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Recently Separated So Adv...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: FlummoxedFather
3 hours ago
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Interim Child Contact
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: Charlie7000
3 hours ago
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» Views: 60
Parental Alienation
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: Jim
3 hours ago
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» Views: 269
Studio flat and overnight...
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: Charlie7000
3 hours ago
» Replies: 7
» Views: 86
Seeking separation and di...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: Jim
3 hours ago
» Replies: 31
» Views: 398
Ex has had multiple partn...
Forum: New Partners, Relationships
Last Post: Redington
3 hours ago
» Replies: 2
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Cafcass Letter
Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements
Last Post: Drayton359
4 hours ago
» Replies: 17
» Views: 318
Ex demanding more and mor...
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
Last Post: AV82
5 hours ago
» Replies: 3
» Views: 102
Never get involved with a...
Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads
Last Post: skfarouk
5 hours ago
» Replies: 5
» Views: 1,602
Child Benefit
Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc
Last Post: MarkR
6 hours ago
» Replies: 1
» Views: 27

 
  Interim Child Contact
Posted by: Akarou - 04-21-2018, 04:09 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

Hi everyone,

I am posting this more to vent more than anything, but today my ex-wife arrived at the contact centre with my two sons aged 2 and the youngest 8 months. Since leaving she has purposely restricted and prevented me having any contact with my sons until an interim contact order was setup and agreed to at the end of March as the next hearing for the final directions hearing on the 25th (Wednesday).

In the interim contact order there are no restrictions on other persons attending with me. Last Saturday my Mum attended with me and spent thenwhole three hours with me and the boys, this week however my ex wife decided the minute she saw my brother that she would cause a scene shouting “NO” as loud as possible before dragging my son away in complete distress because he couldn’t see me. Her reasons were:

- That the contact order forbids my family seeing my sons, to which it does not state anything such. It doesn’t even state her family can be involved or not.

- That she had no intention of allowing contact and didn’t want to have it occur.

- She refused to return when my brother said he would leave so I could spend time with my sons.

- She tried claiming that my brother was shouting at her.

- She encouraged her sister to try and purposefully antagonise a violent reaction from me by entertainment the contact centre hostile towards me and my brother. Too which I asked the staff to remove her as she cancelled my FaceTime contact on the grounds “communication had broken down” and felt she couldn’t continue the contact. Yet she had the audacity to say that she was going to sit in on my session today to monitor me. Which means she would have been in direct contact with me, even though my ex wife’s Non-Molestation Order states no direct or indirect contact with my ex or her family. I even received a letter from her solicitor saying as such when they stopped my FaceTime contact.

I am absolutely livid that my ex who has consistently abused me has decided on whims that she can cease my contact when she feels she can. The contact centre staff witnessed everything that occurred today and said that what she has done is completely wrong and unjust and that she is making the situation all about herself and not about our sons. The contact centre staff even noted how she outright lied that my brother had shouted at her, they even acknowledged that they were forcefully trying to provoke a violent reaction from me to breach the Non-Molestation Order as they have no evidence to back the false allegations I have been slandered with.

I am so angry that my sons have to be put into a situation that they see me and get ripped away from because she feels that she can use the court order by any implied context and not what is actually stated. I even showed the order to the centre staff who noted that she had breached the agreed contact order in doing so.

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  Ex lies
Posted by: des.dad - 04-21-2018, 10:30 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (5)

My EX lied to the court , claiming i raped her and also, that i kicked her stomach which resulted in her losing our child. During the finding of fact, it was clear that she had aborted 2 pregnancy which i never knew about during our marriage together. It was also discovered she had lied.

I really want to know how can someone who had done all that , still walks free. This mystery i need someone to explain please or will she get any sentences during the final hearing.


Presently , the court has ordered a company to help build the lost 5 years relationship between I and my daughter as i have not seen her for 5 years . She has been lied to about me that i left her and ran away with another woman which all this are lies.

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  How do you start again...
Posted by: Jambofell - 04-20-2018, 09:38 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (21)

Hi, I’ve been reading posts on here for a while and, well basically tonight I need some advice...

