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  Property question and more…
Posted by: BristolDad - 04-11-2018, 12:58 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Hi all - hope you're having a decent week of it.

I've separated from my wife, and I'm now living in rented accommodation in Bristol. We recently sold our house from which she took around 70 per cent of the proceeds of the sale to buy a house in another town (about 30 mins away by train). She's now come back saying that her solicitors won't be able to proceed unless I sign a form declaring no interest whatsoever in the property. I'm going to be paying a substantial amount to her and my daughter each month with half childcare costs on top of that. And I only get to see my daughter for two nights every other week (this doesn't go up at all during the holidays).

All this seems rather unfair. I just wondered what any of you thought?

Thank you,


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  Witholding information about children
Posted by: Jim - 04-11-2018, 10:49 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (26)

Since my wife left 6 months ago I haven't seen the kids and she won't tell me anything about them except that they're OK. I have complained to her about it but not pushed hard because I wanted to save the marriage. She always took it for granted she was the better parent and that's part of it. But also she likes to guilt trip me saying things like it's a terrible mess and you don't know how bad it is. Like I said I didn't want to push because I didn't want to lose her. But she also said in our only phone call that there are things going on I don't know about. Around the time she left it turns out my oldest was self harming. She didn't want me to know but my youngest let it slip. And she didn't want social services to know either. She told me soon after he'd stopped. Now there's no chance of reconciliation I was thinking it was time I pushed her on this. I have repeatedly asked to tell me about what's happening that makes it so bad like she says but never get an answer. I have said that I have a legal right to be kept informed about important matters but it gets ignored. I was thinking about going in hard about this and demanding more information about the children's welfare specifically if self-harming, eating disorders or drugs are involved. But I am also worried about her saying my emails are harassment. I was thinking about contacting social services about the self-harming thing but they would think it's another dad out to cause trouble and to be honest there's a certain amount of truth in that. Any thoughts about all this. For 6 months she's held the moral high ground and I've done nothing except look like I don't care because I didn't want to rock the boat. She's either being melodramatic to build up her case or there could be something going on. I haven't a clue. Read some of her stuff and it sounds like a madhouse but otherwise no sign or sound of anything so awful going on.

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  Copy of writ
Posted by: Big blue - 04-11-2018, 09:48 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

I have decided after trying to be civil with my ex for a while that I’m now being forced to go to court to gain access to my kids. I thought at the start that things could be amicable, but I was so wrong. I am in Scotland so I have to create an initial writ and present it to the court. Does anyone have a copy of a writ that they would be willing to email me a copy so I have a better idea of what I’m doing?

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  Child has requested more access...
Posted by: pmhumphrys - 04-11-2018, 09:35 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (8)

Hi all, just looking for some pointers...

I have had a contact order in place for 13 years now, my son is 14 and 1/2.

Recently there has been issues at home with his Mum and on discussing this he has asked to spend more time with me.  Currently spends 5 nights in 14.  Wants 50/50.

My son has communicated this request to us both, verbally and in writing, despite his Mum originally "agreeing" broadly to the request, she has now unfortunately decided to not communicate further and is not prepared to grant this request (it appears).

Any advice on how to proceed would be appreciated...

Many Thanks

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  Help! Advice needed
Posted by: PeterJ - 04-10-2018, 04:41 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (3)

