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Seeing Children Less - Anxiety
#1
Who else suffers from anxiety and fear of being in your own company and how do you cope to overcome this, particularly in the evenings.

I find it hard to think my life has any value at all without my children.
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#2
Im sorry that you are going through this. It must be extremely hard.
I find it difficult when my little one goes to his mothers for the weekend and I do my best not to worry, but its hard.

Unsure how or if there is a easy way to manage such deep feelings . Anxiety is not nice. But having friends you can hang out with will help a little.

Keep you head up bud,
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#3
Hi GC. All I can tell you is that the anxiety passes. You won’t stop missing them, there will be times when you think of something you’d love to share with them, but the anxiety, the tightness of chest, goes with time.

To be honest, I’m rarely ever in the house when they’re not with me. I go to the gym, to the cinema. I do parkrun every other Saturday and then go to breakfast with some other runners afterwards. I go to gigs, to galleries, I work late. I have been on some bumble dates as well; I’ve never even held a girl’s hand from it, never mind a kiss, but it has been fun.

When I’m in the house on my own, I do all the laundry, cleaning and some meal prep so that I don’t have to bother with it when they are with me and we can enjoy our time.

And in doing all those things which I initially did to fill the hole of not being with the kids, I have become a better person. I’m feeling healthier, I’ve got good friends to hand, I’m doing better at work. I have a mental well-being that had eluded me for so long. I laugh frequently, I sleep brilliantly and I’m looking forward to a holiday alone to Northern Spain this summer, something that would have previously filled me with dread.

Focus on being the best person you can be and everything else will fall into place.
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#4
(06-05-2018, 05:42 AM)ProTanto Wrote: Hi GC. All I can tell you is that the anxiety passes. You won’t stop missing them, there will be times when you think of something you’d love to share with them, but the anxiety, the tightness of chest, goes with time.

To be honest, I’m rarely ever in the house when they’re not with me. I go to the gym, to the cinema. I do parkrun every other Saturday and then go to breakfast with some other runners afterwards. I go to gigs, to galleries, I work late. I have been on some bumble dates as well; I’ve never even held a girl’s hand from it, never mind a kiss, but it has been fun.

When I’m in the house on my own, I do all the laundry, cleaning and some meal prep so that I don’t have to bother with it when they are with me and we can enjoy our time.

And in doing all those things which I initially did to fill the hole of not being with the kids, I have become a better person. I’m feeling healthier, I’ve got good friends to hand, I’m doing better at work. I have a mental well-being that had eluded me for so long. I laugh frequently, I sleep brilliantly and I’m looking forward to a holiday alone to Northern Spain this summer, something that would have previously filled me with dread.

Focus on being the best person you can be and everything else will fall into place.
how often do you see your children?
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#5
I’m on 50:50 with my ex. It’s a 2-2-3 split to the week so some weeks five days, some weeks two. It may be more than you, but I still think the same advice holds. It will get better in time and use the time you have to become a better and happier person. Look after yourself.
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#6
(06-05-2018, 11:15 AM)ProTanto Wrote: I’m on 50:50 with my ex. It’s a 2-2-3 split to the week so some weeks five days, some weeks two. It may be more than you, but I still think the same advice holds. It will get better in time and use the time you have to become a better and happier person. Look after yourself.

I was on 50/50 but lost that because im living 23 miles from them and apparently that is major issue for shared care of my sons...…….

Now its 3 hours on a weds, full weekend.

Alternate 3 hours on a weds, karate lessons Friday evening and allegedly sunday afternoon and evening which she is now saying she never agreed too.

My issues were we lived in a small village and I couldn't move forward at all living a couple of miles from her as she is a nasty piece of work. Tried living in the next town, but hate it and that was 11 miles from the kids, so I'm moving a little further away, which is apparently a major problem.

Im actually wondering whether to take this to mediation and court and try and improve this access as I don't see why 20 odd miles should make all of these challenges exist.
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#7
In relation to your initial question, even if you can make it work back to 50:50, you will still have a lot of time on your own which you need to learn to work through. Look at it as an opportunity.

In relation to the rest of it, I don't see that 23 miles is that much of an issue, especially if you are having them on a Wednesday. Why is it an issue the rest of the week but not on Wednesday? If you live in a small village, I presume that 23 miles is done on the open road, not like 23 miles through London. 30 minutes could easily cover that. The 50:50 was established already, you should try to get it back.

See the "nasty piece of work business", I have got on a lot better since I got over all that. My ex wife is an old cow, and I am sure her new man regularly gets it in the neck, but I know my kids are safe when they are with her so I just have to switch off. I just don't engage with her unless it is about arrangements for the kids. I don't want to know anything of what she is doing, how she lives her life. If she asks how something in my life or my family's life is, I ignore her. The opposite of love is indifference and if you can teach yourself not to give a damn about her, you will be much happier. She often tries to provoke me into a row but I just smile and disengage, blocking her number temporarily if needed. Harbouring disdain of any type will just drag you down.

I am not an expert at all, and you probably know all this yourself and just need someone to say it, but I think you should fight for as much time with your kids as much as you can, get back to the 50:50 with no excuses. Try to switch off form being a parent, in the knowledge that they are safe, when they are not with you. And don't let your ex's behaviour get to you. Let her go.
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#8
(06-05-2018, 01:05 PM)ProTanto Wrote: In relation to your initial question, even if you can make it work back to 50:50, you will still have a lot of time on your own which you need to learn to work through. Look at it as an opportunity.

In relation to the rest of it, I don't see that 23 miles is that much of an issue, especially if you are having them on a Wednesday. Why is it an issue the rest of the week but not on Wednesday? If you live in a small village, I presume that 23 miles is done on the open road, not like 23 miles through London. 30 minutes could easily cover that. The 50:50 was established already, you should try to get it back.

See the "nasty piece of work business", I have got on a lot better since I got over all that. My ex wife is an old cow, and I am sure her new man regularly gets it in the neck, but I know my kids are safe when they are with her so I just have to switch off. I just don't engage with her unless it is about arrangements for the kids. I don't want to know anything of what she is doing, how she lives her life. If she asks how something in my life or my family's life is, I ignore her. The opposite of love is indifference and if you can teach yourself not to give a damn about her, you will be much happier. She often tries to provoke me into a row but I just smile and disengage, blocking her number temporarily if needed. Harbouring disdain of any type will just drag you down.

I am not an expert at all, and you probably know all this yourself and just need someone to say it, but I think you should fight for as much time with your kids as much as you can, get back to the 50:50 with no excuses. Try to switch off form being a parent, in the knowledge that they are safe, when they are not with you. And don't let your ex's behaviour get to you. Let her go.
Due to there ages I'm having them for 3 hours ish at my mums house so I can see them as they are only little (8 and 5).
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