around this as it seems very unfair?

I did some research online and all I found was some information about qualifying if I intend to help out with childcare from birth, which I do. But I can't seem to find any other way to apply.

Any info would be very helpful as I'm (obviously) clueless!

Thanks

J

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  Final hearing statement help
Posted by: DSmith66 - 01-16-2018, 03:24 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

Hi all, new to the site and have read through a lot of the posts. I'm in need of some help and advise. After 15 months of fighting to see my daughter and 6 court hearings, I now have a final hearing mid April. I've had section 7 section 37 reports and updates all showing my ex has parentally alienated my daughter. Cafcass not much use as was the core access option.
I've to write a statement based on section 1 (3) of the child act 89 and based on the 4 option the Judge will decide one of. flip residency which social services favour, no contact which cafcass favour for some reason direct or non direct access with my daughter still living with my ex. Which I can't working as she's hell bent on me having no contact with my daughter.

I've had the usual accusations thrown at me all I've proven to be lies. I'm representing myself as my divorce legal costs have been over £20k, the positives are that the same judge who has had 4 of the hearings is the final hearing judge. Just really frustrated she has done nothing about how my ex has flatly refused social services independent access to my daughter. She's even admitted in court to recording the meetings.

Any suggestions or guidance would be really appreciated, I', in court for my final finance hearing in two weeks as well, as my ex wants pretty much everything I own and vital body organs.

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  Two kids, another on way
Posted by: Iceman1875 - 01-16-2018, 12:33 PM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - No Replies

Afternoon All,

first post!

I have two children from a previous relationship. I have paid for them since they were born and continue to do so. This was set up by the CSA initially but I now pay direct.

My new partner is expecting in the summer and I'm keen to understand what percentage (approx) will I pay for my two existing kids from my monthly salary in comparison to what % i'm currently paying.

I appreciate this won't be 100% accurate but looking for a steer from Dad's who have been in similar positions.

Many thanks for your help.

Iceman

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  Long distance dad. Does it work for you?
Posted by: harrison404 - 01-16-2018, 09:17 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (5)

So it's been almost a year since the world I knew fell apart and my relationship with my children irreversibly changed forever.
The exit strategy my ex chose to get out of our 14 year marriage (19 year relationship) was cruel and selfish beyond belief. She cheated and lied as far as she could, and predictably behaves like a woman abandoned and scorned now that the love of her life ran for the hills within days of the affair being revealed. I prefer not to go over old ground as I almost lost my mind due to her callousness and ended up quite ill. After plenty of counselling and advice I took the bold decision to relocate nearly 3 hours away to be around family and  friends in order to get myself well and fundamentally remaining a healthy, happy dad to my two children 11 & 5. 
The situation was that as I'd worked from home over the last 10 years I had no support network where I was. My days we're spent taking the children back and forward to school, a very much hands on dad, with them everyday. One of my ex's parting words we're that I concentrated on the family too much and not her.
So we sold the house, as neither of us we're in a financial position to buy each other out and we went our separate ways. The children live with her and I get to see them every other weekend and half of the school holidays, with plenty of texting and FaceTime contact. Although it's not amicable there has been nothing obstructive in terms of access from her so far. She even brings them half way for pick up's and drop offs and I was lucky enough to have them for the whole of christmas week, including christmas day. However I am under no illusion that this will probably change over time, and she won't always be so agreeable.
As for my own hapiness, I've moved on leaps and bounds and settled in with a lovely woman, with two children from her previous marriage, and our blended family is getting along fine. I'm sure that will have it's pitfalls along the way.
However, not a day goes by without the deep pain of missing my children everyday. I suspect that will never go away. I text my daughter everyday and keep in constant communication with the school about their welfare and education, but the truth of the matter is I can never really be the constant supportive presence to them. sharing everyday mundane moments are gone, being there in an instant should anything happen isn't physically possible.
I try not to dwell on this as I can see it spiralling into bouts of depression, and I although I do have moments of doubt I know deep down that I made the right decision for the good of my own health. Some may not agree, but I can't allow myself to be shamed by slurs such as "deadbeat dad" or "disney dad". I know I'm a caring, loving father.

I'd like to hear other dad's experiences on this, how they've coped over the years in a similar situation. if their relationship with their children suffered or blossomed.

