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Looks like the end is near...
#21
Thanks all, am feeling better again now.. but know there will be highs and lows along this journey.. As a mate said to me yesterday "Life is short and you don't want to spend it with someone who doesn't want to be there". Anyway she is away for girls holiday in Majorca till Sunday now, so just me and the boys till then!! Camping trip with some other dads already planned for this weekend!!
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#22
Would have been 13th Wedding Anniversary today, and feeling very unlucky for some?! All can think about is whether to set ball rolling and divorce her for adultery or seperate and wait the 2 years for divorce that way..
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#23
Buffalo have you got any actual proof she has committed adultery - I think you will need that to petition under adultery.
You can always start the ball rolling through unreasonable behaviour citing the adultery plus other things that she's done. The reasons that can be put down can be absolutely pathetic and unprovable you'd just need a few, I got done over by 4 weak unprovable reasons and thats going through now, there isnt much point contesting them.

I dont condone marriages being ended so easily by using crappy excuses, but in your case it would seem the reasons are valid & justifiable if you started the ball rolling.
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#24
Sorry forgot to reply.. She has said she will not contest adultery and will admit it as long as a) I don't name the other "party"\W@nker and b) don't tell her mum\dad

Also, saw a solicitor last friday who advised that I should start proceedings and file for divorce asap (obviously they will assist for a fee). Plus start getting some of this in writing whilst she feels guilty!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.. in a good place today!
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#25
TBH Divorce Orders are sealed so you can name muffin the mule if you want
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#26
FFS... Found out that she introduced the "new man" to my eldest son (10) at a rugby tournament on Sunday!!! WTF.... I know this would have happened at some point, but ffs we only split up and told the kids 6 weeks ago!! She is definately well ahead of me in terms of moving on... But surely would have been courteous to ask\tell me what she was planning... No idea what my son thinks, and hoping he was too busy with rugby to really notice and she said "she didn't make a big deal of it".. Also said "I didn't break any laws)

Am I overreacting?? I feel the kids need bit of stability whilst we sort this, not be introduced to a 'new friend' whilst I still live in the house and nothing has really been sorted.

In other news have started the process of filling for divorce on grounds of adultery.
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#27
I experienced the same after about 6 weeks - new man introduced as if this was normal. It should just reaffirm that they have no consideration for your feelings any more.
I wouldn't try and bring this up with your son as it will only make things worse. Just carry trying to be the best possible father and probably at some stage in the future he will recognise how crass and insensitive his mother was.
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#28
The day I am dreading.......I dont think your over reacting, I would be cut deep too.

and she may not be doing anything illegal, but immoral yes.
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#29
Hello. This is my first post. I called myself 'Dan Evans' after the long-suffering husband in the original '3.10 to Yuma' movie. Great movie. A guy and his wife still love each other although maybe it's slipped their minds because they're so worn out after years working the farm and getting nowhere because it never rains. He takes on a suicide mission not expecting to come back to get money for water and give his kids something to remember him by.

I have suddenly become a follower of this site not by choice but like everybody else by circumstances. My wife and I have been together for 35 years with barely a day out of each other's company. On the outside it must have looked perfect: the thing is we weren't just married but really good pals to the point that I couldn't see the crossover point between friendship and love and didn't think it mattered.

It sounds really boring but it didn't really seem to be at the time. We did stuff together and we got into a lot of fights together especially against officials and on behalf of our children. In fact, bringing up our two children - now 12 and 16 - just seems t o have been one long slog through a succession of battles.

My boy - the eldest one - had a really rotten time in the education system and eventually we felt that we had no choice but to home educate him. It was an incredibly reckless decision to make because it could have ended in disaster for his education - in fact, it surprises me it's legal - but with our efforts supporting him and his own determination he pulled it off and got enough GCSEs for sixth forms to be keen to have him.

My daughter is much more easy-going - less determined and ruffling fewer feathers so she has had no real problems at school apart from the usual bitchy stuff. In fact - truth be told - she's quite lazy. It suits her to come home and ask for the TV to be put on - even though there's nothing in particular she wants to watch - and zen through successive episodes of The Big Bang Theory. It doesn't sound much but after what happened last Thursday it turns out she is probably the wisest one of us all.