Hi, will try and keep this as brief as i possibly can. 
Ex wife left me for another man 7 years ago. We have 2 chidlren together now 11 and 8. I found it hard but never showed it to her or kids. We got on for the first year ok. then i met a partner and got a nice new house and she became bitter and messed me around with the kids said my eldest didnt like partner refused to let me see them etc. I was weak as kids were young and were scared they would forget me and she said if i took her to court she wouldnt let me see them till it was over so i didnt. fast forward a year and my new partner and i split due to all the stress it was causing. 
2 years on i met the woman of my dreams. Our children already knew each other as we were neighbours and they would play out. my children already loved the woman as we were a close neighbourhood and all attend events together etc. We got together and i sold my house and moved in with new partner. first things were fine then 3 months in kids started crying they didnt want to go home (fear of missing out as had so much fun etc) ex started to say they were jealous of me spending time with partners children (she would say this in front of them) then eventually stopped them staying over saying "i dont like them sharing a room either get a bigger house or dont have them overnight) 6 months on partner agreed to get a bigger house with me (I couldnt afford as lost a lot of money on other house) I said I would need to work an extra day to afford it to ex and she said thats fine kids will be happy they can stay again. Well during time i was buying her new husband (man she left me for) lost his job they ended up in council accomodation so when she saw mine and partners new build house she got jealous and went to csa without me knowing and i got letters demanding almost double what she had been happy with for years. I got annoyed many phone calls happned she said if i took kids out alone she would meet in the middle but wanted me to spend time on my own with them. I tried this and kids would ask all day to be back with my partner and children. mine and exes arguments got worse and for reasons i will never understand she would relay all of this to our eldest (eldest would tell me mum says you love new partner and her kids more than us, mum said you shouted at her on the phone and she ended up crying) etc etc. Eldest was misbehaving one day and I told her off and next time I went to pick them up mum said infront of her "she doesnt want to come you are not allowed to tell her off only i am". Relationship broke down quickly with eldest. Always been very very close to mum. Youngest would still come and was very very close to my partners youngest. Youngest wanted to spend x mas day with me and begged her mum but eldest didnt want to see me. Allegation made my partners eldest (2 years yonnger than my youngest) kicked and bruised her so she stopped contact over x mas. I was stupid and sent a text saying this stress is making me feel suicidal as was putting massive pressure on my relationship and couldnt even speak on phone to my kids at x mas. After x mas ex let youngest round to open presents. youngeest said her mum knew bruises were from ages ago and said sorry. Cried she didnt want to leave and phone mum to ask to stay longer. Mum said no. next thing i have a letter from ex wife statign all contact stopped until i seek mediation

I did that and she pulled out before first meeting telling me to take it to court. So I did. 

First hearing - cafcass report states mum thinks I have mental health issues (because of ONE text where i said i felt suicidal) and that children want to see me but alone and never with my partner or her children. Although no safeguarding concerns or ss involved mum still claiming partners eldest was physical abusive its a total lie. kept on saying children need to spend time with me but never with partner (this is once she found out my partner was pregnant sorry forgot to add that) 
Court ordered supported contact until a medical report is sought. etc. 

back in court in June. I know my children unfortunately now i havent seen eldest for 6 months and she didnt want to know me anyway and now youngest for nearly 4 months will go along with they want to see me but not partner or her kids 

So i have to pay nearly £400 in total to use this supported contact. I have baby due in July. I am not being torn away from my family and having another partner leave me. I work 6 days a week and she wants me to have my kids alone the one day im off which means no time for my new baby. 
Cafcass are doing interviews with children in schools. 

What happens if in court i decide to say "i have done the supported contact. You say my children are old enough to make up there own minds (which judge did say pretty much) I am not being pulled aawy from my family and partner and new baby so will wait until kids see sense" what would a judge say?

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  What happens next?
Posted by: Jim - 04-10-2018, 02:58 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (29)

My wife told me a couple of days ago in an email that last week she went to a solicitor to start proceedings. For 2 days I've been sitting at home waiting for a nasty letter to drop through the door. Then it occurred to me I simply haven't got a clue what happens. So I googled and there's a lot of sites saying you the petitioner coughs up £550 and the court tells you she wants a divorce and the reasons for it. And you say yes because it gets expensive if you say no and it's all as easy as popping into Tesco for a bottle of milk. What happens if I don't agree to any old pack of lies she gives as reasons? How do you split the money if she won't talk to you? What about the children? She's tried to do the whole separation by telepathy and it looks like she plans to divorce by telepathy too. What happens next?

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  Odd scenario
Posted by: ark7754 - 04-10-2018, 02:47 PM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - No Replies

Having gone to court once with my ex partner who played god with my two children and my access and won,somehow it looks like i may have to do it again with the mother of my tiny one.

Long story shortened.

