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Keeping the house - my rights
#1
Hello, my first post - I wanted to give my situation and wondered if anyone could comment.

Married for 7 years with 3 young children - 3, 6 and 7.

Everything ok with home life as far as I was concerned (sleeping in same bed etc) and then wife told me 6 weeks ago she wants to leave and take the kids. No unreasonable behaviour on either side. I was and still am shocked and although we had some counselling recently I thought we were on the way up. She refusing to go to any more counselling. 

She has petitioned on unreasonable behaviour which is untrue though if that's how she wants it then fine.

Arrangements with the kids are amicable and fair I feel. I'm devastated at them having to deal with a broken family but I can't stop it now. I will see them as much as possible and they will have 2 homes - I don't want it to be 'visiting dad', they are my whole world.

The problems are around finances.

I want to stay in the marital home as its my home, somewhere for our children to be when they're with me and it's a good investment for their future. I can afford to stay as the mortgage affordability was based on my income only anyway. 

We have some equity though we also have significant unsecured debts.

I can't afford to give her half of the equity in the marital home as she wants. In order to do that I would have to sell which I don't want to do as I would incur stamp duty when purchasing elsewhere, the house is in the right place for kids school etc. 

I'm happy to support our children financially, that's not in question. I've always been the main bread winner. My wife does have an income now from her own business but not enough to support herself independently. 

I'm also happy to support her (spousal maintenance) though this is on the basis of me staying in the marital home.

In summary she wants to move on, start her new life and expect me to pay for it on top of child support - take her half of net assets and doesn't care what it means to me. I would really appreciate any advice whether it be legal, moral or similar stories etc.
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#2
Hi Kennyboy....that sucks sorry to hear what's going on....sounds like you need to get some legal advice ASAP. ..and some financial advice...you need to the think about your own future for the kids she wanted this so she should sort her own finances out. I don't have the facts you need as I'm new to this but I'm sure some on here will help you out with that...by the sounds of it she is way ahead of you so need to catch up quick....
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#3
(11-21-2017, 01:54 PM)scottb Wrote: Hi Kennyboy....that sucks sorry to hear what's going on....sounds like you need to get some legal advice ASAP. ..and some financial advice...you need to the think about your own future for the kids she wanted this so she should sort her own finances out. I don't have the facts you need as I'm new to this but I'm sure some on here will help you out with that...by the sounds of it she is way ahead of you so need to catch up quick....

Thanks Scott - you're right that she's way ahead of me, 7 years of trying to keep her happy can do that to you....... only now I'm I seeing how one sided the relationship was.

I've got some legal help and am feeling supported and more informed now.

Interesting you say she should sort her own finances out - I wish a court would see it that way but it's unlikely eh?

We're going to mediation soon so that's probably the best next step.
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#4
(11-20-2017, 12:14 PM)kennyboy993 Wrote: Hello, my first post - I wanted to give my situation and wondered if anyone could comment.

Married for 7 years with 3 young children - 3, 6 and 7.

Everything ok with home life as far as I was concerned (sleeping in same bed etc) and then wife told me 6 weeks ago she wants to leave and take the kids. No unreasonable behaviour on either side. I was and still am shocked and although we had some counselling recently I thought we were on the way up. She refusing to go to any more counselling. 

She has petitioned on unreasonable behaviour which is untrue though if that's how she wants it then fine.

Arrangements with the kids are amicable and fair I feel. I'm devastated at them having to deal with a broken family but I can't stop it now. I will see them as much as possible and they will have 2 homes - I don't want it to be 'visiting dad', they are my whole world.

The problems are around finances.

I want to stay in the marital home as its my home, somewhere for our children to be when they're with me and it's a good investment for their future. I can afford to stay as the mortgage affordability was based on my income only anyway. 

We have some equity though we also have significant unsecured debts.

I can't afford to give her half of the equity in the marital home as she wants. In order to do that I would have to sell which I don't want to do as I would incur stamp duty when purchasing elsewhere, the house is in the right place for kids school etc. 

I'm happy to support our children financially, that's not in question. I've always been the main bread winner. My wife does have an income now from her own business but not enough to support herself independently. 

I'm also happy to support her (spousal maintenance) though this is on the basis of me staying in the marital home.

In summary she wants to move on, start her new life and expect me to pay for it on top of child support - take her half of net assets and doesn't care what it means to me. I would really appreciate any advice whether it be legal, moral or similar stories etc.

The bad news is that she is probably 'entitled' to more than half the equity and may have been told this by a solicitor. 
If you can't afford to buy her out, the least worst option may be selling the house. 
The worst option would probably her staying in the house and trying to force you out.
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