Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Marital Home split - advice needed
#1
Hi

My ex is now threatening legal action (3 months after leaving) regarding divorce and finances etc - she is likely to try and claim harassment even though she spent time with me at the weekend and our child!

I am after some advice re house split - scenario. We have been married less than 2 years. Equity in house £75k - I paid the deposit of £30k from my funds - she introduced no capital, I have paid all the bills and mortgage since we bought the house in 2015, she always stated that if we split that my deposit would be mine back etc and now she is saying we will let the courts decide.

She is living at her mums for minimal cost and has a house forever there if she wants it.

There is a £7500 redemption penalty and probable £4000 selling costs totalling £11500. Meaning £63k approx. equity today if market value realised. I have said that if we go about this amicably I will give her £25-30k which I believe is fair. I had asked for a 2 month holiday payment from the bank for the mortgage which they agreed to but she has blocked it as she is named on the mortgage.

Where do I stand with all this? My earnings are 3 times hers and I am fearful I will not be left with anything from all of this if the courts give her the lions share and we end up blowing thousands with solicitors. I am trying to get her to agree to a 'lives with both' order on unequal terms but cant see it happening.

I pretty much feel screwed and don't know what to do, please help.
Reply
#2
This ain't her first ride at this rodeo at my guess?

Practicalities, record when she spends time with you ... keep a diary , also when she lets you spend time with kid.. .going to be difficult for her to claim your a danger or harassing her as she's happy for you to buy her lunch with the kid

House - get legal advice -
If she left the house this is good news.. dont let her move back in ... she gave up her primary residence of her own free will.

You are married so its seen as a marital asset no matter what proportion you each contributed... of course there is a easy way and a hard way so map out the options and see what fits ... may be worth giving here a few grand more than spend 10K each on legal fees if you catch my drift... any old emails saying you would get your deposit back?
At 25K profit each ... she should not be going to court as it will erode this quicker than she can get a solicitor to write a letter
When you bought it ... how... joint tenants or tennants in common?... if the later you get what you put in ... if the former going to be hard

Can you offer to buy her share out?

As for the child access ... how old kid... if he's older than the marriage ... then the wedding and the split might have been part of the master plan unfortunately... ... ACCESS IS NOT RELATED TO FINANCES OR HOUSE (she will link them and emotionally blackmail you for sure) but your kid has rights and 50:50 shared parenting is one of them if its workable... don't take any messing and start as you mean to go on ... so if you want 'lives with both' then get doing that from day 1

Sorry - im being really realistic here but others can tell me if I'm barking up the wrong tree

At the moment (no court order on child access) you have same rights as her so dont be taking any cr*p about access... as its important to be doing what you want when it goes to court... if you go o court to sort out child access... you can represent yourself and that is 215GBP so cheap and not as hard as it sounds
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply
#3
Thanks LTCDAD, this is both of our first rides of the rodeo (one I never wanted to start), unfortunately I feel like she has get herself an ear worm who is advising her to be an arsehole, the thing is she is so up and down with me - one minute we are sat having coffee together in a coffee shop then next I am harassing her. I have been keeping a diary - initial bullet points but now thorough notes.

So far she has verbally accused me of - gas lighting, being a narcissist, psychological and emotional abuse, coercive controlling, harassment - oh and sexual abuse. Yet she has spent time with including full days on 27 occasions since she left 3 months ago. We sat at the weekend discussing a consent order to formalise current arrangement of 2 nights and 3 days per week for our child (10 months old) but then she text me last night saying she was taking legal advice about our whole situation this week because I asked her to call me and tried to talk about 'us'. I dont want any of this and its crushing me.

I am getting the locks changed on Thursday as I have a work trip coming up and fear she will enter the house and remove more items - she has done it twice when she was meant to be coming for clothes.

I intend to get to 50/50 at worst by the time our child is 4 and potentially go for primary care at that point, he is my world and he wants his dad.
Reply
#4
(04-09-2018, 02:26 PM)myboyneedsadadtoo Wrote: Thanks LTCDAD, this is both of our first rides of the rodeo (one I never wanted to start), unfortunately I feel like she has get herself an ear worm who is advising her to be an arsehole, the thing is she is so up and down with me - one minute we are sat having coffee together in a coffee shop then next I am harassing her. I have been keeping a diary - initial bullet points but now thorough notes.

