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Can anyone offer advice
#1
Apologies for a a very lengthy story; however i am a bit emotional and uncertain on what i can do.

I have been married for about 10 years; however the last 3 years have been difficult beyond imagination. I am suspecting my wife of having an affair, however i am not 100% certain of the point. 
How do i know this, she asks to go away on a girls holiday; however becomes unreachable for the duration. She will not call to check in with our 2 children. And when she does, it is for a brief moment and then she is offline. Sometimes she claims she is away for business, however this is not true as pictures online puts her at tourist locations and her timing is not aligned with standard working hours.

I am responsible for a majority of the bills i.e solely responsible for the mortgage of our home (which is in my name), the utility bills, council tax, home insurance, private life assurance for the family and most of the upkeep. The only bill that my wife contributes towards is the after school clubs and extra curricular activities the boys engage in.  She made no contribution toward the deposit for the house and has never made any payment towards the mortgage.

Lately she has been giving me clues on her infidelities with the hope that i trigger a divorce and has threaten to strip me bare of every asset.

I am worried and uncertain on what my options are? I do not know what to do or where to start from.
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#2
Well you definitely need a solicitor. Is she on the mortgage and deeds?

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

Before you go too much further have you suggested counselling to her?
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#3
(05-18-2018, 01:00 PM)Naive Wrote: Well you definitely need a solicitor. Is she on the mortgage and deeds?

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

Before you go too much further have you suggested counselling to her?

She is not on the mortgage deed. However i was told that did not matter as we have been together for longer than 8 years
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#4
(05-18-2018, 01:59 PM)Malik123 Wrote:
(05-18-2018, 01:00 PM)Naive Wrote: Well you definitely need a solicitor. Is she on the mortgage and deeds?

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

Before you go too much further have you suggested counselling to her?

She is not on the mortgage deed. However i was told that did not matter as we have been together for longer than 8 years

MarkR will be along shortly, Im sure he'll know what to do.
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#5
(05-18-2018, 11:12 AM)Malik123 Wrote: .... Lately she has been giving me clues on her infidelities with the hope that i trigger a divorce and has threaten to strip me bare of every asset ....


Hi Malik. Why doesn't she start the divorce herself? Have you an idea what's stopping her?
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#6
(05-19-2018, 07:21 AM)Jim Wrote:
(05-18-2018, 11:12 AM)Malik123 Wrote: .... Lately she has been giving me clues on her infidelities with the hope that i trigger a divorce and has threaten to strip me bare of every asset ....

I have no idea on what is stopping her. She just returned from a girls holiday; however i do suspect it was a girls holiday but a 5 day meet up with her fella. She declined to have video calls with her children and will on call when she is in a public place. I feel she wants to break me completely but i don't know why.


Hi Malik. Why doesn't she start the divorce herself? Have you an idea what's stopping her?
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#7
(05-18-2018, 01:00 PM)Naive Wrote: Well you definitely need a solicitor. Is she on the mortgage and deeds?

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE

Before you go too much further have you suggested counselling to her?
I have suggested counseling however she says she does not want it. She says the issue is with her and that she has things she needs to sort out in her head. I feel she is only saying this to string me along till she figures out how to execute her next plan.
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#8
Hi Malik. This is exactly the same situation I found myself in.

As far as I’m concerned, as I was, you’re being a good husband, a good father, a good person.

My wife was having an affair, but with a boss at work so business trips were made, but there was an adulterous element to them. And of course expenses were claimed fraudulently.

For now, just sit tight. If she wants a divorce, let her instigate it. Document where she is and when, using dates and times, and continue being a good father and human. You are not the one instigating change. The person who makes the first move in your scenario will be the one with the most work to do.
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#9
She is giving you the best gift she can right now- time. Use it wisely, be polite, never ever argue, treat her as you would a business colleague, record everything, keep a diary of events, keep yourself busy as much as you can- get your own life- do things- reconnect with friends- this is how you will keep your sanity during what is about to become a real sh*t storm.

You have suggested counseling and she says no, the key to remember now is that you cannot control her- so don't snoop or pry or even question what she is up to- if she is doing what you think and waiting for you to find out via clues etc- don't take the bait and confront her- she may use this as an opportunity to make false allegations and go for a non-mol order- don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does- Dignity and integrity is what you have and if you use this time wisely you can begin to get your head around this.

Focus on the parts of your life that you can work on and enjoy- time with the children- again document things, this may help if it ever goes to Family Court etc.

Oh and Good Luck by the way Smile
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#10
(05-23-2018, 03:07 PM)takethemike Wrote: She is giving you the best gift she can right now- time ...

I am in a similar position. I have been told the marriage is over and she's getting a divorce but nothing happens. I see it as time I need to build a new life almost from scratch. I don't like being in limbo but right now every day helps. I am not in a strong position now but if it had started 6 months ago it would have been hugely worse. If it carries on like this one day it will be me that does it but right now other needs have priority.
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