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Cannot agree

My ex and I cannot agree on Finances or Child arrangements.  We've tried mediation, there have been various solicitors letters sent back and forth, but if anything, the negotiations are going in the wrong direction.  We separated 3 years ago nearly.

My solicitor assures me that it makes absolutely no sense to go to court with the finances as there isn't enough money on the table to pay the lawyers.  We don't own a house to sell.  It's mainly about spousal support payments, savings and a pension of mine.

I found out about Arbitration and suggested that but she doesn't want to do that.  Can anyone suggest anything else?  I think we need to go through this as part of a consent order to make the divorce official or something, is that right?  What if we never sort it out?!

We can go to court over the child arrangements as apparently that's a lot less expensive.  But if there alternatives to that I'd like to hear them.

Anyone been through this?


I have been thru all of that, mostly. And in similar circumstances too ( not much to divide up.)

In summary, Courts don't like spousal maintenance, Women being equal they are encouraged to take work PLUS they get child benefits and other benefits. Pension depends on how long you were married for etc. Both savings ( yours and hers) will be in the pot. If there is no home/property in the mix then best way to arrive at agreement at the mediation,

BUT women tend to distrust everything around them and think Court is final - In which case one of you can apply for financial order and self-represent like i did. I only had to pay her 3K and washed my hands whereas she was asking for half of pension, spousal maintenance, lumpsum payment and all that, she didn't get any.
Thanks Sean for your reply. It's good to hear you were successful, and without having to spend money on barristers. I'd probably get eaten alive in a court setting, which is why I like arbitration, but it feels like a newish thing. At the moment it feels like if she doesn't agree to it this will never end. What if it never ends?!
In a general sense, it is advisable to get a clean break as soon as possible after the relationship ends. For example number of years of marriage will have bearing on the division of assets, pension etc. The longer it goes the years gets added up. I was able to come out somewhat unscathed because the marriage lasted only for 2 years. If i were you I would force the finance application through the courts. Sometimes getting other party to the court would make other party loosen up their positions after listening to people, reading up etc. So definitely force the agenda I would say.

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