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Online dating
Yeah it's all good really, being honest about what you want - so you're not pretending to be someone you're not and everyone being disappointed later, getting a firm yes or no out of a 'who knows' situation as soon as possible and being prepared to fail and try again. Good book., could have done with it years ago!
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(04-20-2018, 01:49 PM)beehive84 Wrote: I get the feeling online dating has jumped the shark and people (especially the nicer calibre of girls) are opting for more traditional means again. Speed dating and single bars are taking off in cities.  
I've tried online dating back when I was single and was left mostly unimpressed then. It seemed now (especially with hindsight) the majority of women online are divorced with children who basically scream of the same characteristics as my ex.

As I said on another thread too, after working abroad I find the culture of British women today completely off putting.

All these women are the same. Pain in the A**. My ex left me after 10 years and now m fighting to see my son. they all same they need a man to get a child and then F all. Who are you? A piece of garbage who pay all bills and try to keep them happy by providing everything and still you are not good enough. I said goodbye to everything. I am better alone. I will live for myself and will make myself happy. To hell with everything. I am in my early 40s and I am planning to visit many places and see the world as a free bird. We all gonna die alone and no one going to be with you. Bear in mind women from all countries are same. Materialism is so strong now that there is no value in a person. You live or die does not matter all they want money, clothes and fashion.
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I’m picking up a little bitterness there mate. I’d address that before worrying about going sight seeing!
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Tamagoto - how do you pick up so many on tinder? I think its a nightmare on there...………...
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I’ve been on 5 dates with 5 women in 3 weeks and have two more lined up this week end.

Honestly (ha!) I’m just honest, tell me I’m divorced, have kids, don’t want a big heavy relationship. Has ranged between 24 and 46. I get stuck in and polarise them as soon as possible - basically I like you, do you like me? Cool let’s go for a drink or cool, see you around.

Verbatim bio:

Exceptionally tall, devastatingly good looking and charming man with a job and a house seeks hot, clever, vegetarian/vegan woman for fun & games. Is this you? Tall order I know. Oh and it’s useful if you’re tall.

I am also: a woolly liberal, Buddhist - keen on bikes, board games and RPGs. Sexually open minded. Divorced, looking for something light and airy, not heavy and committed. All options open.

If you don’t look after your body & mind we won’t get on.

No tories. Parent, if it matters.

But that’s not all of it of course. A witty bio will only get you so far. I’ve also:

Lost 10kg. My ideal is 95 and I was 116. I’m now 107.

Started packing my gym kit every day with the intention of going 5 times a week(but actually going 3 times)

Started cycling to work. I do 50k a day on an electric assist mountain bike.

Really invested in my personal development so I know who I am. What I want. And who I want it with.
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And the key words there 'who I want it with'....

Depending on where you are there are almost unlimited choices, almost too much, but it sometimes ended up as a poor quality thing for me, its important to have very defined quality criteria and let it take the right amount of time.

My thrust at the moment is to find 'empathy, warmth and humility' I've met some 'cute but bonkers' over the last year and Jesus its hard work. My current GF of 5 weeks isn't the cutest or smartest I've dated, but she is warm, loyal and trustworthy and that alone makes her deeply attractive.... and yes I found her on Tinder.
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(07-13-2018, 12:03 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: I’ve been on 5 dates with 5 women in 3 weeks and have two more lined up this week end.

Honestly (ha!) I’m just honest, tell me I’m divorced, have kids, don’t want a big heavy relationship. Has ranged between 24 and 46. I get stuck in and polarise them as soon as possible - basically I like you, do you like me? Cool let’s go for a drink or cool, see you around.

Verbatim bio:

Exceptionally tall, devastatingly good looking and charming man with a job and a house seeks hot, clever, vegetarian/vegan woman for fun & games. Is this you? Tall order I know. Oh and it’s useful if you’re tall.

I am also: a woolly liberal, Buddhist - keen on bikes, board games and RPGs. Sexually open minded. Divorced, looking for something light and airy, not heavy and committed. All options open.

If you don’t look after your body & mind we won’t get on.

No tories. Parent, if it matters.

But that’s not all of it of course.  A witty bio will only get you so far. I’ve also:

Lost 10kg. My ideal is 95 and I was 116. I’m now 107.

