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My wife just dropped the bomb of Divorce/Separation
#31
CAGE, I know it must hurt like all holy hell right now but remember all you are losing is someone who didn't want to be with you anyway - don't you deserve more than that?
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#32
So Christmas break is over and it's back to school etc. on Tuesday. We've had a strange time over the last few weeks where not a lot about what's going on has been mentioned, apart from that Christmas Day moment. This evening she's said the words I've been dreading "we need to talk about future plans for the family" - coded language I suspect in case the kids were in earshot. I also had a phone call on Friday from Amicable (website who sell divorce packages)... Asking if I want to book a 'Coaching course'... Which I don't because I want this fixed not escalated. How do have this conversation? If you're the praying type. Please pray she'll change her mind, her heart will soften, she will realise what a stupid decision she's making
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#33
Most important thing is to arrange child contact and have court write up an order. Whilst its in early stages now is the time to get one arranged quickly before your situation changes. You could chat to your ex to arrange one or arrange mediation. Seems like she is still talking to you amicably so definitely get it done as things can rapidly change by next christmas
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#34
She's not going to change her mind.
You can't reason someone into loving you again.

The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can focus on the practical bits like finances and child arrangements.

You should be speaking to your own solicitor already.

If you don't do this and start being proactive and assertive, she'll walk all over you.
Before you know it you'll be sleeping on a friend's sofa and seeing your kids once a fortnight in a park for a few hours.
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#35
(01-07-2019, 07:48 AM)watsa64 Wrote: If you don't do this and start being proactive and assertive, she'll walk all over you.
Before you know it you'll be sleeping on a friend's sofa and seeing your kids once a fortnight in a park for a few hours.

Harsh but true words spoken there.
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#36
(01-06-2019, 09:30 PM)CAGEsquire Wrote: So Christmas break is over and it's back to school etc.  on Tuesday. We've had a strange time over the last few weeks where not a lot about what's going on has been mentioned, apart from that Christmas Day moment. This evening she's said the words I've been dreading "we need to talk about future plans for the family" - coded language I suspect in case the kids were in earshot. I also had a phone call on Friday from Amicable (website who sell divorce packages)... Asking if I want to book a 'Coaching course'... Which I don't because I want this fixed not escalated. How do  have this conversation? If you're the praying type. Please pray she'll change her mind, her heart will soften, she will realise what a stupid decision she's making

Cage - Please, you don't need her to soften up, you need to toughen up. If you want to fix it then you need to take control, be assertive, and be prepared for that not to work, or for you to drastically change. This might sound counter-intuitive, however if it is possible to rescue it (and she is dropping lots of clues), she needs you to take responsibility and an element of control. I don't want to resort to gender stereotypes but your wife seems assertive, earning the money, running things and requiring you to be more responsible, in her mind she probably wants a hand with the 'heavy lifting' . You seem more passive... you need to get organised, stop sleeping in the bed with her, do the 180 and come up with a credible plan that doesn't rely on prayer. If you actually start distancing yourself, get yourself organised she will actually find you more attractive.

That fact that she is referring a divorce company to you and they are offering you a course on how to get divorced might tell you that you are possibly not equipping yourself right now with the information you need, right now.
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#37
(01-07-2019, 07:48 AM)watsa64 Wrote: She's not going to change her mind.
You can't reason someone into loving you again.

However harsh this sounds, never a truer word was spoken.  We've all had to accept this.  Do the 180.  You've got to start thinking of yourself and for yourself.
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#38
So. It's finally happening. She's appointed a solicitor. She said I'll get a letter this week. Now what?
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#39
You need to talk to your ex amicably . Best to wait until letter turns up now , but I would take whatever is written very seriously.
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#40
Just be calm and focus on the kids, be one step ahead of her. Finances will wait . You will find a lot good advice In forum. Good luck
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