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New dad
#1
Hi, My ex has just said that I cannot see our 4 month old. We have been separated since beginning of pregnancy. I was there for scans and the birth. I am also on the birth certificate. I did not want to be with her and split before we knew about the baby. This has been held against me ever since. I was visiting once a week with my mother on my ex’s terms only until recently when out of the blue she said I could not see the baby anymore as she’s felt uncomfortable!
She is now saying I was aggressive during pregnancy which ok to a point I said things in anger but apologised for this and things had settled. She is now sayin I have been aggressive since which is untrue
She now has a new partner and this is where things have changed.
I have been going along with her terms of arrangements to try and keep her happy.
I have spoken with ex mother and she has said to give her the weekend to try and talk to her but to be honest I want something set by court so I get to see my daughter more often and not just when she says. I am on a very low income I am 21 work in a bar, would anyone be able to tell me the best steps to now take?
I don’t want to start things through a legal point but her behaviour is quite worrying and I do feel she has some under lying issues that will never have this resolved otherwise.
I have constantly asked to see my daughter more but always refused by her.
Any help would be great, thank you
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#2
If you want to take the legal route, you'll have to apply to do mediation first, this involves a trained mediator who will try and amicably make an agreement between you two, though its not legally binding.
When I attended mediation my ex-partner recieved it for free due to low income and because of that I got it for free too, otherwise it was £100 per session, although it only lasted for 20minutes until i decided to take her to court instead as I was hitting my head off a brick wall.
It may make things more difficult between you and your ex if she finds out you are taking her to mediation, she can by all means decide not to go, in which case you can take it to court and start that, try putting mediation across as what is in the childs best interests and that you two must work together to co-parent your young one.
The fact you have parental responsibility means you will see the child at some point, and she is only delaying the inevitable, and affecting your childs well-being in the process.
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#3
Hey

Well done for reaching out... you may end up in court and you will get more time with your daughter for sure, however hidden in that story is your best bet... "I have spoken with ex mother and she has said to give her the weekend to try and talk to her"

Work this angle... stay friendly with the ex's mother, pay child maintenance, ask the mother in law what the kid needs this week and go the shop and get it ... you gotta be the best co-parent you can and maybe, just maybe she will see you as a good man rather than someone she hates and is using your daughter as a weapon

If you start court... things will get worse before they get better... so listen to the mother in law and use her to make her daughter see sense

PS - quickest way to stop seeing your daughter is shouting (seriously!) you do that she will call police, tell them a load of lies, you will be on a harassment order until investigate and you won't be allowed near the house... it will be dropped after a year by which time you will not have seen your kid for a year!
So BEST BEHAVIOR ... for your daughters sake!
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#4
Thank you for the advice, I have asked for mediation to which the reply was a firm no, can I still aplly for a court order?
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#5
You need to go to mediation YOURSELF, and get it signed off by the Mediator - then you can go straight to court.
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#6
Ah right, that's great, thank you
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#7
(01-26-2018, 08:00 AM)Joshcoa Wrote: Hi, My ex has just said that I cannot see our 4 month old. We have been separated since beginning of pregnancy. I was there for scans and the birth. I am also on the birth certificate. I did not want to be with her and split before we knew about the baby. This has been held against me ever since. I was visiting once a week with my mother on my ex’s terms only until recently when out of the blue she said I could not see the baby anymore as she’s felt uncomfortable!
She is now saying I was aggressive during pregnancy which ok to a point I said things in anger but apologised for this and things had settled. She is now sayin I have been aggressive since which is untrue
She now has a new partner and this is where things have changed.
I have been going along with her terms of arrangements to try and keep her happy.
I have spoken with ex mother and she has said to give her the weekend to try and talk to her but to be honest I want something set by court so I get to see my daughter more often and not just when she says. I am on a very low income I am 21 work in a bar, would anyone be able to tell me the best steps to now take?
I don’t want to start things through a legal point but her behaviour is quite worrying and I do feel she has some under lying issues that will never have this resolved otherwise.
I have constantly asked to see my daughter more but always refused by her.
Any help would be great, thank you

My time is limited right now, but one point what stands out in your post is the fact that she has allowed contact.

In law, when she made the decision, she had considered everything that has happned before then.

If you did go down the legal route, she has to find something new, not known at the time she allowed contact, and be able to evidance it, if you set it down for a "Finding of Fact" Hearing.

Until the Child is 2, you would get 4-6 hours, over 1 or 2 days a week. This is you collectng the child, and returning the  child at the same time.

As things stand in law right now, with PR you are on the Same Legal Standing until a Child Arrangements Order is made.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#8
So if ex mother comes back and I don't like the terms (if any) my next step would be applying for mediation, do I keep this to myself? I have got the name of a solictor also I have not slept right since this has happened and can't really go on like this. I feel so lost.
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#9
So things have gotten worse, met ex mother and agreed to see her after 1 week break, after next visit I was told i am not allowed to have my daughter to call me daddy and no photos were allowed to be taken!
This is the final straw and have applied for mediation.
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#10
(02-09-2018, 10:19 AM)Joshcoa Wrote: So things have gotten worse, met ex mother and agreed to see her after 1 week break, after next visit I was told i am not allowed to have my daughter to call me daddy and no photos were allowed to be taken!
This is the final straw and have applied for mediation.

Oh wow, that hurt even me reading that.
Tell me you can prove her saying that? just be careful before you go down that route to get proof proof proof. Not allowed to call you daddy is clear and present intent to alienate.
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