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  just separated, anxious about road to come
Posted by: robij70 - 01-13-2018, 12:45 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (9)

First off, I'd like to say what a wonderful resource this site is. Reading through the threads it has proven a source of comfort (and to be honest also anxiety) but at least i'm better prepared for what's to come.

Just some background to my situation, my wife kicked me out of the family home 10 days ago after discovering an act of infidelity I committed a year ago. Although I can't justify the horrible nature of my actions it did happen just after she'd told me she had fallen out of love with me and this news together with her general lack of affection and empathy towards me led me into the arms of another woman, who i met on two occasions. Foolishly of me i did not use protection and it now transpires the woman in question is carrying what may be my baby (she says it's 50 / 50 chance as she was seeing another guy at the time).

I currently have 2 children to my wife, who are 2 and 3 years old. My life is a mess and it's pretty much all my own doing.

I have some financial concerns about the road ahead:

(1) My understanding is all new cases are dealt with by the CMS not the CSA and their way of calculating what you pay is different - they use your total gross income for the year (including bonuses, share save schemes etc). Would my Case Year for calculation of child maintenance be the previous tax year, so most likely to be Apr 2016-Apr 2017 ? In that period the firm i work for was bought out by an american company and in order to reward us for our 'loyalty' we were given an annual bonus which was an order of magnitude larger than what i would normally get. My concern is will that year be then considered a benchmark of my earnings  and would only be-reviewed if my income position changed 25% either way? So if for the following year i earned 20% less (due to receiving a much smaller bonus) i would still be paying the same amount. Or can i trigger a re-calculation of the amount annually regardless ?

(2) I also rent out a flat which i bought and lived in many years before i met my wife - obviously this rental income will be included in the calculation. However I am still paying a mortgage on this flat so was wondering are outgoings such as these also considered in the calculation or is it purely driven from gross income ?
 
(3) My other concern regards coming to an agreement with my wife outside of the jurisdiction of the CMS for maintenance of our 2 children - if it turns out i am the father to the child of the other woman and she insisted on going the CMS route would what I'm paying to my 2 children I had with my wife (which i expect would be formalised in a consent order) be taken into consideration ?

Any other (constructive) advice on my situation would be gratefully received. Although i'm the engineer of my own demise and no doubt my cynicism with the inequities of the whole divorce/settlement process will grow, i'm hoping i can come out the other end a better human being than i was before, with an agreement that is fair to all parties concerned.

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  Sole 'custody' of children
Posted by: NickHo - 01-13-2018, 11:17 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (1)

Hi, My wife wishes to get divorced. We married 10 years ago when I was in the army, I retired 6 years ago and to allow my wife to pursue a career of her own I became a 'house husband'. My wifes work kept her away from home on a weekly or fortnightly basis so I have brought the children up on my own for most of the six years. My wife was diagnosed with MS last year and has both physical and mental issues, some of which have ended in her wanting a divorce. Currently she wants a 50\50 split of child custody and assets. Unfortunately I don't feel the same due to that leaving us in penury. What is the likelihood of being able to gain sole custody allowing her access whenever. I appreciate that generally the mother is favoured in court but seeing as I have been primary carer and she has a life limiting illness whats the possibilities. Many thanks

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  help pls. Just a quick question
Posted by: asd1270 - 01-12-2018, 10:35 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

I really think that the monster of the ex has a brain of a dodo.. 

She keeps breaching the order around contacts. Never returns my son back on time at each contact and never at the agreed venue.

She has just texted stating  that she will not be returning him at 12pm due to the time she had missed while he was at homework club on wed and will return him once she has had that time back at 1pm?

I have just been to court  on wed too and got the appeal granted, but still have the headache of the current order in place which should have had a stay on it .

Is it now I need to vary the current order  because?
1. breaches  of times of return and non return at every contact since Oct17
2. appeal granted due to  contact concerns  DV and impact on the child and Procedures not being followed by court ,


Can someone help me get my head round this please.

if the previous order which is in force now  has been  appealed and the appeal granted and listed for a re trial. Why would they continue the current order?????as there was serious errors by the magistrates in making the order.

what can I do?/

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  Advice on possible court order breach.
Posted by: andynumpty - 01-12-2018, 07:36 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (6)

Hi, advice if possible please.
I have a court order in place from last October, equally shared school holidays. In court my ex stated that she won't know her 2018 holiday entitlement, from January to December, until December 2017. I kept asking her in December but shes made numerous excuses not to give me them, now stating January. She still refuses to tell me now, can i take her to court as a breach of the order as she is not telling me which hols i can and cannot take?
I've just emailed her a few days ago giving her 10 days notice that if she doesn't tell me about the upcoming holidays I will take court action.
Am I within my rights?