Started packing my gym kit every day with the intention of going 5 times a week(but actually going 3 times)

Started cycling to work. I do 50k a day on an electric assist mountain bike.

Really invested in my personal development so I know who I am. What I want. And who I want it with.

keep up the good work
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(07-13-2018, 10:53 AM)Hendry1979 Wrote:
(04-20-2018, 01:49 PM)beehive84 Wrote: I get the feeling online dating has jumped the shark and people (especially the nicer calibre of girls) are opting for more traditional means again. Speed dating and single bars are taking off in cities.  
I've tried online dating back when I was single and was left mostly unimpressed then. It seemed now (especially with hindsight) the majority of women online are divorced with children who basically scream of the same characteristics as my ex.

As I said on another thread too, after working abroad I find the culture of British women today completely off putting.

All these women are the same. Pain in the A**. My ex left me after 10 years and now m fighting to see my son. they all same they need a man to get a child and then F all. Who are you? A piece of garbage who pay all bills and try to keep them happy by providing everything and still you are not good enough. I said goodbye to everything. I am better alone. I will live for myself and will make myself happy. To hell with everything. I am in my early 40s and I am planning to visit many places and see the world as a free bird. We all gonna die alone and no one going to be with you. Bear in mind women from all countries are same. Materialism is so strong now that there is no value in a person. You live or die does not matter all they want money, clothes and fashion.

I know where you are coming from Hendry, and you need to snap out of it.

I think I am lucky to live in London, given the sheer volume of women on Tinder and Bumble. I will be 42 next week, and set my age limit from 37-41 and living within 5km. I don't even look at the pictures, just swipe right without looking and then make a decision once they match.

I have no doubt that I was mentally abused by my wife in my marriage, I had that same anger you do, and I had lost all my confidence. When I then went to Tinder, I realised that I could go out with a different girl seven nights per week, and I was willing to go out with absolutely anyone as until then I had thought that nobody could ever be interested in me. And I went out with them but it was always awkward.

Time goes on, confidence goes up, and I have become a lot more more choosy with who I will meet up with. And am actually enjoying it.

I think confidence and mental wellbeing is the key to doing well. Not coming across as desperate, not being in any way negative about your ex. And asking if the girl you meet is good enough for you, not the other way round.

I too am in better physical shape than I have been for a while, which I think helps. The Models book mentions F&F - fitness and fashion. When I am 8km into a 10km, I just keep repeating "F&F, F&F" to myself to keep myself going even though every fibre of m body tells me to stop. On the day of a date, I drop into a TK Maxx and spend £20 on a shirt, which keeps the confidence up on the night. If you go out to dinner, pick up the tab, no matter what she says. And be happy to do it, because you're being a gentleman, the best thing that any guy can be described as.

If I were to drink six pints every night, and eat fish and chips and chinese food non-stop, which I would quite like to actually, I know that my body will turn to dirt and I have no chance with a girl. Likewise, if my mental health isn't sharp, I have no chance either. And I have come to understand the triggers which bring on poor mental health in me and can work on addressing those as and when they come so as not to let the darkness, anger, misery develop.

I guess what I am saying is that you should be the best person you can be. Make sure that a better man goes to bed each evening than the one who woke up in the morning. Physical and mental fitness. And do it for yourself, not to impress anyone else. Do that and you will be irresistible to women and happier in yourself.
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(07-17-2018, 09:24 AM)ProTanto Wrote: I guess what I am saying is that you should be the best person you can be. Make sure that a better man goes to bed each evening than the one who woke up in the morning. Physical and mental fitness. And do it for yourself, not to impress anyone else. Do that and you will be irresistible to women and happier in yourself.

These are all really, really good points. Nobody worth dating, wants to date someone who lays about all day feeling sorry for themselves. You *have* to get up off that sofa and really make something of yourself. The responsibility lies within you, and no one else.

Well done on the running! Anyone can do it with the right attitude, I recommend the 'coach to 10k' apps you can get, start running for 20 seconds or less, finish running for 50minutes without stopping, one small increment at a time.
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.....and don't let it all go once you find someone, I've met the woman who is 'warm and empathic' and have hit some contentment, I've started eating more and exercising less, I've put on 5lbs and am less randy (lower testosterone I suspect) which isn't good. The exercise and confidence is good beyond dating and into a relationship too....
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