It’s not about the separation or the divorce... I’ll ask about that later when it starts ;I’ve saod I’ll support her until she has finished her masters, again i know I’m being shafted but at the time I wasn’t in the right place mentally to say no and I made a commitment and I stick to them once I’ve made them).... we separate 6 months ago... not my decision... yes I made mistakes and at times my behaviour was less then exemplary but, I’ve been in therapy for 18 months (issues from childhood impacting on my adult life) and I’ve realised it’s not all me! I’m not totally to blame and she made the decision that she didn’t love me (might have been the lecture she was shagging!!) so... although we haven’t started the divorce and I know I’m being ripped off financially... how do you start again?

I left my home town at 18... we were married at 22... at that time I was in the military so we moved around a lot... we moved to be in her home town after my medical discharge and after I retrained at uni...

After the separation I moved to a town 10 miles from her and my 2 kids. Access is good, she understands they are my life, I get them every other weekwnd and 1 night a week so I know I have it easy compared to some of you guys on here but...

I live in a town where I know no one... my work means I’m the only bloke... I’m surrounded by either 50+ year old women or 21 year olds (they ars good to look at but not the age to go out with lol) but I’m just 39...

I have no friends in the area... all of our social life was around her friends... and, as expected, they have stayed true to her (despite her family and a some friends messaging me saying they think she is in the wrong, they have all stayed true to her)...

All of my family live 150 miles away... I have a few old friends that I have made contact with again but, again they live at least 100 miles away...

How the hell do you make new friends at 39?!? (I’m in Fareham in Hampshire of any of you want a tag along lol)...

My work is quite demanding do the weeks do fly buy but... as sad as it is to say, I’m lonely...

Any advice on how I start to meet people? I’m not out to find a relationship... I’m deffo not ready for that but... I’d like to meet some guys to you out and watch the rugby, have a beer, just be... I need a man pack lol!

Anyone else on here in the same situation?

Hobbies... well I don’t really have any... my life has been about providing for her and the kids and I’ve always put my stuff on hold... so much so that I don’t even know where to begin...

Sorry to ramble but... how the feck do you meet “mates” at nearly 40!!!

Thanks for any advice!!

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  Interim maintenance order
Posted by: beehive84 - 04-20-2018, 09:19 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies

Whats the score with this since I read spousal maintenance is rare these-days. 

I'm currently paying the full mortgage and voluntary child maint (third of my income) and shes after a interim order for practically 60% to 80%  of my total income. 

She lives at the family home with her two adult parents whom don't contribute to the mortgage 
Her main gripe will be unsecured loans she took out in her name shortly before we separated. (car loan and business loan)

As her maternity pay is almost over anyway (one 7 month child) it doesn't seem unreasonable to me she can return to the highly paid qualified work she did only a year ago.

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  Timescales for increasing contact
Posted by: Rabbit - 04-20-2018, 08:31 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (7)

Hello separated Dads!

Firstly; thankyou for posting on this forum. Your outpourings have been a useful and reassuring resource over the last year or so.

I'm seeking some idea of the timescales the courts have ordered for increasing your contact up to weekend stays.

My son has recently turned 2 years old, and various posts lead me to believe that I could now expect weekend stays.

For the last year (since separation) I've had him for 1 weekday afternoon (6 hours) and 1 weekend day (11am-7pm) plus the odd few hours when his mum had an appointment in my town.

We recently attended mediation in an attempt to sort overnight stays. I abandoned it after it became plain that mum wasn't going to budge.

The good news is that within 30 minutes of me walking with the appropriate C100 page signed by the mediator, mum was on the phone offering 1 overnight stay plus the following day every second weekend.

I've accepted this and enjoyed the first overnight stay.

However, it appears that this is unlikely to increase any time soon. She's unwilling to set a schedule for increasing contact, and she's told me that I won't be having him for the weekend any time over the next 4 months.

I worry that she's just running down the clock on the signed mediation form.

So, were I to involve the courts, could I expect them to set a specific timed schedule of increasing contact?

