Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Who Tried Reconciliation?
#61
(11-13-2018, 11:21 AM)Living Bate Wrote:
(11-13-2018, 10:51 AM)Fatcat1980 Wrote: We have to sit down and talk next week and I'm not looking forward to it.

Clearly the last thing I need or want is to spend time with my "attacker".


I fully understand. I'm trying to keep everything communicated through text and email.

Sitting down and shooting the breeze with someone that has fucked you over so monumentally is just not on the cards.

It will be a long time (potentially never) before I am prepared to sit down with her and chat about things.

  For some reason, because we all have kids with these people, we're supposed to suck it up and remain friendly with them for "the sake of the children".

You can't see the injury.  Perhaps that's the problem.  Let's say that physical assault is seriously frowned upon but isn't illegal. You broke up your relationship and you assaulted your partner quite badly before you did.  Would anybody expect her to keep dealing with you and stay friendly?  

After years together and building the bonds of having kids and raising our family, my ex met somebody and happily started seeing them, seemingly without any guilt. It was more than that in fact - I believe she was looking for it. It wasn't just a chance meeting. When I found out she initially apologised but was besotted with the guy.  She actually got angry with me for being angry and very quickly justified it all in her head and started laying blame with me.  Then she carried on seeing him, plus a new guy by the sound of it, all while still living with me.  She didn't give a **** about my feelings.   I wanted to die when I found out.  I can't escape from her because we have kids and built a life together.  The scars will be with me for life and it still hurts almost too much to really think about, 4-5 months since finding out.  Somebody said on here that having an affair should be seen as a form of abuse.  I'd agree with that.  I try not to play the victim but I still end up asking myself how could she have done that to me, in the same way that I would if she'd physically assaulted me.
Reply
#62
I want to be able to talk to mine, I want to be able to rise above the emotions & get this sorted out like adults. Even more so being that we're stuck in the house together still so remaining civil would make life a wholesale amount easier.

I appear to have been sent to Coventry by her now though, not exactly helpful.

For the sake of the kids, it's far better for them to see their parents getting along as hostility sends them all the wrong signals while their still growing & developing their minds. I can say that, I can mean it but hell I can't seem to do it at the moment!

It's just an impossible situation.
Reply
#63
It's possible all the while the blokes are making an effort with suggestions etc. the replies are always going to be short and unhelpful. Maybe there's a case for not always being the one to take all the responsibility.
Reply
#64
Update 

So 4 weeks on and no emotion still and no signs of reconciliation from her side, very adamant that she has nothing for me so nothing left to save. So pick up keys for my flat today feel gutted and emotional realising that this is the start of a new life without my family.
Reply
#65
Hi I'm in the same boat, 2 and a half months now nothing from her, she has a new man now so basically I'm f****d, it a heartbreaking realization that the family has gone, I've been hitting the drink pretty hard which I know is not the answer but it numbs the pain
Reply
#66
Sorry to hear that Dave Haven't felt the need to dink but really struggled with eating lost 2 stone in 4 weeks. Its crazy that all i feel is empty moving into this flat. Feel like a massive meltdown is on its way when i take the keys and close the door.
Reply
#67
I lost over a stone in the first few weeks (it'll be 5 months tomorrow for me since what I consider to be "split day") & I am also drinking more regularly, mainly to get out of the house to avoid her as the animosity between us has become ridiculous & unbearable. Even a few pints down the pub every night stacks up though & the cost is shocking!

I don't know whether it could be considered fortunate that I'm still in the family home as it really is a shit place to be right now, I really do feel for you guys that are having to walk away to a place on your own though. That would absolutely break me, although I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that it will have to happen at some point & I won't be with my boys everyday anymore.
Reply
#68
I'm ten months into separation after nearly two decades with ex, I moved into a studio flat 3 months ago after few months back at my mum's.

It can be lonely and I'm finding the thought of the Christmas period etc. difficult but looking back on the months only advice I can offer is to try and forget reconciliation , I held onto it for way to long and even now it can be hard to not want it but I've held myself back for way to long with false hope while she moves on with her life and acts like someone I never knew and with everything we built together. I try and be friendly for sake the of the kids, I still have love for her but I don't like who she has become and when I still think of reconciliation it's probably based on a false sense of what things could have been not what they were at the end.

If reconciliation happens let it happen naturally and best way to attract her back is for her to see you being strong and building a positive life, I wish I had done this months ago. Even if it doesn't attract her back you will feel better in yourself and likely find someone your happier with in time even if that family life can't be the same.

I've been at the not eating stage, losing weight, drinking too much and while it's still raw even after this time it's does slowly get easier and I while I may never fully get over everything I'm seeing it as a way to build a better me , embrace the uncertainty etc. Basically taking back control of my life which I think alot of that one woman do much better then mine.

Show your kids the dad you want them to see even if you can't be with them everyday you will be their dad for ever and that is all that matters now.
Reply
#69
I wasn't prepared for the point at which the door closed behind me in my 2 bed basement flat for the first time. You can do the best you can to make it easier (have someone you can call / go out with), but it might be that you just have to have the meltdown, get to your low point, so you can start climbing back up.

I'm 11 months down the line, and even though I'm still a f***ing mess(!) I'm not as bad as I was in those first days / weeks. I moved into this sh1t-hole 10 months ago and I can find some positives in it. Independence, freedom etc. I wouldn't have been thinking about that on day 1.

I feel for you all.
Reply
#70
Can't really see things getting better, how can it get better, I am completely broken at this point, never ever felt so lost and out of control in my life
There hasn't been a day for months now that at some point during the day I've lost it and the tears just come, heartbreaking
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)