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  Is it domestic violence?
Posted by: Robert London - 07-11-2018, 09:44 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

Hi everyone, last year October time I picked up my son 3 yrs at that time from childminder at 4 and was meant to bring him 7 o'clock because she didn't want me to know where she lives she would tell me to drop him off on the road 200 yards away from the block of flats she lives in as soon as I text " I'm here " she comes outside and take him of me. On that evening when I texted her she decided to switch off the phone and made me and my son wait in the car for her to come for half hour, at this point I decided to drive back to my house as my son had a long day and was hungry so those games are nasty. The moment I started to drive off she called saying that she had no reception I know she was hiding behind the curtain as I saw her so I stopped the car and when she came very slowly walking towards me I said that she shouldn't be using our son in order to be horrible to me she said she doesn't want to speak to me and walked straight into me pushing me kind of out of her way I tapped her shoulder it wasn't a push but close to it and said to her " don't u dare pushing me I brought ur child home " I went home and texted her " why u always so agresive "
Next two days police called me that I should come for voluntary interview next week so I went there they said that I assaulted her by pushing her on that night I made my own statement etc and I left next four weeks I didn't see my son only when police called me after 3 weeks or so that they don't have evidence and cctv they won't be pursuing this any further so it was dropped. That's when she started to let me see him again it's been 9 months since then and no charges or anything does it stand as domestic violence if we ever go court or not?

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  Where to live advice needed!
Posted by: Ja85 - 07-11-2018, 07:21 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

Me and my wife separated last year, we have 2 two young children (2 & 5), and are getting on fine. I have the kids 3 nights a week and so far no drama.
We own a house together, and I have no plan to sell it yet, it’s my kids home and I know my ex can’t afford anything else. However, this leaves me in a crappy place. I currently live in a flat above my work, but it’s a small 1 bedroom place. When the kids come over, I sleep on a blow up bed and my 5 year old has the bed and my little ones in a cot. But I can’t keep living like this, but as I’m still paying the mortgage and maintenance of my old house, I can’t afford to rent anything else.
Has anyone else been in a similar position. I have no idea if there are any other options out there...

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  Need opinions regarding the ex breaching her own Non-Molestation Order.
Posted by: Akarou - 07-10-2018, 11:06 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (13)

Hi everyone,

I have a bit if a dilemma here and was hoping that someone might have some advice.

My estranged wife left in February and applied for a Non-Molestation Order. This was all based on lies and false allegations. I provided an undertaking as I wanted her to feel safe feeling it necessary to make her feel I was attempting to prove I would do anything to protect even against myself, regardless of the allegations being false. Suppose that is what happens when you have blind love?

Anyway to cut to the point my wife is using the Non-Molestation Order in my Child Arrangements Order, where I am seeking fair access to my two sons, claiming mental health and instability. I have adhered to the terms that were imposed, had no contact and moved on with my life and am purely focused on getting fair and equal access to my sons as they are both young.

I sent over to the court while carbon copying her solicitor and her into the same email, my Scott Schedule for my allegations of domestic abuse that I have sustained, my statement, my evidence exhibits and all of the relevant GP medical records for the last year that prove I am not mentally ill as she tried to have me diagnosed as by trying to sway my GP.

About three hours after sending the court papers to the relevant parties as I was ordered to do by the court in the last order on the 25th April, my wife decided to call me!

I ignored the first call and when she called back I let my friend answer the phone. She went on to ask him why I was supposedly lying despite having evidenced all of the instances of domestic abuse as everything was true. She then went on to claim that if she called me I could speak with her, and then wanted to speak to me to say sorry for everything and that she wasn’t sure what she was doing and just felt lonely and wanted to speak with me.

Now I was told by the district judge that I am not allowed direct or indirect contact with my wife under any circumstances and that included if she spoke with me as I could be held in contempt of court and imprisoned for up to five years.
So did I do the right thing ignoring the call? I mean obviously I want to speak with her and be amicable for the kids, I’ve moved on and have no interest in her personal life anymore. The order was not granted on the ex parte basis she applied for as she had no significant evidence to support her allegations, or counter my factual evidence and true accounts of everything. So surely she was attempting to manipulate the situation in order to entrap me and have me prosecuted for contempt of court?

