Separated Dads
Thank you... - Printable Version

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Thank you... - MrP - 05-16-2017

Fellow Dads...

I have been reading this forum for a few months now and just wanted to thank you all for showing me that I am not the only person in this horrible situation and it has really made me see that there is actually light at the end of the tunnel.

I am a very closed booked and find it very hard to talk about my feelings with good friends and even family.

My story -

We were like most families working hard to make ends meat and probably didn't give each other the attention we both needed. My ex's grandfather died and left my ex-mother in law left her a large sum of money and she gave us 30k to buy a property because we were stuck in the renting trap. We decided to move about 30 miles away into a cheaper area and put a deposit down on a new build property. This where the problems started as it actually turned into a very stressful situation with delays etc. but I thought once we had moved it would be a new start for all of us (we have 2 children.) Unfortunately just after Christmas 2016 after we had exchanged on the property I noticed my ex was acting strangely and always had her phone in her back pocket and would stay up late to watch TV which was out of character for her as we usually went to bed together. One Saturday morning my daughter (2 years old) was using her phone to watch cartoons and she pressed a button so as I tried to get it back for her I spotted a conversation with a bloke in WhatsApp. Reading the messages it made me feel sick with what was being said so I confronted her and she broke down in tears. Basically at her work Christmas party she met this bloke that worked at a different office and they had really hit it off. Been chatting since meeting and even meeting for lunch. She promised to stop it and we tried to make things work but I caught her again a few weeks later and tried to back out of the house purchase but it was too late. We moved and I ended up moving out a month later... We didn't really talk unless it was about the kids and neither of us pushed for divorce and everything seemed to be taking it's natural course. Then at Christmas we ended up spending a bit of time together with the kids and it was really nice and we started getting on really well, txting regularly and she even suggested we should give it all another shot but I was still angry with what she did and said no. Unfortunately at the end of Jan her mother became ill and unfortunately and passed away shortly after. I supported her and helped her with everything and we came very close and she tried it on with me a couple of times but I stopped it as it wouldn't of been right under the circumstances. We started spending a lot of time together and it was really nice (we both agreed) until one family day out...

In a nutshell we were having a family day out and my ex was getting a lot of phone calls which she kept hanging up on. Eventually she answered and ended up in tears. I did the respectful thing and walked off so she could have a conversation. When she came over to us when she finished the conversation I could she was upset and I asked if she was OK and she burst into tears. Basically she had been dating/whatever this bloke from work for the last year and he was unhappy we were spending so much time together and was in the place we were watching us...?? I asked if he was still here and she said he had left, I had seen pictures of them together in the photo booth thing at the Christmas party so roughly knew what he looked like but couldn't see him. She was really sorry and wished she could of told me before now but couldn't do it and still loved me and couldn't do without the family times we were having.

Since then I have cut her off and she still txts me nearly everyday asking how I am and she still loves me and have since found out from mutual friends they have still been going out for dinner etc. since this event which I am actually totally fine with but it's the lies that the got to me...

I left a it a few months and decided the best option now was for divorce as I decided I didn't want her back after this mess which was hard because I still do love but too much had happened. So I asked her for the marriage certificate but she refused, this went on for a few weeks and one day I came how to a letter from her solicitor telling me she wants a divorce. Strangely I was really happy about this and since then the divorce is in follow and I feel like a weight has really been lifted and I can move on with my life. I really feel for the kids and disappointed they have a mother who can lie and do what she did but it isn't my problem anymore...just the kids.

Anyway, just for anyone reading this it has been a hard couple of years and now I am in a much better place than I was and can move on with my life. Everything was effected, work, my relationship with name it, I was a mess but not anymore.
I am better off with out her and glad I helped her with her mothers death and can walk away from this mess with my head held high.

Been to rock bottom and really thought about ending my life but I have pulled though and back to myself again now. That chapter is closed and I am looking forward to the future... Luckily she is actually a very good mother just a bad wife so I don't need to worry about the children.

Thank you...