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variation to order
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  It was my fault..
Posted by: Chester Copperpot - 10-08-2018, 01:31 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (7)

So, quick back story - my wife of 10 years (and mother to my children) has in April this year decided that she no longer wants our relationship.

I was unfaithful 4 years ago - completely my fault, no excuses - I have owned it and taken full responsibility for it.

I left at the time and things did get very messy.  However, my wife and I decided we would give it another go.

Now, 4 years down the line, I have been faithful but she has now decided its not going to work.

In a divorce court - can she still use the fact that I was unfaithful as a reason to blame me?

I just would like to know where I stand.

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  CMS - They scare the hell out of me
Posted by: beehive84 - 10-08-2018, 12:54 PM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (6)

Ever since my case opened this year their website and portal has been up and down like a yo yo. 
The portal looks like it was designed as a university project. 

There's no tracking on the portal for attachments seemingly so once loaded you can't refer to it for any audit trail. 

I have tried to contact them the last two weeks and it's pot luck between someone picking up or the phone just ringing until infinity. 

I contacted someone today and they sounded like they were on a mobile phone in a wind tunnel. I asked them how they were with processing my redundancy letter and he stated nothing was coming up on his system despite a lady last week telling me she could see it. 

The chap stated to me just to go sign on as their system syncs with the DWP and that I'd run the risk of still accruing arrears depending on how long it took them to process my non income redundancy letter. Exactly how that's legal when it's based on income is beyond me. 

Their calculations of prior debts you pay are totally ambiguous. It just strikes me as completely shambolic and I shudder at the thought of working with these clowns or the next 17 years.

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Posted by: maestro - 10-08-2018, 09:27 AM - Forum: Fathers’ Rights, Legal Info, Court Orders - Replies (4)


I started my divorce petition 7 months back and we have got the decree nisi now - albeit with a lot of grumpiness and hate-spewing by wife. However, the last 7 months she was not ready to coherently discuss the child custody/ parenting plan and on what to do with the house. The equity on the house is 50-50 and I am paying 60% of the monthly amount towards it (she pays 40%). The next step of divorce - towards decree absolute - is not happening at all because of this. 

Being in the same house is very unpleasant (to the kids too) and I would like to find a way to get out or get her out (she agreed to get out at first and reversed her decision suddenly and didn't even inform me!). If I left then I won't be able to afford continuing the mortgage and paying rent elsewhere. If I stopped paying for the mortgage my credit rating will drop heavily. 

Also, I am not sure what will be the implications on child custody if I temporarily left the house and stayed on my own. 

What can I do? Every advice is welcome and I will consider them with utmost gratitude.


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  Ex and new partner
Posted by: genewilder - 10-08-2018, 06:44 AM - Forum: New Partners, Relationships - Replies (13)

I have been seeing a new partner for 4 months now, she wants to meet the kids, and I want them to meet her, i have full parental responsibility, but the ex is telling me I can’t do x y or z or I won’t see them, getting me really stressed out

Anybody else been in this position and how did it all work out?

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  CMS fuel reimbursement paynents
Posted by: genewilder - 10-08-2018, 06:41 AM - Forum: Child Maintenance, Finances etc - Replies (1)


I receive around 500 a month payments for fuel reimbursement, this obviously varies depending on the amount of business miles I do, CMS are telling me that this is classed as income, even though it only covers the fuel cost, I claim the tax back end of year.

Anybody else in this position or who can advise if the CMS are right to include this?

Also, I receive a car allowance, am I better off opting back into the company car scheme, and get a cheap BIK car?


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  Contact Order Breach - C79/ Court Advice please
Posted by: MurphJ - 10-08-2018, 04:21 AM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (2)

Hi All, New here and genuinely happy to see such a supportive and informative community so wanted and needed to post. 

I was hoping for some advice on the process around C79 and enforcing the Order currently in place - it's an ongoing breach and in short, all other avenues have been exhausted - other than legal representation (which I am also going to pursue lightly simultaneously). 

Summary -

  • My 8 year old son lives in the UK with his Mother, my Ex-wife - I left the relationship when he was 3 but have never left him. 
  • I live in Europe with my wife and my two other young kids although travel a lot to the UK (once/twice a month) and can travel as much as required.
  • There is a court order in place for contact and this has been in place for some time, over 3 years
  • I am meant to have 2 Skype calls per week and once a month weekend access with alternative B'days, Christmas's, School Holiday access etc - a whole host more
  • The order is breached almost weekly with some calls, no calls (whatever suits her) and access being never overnight and usually not every month - totally on her terms
  • I have business and family in the UK so the fact I live in Europe and travel a lot has never been an issue for access - although of course its used against me all the time
  • Recently access has dried up totally. I havent seen my boy for over 6 mths and not spoken for over 3. She says he doesnt want to - thats because she and her family hate me a poison him against me and never encourage contact. Last time I flew into see him specifically (not a problem), and was told at the airport (UK side) he didnt want to see me - he's 8 years old, he should be guided towards what is right not what he defaults to of course. 
  • Over the years and in this recent period, there are literally thousands of emails from me asking for contact, dates I suggest, options suggested, asking for sit down sessions, most of which are met with serious hostility and verbal abuse. 
  • I do not have her mobile number - the court did not enforce me having it. I just have email!
  • She is in total control now and has been for a long time. Now she doesnt even respond to email, even when I just ask about his welfare etc.
You may ask what am I doing, why is it taking me so long etc? Well, I was seeing my son and speaking to him - its never been enough, but we had and have a great relationship. I was paying private school fees and all costs re contact i.e. flights, driving to see him, accommodation etc. And a year ago, I was sometimes seeing him twice a month - never overnight but I didn't want to enforce too much on him and put him through the ringer - none of this is his fault - I made it very clear to his Mother that I wasn't going away, even though I have a family, kids and happily married etc - he is my son, I love him and he needs me as I need him. On top of this I have a young family that needed stability, a growing business specifically originated and grown between UK and Europe to keep my ability to go to the UK for my son fluid and just the stuff life throws at you.. It costs and takes a lot especially when you live outside of the UK. 

