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seperated from daughter 14 years
#1
14 years ago my first partner fell pregnant with our daughter. the reationship went from bad to worse with her family  interfering at the same time i  was going through a heavy onset of depression. my mum at the time was very concerned but when she told my partner she thobed her of saying i was fine.  Well turned out i wasnt  when it finally ended after months of arguments  i went to see a counselor. At the same time my grandad had died which was incredibly hard as he was my rock. when i said to the counselor i was considering leaving he said it would probably be a good thing.    soon as my grandad  was buried i  went to stay in a hostel and  for 2  years i went through hell emotionally and physically i was tired and suicidle. i tried several time to contact her mother and get shot down everytime. 10  years ago i met my current partner we know have 3 fantastic kids. But the problem still exists there has never been a day thats gone by that i have not thought about her i one way or another her birthday every year is a no no for talking to me.  im not the  sharpest tool in the box  and since loosing her my heads  never been right. same as alot of people i  was young and dumb my  last memory of her was when she was 2 months old and i have regreted leaving her ever since. i have spent the last 13 years telling myself im not good enough to even want to be in her life. Recent events have changed my way of thinking due to my partner and our three kids my doctor and mental wellbeing counsellor im ready to fight back. thing is  do i have a  right in wanting to  know her and where do i begin.
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#2
I'm sorry to hear how things have affected you over the past 14 years. Your reactions to being wrenched from your child were an understandable reaction to a catalogue of unfortunate events. But you're here 14 years on and I'm glad to hear you have managed to sort out your life and are now willing to re-visit your past with strength and conviction. Yes, you have a right to know your daughter. You don't say whether your ex/daughter are contactable (which will make things easier). If you do, I suggest you perhaps contact your ex directly to ask to see your daughter. You may experience a rejection if it comes out of the blue to your ex, she may even say your daughter doesn't want to see you (influence of a resident parent can sway a child's opinion). On the other hand, now that your daughter is 14, she will have an opinion of her own, therefore she may also override this. Alternatively, you can take the official route and seek legal advice and contact a solicitor, who will advise the best route and make contact on your behalf. If you don't know where your ex or daughter are then you would have to apply through court for both a contact order C100, and a C4, which is an application for an order for disclosure of a child's whereabouts, meaning the courts can put a trace on your child allowing you to apply for contact. If you can't afford the hefty legal fees of employing a solicitor, you can self-litigate, please see link: http://www.separateddads.co.uk/time-pay-...erson.html here. If you know where your daughter is, you can also write her a letter, or message her (there is nothing to say you can't do this as her father). The positive thing is that your daughter is approaching adulthood and she can make the decision to see you for herself without her mother's interference. As long as you prepare yourself that it may not be straightforward, it may be emotionally stressful, but it may be beautiful too. What have you got to lose? Many parents who stop a child from seeing the other parent don't realise at the time that the child will grow and form opinions of their own - and that is when a parent can no longer control a situation they have always thought they could. I wish you the best of luck.
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