08-17-2018, 08:26 AM
Hi, I'm having a nightmare situation with my ex and just wondered if anyone has any advice.
Let me give you a bit of background first, we broke up in March 2017, I moved out in April 2017 and after a few months of really unstable communication we finally found amicable ground. During that period I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which is still present now. We had 2 children together, they're now aged 2 and 6.
I've had one partner since our break up which started in August 17 and I ended in February 18, my partner wasn't treated me or my kids fairly so I ended the relationship. My ex however has had a lot of partners, she even admitted to me in June this year that she doesn't actually know how many. Luckily my kids have been fairly shielded from this however she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last year that the kids have had contact with.
Last weekend my ex text me to tell me she was in another relationship and that it's early days, I said that was fine as I honestly don't have an issue who or what she does with her own time, however she then pointed out that the kids had already met him. I bumped into her a few days later and asked some questions, she told me who it was and I actually know this person, he's 19 years old, very immature and has a drink and cocaine problem, I have actually witnessed him doing cocaine in a local pub, he also smokes weed.
On Wednesday night I had my children and I asked my 6 year old what she thought about him, she pointed out that he's always there but usually comes in in the morning and sleeps all day and then goes out at night, I asked if he works at night and she said no, he's with friends.
At this point I made a decision to talk to my ex about it, the argument got heated and it resulted in me saying that he does not see my children, I cannot accept that he is responsible enough to be around my children and I cannot risk the safety of my children, if he had anything in his pockets and my children found it and took it then they could die.
This guy also lives next door to a work colleague, he mentioned to her a few weeks ago that he only eats takeaway because he doesn't know how to use an oven. Is this really a guy that should be around my children in any capacity?
Last night I received a Facebook friend request from this guy, trying to call me out and asking what I will do if he goes around my children, his grammar and spelling was barely legible! my ex's best friend also started texting abuse at me saying things such as "You do have any rights over who see's your children".
I currently have my children every Wednesday and 3 weekends out of 4, I don't drive so my ex brings them to me and picks them up, this at at an extra cost outside of child maintenance, the maintenance is supposed to cover this as it's a reasonable distance (4 miles) but because I am reasonable I pay the extra fuel cost, amongst other things such as birthday parties, clothes etc even though my maintenance is supposed to cover all of that.
The reason I wrote the last paragraph is because she text me this morning and said "You've won, again, but I tell you what I will no longer bring the children to you and we will NOT be amicable", now this I believe is a break of our formal routine? And also she's making this about me and her and NOT the safety of our children, she insists he's mature and doesn't use cocaine any more so I asked for them to do a drug test, she refused, I happen to know he was doing cocaine 3 weeks ago. During the messages I have proof that he admitted to doing cocaine, I also have evidence of abuse from them all to me with out me being hostile or abusive.
I have a meeting with my ex at 4 today to try and find a resolution but I'm not hopeful, what advice can people give me?
Thanks in advance.
Let me give you a bit of background first, we broke up in March 2017, I moved out in April 2017 and after a few months of really unstable communication we finally found amicable ground. During that period I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which is still present now. We had 2 children together, they're now aged 2 and 6.
I've had one partner since our break up which started in August 17 and I ended in February 18, my partner wasn't treated me or my kids fairly so I ended the relationship. My ex however has had a lot of partners, she even admitted to me in June this year that she doesn't actually know how many. Luckily my kids have been fairly shielded from this however she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last year that the kids have had contact with.
Last weekend my ex text me to tell me she was in another relationship and that it's early days, I said that was fine as I honestly don't have an issue who or what she does with her own time, however she then pointed out that the kids had already met him. I bumped into her a few days later and asked some questions, she told me who it was and I actually know this person, he's 19 years old, very immature and has a drink and cocaine problem, I have actually witnessed him doing cocaine in a local pub, he also smokes weed.
On Wednesday night I had my children and I asked my 6 year old what she thought about him, she pointed out that he's always there but usually comes in in the morning and sleeps all day and then goes out at night, I asked if he works at night and she said no, he's with friends.
At this point I made a decision to talk to my ex about it, the argument got heated and it resulted in me saying that he does not see my children, I cannot accept that he is responsible enough to be around my children and I cannot risk the safety of my children, if he had anything in his pockets and my children found it and took it then they could die.
This guy also lives next door to a work colleague, he mentioned to her a few weeks ago that he only eats takeaway because he doesn't know how to use an oven. Is this really a guy that should be around my children in any capacity?
Last night I received a Facebook friend request from this guy, trying to call me out and asking what I will do if he goes around my children, his grammar and spelling was barely legible! my ex's best friend also started texting abuse at me saying things such as "You do have any rights over who see's your children".
I currently have my children every Wednesday and 3 weekends out of 4, I don't drive so my ex brings them to me and picks them up, this at at an extra cost outside of child maintenance, the maintenance is supposed to cover this as it's a reasonable distance (4 miles) but because I am reasonable I pay the extra fuel cost, amongst other things such as birthday parties, clothes etc even though my maintenance is supposed to cover all of that.
The reason I wrote the last paragraph is because she text me this morning and said "You've won, again, but I tell you what I will no longer bring the children to you and we will NOT be amicable", now this I believe is a break of our formal routine? And also she's making this about me and her and NOT the safety of our children, she insists he's mature and doesn't use cocaine any more so I asked for them to do a drug test, she refused, I happen to know he was doing cocaine 3 weeks ago. During the messages I have proof that he admitted to doing cocaine, I also have evidence of abuse from them all to me with out me being hostile or abusive.
I have a meeting with my ex at 4 today to try and find a resolution but I'm not hopeful, what advice can people give me?
Thanks in advance.