The woman we are dealing with and her family are poison, spiteful, hateful and just a level people cant understand (I have examples that if posted I dont think people would believe). Two mini examples, at the last court hearing she was removed for shouting at the bar and judges! Her Father and her played videos of my son saying he loved them for me to hear while we were waiting to go in to the court room. Im not questioning her being a mother to him, but she is openly saying I should never see him and just disappear - and thats what my 8 year old son wants! I have literally thousands of examples of the level this woman is able to reach - she wont reason with anyone and has no friends that I know at all - all the ones I know have disassociated themselves. 

A very shortened version of an extremely long and painful experience that goes on and does not put my son first at all. I know I need to go back to court of course, I know Ive talen to long and been weak - I was in hope that things could be turned, they cant and I will submit docs immediately. I have informed her I will be doing this as well as involving a lawyer to write a letter informing her of what could happen to her if she is found in contempt and breaking the order etc.. and inviting her to consider access options very rapidly. I have had less time than I do now, I am also tired of submitting warnings and being reasonable - My son needs me and his family and I need him - we all do. 

My questions and advice seeking - 
C79 and Court hearing - can I expedite this at all? I have been to court and the process takes too long as we all know re family issues. 
Can I/ shall I provide evidence such as email requests and responses (literally 1000's) and order breaches (I have most noted)? Does this make a difference?
What can I expect from the next hearing? I know the order may be changed to suit the circumstances - thats fine but I dont want less access if possible.
My family is in full support and we can be in the UK for access to my son, whats the best way of informing the court of intentions and possibility etc?
Can I get any outside parties in to help such as CAFCASS or anyone else that may help and add weight?
Any advice on this process at all - very helpful - I will submit docs ASAP so wanted to see what you guys said from experience and knowledge please. 

Thank you all. Please do get in touch or post thread if you can help. 

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Posted by: AK2018 - 10-07-2018, 09:00 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (5)

Hi everyone.

Since January'18 I am sleeping with my 7year old son in master bedroom, as my future ex wife moved to other room.
I never thought it before but do I need to get separate bed for him? (Will I be in trouble even it's a king size bed)
How it would look in the court? We spent most of the time together going out and having activities, ( mum doesn't bother she always on the phone).
Thank you

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  Advise please
Posted by: karlblake66 - 10-07-2018, 06:13 PM - Forum: Contact & Residence Issues, Problems with Child Arrangements - Replies (3)

Hi new member here looking for some advise.
I have 5 children but the problem is with the younger 3.
I have had access to my 11 and 7 year old boys 1 day a week for the past 6 plus years without overnight stays.Never been a problem and it has worked lovely.
I recently had another child who is now 18 months old. I was seeing this boy 1 day a week with overnight stays. The arrangements for the youngest recently changed to once a fortnight with an overnight stay but it coincides with the day I have the other 2.
I have no problem having the 3 of them together but when I explained to my ex with the 2 boys she stopped access on the days I have the younger one which means the boys never meet. The was no reason apart from it wasn’t right.
Where do I stand on getting the previous arrangements put back in place so I can once again have the access which I always have had and so the 3 child can meet up.

Any help would be grateful
Thanks in advance

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  A place to scream silently
Posted by: Jim - 10-07-2018, 04:58 PM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (4)

Don't know about the rest of you guys but sometimes I need to do a silent scream. It might be I'm dealing with a specially difficult person and when my back's turned I sort of go "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh" silently. The face scrunches up and the mouth opens but no sound comes out. When I turn round again the face is back to normal and I am perfectly pleasant. I think in Japan or somewhere they have special places you can go to throw crockery at a wall. Right now I need to do a silent scream somewhere other than this empty house. The details aren't important but something was said to me by my STBX and I want to tell her it's not just not true it's also so f****** rich. But it's not the thing to do right now. There's no point. So a silent scream it is.

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Posted by: Bluebear - 10-07-2018, 11:18 AM - Forum: Your Stories, Advice to Recently Separated Dads - Replies (1)

Currently going through legal process to see my kids after giving my ex so many chances.

Has anyone in this position acquired their child’s medical records and school records? Did it benefit you in any way or on the other hand did not having these go against anyone in the process?

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