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  Helping her kids dad get access
Posted by: Danmy150112 - 01-16-2018, 08:10 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (2)

Hi, I'm looking for advice regarding helping my ex girlfriends daughter contact with her father. I've read through these forums and thank my lucky stars my children have a mother who put their needs first...I've been a real dick in the past, my ex has grounds to hate me but has never limited my contact as she knows I'm a good dad...just a bad partner! Lol 
Anyway, my reason for joining is this, I've recently split from my girlfriend who had 3 grown up kids to one dad and a 12 yr old daughter to another. The moment we started dating I was told horror stories of violence, control, rape and even an attempt to run his own daughter over which I had no reason to question,  I class myself as old school...real men don't hit women, nobody should hurt children etc. When the relationship first started I was taken in by this and when she kept saying her ex was bound to come and beat her at xmas as he always does I contacted the ex, advised him to "do some homework " on me and consider the consequences of upsetting my girlfriend. 
Xmas came and went, no drama...except an argument between me and my girlfriend over her intercepting a xmas card from him to his daughter. The daughter is a lovely kid although hard work due to autism and adhd...she has the mental age of a 5 to 6 year old. Initially I was concerned about her behavior with me as I saw it as inappropriate that a 12 yr old girl should want to sit on my lap and cuddle me within 20 minutes of knowing me...I know I'm not a nonce.. But her mum didn't know that. Anyway, she's told that her dad wants nothing to do with her and he's constantly slagged off as a nasty wife beating monster...which I tried to comment on being wrong and received a torrent of hateful abuse so didn't bring the subject of why she can't see her dad up again. Shortly after new year I found some paperwork relating to some kind of injunction/non molestation order and questioned it...It had expired and she intended renewing it to keep the daughters dad away...I told her to leave it as I'd warned him not to come anywhere near the house. 
Over the last two weeks I've caught her out telling whopping lies to me and as a result ended the relationship, the trouble is I can't help thinking about whether anything else she's told me is a lie? Just supposing the girls dad didn't beat/rape/abuse my ex? Maybe he never tried to run his own daughter over? 
So I did a bit of online searching regarding her ex..he's a school caretaker? (surely mere allegations of rape and attempted abduction would hinder getting such a job as an enhanced crb check would flag him as violent and a suspected rapist?) allegedly the rape case was thrown from court due to someone saying she had told her the allegation was false? 
So I dug a little further, this man appears to be in a good relationship with his current partner and has been for last 5 years..his new partner regularly posting comments on social media saying what a great man he is...his social media is a continuous stream of posts regarding how he misses his daughter? 
He also has 3 other daughters (different mum) that he appears to have a great relationship with..I can't understand how he could be such a threat to his 12 yr old and be a good dad to his other kids...all the evidence piles up to say it's more likely he's a victim of her vile lies and as such the poor daughter is missing a much needed father figure in her life. 
I feel I can't abandon the poor girl, but really don't know the best way to help? Yes, I will admit that there is a tiny part of me that'd get a kick out of helping him get access as a kind of revenge for lying to me...But my primary concern is the daughters wellbeing,  due to her problems I feel she needs her dad more than ever...But in the off chance that some of her mother's views on him were true I'd not like to think I'd helped put a vulnerable girl around an abusive man? 
Do I contact him? Do I contact social services to pass the decision to them? Or would they simply view my opinions as those of an angry ex partner? 
I suppose I'm kind of hoping the dad is a member on here and reads this? Lol
I just want to do the right thing where this very clingy, overly affectionate (in my opinion)young girl is concerned, I know i need to,say or do something...But what???

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  Child care
Posted by: gregg - 01-16-2018, 01:15 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (7)

Hello
       My girlfriend ended our 9 year relationship 3 weeks before christmas and I moved out.
I have a son who is six and a 14 year old stepdaughter and at the time of our seperation I had job mon to fri dayshift,my ex partner works thursday friday and saturday evenings and sunday during the day.I took the news of our seperation very hard,it was very stressfull
and am suffering from anxiety and depression and insomnia.During the the last 4-5 weeks I have been watching my 6 year old boy throughout the holidays 3-4 days a week and supporting her financially till we came to some arrangment which I hoped we could reach.
unfortunately my work was less than supportive even though i was never late or missed a day of work and was going to work with little or no sleep and was very forthcoming about the situation.2 hrs after I told them I was going see my doctor they summoned me for a meeting and sacked me.

