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Ex using son to deal with our issues
#1
Can anyone help ???

I have a son who is now 11 years old, who I love with all my heart, however my ex partner is trying her upmost to get in between us and make things very hard for us to see each other let alone build on our own family relationship. We have just had a Baby daughter, and we have another younger Son.  

I have been split from my ex for eight years, and to be honest they havent been the most pleasant. (putting it very lightly).

I have to deal with issues such as

Mom telling my Son that if I took him away from her house on my pre arranged day I would be kidd Napping My Son leaving him in a distressing state.

Mom moving address and not informing me for a few weeks the whereabouts of my son.

She has also told him previously that I dont love him anymore because I had to move away due to work commitments.


Her latest campaign is to arrange treats and special days for my son on the days Im supposed to have him, thus leading to my son feeling left out and wanting to stay with my ex. He is also being played on mentally with Mom confessing how much she will miss him and how much he will miss out if he does come to Dads.

Mom now refuses to confirm dates between us that I have my son (which until recently was every weekend fortnightly and some term time holidays). She even refuses to discuss on the phone dropping calls and ignoring emails. Instead I have to call my son on his mobile to arrange and ask for him to decide while Mom plays the above game.

Im desperate to get things back on track we have done mediation countless times and all that happens is she goes back on her word - all mediation has been instigated by myself as there's never any effort to sort matters out responsibly without trying to pull my son in to grown up matters. The last mediation she even told my Son I was going to take his mom to court.

Its horrible witnessing what my Son has had to go through.

To try yet again to resolve this I have booked family mediation to try and get contact back however I feel as before this will be of no great help as promises will be made and fallen back on.

My question is can I advise mediation I want to go to court due to past sessions not working ? Is there any help out there to advise of the process ? Are there any Dads that have been through a similar experience that can give advise ? My ex tells me that now my Son is 11 he can make his own mind up now - which again falls right into her palms and current game plan.

Im a dedicated Dad 110% I live approx 95 miles away from Son but travel to pick him up every other weekend (before above issues) Im always there on time and never been late in 8 years. Ive always paid my CMS payments in full and never missed a payment.

When we have my Son we have some fantastic times together and have a very close bond, he has become very close to his new Baby sister, His younger brother loves him millions and idolizes the ground he walks on. 

Any help would really be appreciated.
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#2
I'd start the journey to a proper child arrangements order. Get the mother sent on the better parenting course (SPIP) and have it written into the order you won't bad mouth each other. You could also get a solicitor to write to her and say that if she doesn't;t stop you'll pursue a charge of parental alienation with her.

Go big or go home, seriously the softly softly approach doesn't work with these people. They think they're the centre of their children world just because they physically gave birth. I despair sometimes at the stories I see here.
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#3
Thank you bud really appreciate your advice, do I pursue the Child arrangements order through Mediation or through the courts ?

I will google SPIP also sounds a good idea. Just for the record even though I've really had to bite my lip I've always taught my Son to respect his mother and have always put him right if anything is said out of line.

There is so much more to this than meets the eye but I'm not here to sling mud simply get the right solution to finally put an end to what my son is being put through. And to have him enjoy both families and parents just as much as each other.
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#4
Both parents are important. It’s good you can see that.

Mediation is what you have to do before court. If she won’t go, they sign a form saying she wouldn’t and you can start court proceedings. Either way you need to start with a reasnoble, practical plan for what days you’ll have him.

His mother can’t tell you what to do with him if you’re not a proven danger and the parental alienation thing is real, new, but real. You can threaten that easily and maybe she will back off. Either way get a formal order in place. Will take maybe 6 months.
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#5
(08-15-2018, 01:56 PM)Tamagoto Wrote: I'd start the journey to a proper child arrangements order. Get the mother sent on the better parenting course (SPIP) and have it written into the order you won't bad mouth each other. You could also get a solicitor to write to her and say that if she doesn't;t stop you'll pursue a charge of parental alienation with her.

Go big or go home, seriously the softly softly approach doesn't work with these people. They think they're the centre of their children world just because they physically gave birth. I despair sometimes at the stories I see here.

I can't agree more. In last hour, my ex just told me I can't see the my children anymore. This is after 3 months of my regular weekend children visit. She thinks she is only person in the world for them. I'm going to court tomorrow with all my evidence ammunition packed and ready.
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#6
Just a quick update, had mediation meeting today, with information put forward and advising numerous mediation meetings have been attempted in the past they have advised I put through the C100 form. Will do this first thing tomorrow and keep adding to this thread if helps anyone else.Tamagoto thank you for your advice gave me clear focus in meeting and SeanS I feel for you nothing more soul destroying !!
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#7
Good man. Keep it up.
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#8
Hi Guys

Attended Mediation and this has now been signed off due to mediation being attempted on many occasions before, they have sent completed page 9 to be inserted in to form before handed into court. 

I now need guidance with the C100 form, should I go to citizens advice ? Trying to avoid costs of solicitors at this early stage or is this a necessity ? 

In between all of this Ive had my son contact me asking for more money to be sent to mommy for various items on top of money sent for CSA payments. I did advise that these were grown up matters and to be sorted between parents only, which he accepted and advised that he was only being asked by Mom to ask me.

Needless to say things are getting harder than before, Son has sent me a text saying he dont want to see me anymore, and as he is 11 years old its his decision. It goes without saying although I know he is being told to say and request things that should only be dealt with by adults, it has definitely hit me hard. Im trying hard to stay focused but for any Dad to hear its like having your heart ripped out.

He cant give me an answer to why he dont want to come, and every time I call the phone is getting put down on me.

I know its going to get harder and Im going to see this through, anything to see my Son.
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#9
R2D2 - first of all stay strong. Do know that, that text is not from your son but from your ex. Be assured ex is going to try all the dirty tricks from the book ( just like mine did). 

A for the C100 form, I filled the form myself and submitted to the court and I will be self-representing too. Make sure to read Cb1 and Cb7 guidelines before filling the c100. To be honest, c100 is pretty straight forward once you had the hang of it. in so far, court has accepted my form and sent a copy of the form to my ex. First court hearing set in october. I just can't wait for the hearing to rip open all the lies and malice intentions to keep children away from their father !

Sean
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#10
So when you put everything to the side - you're progressing towards your goal of getting your son to be with you on a regular and reliable basis. Chin up my man it sucks but you know your ex is just being a prick, not your son. You will get time with him. You will show him that you're not mad and he will make up his own mind based on the evidence. You just have to wait it out and you'll come out of this smelling of roses, she will not
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