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  Accused of Abduction C1A
Posted by: nandop - 01-12-2018, 06:17 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

ok, I will be short and sweet here although the situation is more than desperate.

 I have recently  submitted a C100 form and today I have received a C1A form with an accusation of abduction.

this is totally false !!!!

I cant afford a solicitor and don't know what to do or how to respond.

I have no hope and feels my world is about to end in a ugly way.

Anyone can help me please?

Many thanks
Nando

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  Ex Expects Me To Do All The Driving To See My Son
Posted by: dadbod2018 - 01-12-2018, 02:25 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Since our split 7 years ago my ex and I have both moved about 60 miles in the opposite direction, leaving a 120 mile gap between us. Both our sets of parents live roughly midway. Until recently on my weekend with my son my current wife and I would travel down to stay at my parents for the weekend in order to avoid a 240 mile round trip to pick him up and another 240 mile round trip to drop him back. However, we now have 2 children of our own who are both under 2. Staying at my parents is impractical and stressful. My ex remarried and divorced and had another child. Previously her reasoning for not sharing the driving was that she had a young child and it was unfair to drive for hours with him every other weekend. However, he's now nearly 5 and I'm the one with 2 young kids and a wife who needs my support. I'm lucky in that my parents and her parents live halfway and will often share part of the driving but there are plenty of weekends where I spend 8 hours driving. I can;t pick him up on the Friday cos of work, so Saturday morning is all spent driving, plus Sunday evening. My wife also works Sunday afternoons which makes things even more difficult.

Cut a long story short, is it unreasonable of me to ask my ex to meet me halfway sometimes? She seems to think it is and that she needs  "her weekend off". I'm lucky to get an hour off!!!

Am interested to know if there is any legal case I could make? We have never gone through courts or used CSA or anything. We have always worked things out, but this is starting to frustrate me. Curious to know what other peoples experiences are.

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  Shared Driving
Posted by: dadbod2018 - 01-12-2018, 02:23 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

Since our split 7 years ago my ex and I have both moved about 60 miles in the opposite direction, leaving a 120 mile gap between us. Both our sets of parents live roughly midway. Until recently on my weekend with my son my current wife and I would travel down to stay at my parents for the weekend in order to avoid a 240 mile round trip to pick him up and another 240 mile round trip to drop him back. However, we now have 2 children of our own who are both under 2. Staying at my parents is impractical and stressful. My ex remarried and divorced and had another child. Previously her reasoning for not sharing the driving was that she had a young child and it was unfair to drive for hours with him every other weekend. However, he's now nearly 5 and I'm the one with 2 young kids and a wife who needs my support. I'm lucky in that my parents and her parents live halfway and will often share part of the driving but there are plenty of weekends where I spend 8 hours driving. I can;t pick him up on the Friday cos of work, so Saturday morning is all spent driving, plus Sunday evening. My wife also works Sunday afternoons which makes things even more difficult.

Cut a long story short, is it unreasonable of me to ask my ex to meet me halfway sometimes? She seems to think it is and that she needs  "her weekend off". I'm lucky to get an hour off!!!

Curious to know if there is any legal precedent. Although we've managed to sort everything out without the courts or CSA thus far so don't really want to go that route. Interested to know other people's situations/experiences in this area.

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  variation of court order - attempt to increase time with children
Posted by: Spigot58 - 01-12-2018, 12:55 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

hello all

I went through the wringer of battling the kids' mom in court last year.

She had made allegations which resulted in me suffering an occupation order ( I had to move of the family home), a non molestation order, which when it lapsed recently and she made further allegations to extend it, this was thrown out by the judge as there was no evidence to back up her claims.

she also made allegations which resulted in a cafcass s7 report. The upshot of which was that I got Friday Saturday and sunday nights 2 weeks out of 4 and 2 tea time visits 3 weeks out of 4 in the week, plus half school holidays.

The reason for there being no overnights in the week was that I had moved to be near to work whilst I was isolated from the kids, this was 50 miles away from the family home ( I had been doing this commute for 2 years previously)

CAFCASS reported that there was no reason that the children should not see me, however the logistics of the hours commute each way was not in the childrens' best interests, which to be frank I agreed with even though that was a tough decision.

I have since moved back to the town where  I used to live, albeit to a different area to where the children's mom lives, but approximately the same distance from the kids school as my old home.