The week before I was sacked I had talked to my ex about how I was feeling and agreed to watch my son every weekend friday - sun but wanted to have 2 saturdays a month off and she agreed.soon after I was sacked I recieved a letter from a lawyer on my girfriends behalf telling me basically that I have to watch my son friday to monday because of my girlfriends hrs and that she would consider taking a saturday off if I paid her the money she would lose for taking time off.she also said she would be happy for my parents or my sister to watch my son and although her own mother stays 5 min away she not willing to help nor has ever helped with the care of my son but is willing to watch my stepdaughter.
I am burnt out unemployed and now taking sleeping tablets for my insomia and mentally not in a good place right now.

God knows I love my son to bits but am falling to bits myself and only wanted a few saturdays a month to see my friends a repair the damaged done to myself over this terrible situation.Now I have to get my own lawyer to see where I stand legally which I had no intention of doing.
Can someone tell me where I stand legally or give me any advice ? I feel I have done everything right but she is not willing to make any comprimises and all the responsibilty for my sons care is being laid upon my family and none on her own.Any Advice would be very much appreiciated

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  Solicitor in North East?
Posted by: Charlie7000 - 01-15-2018, 10:28 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

Anyone had a good Solicitor in North East?

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  1st hearing
Posted by: Scott101 - 01-15-2018, 04:06 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Does any one have any advice please as im about to go to court on the 29th of january for the first time - i am self representing and am usure if my ex has any legal backing - im taking her to court to fight for the right to see
My son - i have an appontment with cafcass on Thursday - i have no idea wat to expect or if im allowed to take friends family with me
To the courts not that inwant too but mainly as support ,
I also want to apply for access immidiatley to my son how do i go abput that ? Sounds silly but ive done all the application an now court looms
I tealise how clueless i am .

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  How do you make complaints to the about the court?
Posted by: Charlielovesyou - 01-15-2018, 01:23 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (5)

It seems that everything about the court system is implicit on helping the mother keep me from having contact with my daughter.  

When i started this process, the court lost my paperwork and kept telling me i had to wait 15-21 working days for it to be processed. Only after this time someone told me they actually had no record of my application so i had to go down straight away with another copy and hand it directly to the clerk. This wasted 6 weeks and they still said i would have to wait for another 6 weeks for a hearing. So it took me 3 months or more just to get the first hearing because of the courts incompetence. 

After the ex just deciding not to turn up and nothing being said or done about it for the next 2 hearings i finally got an order on January 5th. In the court they assured me that because i needed to sort out contact that they would email me the order and send the one with the court stamp at the same time so i could show the contact centre. I am still yet to receive the order despite speaking to the administration phone line and being told its marked as urgent, but as of Friday hadnt even been typed up yet. They also told me it will take upto 10 working days for it to be sent out. I then got an answer phone message from the court saying the order is marked as urgent and will be processed. I have tried to call back and they have just fobbed me off saying that if woman that left the message was not expecting your call you need to go back through the referral system to get a call back which i have already done once. This again can take 2-3 days. I tried to call them back again in the hope i would get put through to the person who called me and they said that they think i have not done what i was supposed to do and called to get a call back, even though id already had the call back and i was trying to follow it up. She then lied to me about her not being in the office today despite the last person telling me that she was, but refusing to put me through unless she was expecting my call. I have also just spoken to them again and they are making excuses about how its probably because they dont have the resources to deal with it and there is nothing they can do. 

This has meant that even thought the ex has decided to not answer calls or call the contact centre back to arrange contact last weekend, i am unable to show them the order.  They are saying we can still go ahead without it if the mother agrees! Why is it everyone always brings this line up during anything? Every step along the process i always get if the mother agrees.  She knows what was agreed and ordered in court but she is unlikely to agree to anything if you give her a get out free card. 

All i want is the court order which should have been given to me, 7 working days is by no means urgent. Sorry for the rant but im starting to think this is all some sort of joke.  They are delaying the court order being implemented when im back in court on the 21st March, already missed/wasted 1 week and could be possibly 2. Surely there is something that you can do about this crap?

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  Not good
Posted by: Charlie7000 - 01-15-2018, 01:17 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Interim order is not an order for the time (that bit is just an agreement), only for SPIPP, mediation and statements.  Ex is implementing swaps anyway and now saying I will not see son at all unless I produce a document at mediation in a couple of days (she's making further allegations).  Hearing isn't for 6 weeks. I have a document but it's not the one she wants! (Cant say much more on thatright now).

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