I just don’t know what to do as I know she won’t remove the order, but I am sure that is the only way I can safely speak with her. But right now as we have court on Monday I feel she is just trying to gain the advantage anyway possible because her lies will mow be seen publicly and her for what she really is.

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  sad about coming court case
Posted by: tobyjuggler - 07-10-2018, 07:41 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (5)

have little contact with my 6 month old (I have two other 17,16 from my wife of 15 years who died) as ex cut contact due to my work pattern down to 6 hours per week including a 200 mile round trip anyway I arranged mediation which she didn't attend then submitted a c100 form to have proper and regular access including overnight stays as 6 month old is a 2 hour commute. In the meantime I have mentioned about a dog (bull type breed) who also resides there and a catalogue of events involving a violent elder brother (towards his my/my ex assault and damaging house) all backed up by police and social services and even my exes dad and another of her children who is on social service radar due to ?accidental overdose a year ago pls known to police for not coming home from school several times until midnight sometimes even next day, plus my 6 month old came several weeks ago with a bruised leg however when I enquired about how it happened the responses all centred around money. I had to ask three times and in the end I was told it happened on a high chair. I was advised that a c1a form should be completed too due to domestic violence but I just feel so sad but somehow it must be right for my little ones safety? Really need some assurance one way or another please everyone Ive never really felt this low but deep down I need to do whats right

Thanks everybody

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Posted by: Rawman68 - 07-10-2018, 05:10 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (7)

My wife is keeping a diary and she is documenting everything. Even saying l am neglecting the children. I can't believe at what lengths she is going to and l would never neglect them. I have also kept a diary of events but who will the courts believe. Please help l am not coping well with this and l love my children.

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  How to deal with this request?
Posted by: TheDetective - 07-10-2018, 04:47 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

My partners ex has text him and said their child won't be available for 4 contacts as she is going away. The court order states parents to make reasonable arrangements for holidays. My partner isn't in agreement with this holiday (the holiday is the 10 days directly prior to his first overnight contact meaning his daughter aged 17 months will have a massive change in routine, and then be left with dad overnight for the first time. He doesn't feel it is in her best interest for holidays for either parent at this point).

The order has these specific dates in that she is saying child not available for. It is still in the building up process. So he currently has her 3 days a week 10-6. It needs to build up to 3 nights to go with the 3 days.

What should he do? He isn't in disagreement with holidays, and envisages this should be from the October half term as his daughter should realistically be doing 3 full days and nights by then. He isn't in agreement with what she has basically dictated. It wasn't a request or a discussion, simply a X won't be available for contact on x x x and x dates as we are going away.

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Exclamation Disclosure of earnings
Posted by: linko - 07-10-2018, 03:41 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)

I've been paying CSA/CMS for over 8 years now and have always done my best to keep up the payments for my son.

Recently however, since the Child Maintenance has taken over from the Child Support Agency, I've found out that when the receiving parents are written to and informed of how much the paying parent is supposed to pay each month, and within that letter they state how much the paying parent earns a week!! This has annoyed me beyond words!

Since the introduction of the GDPR, which is supposed to update the existing data protection act so you can keep better control over your personal data, I would have thought that this was in breach of the new act. I spoke to the CMS at some length about this stating that I did not want my details to be passed in to the mother as it was personal data and I did not wish to disclose it. They said they where within there rights to do so.

Hmmm...so I wrote to my MP, and he wrote to them. They responded to him in the same way and he just passed on the letter response to me - cheers!

The CMS tried to justify there actions by stating that they want to make sure any mistakes made are caught by letting the receiving parent have all the figures and calculations they used to arrive at the monthly figure. I think I could just about understand that IF they actually provided ALL of the information.

My arguments -

1. The letter that goes out to the receiving parents states the weekly income of the paying parent and the breakdown of any arrears owing plus the final figure. How on earth can anyone work out if the final figure is correct from that information alone. No percentages are shown, no figures to show other deductions (for number of overnight stays for example), or anything else that could give the parent the correct information to 'check' there workings out.