THIS IS NOT THE POST I MEANT TO MAKE AND I'VE NOT EVEN GOT TO THE POINT AND HAVE TO STOP FOR THE TIME BEING . IT'S TURNED INTO SOME KIND OF CONFESSIONAL BUT I'M GOING TO POST IT ANYWAY. IF PEOPLE DON'T SHOUT ME DOWN I'LL CARRY ON LATER.
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#30
I AM GOING TO CARRY ON. I'M ON MY OWN WITH NOBODY TO TALK TO AND IT ALL GOING THROUGH MY HEAD DAY AFTER DAY. I NEED SOMEBODY ELSE'S PERSPECTIVE AND EXPERIENCE EVEN IF IT'S JUST TO SAY SOD OFF AND STOP SPOILING OUR SITE.

Let's get a grip on this by trying to describe the good side of the relationship between me and my wife. Always good company for each other, made each other laugh, loyal allies in our battles and interesting conversation. Each of us must have said the same stuff but i can honestly say it never bored me. She was my best pal and i was hers. Simple as that.

The bad side of the relationship: from time to time it wasn't enough. I'd feel that I wanted more out of life but she would always tell me these feelings of frustration were part of normal family life. So I would try to believe that it was sufficient to put on my gravestone that i married well and was a good father. In recent years i would drift upstairs and lie down and listen to classical music that came to mean more and more to me and she would fall asleep on the settee at 9 o'clock watching Real Housewives or something like that.

Now a paragraph about my son. He is sixteen and has tremendous self-confidence despite an appalling series of knock backs that should have destroyed it. Brutal systematic bullying at school and friendships ending in betrayal. He comes across very well especially to older people but the fact is every club or group he has been a part of has blown up in his face. He is determined and very hard working, clever about some things but in some ways very naive. There are a lot of things - ordinary common-sense things - that he thinks he understands but hasn't got a clue.

Here's an example: in younger days him and his sister watched this TV show could 'The Dumping Ground' about children in a care home. They thought it looked like more fun than being at home and would have these tremendous tantrums almost inciting the neighbours to call social services until we had to spell it out what it's really like in a care home. They seemed to think it was something like in Harry Potter.

From the moment the children were born they were the center of our lives - so much so that as the battles and tantrums went on i sometimes said to my wife that we had brought these problems on ourselves. It's sounds terribly cold but fatherhood for me seems to have been one long slog of successive battles trying to defend our children against other people or keep the peace in our own house. Time after time i did the right thing by them until it got to the point i was so tired of the endless slog that it felt there was nothing left inside. And in the end it all turned out to be totally bloody thankless.

GOING TO STOP HERE FOR A MOMENT.

THE THIRD PART. IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO FOUR. SORRY.

The relationship between me and my son is at the heart of what happened last Thursday although as days have passed i'm not sure if it's the whole story. The odd thing is - our relationship isn't bad. Not at all. We have always communicated easily - main interests changing as years have gone on from trains to chess to superhero films to subjects pertaining to business studies. I'm like the headmaster in the house - 'come on, settle down' - but not at all intimidating. He doesn't call me 'dad' or anything normal but 'sugar'. He knows i find it a bit odd so he does it all the more. The other day in a crowded travel hotel room he meant to spray his underarms with deodorant but missed and got me in the head. He laughed like a drain and i played up to it.

At the same time, he gets into frequent arguments with his mum and i always feel i should do something to bring the peace. But a funny thing always seems to happen: it doesn't matter what the subject is it turns around and it all turns out to be my fault. That's when he says he feels bad every time i talk to him and all sorts of things i have done wrong over the years. And somehow his mother's position shifts and it's them against me. This has been going on for a long time and i never seem to learn to keep out of it.

That's pretty much what happened last Thursday evening except it got very nasty.

Just before Christmas my wife and i agreed to move to a different part of the country to be nearer her parents and get out of the awful part of the south east we lived in. We explored a certain city for months until it became clear it was a non-starter and then almost by chance found a delightful place about 20 miles away. Selling our house did not go at all smoothly and starting our son in sixth form in time put on an added layer of pressure but all of a sudden contracts were exchanged and it was all systems go.

For several days at our end it was nothing but packing and it went on until the early hours of moving day. then cross country, stay in a hotel and the next morning start a whole load of new jobs in our new home. By the time it happened last Thursday evening we had been stressed out for months and we hadn't stopped doing stuff non-stop at a rush for two weeks solid. Our son got into a sixth form an hour away by bus and was working every hour to catch up. Everybody was emotionally, mentally and maybe physically totally knackered.

CALL THAT PART 3.
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