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  Benefit Query
Posted by: RD84 - 03-17-2018, 10:59 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (2)

Just a hypothetical question. If a shared residency order was granted by the courts and the children resided with me in the week and attended school, would I be able to have the benefits related to the children switched from ex to myself as the kids would primarily be residing with me?

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  Manx child maintenance
Posted by: NewHill123 - 03-17-2018, 10:13 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Has anyone any experience or knowledge of the Manx courts and child maintenance as I believe the CMS doesn't cover the Isle of Man. So how much do you pay, how is it calculated or re assessed due to changes in personal circumstances.

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  why live in fear ?
Posted by: Blackheath - 03-16-2018, 09:01 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Just picked my child up for 4 days , almost three and launching herself into everything , so busy. Tripped over and banged her forehead , nothing major at all, kissed it better  put some arnica cream on , all good. Its going to bruise for sure and  Im already preparing myself for the messages after I drop her off. It shouldn't be like this !! After reading some of the horror stories on here of what some ex"s  do , Im afraid she will have me for neglect or worse ...  The  accusations are truly ridiculous with other issues too . Im cutting her hair and there are strange cuts on her head, don't when I was supposed to have done this as we were in a busy play area for two hours ! She is threatening me with going back to court because of this and wants me to see my child in a contact centre, supervised, something the magistrates threw out in the hearing.  The last time I saw her she bumped her head in a play area there too. I know at this age they will be bumping and scraping on a daily basis, thats the rational me talking, my family have been with me on both occasions and even they are getting anxious of whats coming next, we are becoming so worried that its not enjoyable and we are on eggshells all the time.  I have a court order, my barrister even told me as I have parental responsibility I am perfectly capable of dealing with this sort of thing and only if there is a medical emergency would I need to contact her at that point.

Feel so anxious ......  Anyone had similar experiences?

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  Time to bite the bullet and do what’s right for me and mine
Posted by: Busydad27 - 03-16-2018, 08:46 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Hi guys!

First timer here so please be gentle.

I’m going to try and keep the history lesson as brief as possible.

6 years ago me and the ex split up. When we split we both agreed that we would keep all necessary contact and agreements between us. We agreed on maintenance (which was 20% higher than the recommended sum by the then CSA) and also agreed on when I would have my son (2 nights one week, 3 the next) for six years I stuck this out. All the while enduring threats of police if I didn’t return him to her as/when and where she saw fit.
Fast forward six years I am now married with two step children. One daughter from a previous relationship (who’s mother has never given me any trouble WHATSOEVER and couldn’t speak highly of and her and her husband were guests at my wedding) and said son. So in total FOUR children. To say the current arrangement with the ex has caused strain between me and my wife would be a huge understatement. My wife believes I bend over backwards for the ex just for an easy life. Which I am now, after recent events am enclined to agree with. I have always lived in fear that my ex could pull the plug on my seeing him so often at any point and there was nothing I could do about it.

January of this year pushed me over the edge. After agreeing to swapping weekends with her for whatever reason. She hits me with the ‘are you paying the right amount for him’ text. Turns out I wasn’t. Because my earnings had increased she was entitled to more. Which I had no problem with. The turning point was when she DEMANDED to know how much money I earn. DEMANDED to know as of when I earn it. My money is not easily calculated due to the amount of overtime and on call I do. I decided enough was enough. I would no longer be bullied by her and my son used as my weakness. I went to see a solicitor.

My solicitor advised me to get the agreement in writing and signed. Which she has now agreed to do. But she has also said she has a few points to make and she has a lot to say which she will write in a letter and send to me and a copy to my solicitor. 

Me being the doting father that I am, am now worried what this means. What could she be up to? What’s her next move? If she’s agreed to the arrangements what more is there to say? 

Can anyone please put my mind at ease or prepare me for what’s to come?

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Posted by: Kirby - 03-16-2018, 08:31 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (1)

Hi there, got to see my daughters today! Has a great day with them, but a few worrying signs are coming evident and i'm not sure if i need to say something to the ex. 

The whole way through my divorce it's been assumed by the ex that my daughters have one stable home (with her obviously), and they can see me as she sees fit. We've agreed on 2 nights a week for leaving he family home, although i'm considering mediation to fight for more as i'm not happy. 