2. How can the receiving parent possibly know that the figure they are given of the paying parents weekly income is correct or not. They can't check it, meaning all the figures relating to the overall calcs could be irrelevant.

3. Is it not the CMS's job to do these calculations and provide a definite figure?? If not, what are they there for?!

I could go on, but the fact that they also avert my attention to The Child Support Maintenance Calculation Regulations 2012 also makes me laugh as it states:

25.—(1) Notification of a decision made under section 11 or 12(2) of the 1991 Act(1) must set out—

(a)the effective date of the maintenance calculation;

(b)where relevant, the non-resident parent’s gross weekly income, including—

(i)whether that is based on historic income or current income, and

(ii)if based on current income, whether that income has been estimated in accordance with regulation 42;

Now, note section (b) where it says 'where relevant....'. In my opinion it is not relevant to state my weekly income or any other paying parents income as per the points I made previously. But to top it all; the fact that they think that they can just go off to the HMRC, look up my earnings and then just tell people what I earn is an absolute joke and contradicts everything that the data protection act stands for. Once the receiving parent has that information, what is to stop them telling anyone they like. The data is OUT in the public domain and out of our control.

Am I alone in this feeling of outrage???

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  Access to Son
Posted by: Dazt8 - 07-10-2018, 02:54 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Hi, Im really hoping someone can help me out or point me in the right direction....

My ex an i have been split up for just over a year. I have a 3 year old son and although i was never married i have parental responsibility through being on his birth certificate.

I currently have my son stay over two evenings during the week and one day at the weekend however i would like to have him stay 2 evenings during the week and also stay on the day i have him at the weekend too usually Sunday so would also include Sunday night.

My current contact with my Son was all arranged mutually however my ex has recently said things are going to change in September when he starts school and shes trying to push the idea of me only having him every other weekend and maybe once during the week which obviously i don't want!

Alot of the time she will stay at her parents house with our son as well as her own house so including my house our son is currently between 3 houses staying in 3 different beds which is not helping to bring any stability for him.

My ex has taken a new job role that will soon be requiring her to work shifts and i feel her parents are going to be having him alot of the time when i want to be the one who is there for him. 

So basically to sum it up can anyone advise the best way to try and get as much access as possible that would also be legally binding so she cant just change it as and when it suits her. 

Thanks so much in advance.

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  Looks like court
Posted by: jc22_uk - 07-10-2018, 12:53 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)

Hi Guys,
Per my last post, mediation was largely a waste of time – completely different aims.
She wants:
60/40 on the house
Me to have the boys once in the week and every other weekend.
£400 per month child maintenance
I want:
50/50 on the house
Joint access.
The boys are my priority, she has been a shockingly poor mother, all she does is go out on the sauce and when I don’t have the boys, she ditches them at her Mum’s or will ask friends to have them – which I am extremely upset about.  (I have documented lots of evidence of this).
Saturday I was meant to drop them back at 6pm, she text me at 5pm saying she had to take her friend to the hospital (supposedly she was hit by a bottle during the England game) and had to take her to A&E.
(Thought all the bottles during the matches were plastic but there you go).
Needless to say she never called to arrange collection that night and when I took them back Sunday, she was just lying on the bed hungover.
Re the house, all the deposit came from my side (50% of it was loaned from my parents), I paid every mortgage payment and probably £70k in home improvements over the last 5 years.
How did you guys get on when you went to court?
Do my ideas look reasonable/achievable?

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  Liberty to Apply
Posted by: CFC - 07-10-2018, 10:19 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies

Following a contested final hearing, my ex and I agreed on a consent order that stipulates the sale of the former matrimonial home at a minimum price (£X) and proceeds to be split equally.

Six months on, the flat has not yet sold as property prices in London have declined below the agreed price £X.

The consent order contains a Liberty to Apply clause at the end.

My question is: what court form should be used when going down the Liberty to Apply route?

The idea is not to vary the order, but to ask directions on how to proceed from here (i.e. reduce or remove the minimum price clause on the consent order).

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