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  extra time allowance
Posted by: Blackheath - 04-17-2018, 08:48 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (1)

Hi everyone, I've just missed this weekend with my 2 year old due to her being unwell and although Im perfectly capable of looking after her while unwell , agreed to mothers request for her to stay with her until better as she is clingy to mum. I phoned the doctor to check if she really was unwell as communication is not forthcoming from mum and this is so upsetting as Im concerned and just want to know how my little girl is, my text's go unanswered though. Im literally climbing the walls!  I asked if I could , if she is better , arrange  another time  before the next scheduled contact, again  , totally ignoring me. 
I took my ex  to court last year as she stopped contact completely for 4 months after initially having extensive contact for the first 12 months on fairly  amicable terms. The court ruled that I have my daughter every other weekend which started immediately and not in the contact centre as  the ex wanted which was great. I turned down the offer of a midweek visit as she lives 120 miles round trip away and so is not at all workable , especially for my daughter who would be sitting in a car on a motorway , go straight to bed pretty much and be returned the next morning. The problem I can see ahead is if contact is suspended due to illness or bad weather for example ,shouldn't  it be reasonable to expect that I see daughter at another time ? If I don't see her one of my weekends  then the next time I see her is another 2 weeks which means I havent seen her for a whole month. This I feel is way too long for a 2 year old between visits. We have a fantastic bond again after ex tried to break it and the continuity of the regular contact is important mores at such a tender age. But it is a loophole that should of been put in the order I can see now.
I fully expect to go back to court  at sometime as it states in the order that extra time to be added when my daughter starts nursery school which will be about 12 months away. What could I expect from this ?, I have spoken to numerous people who have been through similar and they tell me that at least half of school holidays could be awarded which I would love. The ex has an older child by a previous and spoke in the past about how she needs to keep the two of them together especially during holidays. How would this effect the courts decision if at all? 
Many thanks

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  Police "No Further Action" and continued accusations
Posted by: ADTR_2014 - 04-17-2018, 06:54 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (9)

Back in August 2015 I was accused of something horrible towards my wife (keeping it vague on purpose).

She went to the police and then "invited" me in for a voluntary interview. After 18 months I was not arrested and not charged and was told that they were no longer looking into it - ie No Further Action.

We are just about to enter court proceedings for financial aspects of divorce and the wonderful is still claiming that it happened. Does the NFA not mean that the police are happy I didnt do it? Can I call her out on still using these false accusations? Is she "allowed" to still say these things from a legal standpoint?

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  Final hearing solicitor advice
Posted by: Naive - 04-16-2018, 07:28 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (26)

Quick question, my solicitor wants to know if I want her at the final hearing. Barrister is £3000+ and solicitor will be £2000. That’s £5k for a single day. I’ve not been overly impressed with solicitor so far but if it adds even the slightest chance of success I want to. She says it’s to help with negotiation and legal wording to allow barrister to concentrate on trial.
So, what do we think? Am I gonna come off as bullying if I turn up with a “legal team”? And what happens if ex doesn’t turn up?

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Posted by: herewegoagain - 04-16-2018, 03:54 PM - Forum: Outside Involvement, CAFCASS etc - Replies (2)

Thank goodness OFSTED have rated them Outstanding. What would we do without that reassurance!

Have just found out that CAFCASS officer was not planning to attend Court in a few days as CAFCASS say they did not receive Order for FCA to do so!

I had to send the Order to them via a photo from my phone - so much for the security of the Egress system???

Whilst their tone has changed from dismissive to slightly more compliant it would take an expert to spot the difference. They now say if FCA can't attend (as Ordered) they will advise of dates to avoid. Looks like a wasted costs order or similar.

While I am ranting does anyone who might read this remember the link which led to how CAFCASS should conduct an S.7 interview.

I seem to remember advice to spend no less than 2 hours with each party - I don't think it was their Operating Framework. If someone can post a link to the document or the previous post with the document link (Hazy? was it you?) I would be grateful.

I hope they do turn up as I am looking forward to discussing the admitedly incomplete report (their admission) thatthey have submitted with them and asking why they have not updated it with the information to complete it.

Their reply to my earlier request (separate post on here) that they provide documentary notes and transcripts of the process and meetings leading to the conclusions set out in their report led to a reply that it was up to the parties to make sure that all the information they needed was in court. Kafka where are you when we need you? That with their not getting the Order to turn up and 'closing the case' without checking what is going on when it must be what they determine as a High Conflict case beggars belief.

I think fewer than 5% of the FCAs in my area have seen the high conflict webinar I am wondering if mine has. Enjoy.

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Thumbs Up No access due to a mad gran!
Posted by: kevta2 - 04-16-2018, 03:45 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)


Hey everyone, this is my first post so thanks for your patience!  I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle so I hope this isn't out of line...and hopefully this situation will resonate with someone out there.

My son and girlfriend have recently separated and although she is okay to allow my son to have access to their baby daughter, her mother is pulling the strings and stopping the agreed contact (with no reason).  Unfortunately the grandmother calls the shots regarding what/when/who her daughter does, and ultimately is controlling the situation.  Needless to say the gran is a control freak and is now using baby as a pawn.

Can anyone please offer any guidance/help/suggestions as to how to get around this in order to get access to our daughter/grand-daughter?

Many thanks in advance guys, it's genuinely appreciated!


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  Potential Query
Posted by: pmhumphrys - 04-16-2018, 02:48 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)

Hi all....

I am looking to get 50/50 agreed with ex (after son has demanded more access).

