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Worried sick
#11
Wilfred I like your line of thought, not easy to do just now , as it gets nearer the day my sleep is getting worse, maybe once she's out I can start to rebuild
I certainly hope so, thanks
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#12
(08-27-2018, 06:52 PM)Jon1959 Wrote: Wilfred I like your line of thought, not easy to do just now , as it gets nearer the day my sleep is getting worse, maybe once she's out I can start to rebuild
I certainly hope so, thanks

You'll get there mate. There's a whole new adventure out there, just waiting for you. You just have to cut out the bad old habits and embrace freedom
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#13
(08-24-2018, 06:15 PM)Jim Wrote:
(08-24-2018, 09:36 AM)Jon1959 Wrote: Hi next week I will become a separated dad when my partner gets the keys to her flat, we've been together 18 years  and had a son 10 years ago I was 50 when he was born, I told here I was to old to start a family but she said "it will be fine" well I can assure you I don't feel fine now been getting about 2 hours sleep a night for the last few months, I don't know how I am going to get through this  at 60 years old, tried to get her to stay but she says "I don't love you any more, I'm leaving" I have never felt stress and worry like this ever before I dread being left in the house when they are gone , going from seeing him every night to maybe on day at the weekend and maybe another guy taking my place is breaking my heart, the thought of trying to start again fills me with dread

Hi Jon. I am a few years older than you. It's like the movie Zulu. All those dead bodies at the start is what it feels like. But then you make a wall out of mealy bags and start to fight back. It feels like there's bloody thousands of them and they're just going to keep on coming and there's nothing on earth to stop 'em. You want to lay down and cry but there's a voice inside you that tells you to stand up and return disciplined fire. And the thing about returning fire is they might have this massive advantage at first but it's like Corporal Jones says if you fight back they don't like it up 'em. Don't beg for mercy because all you'll get is skewered. Start by looking up doing a 180 on google and take it from there. Tell her you've been thinking about it and actually her leaving is the best idea she's had for months. It sounds counter intuitive but read up about the 180 and you'll see the logic. Good luck mate.

Jon1959, excellent comments - I'm in the same situation as other Jon ( age may warry), I was reduced from full time father to once in few weeks. At the start (for nearly 3 months), I couldn't eat, sleep do anything normal. I literally begged her to not split the family, like you said, I was just seeing the doom and gloom, I cried, I sent emails, and guess what all of that was met with utter disdain. One day I collected myself and told her that I want divorce ! Guess what now she is wondering why I want the divorce so quickly and telling others on facebook she misses me, hahaha ! Know what I'm a reformed man, the way I started looking now is I have a beautiful life in front of me, I have beautiful children that I brought to this world who I'm going to work very hard to give them a good life. I'm going to see my world in their eyes. That reason alone is enough for me to get the f**k out there and fight this life and that b***h*
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#14
Sean that sounds a bit like me . .

I've got one last letter going out from my solicitor on Monday and then i'm filing for divorce . .

This is the 6th month since she broke up the family. . I just want to get it done now . .
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#15
Living Baite - I filed the divorce petition without giving her any notice. She wouldn’t know what hit her ! For all the grief that she has given me it is payback time. 6 months here too. The time for talk is over, here comes the action time. Good luck. Do keep us posted.

Sean
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#16
Hang in there John. Its hard going I bet but we are here if you need us.
Breaking up is one thing. Dealing with the separation of children is tough. Try not to find urself in the clown system of the family courts. The jokers in there make things even worse.

Chin up
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#17
Sean - we have a house together which i need to get sold so i can move on. Her old man can easily afford to buy me out so i'm giving her one last chance to make me an offer.

After that i'm going to get an Order For Sale . . I cant get one of those without divorce proceedings being in place . .
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#18
Hi just don't know how I'm going to drag myself up out this hole, still can't sleep feel exhausted and down
at a complete loss, think I will need to go to the doc
don't know how this is going to end
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#19
Jon1959 you don't know how you will drag yourself out of this hole - but you will get out, you must believe that.

Your son needs and deserves his dad.

Call Samaritans if you need to and get help from your doctor. We're here for you too.
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#20
Jon i know its hard but you really need to allow your mind to think about something else for a bit. You need to give yourself a break.

It was the same for me. It was all i thought about and the worry and stress, combined with the difficulty sleeping just made everything worse.

You need to remember that there is a bigger picture. Its not the same picture as before, but its still big and you are in it.

I personally find solace in a good tale of adversity. Maybe a book or a documentary. It can allow your mind to think of something else, whilst also providing some inspiration about the struggle.

I watched circa 5hrs of Fred Dibnah documentary on Youtube last week. His attitude and determination was amazing. I re-read Papillon.

Anything to give your brain a rest.

Dont let the situation consume you.
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