So far she has verbally accused me of - gas lighting, being a narcissist, psychological and emotional abuse, coercive controlling, harassment - oh and sexual abuse. Yet she has spent time with including full days on 27 occasions since she left 3 months ago. We sat at the weekend discussing a consent order to formalise current arrangement of 2 nights and 3 days per week for our child (10 months old) but then she text me last night saying she was taking legal advice about our whole situation this week because I asked her to call me and tried to talk about 'us'.  I dont want any of this and its crushing me.

I am getting the locks changed on Thursday as I have a work trip coming up and fear she will enter the house and remove more items - she has done it twice when she was meant to be coming for clothes.

I intend to get to 50/50 at worst by the time our child is 4 and potentially go for primary care at that point, he is my world and he wants his dad.

She's obviously a novice as I see no mention of financial abuse anywhere Big Grin
Reply
#5
Shes just messaged me stating she has a 'meeting' this week and will speak to me after that - it paralyses me mentally when we sends things like that. She is going to try and fuck me I know it, I cant lose my little boy.
Reply
#6
You won’t. Unless there’s something you’ve not mentioned, you’ll get an uneven split at the very least.
Reply
#7
There isn’t. All I’ve wanted from day 1 is to reconcile and be a family again. How will I get an even split - my son isn’t one yet and all I’ve seen is that I’m lucky to get 2 nights per week given his age.
Reply
#8
Get a solicitor ASAP. She's probably claiming harassment so she can go for an non-molestation order and thus get legal aid for the divorce. Don't give her that opportunity, you need a lawyer who can help you protect yourself against that before she does it, because it will cause you a whole load of problems later on.
Reply
#9
How do I stop that from happening?
Reply
#10
She is being advised (badly) by someone who has been through this... Sit tight...
these are words ONLY known to people who go through this 'gas lighting, being a narcissist, psychological and emotional abuse, coercive controlling, harassment - oh and sexual abuse'
I had no idea of most of them before they get thrown at you and you think i'm a what?
They are the language of lawyers and the badly divorced
She gets free legal aid once she throws the DV card ... .its common but remember IT IS NOT TRUE... its a classic example of her 'gas lighting' ...

You wont get primary care... aim for 50:50 or as close as you can... minimum will be 35:65 but dont play her game and pretend you are better or more capable parent ... judge will see this and it will go against both of you... play the 'equal parents / equal love' role ... YOU WILL NOT LOSE YOUR BOY

Changing locks will p*ss her off but do it... she can give you 24 hours notice and supervise her visits (even better ask her what she wants and box it up ready to minimize inflammation of situation)
Have a witness there when she come - just someone to sit and watch ... so she cannot claim harassment or DV
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Marital home sandman 1 3,170 11-20-2018, 04:57 PM
Last Post: DanDad
  Advice request - likely outcome re. family home Surreydad1 8 6,129 10-06-2018, 02:33 PM
Last Post: daz4473
  Advice on the process of moving out of family home proud_dad 1 1,910 09-28-2018, 08:54 PM
Last Post: warwickshire1
  Advice on finances after split - newbie! PathwayUK 7 5,655 09-05-2018, 09:21 PM
Last Post: warwickshire1
  Marital mortgage shortfall daddyshortlegs 1 2,088 04-15-2018, 09:34 PM
Last Post: Hazy
  Marital home Fat_Womble 4 4,319 07-16-2017, 06:06 PM
Last Post: Fat_Womble
  Advice needed regarding buying home ruxpin2512 4 5,493 11-17-2016, 05:36 PM
Last Post: ruxpin2512
  Marital Home Mike2016 3 5,369 10-20-2016, 04:54 PM
Last Post: MarkR
  Advice on financial split percentages Core298 1 3,592 07-11-2016, 10:35 PM
Last Post: MarkR



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)