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Stay or go?
#11
I wasted three years of my life in this situation, deep down I knew it couldnt work, there was just too much to fix and I knew it wouldnt be fixed. Hope can truly be an evil, evil thing.
If she doesnt want a physical relationship and calls you selfish for wanting, no no NEEDING one then get the hell out quick. But of course cover your ass first.
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#12
Sometimes it is better to be alone and happy than be with someone and unhappy.

Only you can decide what you can live with or not.

It is always worth it to try for the children but you can’t keep on trying there will come a point where maybe it just doesn’t work anymore or it does.

If you do separate you don’t have to leave. In fact it would be better if you stayed until contact with the children is sorted AND finances. Then you leave if you wish once everything is agreed and you are divorced.
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#13
(05-10-2018, 12:14 PM)Hazy Wrote: Sometimes it is better to be alone and happy than be with someone and unhappy.

Only you can decide what you can live with or not.  

It is always worth it to try for the children but you can’t keep on trying there will come a point where maybe it just doesn’t work anymore or it does.

If you do separate you don’t have to leave. In fact it would be better if you stayed until contact with the children is sorted AND finances.  Then you leave if you wish once everything is agreed and you are divorced.

If only I had followed that last piece of advice. If you do decide to separate, but can still live under the same roof, I think this is an excellent proposition. Get everything agreed, sorted and signed before leaving. But do this with a cool head, not out of anger/frustration, and thinking and agreeing with a long term vision. I am doing it now, 9 months after leaving, and it is a ball ache. I was so desperate to get out of the house that I agreed to really shitty conditions (like visits, maintenance etc.) and although it wasn´t agreed in writing and signed, it has still been a real challenge trying to get new agreements made and notarised now. I have just been to court today to present the custody and visitation agreement (thrashed out over 3 sessions of mediation and lots of tears from my ex). Now just the porperties, mortgage and financial crap to sort out.
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#14
do not leave. you will be at a massive disadvantage if you do - that is what I was told by my solicitor.

what you or your family have paid into this house will not matter, unless you have a document called a deed of trust which ring fenced your money when the house was initially purchased.

For me gut instinct, if you want to stay - stay.
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#15
Therapy could help you come to an agreeable level between the two of you so that if you do actually split, you do it in an amicable, respectful, equal way with each other.

Not adversarial like the rest of us here have had to do! Do not underestimate the stress and hassle and hard cash you will save if you can do that!
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