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  Please help
Posted by: Marky207 - 09-15-2018, 08:15 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - No Replies

Sorry for the long story -

My daughter was due to attend for contact last night but very last minute, I received a message from her saying she was to be home super early on the Saturday. I explained to her that I would drop her off earlier than usual but not at the time stated as we have an important family event to attend. Long story short, I receive lots of messages off my daughter demanding to be back early and then she decides to say “I’m not coming”. She refuses to answer her phone. This is totally out of character for my daughter, in fact she is always asking for more time over at mine and I’m due in court soon

When I came to collect my daughter, I was met by my ex who refused to bring my daughter outside. The fact I couldn’t speak to my daughter personally raised alarm bells. Ex claimed because daughter is 12 that she can decide when she is coming for contact. I’ve been told this isn’t the case and it is up to ex to ensure contact otherwise she is in trouble. This just has my ex written all over it.

Can anyone tell me if this behaviour is right and if she will get away with it in court? I’m worried for my daughter and really don’t believe this is her, given that I didn’t actually personally speak to her and it is entirely out of character for her. What is the situation with her being 12? She can’t just not attend contact now, she could be held and manipulated by her mum and her mum using the fact she is 12 as an excuse. I’d really appreciate your thoughts as an extremely worried dad who loves his daughter very much.

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  Am I the only one here who's chosen to leave?
Posted by: paul1891 - 09-15-2018, 05:51 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (2)

I've told my story so won't go in to details but after a bax few years I've made the call to leave. Someone had to as life's just too short to not feel loved.

Hoping to work through it all,.amicable so far but long road ahead.

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  So her ex decided he would threaten me
Posted by: Charlielovesyou - 09-14-2018, 08:49 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (10)

So the fun continues. Ive only been out of court for about 7-8 weeks and shes already playing games. 

Firstly she decided to inform me that she was changing drop off point on Wednesdays and i would need to do that in school term time. Not an issue really as its a few minutes further thats all. My issue was that she told the court i could not have our daughter after 5.30pm because it would interfere with her bedtime routine. Of course i knew this was a lie, she works until 5.30 Monday and Tuesday and takes her other daughter to dance on Wednesdays 6-7pm. This is why she wanted to change drop off now, she wants it to be at the dance school. 

So as the courts told her that we needed to work together and progress contact for the best interests of our daughter i suggested in that case that i just keep her until they are finished and will then drop her back no problem. I will even get her ready for bed etc if need be. This is completely reasonable and there is no reason what so ever why this could not happen right? Obviously this went down like a lead balloon and all she wanted to tell me was that the court order states for her to be back at 5.30pm. This all happened on the Tuesday, i never agreed to change drop off point and she just ignored me after that, she did her usual trick of telling me whats happening and deciding that was enough for it to be done. 

So Wednesday pick up comes and the fun really begins. I drive into the car park across the road from her flat and pull up, i thought id quickly check the car chair to make sure its ok before getting daughter. I lean in the car and suddenly i hear someone behind me say "you alright", i turn around and her ex boyfriend (they could be back together i dont know) is standing there with a rubber mallet looking at me, gripping it and rubbing it with his other hand like hes ready to hit me with it. I replied "yeah you alright" but he stood there trying to be the big man. So i say said "and you alright or you got a problem", he then walks away across the car park grimacing and snarling at me saying dont F talk to me. I just made a dickhead sign to him as he walked away. Just for the record, he is or was her ex boyfriend and he is also her boss at work and her other daughter thinks hes her dad also.

Our daughter and my ex were not here yet i might add so nothing happened in front of her. Unfortunately although i record every time i go up there i had not started at that point so never got the clown.  I have to say he was lucky and so was i that i was not really taking much notice of him and was just thinking about getting my daughter because things may have turned out very differently. It makes me quite angry now that i let him do it and walk away thinking he was intimidating me. 

Anyway when she came out i said to her that i suggest she has a word with him as its not on. But hey nothing to do with her, if i have problems with people i should sort them out myself! But he was now across the road with her other daughter who was no crying for some unknown reason and he decided to shout out "He has hurt you!". She claimed she knew nothing about it and nothing to do with our daughter. When i left with my daughter they were all there talking to each other and another lad from the garage down the road had appeared and was clearly being told lies about what i had done before.

I text her afterwards telling her i would not be coming back to that drop off and we would need another place. I dont trust her or them and at the moment i dont trust myself to not make him eat that hammer so its safer all round to move. So she then starts with the accusations that i was aggressive and threatening and swearing at her at which point i told her i had it recorded so stop lying i have proof i didnt. She still said she isnt lying, you couldnt make it up. She said the only other place she feels safe with me is outside her parents so handovers would have to be there. Again thats about the same so makes no difference to me. 

Anyway ive called the police and reported it, ive got to go in and see them on Sunday as its a different force in her area. I have been advised to offer her mediation with regards to contact and also to write her a letter asking for her assurances about her future conduct and if not i will take it further. I have no doubt shes planned something, at the very least she has continued with all her lies to people to incite them into doing something. 

Sorry that was long, i havent had much to update recently, ive been told i have grounds to apply for non mol against her?

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  Any Property Law experts?
Posted by: andynumpty - 09-14-2018, 06:19 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - No Replies

Hi, looking for some advice please.

Background: Me and ex had separate houses but mine was up for sale. Ex got pregnant, not planned, I sold my house and moved in with ex. We had a boy and I solely bought another bigger house £160k, deposit £100k renovations £18k and mortgage £60k in my sole name which i pay all the monthly payments.