What might that look like?

e.g.
X? weeks of 1 overnight stay including following day
X? weeks of both days either side of the overnight stay
Then full on fun-filled weekends camping with Daddy forever!

Your experiences would be really helpful.

Feel free to tell me if you think I'm asking too much too soon, I realise many of you are suffering far more restrictions.

Thanks for reading.

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  Feeling Alone and Worthless
Posted by: GC1974 - 04-20-2018, 11:56 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (19)

15 months on, and I don't smile at all unless my children are with me.
Now my job is turning rubbish aswell.

At 6pm tonight I pick my son up for his karate lesson, but will have to put up with her and him playing happy families with my sons.

When do I get to smile again...........

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  Last name
Posted by: AnomDad - 04-20-2018, 10:44 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

hi guys,

I've posted recently about my ex. We have two kids, with a court order to say shared custody with 50/50 care. 

She's had another baby and is now engaged.. a while ago she said that she wanted to change our children's names to her partners last name and you guys said she couldn't. But now she's coming back to say that she's going to look at hyphening it so it would be my last name then her partner said last name.... Doesn't this give her any le-way if I don't agree?

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  Online dating
Posted by: Jim - 04-20-2018, 08:49 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (37)

The other day I had an impulse come right out of nowhere and joined an online dating site. Odd thing to do because only a couple of days earlier I had decided it was definitely NOT the thing to do at all and I think for the time being at least it's right. I'm not sure why I did it. Maybe it's to get a feel for what life is going to be like after divorce. I have been chatting to some women and one thing they say is it's a minefield and it's been a steep learning curve for me. Here's something one of them told me. I thought I would post it here in case it's useful information. This is what she told me:

You seem one of the good guys, but trust me most are not what they look like on their profiles. If you look are looking at other sites, give Plenty of Fish a wide berth, Match.com is full of hackers and scammers and The Times, Telegraph, Saga, Classic FM, plus a few others are all Dating Lab so don't waste your money doing any others if you are on one of them. This is the best of a bad bunch, but the majority of members are Home County based and many won't travel.

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  Interferance at school pickups
Posted by: Charlie7000 - 04-20-2018, 01:38 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

So much for recitals.  There are specific ones saying son is allowed to keep his school bag and all other school items on him when I collect him from school.  They are there because ex is there every day to collect her other child and had been taking these away from him so he came empty handed and couldn't do homework here (which he has always done for years).  She is still doing it.  The excuse is she has to give him his mobile phone so he has to go to her first and she then removes the schoolwork from the bag.  So he comes with his bag but with x all in it.  Likewise she has told him not to eat the packed lunch I provide but takes him another one!  It is also in the recitals that the care day parent provides the packed lunch.  Which I am doing and she will claim he doesn't want it, only her packed lunch.  If it wasn't for the phone he'd have no reason to go to her first.  Judge decided he could have his phone (probably not realising the palaver it means at school pickups).  She won't give it to me as she won't go anywhere near me or speak to me.

Should I do something about this or let it go?  School have already complained that his homework doesn't get done but she just tells him off for not doing it then (when they need a bit of encouragement to do it or a bit of help even).

I was told if she didn't keep to this agreement I could apply for a specific issues order, but is it worth it? You can take a horse to water and all that.  Prolem is it just makes it uncomfortable for son.  The idea of the recitals was I could collect him without her interference and technically he lives with me from the moment he walks out of the door.  She's just ignoring it!

Her other son comes out first so there is no reason for her to hang around. Am wondering if I could just get a specific issues order to say she should leave after collecting her other son, the phone can be left at the school office and she isn't to be there on my time. It all sounds so trivial but the effect is to restrict son's normal life with me and makes him uncomfortable.

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  Cafcass Letter
Posted by: Drayton359 - 04-19-2018, 09:18 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (17)

Just had my letter and my ex said some things that isn't true, claimed she threw me out of the house after confronting me but never happened and said something else that never happened.

When do I dispute those as she made it sound bad for me, trying to say she is offering me contact but I wont go ahead yet the past 10 times I asked she given some excuse or just said no.

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