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Advice Needed
#1
I am a recently seperated father who is by anyones standards, being dragged through hell by my ex partner. We were together 10 years and she was extremely violent in the relationship (not easy to admit) she would attack verbally physically and verbally but the worst was when she used to spit in my face. I never called the police (in hindsight i should have). We have a 9 year son together who is and always has been my best friend. I was there the day he was born and have been there every day since.

We split around a year ago and somehow she has painted to everyone that I am the worst dad in history. I have went from seeing my son every single day to a couple of days a week if she allows.

I will be the first to admit that I didnt help out as much as I should have when we first split but at that stage I was thrown out my home, lost my job and had to go into homeless accomodation. I struggled to get myself back on my feet but I always made time to see my son.

I have now got myself back on my feet but my ex seems hell bent on destroyning my life. I done a CSA calculation on line and offered to give her £37 a week. She now refuses to give me my son as many days so that she can get more CSA money.

she no longer works so any dabts that she was paying have now started to chase me. The debts are not mine but becasue we were together I am being held liable.

She keeps plastering things about me all over social media most of which are lies she is creating for attention, one of which was that I was having a same sex affair. She says these things while still having my family and friends all over her Facebook. Its embarrasing and damaging.

I am being called by her family who are threatening me constantly. I cant pick up my son without worry that something is going to happen to me.

I am now in a new relationship who has been an angel during all this S**t. My ex will not allow me to introduce my son to her even though I have been seeing her now for almost 8 months. I would never dream of introducing my son to someone I thought would disappear in a few weeks.

My ex is constantly threatening to, in her words "reveal home truths" to my new partner. I have never once lied to my new Gf but I am a bit wary of what she could make up.

Has anyone had similar experiences and would be willing to give a little advice?

Thank you
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#2
http://www.shrink4men.com is a very useful resource for helping to deal with an abusive woman. Document, document, document - I'm sure her behavious must fall under the legal standards of abuse, can anyone with more legal knowledge than me back this up?
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#3
I have personal experience of dealing with an ex-wife whose lies and abuse thrown at me over the years has been so disgusting it’s been a real struggle to keep focused.

With that in mind I would strongly recommend you document and save everything. If you go to court they will only be interested in facts, so as long as you keep calm and never enter into a slanging match or retaliate in anyway her lies should fall flat in that environment.

My ex not only went to the police with her lies, but she started processes with other agencies as well to try and add legitimacy to her lies. The problem for her is that when something is a lie it’s impossible to prove, so as much as it can be personally painful to you to hear, keep to the facts and keep trying to show you are doing everything within your power to find amicable solutions to your issues, and the only reason they can’t be achieved is because of the unfair and unjust actions of your ex who is acting out of hate rather than what is best for the welfare of your children.

By doing this and thanks to the support of this forum as well as my family, friends, and new partner I have been successful in getting a very good order from the courts, and everything she has tried to pin on me has just gone against her as the courts can see its just pure emotional spite and nothing more. Act responsible, keep everything, and stay calm and focused and hopefully your succeed also.

Oh final point about new partners. If you are honest form day one then I am sure they will stand by your side as the crazy ex does her dance of insanity round you. My new partner and I are convinced my ex is bi-polar due to her actions and contradictions, but we keep strong and keep focused and its worked, plus if anything her actions and lies have made us closer so its been a double win. Good luck
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#4
She sounds like a power crazy narcissist, and other people will recognize that.

Don't get hung up on the stuff she posts on Social Media, if she really is crazy, most people will ignore what she says, and those that actually believe it aren't people worth worrying about.

Most peoples opinions of others come from their own personal interactions, and experiences. So whatever you do, show yourself to be strong to the people that REALLY matter. (Your son, and partner for example.)

Take your focus off of managing her, and making your own life the best it can be. Take the power away from her, and show that youre moving forwards. She will hate it, and will go crazy, but it already sounds like she is.

Eventually, your son will see what a great person you've become, and when they are old enough they will naturally gravitate towards you, and seek you out, while she is left with her handful of Facebook friends.

Tough times immediately, but plenty of reasons to be strong.

Best of luck.
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