Ex sold her house and moved into mine, paid £30k into mortgage.

We split up September 2016 but still live in same house together and ex has registered a beneficial interest and restriction on property.

So my question is this, eventually in the future the house will be sold and if we cant agree a court will decide who gets what. If we both continue living here or if im forced to leave until my boy is 18 would it be in my interest to pay the outstanding mortgage off which is £20k?

Do the courts look into who has paid what and when to determine what share each get?

Sorry forgot to say not married.


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  Interim financial order ?
Posted by: SeanS - 09-14-2018, 05:47 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - No Replies

Hello again dads

Bit of background, I and ex separated 5 months ago, and since then I have been paying rent and utility bills and nanny too ! In the last month she wanted children maintenance on the top of all the stuff that I was already paying, so in the end I and her both contacted CMS which I believed will sort my wife out, and I believe they tried to.

Now ex has gone to solicitor asking for me to settle finance matters else put a word that they might ask for interim maintenance order.

Wife works full time, 30 K per annum, I pay children maintenance. She claims she is under financial difficulty, god knows how as for the whole duration we have been together I have paid for all expenses A-Z.
Sure she has repaid all her mortgage abroad during the time we were together and perhaps that is how she dont lot of money in her account now.

But question is, how likely court will order me to pay interim while divorce proceedings are going thru. Also if suppose if I end up paying during interim, would that be taken into account during the final financial settlement ?


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Thumbs Down Nightmare!!!??
Posted by: AnomDad - 09-14-2018, 05:22 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)

Had a nightmare day with the ex...

A couple of months ago I order the kids passports and booked a holiday in October for a week for myself, my partner and my two kids. In the court order it says I can take them away for a week just need to give a months notice. 

Got everything booked.. Informed school as they'll be missing the last two days of term and signed the required papers, school were happy. 

Wrote up a letter for the ex to sign to state that she was happy for me to take them out of the country. 

40 days to go and she's turned round today to say that she 'no longer agrees to me taking them away as she's decided she's changed her mind and will write a letter of retraction' she's saying she can stopcock me going because they'll he missing two days of school and she'll miss out on two nights a with them.. Where on earth do I stand?! Can she stop I us going even though she's been signed to letter and it's all paid for?

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  Meeting other separated dads
Posted by: dru0618 - 09-14-2018, 04:06 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (18)

Hi there, separated over 3 months ago and wondered if there were any facebook groups (london) where dads chatted and even met up. 

My wife has so many friends and with my son starting school a week ago has now made friends with all the mums. I just want some guys to talk to and even go for a drink with now and then? 

Do any of these groups/meet ups exist? This forum is great but sometimes human interaction helps too. 


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  Final order day...
Posted by: MrJohn - 09-14-2018, 03:47 PM - Forum: Your Court Results/Outcomes - No Replies

Hi all,

I had received good advice and support from this forum in the past, so I thought it would be a good idea to share some experiences here in case it proves useful to others.

I can’t say that I had the desired outcome from today’s hearing, but it wasn’t at all bad.

Family assistance order: hopefully, if you are able to get one of these, you will be appointed a CAFCASS officer. This is designed to improve communication between yourself and the other parent. It was pretty useful but I still found CAFCASS to be biased in favour of the mother. Keep the CAFCASS officer sweet and be nice, do your best to work smart with the other parent and keep child centred.

If parental alienation is going on, and it’s one parent’s word against the other and you can’t afford a solicitor, the court can appoint one for the child/children and this is covered by legal aid. They represent the child. If you request this from a district judge and it is over ruled, you can appeal. This appeal will hopefully go to a circuit judge who might look at things differently.

LIP, keep focused on what you are there for, the kids. Have a list of key issues that you will stick to. Don’t get drawn into distractions. Don’t be afraid to speak up, don’t expect the judge to remember any details previous to the current hearing, you will have to remind them what is given as evidence. Don’t get into slinging dirt at the other party, you might end up looking hostile. Do expect a very unfair response from CAFCASS and the judge, it’s not about what is right for the children, it’s about protecting the mother and child regardless of what may or may not be true, even if proven in evidence. However, for you, it is all about the child, never your self.

Always complete the tasks asked of you such as completing parent information programmes etc. Having trouble with a position statement? Indicate that you are having difficulty with it and make sure that you get it in to the court on time.

Good luck.

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  At what age....
Posted by: RockAndAHardPlace - 09-14-2018, 01:17 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (5)

At what age can a child decide who they want to live with? Just had a meeting with my ex in laws and they have stated they will want my children to live with them after their daughter passes (terminal illness) and they have said it will be up to them. I stood firm during the meeting and said that won't be happening as they don't have the choice until they are 16? Is this correct?

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  Our nightmare...
Posted by: BKCurran - 09-14-2018, 12:59 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (3)

Hi, I fear my son  is in big trouble, he has
been with his partner for 10 years married 3...but I have not trusted her
since he met her for loads of reasons that she has manifested , they have 2 children which we hardly see and has tried to
manipulate money from us for years.... they have a equity loan which she
wants us to pay off but now wants a £100,000 pay off, she has said she will
run up debts on their joint account and said she wants her garden redone so
its more child friendly and hall and stairway redecorated and will get
tradesmen in to do it,,,,,,they live in a newly built house... I am over half
way building another house each for my 2 sons from a converted bungalow left
to them jointly before they got married, She said she could take him to the
cleaners but is being reasonable....help needed please.

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