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Online dating
#31
(04-22-2018, 09:25 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote:
(04-22-2018, 06:47 AM)Jim Wrote: Well I think I might have had enough of online dating for a while and it's only been a week and I haven't even been on a date. But it's incredibly time-consuming checking for 'hits' and messages and searching profiles. Yesterday I had a woman come on to me and we exchanged messages and it was all her asking questions. Now she's pressing me for a date and she's a long way away. I said hang on can we take this a bit slower I don't know anything about you. No she says we won't know until ours meet. Well I know the answer to that one already. I joined on impulse and it's been an interesting learning curve but I'm not at all sure I like it.

You've got to be ready, don't dismiss it but maybe put some research into it for when you are ready. If all you want to do is talk it isn't the solution. Women complain about men who just want to talk, who fail to commit to going on a date and just want to message or send dirty messages. 

So I've dipped my toes and the effort and research you put into online dating pays dividends. There are plenty of articles about how to get started. Before you start two things are important. 1) Are you ready? my guide is to leave a week or two for each year of marriage to get it out your system, pause it if you are up to your neck in complex emotional crap too, that is unless you are the type of guy who is genuinely happy for one night stands. 2) Write down whats important, single mum? Age? Distance? This is important to avoid getting into something too deep that you cant follow up on, if you cant travel 100 miles to date don't bother starting a conversation. 

Then consider the type of site. Some (Tinder, Plenty of Fish) are about hooking up, the quality is sometimes poor and you're taking a chance, but better for casual sex if that's your thing. Others don't offer much control over searches (Zoosk) and you can easily end up talking to someone 200 miles away or someone who isn't vaguely right, its easy to get sucked into something unsuitable.

Match is good in my opinion, you'll have to pay for it but there are plenty of women, and you can really search the criteria, get good at this and stick to your criteria. My good friend met his current wife on Match, and he said in his ad 'I want a relationship that eventually involves marriage and children, if you don't want this then please don't respond' - 99.9% wouldn't respond to that, but he got his girl. I've had success but I've made errors and learned (some of it great fun) along the way, i'm possibly going to be back into it soon, and if so I'll post updates.

Warning: If you are in a messy separation and emotionally variable you are not going to be appealing to many potential dates, it all depends what you're after and how much preparation you want to do.... 

What site are/were you on?

Terific post, Mr Sandman. I hope I can commit a lot of it to memory. The site was ClassicFM Romance. Apparently it's part of Dating Lab with a number of others.
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#32
I tried online dating for a bit, I wasn't really ready but my mate persuaded me. So I got tinder (1st person I see is a friends wife!!!)
Then bumble (lots of fake profiles)
Pof (scary! Too many bots and head cases)
Match (full of women just looking for dates and to have their confidence rebuilt)

Even tried speed dating which was a disaster because I have a face like a rucksack full of dented bells

In the end I gave up and a few months later I met a lovely lady through a friend of mine and so far she's not realised she can do so much better and the relationship is going well.
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#33
Best speed dating description ever
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#34
(04-24-2018, 12:15 PM)Cheese_head_1986 Wrote: Even tried speed dating which was a disaster because I have a face like a rucksack full of dented bells
In the end I gave up and a few months later I met a lovely lady through a friend of mine and so far she's not realised she can do so much better and the relationship is going well.
 
Wouldn't be surprised if the humour and good nature that shines through your post and especially these last sentences explains a lot about why your lovely lady is in no obvious hurry to do much better. Good for you.
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#35
Put up a match profile. Did exactly what you all said and made it blunt and honest and got another date in Stamford lined up for the weekend.

I do feel slightly guilty toward the children and a bit like why am I bothering etc............ but gota go for it I guess.
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#36
Children are important, probably the most important, but you're not *just* a father, we're all people as well with the same need to be sociable as anyone else, good for you Smile
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#37
(04-25-2018, 11:49 AM)Tamagoto Wrote: Children are important, probably the most important, but you're not *just* a father, we're all people as well with the same need to be sociable as anyone else, good for you Smile

And do you reckon that's important to remember while dating too? I think the women we date are interested in us as men and potential partners, if we can 'dad' it might be good for them to know, but not the main focus of attention, just my thoughts anyhow....
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#38
One of the things I have been picking up while exploring online dating is how single-minded and determined the women seem to be to get a partner. They seem to come at you like a guided missile but if you want to slow things down a bit and maybe get to know them before you rush into something they drop you like a brick and move on to the next one. Had a similar experience at work with a divorced woman: she picked me out as a replacement with ruthless determination and it was all I could do to get myself out of it and save my marriage. They're supposed to be the touchy-feely soft mushy ones but in my experience they go about all this with a steely determination. Maybe it's me. Maybe I've been mixing with the wrong sort.
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#39
I think speed dating is good - not for meeting someone necessarily but it can be a confidence booster. You get to talk to lots of ladies but only for a couple of minutes so not much time for anything to go wrong lol. But it's interaction with the opposite sex. Vaguely knew my current partner already - we kept bumping into each other in the supermarket. I know a few people who've got together in supermarkets lol. Get down to your local small supermarket a couple of times a week and see who you keep bumping into.
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#40
I think it's very easy and understandable for all the guys here to be jaded about women in general.

However - they aren't all the same, there are 3.5 billion of them after all and however hard we try we can only meet a few! That's why I think the firm honesty about who we are and what we want is so important in either online or face to face dating. You really benefit from quickly discovering if someone is good for you (and they find out as well).
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