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How did it ever come to this?
#11
(08-31-2018, 03:38 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: 3) Your ex didn't owe you anything. She didn't owe you a future and she is perfectly within her own rights to change her mind, fall out of love with you, sleep with anyone she wants and do anything she wants that's legal. You need to accept this because otherwise you will hold a grudge against her which will weigh you down for life. She changed her mind. People do, because people change. Everyone changes. In fact everything does.

This is true. But the purpose of marriage vows were at least to agree a level of commitment to each other. It was 'till death do us part' not 'till I don't feel like it anymore'. Probably why marriage is firmly in decline.
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#12
Well that’s also true - but I’d say that that’s a problem with marriage itself and on a wider level, the culture of assumed permanent monogamy.

People used to get married for a few years then die. Now it could be 60 years. 60 years in which we are expected to stay in love, not change and not be awkward. Seems rather unrealistic if you ask me Wink
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#13
Gentlemen. Reading this thread I have just had a Keyser Soze moment (usual suspects).

I am married to a Narcissist.

Fucking hell. Im just putting together my evidence and will present it for your comments shortly. But bloody hell. This is like the moment in the film when you realise what you're really up against.

Stay tuned.

Well that was unexpected... but at the same time not.

So today for the first time I told my best friend that we were separating. He's in NZ so it was via text. She wanted to know what I had to told him. So I said, she said that it was like I was putting the blame all on her.

She said I should look for houses nearby. I agreed. She said for the interest of the children it would be better to get it all done quickly.

Again I agreed.

I think this caught her on the backfoot. So I said yes, and we will need to look at how we divide the finances.
So now she's looking for houses for me to stay near. Again, trying to keep control.

I am going to see what our financial adviser says our total assets are. She received an inheritance of about 500k that she wants put off limits, Im likely to agree to this on condition that my company is off limits.

I need to find a bloody good solicitor.

I feel sick in my stomach that she is escalating things and now Im going to have to leave my lovely house and my kids here.
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#14
You can either agree to split everything 50/50 - or come to an arrangement you both agree to. Make sure you know the true value of the split before you agree.
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#15
Sherry - this is not an unfamiliar tale on here. She may well have already been cheating on you for some time, bored and fantasizing about what might be, the self absorbed narcissist woman who wants excitement forgetting the dutiful man who is doing the providing. If its both what you want (beyond saving) then you should get the divorce papers going now on grounds of adultery.

Read up on things as much as you can and then start to work out the two practical elements of splitting assets and seeing the kids. If you can keep it amicable then great, work it out between you, but you need to be either fully knowledgeable or get a good solicitor/advisor. I read up on the division of assets for weeks to work it all out. Start the ball rolling soon as if you are putting into the pot, she will get more assets when you do formally split. You need a formal agreement signing off at some point...

The really difficult thing is going to be seeing her, emotional and difficult, so separate now, minimize contact with her now, start separating your stuff like bank accounts and any other things, cut her off from FB and social media, move your clothes and sleep in different rooms, don't hang around with her in the house and do a rota for who spends time where. Get rid of the ring, change your profile to 'separated'..... Don't 'be friends' as this is her way of keeping you pussy-whipped, minding the kids and paying bills and being the reserve while she is out having 'fun'. Don't have sex with her, kiss her or even cuddle her, don't put an 'x' on her messages, she doesn't deserve your attention, she has already 'slept' with another man, but that actually means she has had another mans cock inside her while she was married to you. She's not your friend. And don't reduce to her level by turning yourself into a slut just yet, but start cultivating your friendships and going out, moving on....

Whatever you do don't buy or rent a house too close to her as you'll see the house and any number of cars parked nearby as proof that she is doing Bukakke videos in your old bedroom.
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#16
Sherry a lot of your thoughts and emotions are very similar to mine....

Its a crazy thought that the woman you made lifelong vows to love and care for is now the one fucking your life up and driving you into an early grave.....

She went from being my best friend and lover to the person who has fucked me over more than anyone else on the planet has come close to....and like yours, she doesn't seem to care.....

All our past memories seem to account for nothing, and the future we planned has disappeared........her attitude is basically - shit happens.....

I feel / felt utterly betrayed.....not just by her, but by her family too.....everyone just abandoned me....
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#17
(09-03-2018, 12:32 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: Whatever you do don't buy or rent a house too close to her as you'll see the house and any number of cars parked nearby as proof that she is doing Bukakke videos in your old bedroom.

Man this made me laugh....

Sherry - read this if you haven't already:

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-7031.html
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#18
"I think this caught her on the backfoot. So I said yes, and we will need to look at how we divide the finances.
So now she's looking for houses for me to stay near. Again, trying to keep control."

Just. No. Tell her you'll pick your own house as its for you, not for her.....
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#19
Sherry - I'm late to the party on this one but I also have to say that your situation is very similar to mine.

I'm lucky - we're not married, she isn't being particularly aggressive (although some of her poisonous mates are encouraging it) and we don't have very much to split.  She kept me poor!  We're getting on reasonably well but as more and more lies are uncovered I'm kind of edging away from any friendship with her and keeping it all very business like.  Mine continues to tell me she loves me, and occasionally makes it seem like she wants to come back, but I'm sick of that now.  Over the past couple of weeks I've made up my mind that I'm just being manipulated and I'm pressing ahead with the separation. I expect mine to leave within the next few weeks.  If she could buy me out I'd happily leave, but she can't and she isn't willing to get a full-time job so she won't be buying anything anytime soon.

I'd like to read this thread again and write something a bit longer, but I'm at work and can't right now.  There's been some excellent advice here.  Reading what you've said in your original post, what's clear is that it's over.  Sure - it  sounds like a mid-life crisis gone mad, but you'd never have her back.  What she's done must seem unfathomable to you right now. It did to all of us when it happened to us.  Your closest friend in the world betrays you in the most painful way possible.  And they make a twat of themselves in the process.  Mine was dumped by her "affair" within days of me finding out and she's still chasing after him!   She either got too into him, or he got a few shags and dumped her, or he just went off her.   he doesn't give a fk about her.

Sorry to hear you are struggling to find people to talk to.  Whereabouts are you?  When I found this forum about a month ago, it gave me a new strength and determination and I can tell you that after just 3 months in my case, I'm much happier and I'm looking forward to the future.  I'm actually dating somebody already.  Many would say it's stupid, but I went on a blind date and she turned out to be gorgeous, intelligent and a complete breath of fresh air.  So what the hell.  I'm just taking it very slowly.  You will definitely be ok and as your new life unfolds you'll be happier too.
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#20
(09-03-2018, 01:34 PM)Tamagoto Wrote:
(09-03-2018, 12:32 PM)Mr Sandman Wrote: Whatever you do don't buy or rent a house too close to her as you'll see the house and any number of cars parked nearby as proof that she is doing Bukakke videos in your old bedroom.

Man this made me laugh....

Sherry - read this if you haven't already:

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/thread-7031.html
straight to the point bud ...nearly pissed myself laughing fucking brilliant.
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