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  Father daughter relationships
Posted by: MissMyAngels - 10-15-2018, 12:14 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (3)

I’m separated three and a half years, two girls 7 & 10....

In three years, mum has new long term boyfriend, she has moved house once and moved the girls schools once... I’ve moved three times and got re-married... time flies when your life gets thrown like a pack of cards...

Anyways... used to have every weekend access... lost all access in Oct 17... rode it out, fought for an amicable agreement out of court then ended up in free social services mediation (family group conferencing) which resulted in me getting girls back... 10 months later...

Anyways, during that time my relationship with my oldest has been immense... youngest one... a bit hit and miss but now immense... my oldest one is now hit and miss...

I fully appreciate they have been through an awful lot of change... but I remarried 4 weeks ago.. regained access back to the girls beginning of August

The oldest one is basically down in the dumps... moody... frustrated... but all the more because her mum has been saying things to her... Ive not been able to get to the bottom of it... but my oldest said mum has been saying a few things... (this was post the wedding) but she won’t go any further... before I saw them this weekend, the oldest had refused for the first time to speak to me on the phone... mum blaming too much change on my side... the problem is mum, explains things to the girls in a very petty and points scoring way...

I’m anxious... regards the girls... not sure how things will pan out...

I see them every other weekend for 2 nights and every other Thursdays for 2 hours for tea...

How can i understand the older one better? She comes across as mentally drained with it all... not sure who’s side to take (despite her not needing to take any and be herself). What can I do to gel with her more ? Should I spend some me and her time alone and let my wife spend time with the youngest?

This may seem obvious to some... but I’m just at a bit of a loss of what the future holds and how and if my ex is influencing the older one to break away from me... any similar experiences to share ?


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  Mesher Orders
Posted by: APerson - 10-15-2018, 12:13 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies

Hi all,

Lurked for a bit and really value the forum and the advice (and emotional support!) given.

Something's coming up a bit blank in my research so wondered if anyone could help.

Separation nowhere near finality, rather planning ahead. No '3rd parties' for either of us (supposedly at least).

House worth £300k, mortgage around £230k, early settlement fee around £10k.

One child at infants, the other not far off school age.

Mortgage payments (£800) more than wife's salary as she's part time.

A mesher order seems to be a popular option but I'm wary since I'd clearly prefer a mortgage to renting (just a waste of money).

Given the mortgage payments will go up to around £1k/month in a few years, I don't see it as practical that she could stay in the house. She could probably manage for the next few years until fixed period ends.
House is 4/5 bed detached, a 2 bed flat would work for both households although I'd prefer we all get somewhere decent to live (garden, parking, 3 beds).

I earn nearly 4x gross than my wife (if she was full time, so much more currently), so I would think selling up would be sensible. I'd be happy enough with a smaller slice of equity given my mortgage capacity is far higher. However, my wife might struggle to raise a mortgage even with more deposit.

So in short:
1. Am I thinking along the right lines? Or would a court still want a mesher despite it being a far bigger house than required and there being zero affordability for my wife in terms of mortgage capacity?
2. We're still all living in the same house - I can't seem to find anything that says I would *have* to move out even after divorce? Both of us being there for the kids every day seems far better than any other alternative.
3. The dreaded SM... there's a big gap in earnings but I don't have much spare cash each month. In fact my 'needs' list for future scenarios suggests after childcare etc I'll be a couple of hundred quid in the red... Likelihood? My solicitor seemed to think it unlikely.

We're still on decent terms and negotiating is definitely an option. We are both very involved parents so I'm requesting 50/50 overnights (and honestly the kids would want that too) - but that's another story.
I'm not all that bothered about the financial aspects as long as we can both provide a good home for the kids, but I really don't want to end up renting.

Another option would be that she rents somewhere and I stay in the FMH, since she'd have her costs covered by housing benefit (I think) and that would result in the biggest 'pot' of money overall.

Thanks in advance.

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  CAO High level process flow ?
Posted by: SeanS - 10-15-2018, 11:17 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (2)

Can someone clarify high level court process (the flow) in relation to application for CAO. I must say the below list assumes couple of things a) that process will run thru its entire course to absolutely final hearing where parties fail to come to an agreement therefore court will issue the order. b) there are allegations of DV/DA etc

This has been my understanding, But I suspect I might have got one or two things incorrect. I would also appreciates if someone can comment on what to expect in terms of what questions will be asked at first directions hearing (#4 from my list) thanks.

0. Mediation
1. Application for CAO (c100)
1a. Respondent responds with DV/DA (C1A)
2. Letter sent for court appointment for 'first hearing'
3. Telephone Call with CAFCASS
3a. Safeguarding letter prepared and sent to court by CAFCASS
4. Court hearing - "First directions hearing"
4a. Court orders Section 7 report from CAFCASS
5. Court hearing - "Fact Finding hearing"
5a. CAFCASS interview both the parties
5b. CAFCASS submits section 7 report
6. Court hearing - "Dispute resolution appointment"
7. Court hearing - "Final hearing"
7a. Cross examination
8. Final - Court orders

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  Chances of losing the home?
Posted by: Shane76 - 10-15-2018, 11:15 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (5)

Could really do with some advice. 

My wife and I have been married for 17 years. We have a 7 year old son. I have just found out she has been cheating on me for the last 8 months and we are getting a divorce. I realise her cheating will have no bearing on divorce settlements. Some basic facts surrounding the family home: 

We are both still living in the family home.
We have both contributed more or less equally to the mortgage. 
There is approximately £300k equity tied up in the home.
She works part-time (earning reasonable money) and with my help (taking some childcare responsibility) can turn her part-time job into a full time job after divorce. We would have similar salaries if she works full time. 
There are no other assets worth mentioning. She does have a bigger pension pot than me. 