Since moving, I have repeatedly asked the childrens' mom if she will agree to several overnights in the week, (on the tea time visits evenings), and 1 week in 4 they will stay with me Monday to Friday as I work shifts and have 1 week in 4 off Monday to Friday so can care for the kids. This is allowed by the current court order as it states that the times for contact can be varied but "with the agreement of both parties". It balances out the week that I do not get to see the children at all due to my shift pattern precluding me from doing so - I work 7 late shifts in a row.
Of course she has not agreed to any of my requests stating that she thinks things should stay the same as they are now.

Do I go back to court to try and vary the current order and increase my time with the children?

The barrister I used for the final hearing last time, has stated they thought I had a lenient judge and that if I go back to vary the order, the whole process starts again ie cafcass etc and I may end up with REDUCED time with the children? due to possible allegations made by the kids' mom.

any thoughts?

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  Changing Access
Posted by: GLC - 01-12-2018, 11:49 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (3)

HI All,

Advice needed.

We have an mediated access arrangement. My ex accepted this last June time, but beats me over the head with it because I'm juggling so many balls in the air I've had massive depression and other issues.

Currently I live 11 miles from the children and see them almost 50% of the time. I am considering moving to 24 miles away from them simply to get away from her and live in a nicer place. I asked if we could meet and talk and then got this well crafted email which said I have refused to communicate via the approved email method and that she felt uncomftable meeting and being in the same room as me? the undertone is clearly there.

So do I open the discussion via email, knowing she wont be receptive to anything, or do I get the solicitor to do?

My feeling is either way she object and complain and demand mediation. I am very committed as a parent, outwardly she says she puts up no barriers, but is making it more and more challenging for me to do anything which may benefit me.

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  The now-ex has left, refusing to tell me where and taken our 9mo old
Posted by: magicshine - 01-12-2018, 11:07 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Hi all,

Firstly, thanks in advance, this seems like a useful place and lots of good advice.

So, I've been with my 'partner' for just shy of 6 years, in that time she has cheated a few times (yes, I know, I should have left after the first time). The last time was a relationship with someone at uni for about 12 months, I was working full time and would be in a hotel 4 nights a week, so didn't see the truth for a while. She was impregnated by this guy and that's when I found out, though she miscarried.

Fast forward 18 months-2 years and we have our own son, 9 months old and my world. There have been frictions between us, mostly due to the lack of sleep, adjustment to parenthood but also due to her lies. I found out that she has lied to me again and has been making explicit videos for other men (whilst in charge of our child) and when I approached her about this, her reaction was to take off with our son and refuse to talk to me. She eventually returned after 7 nights away, stating she had stayed in a hotel just the two of them, though I now know it was with someone else (my suspicions are the last guy from uni). The night was quiet between us but I spent time with my child and expected we would talk things over and work out where to go next.
I came home yesterday from work to find her gone again, first thought was the shops but then I realised she had wiped his clothes drawers out as well as hers and items such as the steriliser and high chair were gone - clearly planning to be away for a while. Through the day the only contact was her asking if I had taken her purse, then another to say she found where she had left it.
I messaged her (calls go to vm) asking where they were, what was going on and that I will be contacting the police. No reply (she ignores me). Spoken to the police, mainly just to gather an official log of events as I can now see where this is likely leading and want as much evidence as possible.

She eventually replies to me, stating that they are 'somewhere same that's all that matters' and refuses to say who with but doesn't deny my assumptions.
I made her aware of the police log, and that I intend to speak with social services as I have concerns for my sons welfare due to the fact she has no income and I feel it extremely inappropriate from a safeguarding point of view, for him to be present during her making of porn videos (which she now does as a job online) and around a stranger who she is now sexually active with.

As I say, she has no income, no state benefits besides child allowance and I work full time and pay for all bills. I suspect she is now staying at this guys house and has no plans to return apart from collecting more items. We had just signed a renewal on the house tenancy, annoyingly.

I'm not so bothered about my relationship with her, as it's done and over for good now, but I just don't know how I will cope with not seeing my son. I am being very restrained in how I communicate with her, not to give her any ammunition against me and I am doing everything via messages for the evidence as well as updating my police incident as per their request.

The police suggested I could apply for an emergency child arrangement order and seek that the order states she cannot take my son without informing me of where and when.
I can cope easier if I know where he is and if she would be civil to arrange access, but I know that this is less likely than winning the lottery now.

Any advice or experience is appreciated!

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