The ex has stated she is still happy for me to have the majority of holidays as well...  Given this I will potentially have more contact with my son then her... any thoughts what this means to child maintenance..

Kind Regards

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  When your world starts to disintegrate
Posted by: moelimit - 04-16-2018, 12:41 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (8)

Hi there, I hope you are all well. I like most dad's going through the initial stages am at a loss.
I am currently going through a recent separation with my ex. It all started to get very dark and murky when I returned from a hospital appointment with my 2 kids and was subsequently arrested in front of my kids outside the house on suspicion of threatening and abusive behaviour. During questioning I was asked if I told my partner to " eff off, what the eff is going on? ' I denied using such language or being aggressive. I was subsequently released without charge. She then moved out with the kids and I haven't seen them for 4 days now. 
I contacted the social work as I was concerned where the kids were staying, if they were settled, etc. I then received a phone call from them today saying they can't get involved as there is an on going police investigation not related to the threatening and abusive behaviour charge. I am at a loss with what is coming next. The police won't tell me what is going on, what dirt is she going to throw? It was only a few days ago she wanted an amicable separation then she talked about counselling so why the sudden switch to me being a minster? If anything it is her that has smashed up the bathroom, thrown plates and been aggressive. I am sure this is a ploy to get legal aid and to break me. Throughout she had it in her head that I'm out to get her and want the kids full time when I agreed to amicable separation  with shared parenting, I set up a mediation appointment. 
I seriously don't know what to do. Am I going to be arrested again at work? at home? Does every woman turn this way when a separation begins ?

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  Advice needed please . . .
Posted by: takethemike - 04-16-2018, 12:25 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

I was assaulted by my wife's new boyfriend, and I reported it, but they reported it too claiming I was the aggressor- When the Police took a statement, my wife accused me of abusive behaviour, and coercive control- I was questioned by the Police and no further action was taken for these allegations- but they did charge me with assault by beating- even though they said there was no violence- just the "threat of violence" I was bailed and couldn't return home due to bail conditions. I was in court and as I was not guilty I pleaded not guilty and it was committed to trial- in July- 4 months on bail. I got some good news (finally) that all the charges were dropped due to non-continuance because they did not feel the evidence would secure a conviction- because I was not guilty!! She has also been spreading lies about me to mutual friends- when in reality she was the abusive one.

In the meantime my wife moved back into the family home with the children (5, 3 and 2) and is still there- and although the house is mortgaged and in joint names- I have stayed at my mums as I am fearful she would make stuff up to get a non-mol order etc. in the meantime I am paying for EVERYTHING, the mortgage, the bills, everything- in the meantime her new partner is there most nights and I feel like a mug- part of me thinks why should I be paying for everything while she is living the life of riley? I CANNOT afford to run that house and pay rent elsewhere for my own place- but until I have my own place I cannot have my children overnight- I am seeing them every other day and taking them out at weekends etc. but missing things like bathtime and bedtime is killing me Sad

She has clearly moved on, but the status quo is not allowing me to do the same, I want to get to mediation asap, as there is very little in the way of assets, so I a stuck- She has said that her new partner hs said he will support her- and part of me feels like saying to let him move in and buy me out in return for a financial clean break- other than child maintenance which I know I'll need to pay- does anyone have any ideas?

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  My ex still refuses to sell the family home
Posted by: Matt3910 - 04-16-2018, 09:41 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)


I have been separated for from my ex for around 18 months and during that time I pay her £2,000 per month in Spousal Maintenance and £1,650 in Child Support (to pay for my 9, 14 and 17 year olds).  In that time I have moved into a small three bedroom rented flat while she remains in the large 5 bedroom detached house.  

The financial aspect of the divorce seems to be dragging on forever - while I have declared everything she still refuses to declare the value of her own assets (being a 33% share of a property in France).  That is the only thing outstanding before we are able to negotiate a settlement and I have been waiting for this for almost 12 months now.

As a result she is able to remain in the family home and is refusing to sell (it's in joint names, as is the mortgage) despite her 'only' working part time as a teaching assistant a couple of days a week.

The trouble is that not only am i struggling to pay the amount i pay her but also the fixed rate on the mortgage is soon to expire and therefore the repayments will increase still further.  I am concerned that if she defaults on the mortgage because she refuses to sell it will affect my ability to get a mortgage later so am almost forced to pay more.

What can I do to make her sell?  I have to stress that the equity in the house will be more than enough for us both to buy a suitable family home for our children so in no way am forcing her out on the streets.  Already solicitors costs have cost me a fortune but she refuses to budge and the stress is really beginning to take hold now.

Any help would be much appreciated!!!!

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  Just about to find out school offers
Posted by: Naive - 04-16-2018, 08:18 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (4)

Anyone else bricking themselves? Its a long story but Im moving house to be near the first choice of school and have bet heavily on it. My whole case revolves around this, as the second choice school is a 40 mile round trip morning and afternoon and puts a massive dent in what "would be best for child"
9:30am is when the emails go out, however Ill have to sit in the queue for hours to argue about the many times Ive proved PR to find out. Im bricking it because Im certain the ex will do anything now to change the school to screw with me.

She got into first choice, wohhoo, theyre sending me proof.
Im gonna have a little moan now. I hate the fact that school admissions/doctors will only allow one name on an application and no option of putting the other parent to be notified. I have to sit on the phone for hours waiting to find out, where I have the same argument about PR every time.
The doctor is the same, all they can do is put my phone number as an alternative contact with the ex's name. Not entirely important I know but in this day and age with divorce rates surely it makes sense to have both parents on these things.

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