Met a woman, had a reversal, she got pregnant,soon as pregnancy hit, i wasnt allowed at scans,i slept on the sofa for 11 months at her choice! In this time i later found out she even tried making moves on a guy while 6 months pregnant.i was negative apparently yes i was.
Even on the appointment where you find the gender nope not allowed she made sure i didnt go and told her daughter first. i was told 3 hours later after the appointment and them going out to eat! then add to that, no involement in name, lied to regarding the birth certificate. 1 month after my daughters birth i left, way to many morally bad things by the woman.

so since leaving im allowed twice a week to see her for an hour, apparently until shes 3.5 thats the way it will remain.....?!

Heres my Question, my ex did not put me on the certificate at all as the father. my surname is in her third name, her actual surname is the fathers name of her other daughter. So obviously parental responsibility i have an issue. More weirdly she will not give me an answer why i am not on it. I am accused of many things by this woman, being a bully, only interested in pieces of paper. Numerous occasions i have to hear her opinion on me,which being real she is so morally bankrupt its unreal.

So how do i proceed with resolution to

A.Gain parental responsibility, getting the birth certificate amended. (Yes i am 99.9 she is my daughter but there is a 1 percent that terrifies me that im not)
B- a decent amount time spent with my daughter (My daughter is 9.5 months old, id be interested if any of you have had experience or how much time you get with little people)

Now do not get confused, i have gone through court once and won the case because i am a good father,there is no underlying issues here with myself, it seems mothers are more thinking they are god these days

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  We've separated, but how will this work in the long run?
Posted by: TokyoKazama - 04-10-2018, 02:03 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

Me and my ex have a son. He's one year old now, and we've been separated for 6 months.

I've moved away back to London, where my previous job and family are based. We were living temporarily in the midlands because thats where she was from and her family were housing us whilst we settled with the baby because they have a huge house.

I now go back and see him once a week, on the weekends, but he lives across the country and most likely will for his childhood years. My job, my studies, family and friends are based in London and he is the only reason I leave London every weekend.

But what am I supposed to do in the future if I meet someone in London? It's not going to work if I'm commuting across the country for a weekend every weekend, right? Especially if say we want to start our own family.

It feels like I'm living two separate lives a lot of the time. I don't want to establish a norm where I'm seeing him every week, if it's something I may potentially not be able to sustain.

Does anyone know of any typical arrangements that could work for co-parents in this situation?

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  CMS Appeal Success Rate?
Posted by: BlueShadows78 - 04-10-2018, 09:34 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (2)

Hi all,

I was just curious as to how much success anyone has had appealing their CMS payments? 

Last year my ex-wife informed CMS that I was seeing my son for 52 nights a year, when in reality I was having him for overnight stays for twice that amount (plus some afternoons, which bizarrely aren't taken into account). When I attempted to contest it, I had no evidence to prove it and they took her word over mine.

Since then, my ex has tried to stop me from seeing my son leading to a court case in which I eventually got a court order that amounts to me seeing my boy for at least 106 nights in the year. I presented the court order to CMS complete with clearly marking out the times that I will be having him, and my wife contested my appeal (with no actual evidence, I hasten to add), this resulted in my payments going unchanged as they still took her word over the actual evidence. I find this incredible and wondered how much luck anyone else has had as everything seems to be in the mothers favour (in fact my solicitor actually suggested that sexism is rife in these cases as we'd wanted to try to gain shared custody of my son on a 50-50 basis).

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  What are my options for escalating solicitor fees?
Posted by: jibberhud - 04-10-2018, 09:00 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (4)

Hi guys,

My savings will be gone when I pay the next £2k invoice and the £2k on account for a barrister. We are only at the hearing for Maintenance Pending Suit, so I'm guessing not even halfway in terms of costs.

Wife insists on her needs being about 45% of my net income and won't budge, taking me to court using her family's money.

My solicitor won't let me pay future invoices via installments because I don't have any assets to secure against. I have defaulted on personal loans, so have zero access to credit. So I see three options;

1. Represent myself in court, with limited advice from my solicitor
2. Find another solicitor who will accept payment via installments if that is even possible
3. Ask current solicitor to find ways to delay proceedings so I can keep up with payments (basically give him a monthly budget)

Do you guys have any other ways to think about this or any options?

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