I want to sell the house and split the equity so that we can both have good deposits on new smaller homes. She wants to keep the family home and kick me out with nothing. 

What are the chances of her getting her way? 
Thank you guys!!!

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  Women get bored of sex, stability and the same thing day in, day out than men science
Posted by: Tamagoto - 10-14-2018, 04:10 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (11)



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  To be child focused
Posted by: AK2018 - 10-14-2018, 12:05 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

Hi everyone. Can some one advise what's is described as being child focused? I guess that would involve how I am communicating with my future ex regards child needs?

*Shall I start shearing dates and times via Google calendar. ( She always forgets)
*Supporting her financially for kids holidays? ( How I would know that I am not supporting her)
* Attending parents evening at school ( it's only me who does that)
*Doing homeworks and any activities with children.(it's only me who does that)
*Getting involved in child's life
*Do I need to ask her to join us for any of outing days/family days? ( I bet she would reject it )

Thank you

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  Alienation / Shares Custody
Posted by: Blue1982 - 10-14-2018, 11:40 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (5)

Please help.

I have evidence of parental alienation in the form of extensive text messages from my ex, historical and new. I’ve always had contact and up until and always had a loving relationship with my 7 year old daughter. I used to have her between 5 and 10 nights a month, all of which I have records of. She is now refusing to come and spend time with me and is calling me names such as ‘horrible bastard’. My wife and I cannot fathom why she has suddenly taken this stance. My ex has always threatened to turn my daughter against us and has always told me that my daughter hates her surname (my surname). On one occasion she even posted ripped up photos of my family holiday with my daughter through my front door because in a school letter I referred to my wife as ‘step mum’. She regularly shouts at me on the doorstep and calls me names in front of our daughter.

In light of these recent events I have applied to court for access (4 nights every fortnight). Since this application my daughters behaviour has worsened further and she now openly tells me and everyone that she never wants to see me again. She is also claiming that I hurt her and that my wife doesn’t care about her. None of which is true. I tried today to collect my daughter for agreed access and my daughter scratched my face and back and in the end the mother cancelled contact due to her bahaviour.

I am now thinking about whether I should change my application to shared custody 50/50 in the hope that increased access might save our relationship. However I’m unsure if this is really just a pipe dream because in reality fathers just don’t usually get that level of access.

Can anyone give me any advise on this? Am I best off keeping the application as it is in the hope I get a weekend every fortnight or is it actually possible to obtain shared custody if I can prove that my daughters view of me has been heavily influenced by her mother?

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  Ex making DV allegations and others
Posted by: bianworld - 10-14-2018, 06:57 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)


Currently in court for child contact order. Ex made allegation of cocaine and help abuse which was disproved by a drugs test.

Now she's making allegations of DV, misrepresenting male circumcision as female genital mutilation though we both agreed to it and shared bill equally. She's also making allegation of talking to women on the internet - I must admit, I did and she probably saw the messages. She has refused contact with my 6mths old son.

Cafcass is to do a section 7 report, we have been ordered to attend SPIP program and for my parental capacity to be assessed.

Suggestions on what to expect. Can the court deny me contact with my son based on these allegations?

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  am i the only one ,, help
Posted by: avadad - 10-13-2018, 02:01 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (6)

ok ive been throuh it all, fighting to see my littleone, who is over 2.5 years old now, ive had no end of trouble from ex, nasty and bitter, ive had , alligations all ways , left right center, ive done court on my own, no help. she gets free solicitor, ive had to prove im dad, had been ordered to do parent classess, first aid courses, medical recordes, from doctors, ive been supervised, writtern about, watched, and ive come through, all ok, and still exs is messing about before court date with contact, my now unsupervised has ended, court next week, and i feel so down, im broken, and tbh have been for over 1 year, and i still try to be the best dad in the time,,, 2 hours every 2 weeks, and still cafcass recomends final hearing still every 2 weeks contact, but building up  but this will not end,  to 6 hours every 2 weeks,,,, ive read that court go mostly with cafcass, so seems cafcaff have nailed me to the floor, with mothers help, i simply cannot be a dad every 2 weeks, and really wanting to walk away from this, with a heavy heart,  i love my child, but cannot keep going, fo ever, ex wants me gone i suppose, surely im not the only one here, with a ex like this, she point blank refuses  even to see me,

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  A small mercy but a big win
Posted by: Fatcat1980 - 10-13-2018, 01:35 PM - Forum: THE LOUNGE - Replies (4)

I walked in from work one evening in July and saw a bag from the chemist in the kitchen. Thinking my STBX might have picked up my script, I opened it, only to find the morning after pill in there. My world stopped for a moment before I went crazy at her.

As I stormed out of the house I stopped and pointed at my ten-year-old.  I said, "If any child needed his parents to be supportive, responsible and united it was this boy!".  He's extremely intelligent but hates being made to do anything and needs the right nurturing if he's to achieve all he should. 

Today I got the letter to tell me that he'd been accepted into probably the best non-grammar school in the county, based on his results in an aptitude test that offers a place to just a handful of kids.  I don't mind telling you that I cried for a bit and am still finding it hard to hold it back.  His sisters will also get a place there now when it's their turn.  It's the happiest moment I've had in as long as I can remember.

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