There's always been comments from the girls when i see them, about stuff 'back at their house', 'are we going home?' etc etc, and then today the 4 year old said 'mummy's said we're coming to yours for a sleepover!". Well maybe i'm being over touchy, but i'm not a sleepover. I'm their father and they're coming to stay at my house the same way they do with her. 

Is this early stages of alienation, or am i being over sensitive?

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  Contact Centre, who pays?
Posted by: Naive - 03-16-2018, 02:03 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

Ive been having a blazing argument with a single mother. She reckons her solicitor has told her she has to pay for contact centre. I thought it was always the applicant?

By the way, best single mother I have ever met. The ex takes kid straight round his mums and then goes out on the town to get shit faced. He hasnt been there when mum has taken boy last 3 times but she still goes. She says if its only 5 mins he still gets to know his dad. She's got every reason to hate the ex but she is perfectly reasonable with him and he is not interested.

Anyway, he was drugged up when we saw him [with my own eye] so she wants to ask for contact centre but doesn't want to pay.

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  CMS Calculation is WRONG! HELP!
Posted by: FlogginAdeadHorse - 03-16-2018, 11:17 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)

Good day to you .....

I am in need of some help and or advise please, or even just some support from anyone that has had the same problems with the CMS. 

A brief explination as to how I got in this situation. 

Basically my ex trapped me. I know thats easy to say and nobody forced me to play 'hide the sausage' with her but she is 14 years older than me.. when we first met she told me that she couldn't have children and nor did she want any either. 
Within 6 weeks of meeting her she one day shows me a pregnancy test saying that shes pregnant! 
At the time I was a mix of emotions Happy/Scared/Confused etc. 
A few weeks later I meet her family and awkwardly had to explain the situation/news upon the first time meeting them.. This is were Her brother let slip that she had been trying to get IVF on the NHS for the last 6 months!! I hit the roof and exclaimed my frustration on her lies that she told me she couldnt have children. 

Anyway... I stuck around - 5 years infact. 5 years of more lies. She drained me of every penny I had when I was with her as well as draining me of any self worth also.. but i stuck around for my beautiful daughter. 
My Daughter is the best thing in my life and I wouldnt change that for the world. Her mother is the issue. 
I am 30 and she is late 40's! 

Last summer I discovered a very serious lie which turned everything on its head.. I had to leave. The stress of it all out me in hospital for 2 weeks with a suspected stroke!! 
When I came out of hospital my ex wouldnt let me see my daughter - she kept her from me for 4 months until I finally took her to court and got a court order which in total cost me nearly £3500, but at least I was having my daughter one eve a week and every other saturday night. 

The week I came out of hospital I was also made redundant from a 45K a year job! (It was a rough time!) 

the very next week I had a letter from the CSA/CMS saying thta I owe £500.78 per month. 

Dispite my efforts to explain to them that I had been made redundant and no longer earned that money they wouldnt listen. 
I even sent them my redundancy letter - still didnt listen and still wanted £500 per month. 

I gained a bit of advise and then set up my own company consulting in the trade I am known to. I am a sole director of my own company now and although contracts are few and far between and money is nowhere near as good as before when I was employed, at least its work. 

The trouble is - the CMS still believe that I am earning 45K, they still believe that i am employed (even though ive sent them my redundancy notification, they even tried telling me on the phone they had spoken to my employer who confirmed i was still employed!! I spoke to my old boss and they hadnt spoke to them - so that was a lie!)

When I kicked up a fuss to my 'case worker' he asked for pay slips to prove my earnings and prove my employment. I sent these in In january of this year... the payslips were rejected but didnt even tell me they were rejected or even why! 

apparently now I am £5000 in arrears and my case has gone up 20% to a pay and collect scheme. 

I have tried everything to prove my employment and my earnings but they just wont listen or acknowledge the evidence I have sent them. 

I have just this week placed a Mandatory reconsideration in place which apparently is being looked at but later that same day someone different phones me and tells me that if I do not pay the arrears in full they are escalating the case further which will end up in court. 

I have gone from 45K a year to roughly 15K! decemebers payslip was just £340!! 

