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I want to leave but need some advice
Sounds shit mate - but it’s not a reason to leave the home. Just a reason to end the relationship. Calmly. Quietly. Without arguing. But end it.

Don’t move out. Don’t even change bedrooms if you think you can get her in the spare room. Maybe even move her stuff. But do. Not. Move. Out. Of. The. House. Seriously.

You’ll never get the bastard back. You’ll never get a decent share of kids time. Do not move out. Start the mediation process now. Like tonight.
Tamagoto you speak a lot of sense on here, but i think situations vary on this . .

'dont move out / dont even change bedrooms'

that is wild

I say do what is best for you and the people you love .. . .no one wants a war
It’s already a war and if you don’t fight it like it is you’ll lose before the first shot is fired.

The system is rigged against you. If it’s a war analogy they have better tanks, better training, know the ground, have surprise. We’re fucked if we stand still and try to make a cavalry charge because we will be mowed down.

It happened to me. It’s happened to hundreds of men I’ve seen here. Don’t move out. Don’t agree to her terms. You will get shafted.
This forum is full of men who did the 'right thing' and moved out and lived to regret it.
Taking the moral high ground achieves nothing.
Personally i think if I had tried to stay in that house with that physco bitch i'd probably would have lost my mind. It was nothing to do with moral high ground.

She became a completely different person after she stopped taking her antidepressants. Living with a person that looks like your wife but acts like your sworn enemy is a very unsettling thing.
Tonight we had the chat and decision has finally been made.

All amicable at the moment and we'll try to remain friends, live close by and try and share as much of the kids responsibilities as possible. Long journey ahead but it's a start.

She has said access every other weekend but also 2/3 evenings a week to which isn't too bad.

She's claiming still it's just my decision even though as explained before she has been unhappy long before me.
I would listen to tamagoto and be very careful just moving out. She is already been very awkward and funny towards you. once you left the house for a month she can just suddenly decide to not let you see children and whatever else to make your life a misery. be very cautious

its very easy to be amicable like your ex is if you suggesting to move out, once u offered to move out if you done it on a sunday you may even get roast dinner for last time. also easy to just say yes u can have this and that see the kids when you like and when you gone it suddenly drastically changes. theres so many things that can happen so think long and hard.
I'd really like to think we can live near each other and still do things as friends for the odd outting with the kids. Nobody to my knowledge has cheated so hoping it can stay civil (maybe I'm delusional).

How much is the ball park for mediation costs ?
i can understand why you thinking how you are thinking . i think all of us have at the very start. only way it is civil is further down the line if you are lucky. a lot of people on here things are still not civil. mediation varies but is normally around 100-150 pounds if you mean to sort child contact out. it is always best to speak to your ex partner first to come to an agreement. if neither work then its the family court route.

If you can come to agreement it may be worth attending family court just to get it in writing as a child arrangements order so she sticks to it. also be useful to have a child arrangements court in place with lots of contact already especially if there is any disagreements down the line
Am no expert but it seems to me that she has basically told you / signalled in various ways that it's over. Yet by saying it's your decision, wants you to take the blame for ending it/leaving. That doesn't sit right with me at all. I'd be questioning why she is claiming that's the case (although the split does seem inevitable - why should you get the blame as such?).

In an ideal world, adults should be amicable and things should be fair. It would ease what is a truly crap situation for all. In reality though, for various reasons, it often doesn't work like that. Whilst I wouldn't say it's all out war as per above, defo be prepared and plan for the worst, as things can very quickly deteriorate. If they do, you will have a fight on your hands - one which could potentially turn dirty - especially as it seems to me women are increasingly taking a kind of 'possession is 9/10's of the law' kind of attitude. That applies to house, kids, potentially anything/everything - be on your guard is all I'm saying and as others have said, think long and hard about moving out as it will be virtually impossible to reverse.

If you can reach an agreement between yourselves or through mediation, as posted above, get any kind of agreement rubber stamped by court. Make sure it's 100% clear, detailed and not open to interpretation - I guarantee if things go pair shaped, it'll be your safety net rather than hers. If she's unhappy to do so, ask yourself why. A painful lesson I learnt!

Good luck.

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