Ex is currently seeing a 19yr old drug user

[genesisdnb]

Hi, I'm having a nightmare situation with my ex and just wondered if anyone has any advice.

Let me give you a bit of background first, we broke up in March 2017, I moved out in April 2017 and after a few months of really unstable communication we finally found amicable ground.  During that period I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which is still present now.  We had 2 children together, they're now aged 2 and 6.

I've had one partner since our break up which started in August 17 and I ended in February 18, my partner wasn't treated me or my kids fairly so I ended the relationship.  My ex however has had a lot of partners, she even admitted to me in June this year that she doesn't actually know how many.  Luckily my kids have been fairly shielded from this however she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last year that the kids have had contact with.

Last weekend my ex text me to tell me she was in another relationship and that it's early days, I said that was fine as I honestly don't have an issue who or what she does with her own time, however she then pointed out that the kids had already met him.  I bumped into her a few days later and asked some questions, she told me who it was and I actually know this person, he's 19 years old, very immature and has a drink and cocaine problem, I have actually witnessed him doing cocaine in a local pub, he also smokes weed.

On Wednesday night I had my children and I asked my 6 year old what she thought about him, she pointed out that he's always there but usually comes in in the morning and sleeps all day and then goes out at night, I asked if he works at night and she said no, he's with friends.

At this point I made a decision to talk to my ex about it, the argument got heated and it resulted in me saying that he does not see my children, I cannot accept that  he is responsible enough to be around my children and I cannot risk the safety of my children, if he had anything in his pockets and my children found it and took it then they could die.

This guy also lives next door to a work colleague, he mentioned to her a few weeks ago that he only eats takeaway because he doesn't know how to use an oven.  Is this really a guy that should be around my children in any capacity?

Last night I received a Facebook friend request from this guy, trying to call me out and asking what I will do if he goes around my children, his grammar and spelling was barely legible! my ex's best friend also started texting abuse at me saying things such as "You do have any rights over who see's your children".

I currently have my children every Wednesday and 3 weekends out of 4, I don't drive so my ex brings them to me and picks them up, this at at an extra cost outside of child maintenance, the maintenance is supposed to cover this as it's a reasonable distance (4 miles) but because I am reasonable I pay the extra fuel cost, amongst other things such as birthday parties, clothes etc even though my maintenance is supposed to cover all of that.  

The reason I wrote the last paragraph is because she text me this morning and said "You've won, again, but I tell you what I will no longer bring the children to you and we will NOT be amicable", now this I believe is a break of our formal routine? And also she's making this about me and her and NOT the safety of our children, she insists he's mature and doesn't use cocaine any more so I asked for them to do a drug test, she refused, I happen to know he was doing cocaine 3 weeks ago.  During the messages I have proof that he admitted to doing cocaine, I also have evidence of abuse from them all to me with out me being hostile or abusive.

I have a meeting with my ex at 4 today to try and find a resolution but I'm not hopeful, what advice can people give me?

Thanks in advance.

[Tom_W88]

Gonna say it now. If police get involved may be the only way to stop him being around your kids

[Tamagoto]

Tell social services, tell the police if you want but I don't think they care too much about end users any more.

[invisibleintellectual]

File a prohibited steps order to exclude him from being around your kids

[genesisdnb]

(08-17-2018, 09:56 AM)invisibleintellectual Wrote: File a prohibited steps order to exclude him from being around your kids

How would I go about doing that?

[invisibleintellectual]

http://www.fraserbrown.com/article/prohi...eps-orders

That gives you an idea - you can file a PSO yourself and self-represent

[warwickshire1]

You have a very good contact arrangement at the moment. You even get kids dropped off to you. Even though she is dating someone that we all on here would disapprove of , there isnt much you can do when trying to ring authorities unless they do something really bad where the authorities would be involved anyway. If you do decide to go down that road your ex may stop all access forcing you to go to court and spend a lot of money to see your children. I know its hard and frustrating but until he gets into trouble with authorities there isnt much you can actually do

[danwel]

I feel your pain and it is not ideal for your kids to be around a complete and utter idiot but until there is grounds for you to do something about it then you have no rights to dictate who their mum can and cant see. Everyone is different and i am same as you and wouldn't want anyone around kids until i know it is going somewhere but clearly your ex has different views and priorities so let her get on with it and as long as kids are ok then you will just have to bite your tongue.

Just to swing it round, how would you react if she decided to start to message you and tell you not to see someone and not to let your kids be around your new woman ?

The more you try to dictate to her then the more likely she will be difficult to you and maybe stop all arrangements and drag you through the courts. Lets be honest, from what you have said it is likely to end soon enough.