I am going out of my mind, I can hardly afford to live, I have had to put my house on the market. 

Can anyone give me any advise? 


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  Prescriptive Order?
Posted by: Charlie7000 - 03-16-2018, 08:34 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Can anyone tell me what a prescriptive order is please?  Current situation is may need to go back to court for a "prescriptive order".  Is this some kind of standard order?  Same as a defined order?  Or is it some awful thing like a reasonable contact order?  Had a detailed order agreed by consent which has not been agreed after court and Judge has thrown it back to get agreement or go for a prescriptive order.  I'm not sure the consent order will get agreed now and presumably that was my chance for a contested hearing gone.

Would like to know what my options are now.  ie can I just start again and make a new application instead?

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  looking for advice ..varying a order.
Posted by: silverspeed - 03-15-2018, 09:53 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

back ground in short. 

split with the ex September 2016, hit with a non molestation order and occupation order.  agreed undertakings, just to get the children back in to school and home. moved out, 5 days notice.
Applied for emergency contact order to see the children, granted. via contact center. 
Application for shared care. (July 2017) Disputed by the ex, lots of accusation (disproved) and endured the joys of the cafcass call, section 7 report ect, eventually granted after final hearing. A gradual stepped order leading too - every other weekend, alternate wednesdays for tea. (October 2017)

I made an application (c100)  to vary the original court order on the grounds the order is detrimental to the children well-being.  (February 2018) Application added for 50/50 shared care.
Application accepted, court date provided.

Cafcass, 2nd phone call..  More accusation. same old same old.. Harassment, (last time we spoke was 2016) and accused me my application was based on monetary reasons. children's well being ect..  (the normal internet excuses)  (she has a lot to loose.. family home ect)

(Dont fall for Cafcasses caring patina ... They will shaft you.! )

Received the Cafcass report which basically sat on the fence but questioned my motives regarding Cms payments. Even though i stated that i have been over paying since her application.!!!   
The day before i was scheduled to attend court i received a copy of section 91 application through the post from the ex. (without notice) Basically she thinks my application has no grounds due to the lack of time between the last order and my application. 

I was self representing and she had obtained a barrister. 

On the morning of the court date i arrived 1 hr early and notified the court of my arrival. 20 mins before we was scheduled to attend the court her barrister came over to me and stated his intention. He notified me he/they intended to have my application thrown out under section 4 of the 1989 child act.  

Got into court and had my say, backed up my application with supporting evidence again and this time i decided to push back and not sit on the fence. Eventually the court agreed their was grounds to vary the original order and proposed we did the section 7 report... again (this time speaking to the children) and we both to submit a statement of fact. (her application for section 4 was dismissed and the section 91 postponed if need later on)  

(Her Barrister didn't seem impressed at all... i'm guessing he wasn't expecting me to fight back with facts and supporting evidence  Tongue ... 1-0 to Dad.)

Now the crap bit... I received an email from cafcass and they assigned the original cafcass officer to my case. This woman really went to town on me last time after believing everything what the ex said. I was basically guilty of everything till i got to court and disproved the accusations but by then the damage was already done.! 

What would you recommend i do.?  I have no faith in this woman at all after last time,  is it worth a call to cafcass and ask for another person? Or would this antagonize them... ?

any advise would be appreciated.


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  Thoughts pls
Posted by: Ohmydays - 03-15-2018, 09:46 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (6)

Married 14 years together nearly 20 - 2 kids - marriage broke down - 2015. stupidly moved out - paying everything for best part of 12 months - reduced reduced reduced paying equal amounts to joint account mortgage etc - along with paying child maintenance - Account still over drawn and have CC outstanding.... ex and kids in martial Home.

I moved to parents house - as like others could not afford rent or new property. Presents now dead ... house mine - no others involved in will.

See kids the standard basic times. - she’s unwilling for more contact

Mediation attempted but not holding out much hope ....

No insisting in selling martial Home for sake of kids

Pay half the mortgage on that property which is in joint name

Being really naive and dumb ... what claim on my inherited home / sum Has the ex got -

any advise greatly received, starting to get myself tied in knots overthinking everything ...

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