Separated Dads
Help needed, starter for 10 - Printable Version

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Help needed, starter for 10 - eforequality - 07-14-2017

Hi, help needed please, my wife and I separating, it's not particularly amicable...

...we own our home jointly (with mortgage), no other major assets, and we have two children, one born before marriage, and one during our marriage (I am on both birth certificates). Both children are primary school age.

Is there anything I should do right now to protect my parental responsibility? 

Has anyone had experience of getting shared residence, how do I do this?
I have read that there is a presumption that the day to day/weektime accommodation would be with the mother and then alternating weekends, is this correct? To gain anything greater as the father I would have a burden of proof that it would be in the children's interests?

How can I ensure that I have a right of approval on where (as in which area) the children live? 
Do I have a right of approval for the school they attend also? - I have found reference elsewhere that I would have the right of consultation only?


My children are my world, I don't want to lose the privilege of raising them substantially through their childhoods. :-(

Thank you..


RE: Help needed, starter for 10 - MarkR - 07-14-2017

(07-14-2017, 08:30 AM)eforequality Wrote: Hi, help needed please, my wife and I separating, it's not particularly amicable...

...we own our home jointly (with mortgage), no other major assets, and we have two children, one born before marriage, and one during our marriage (I am on both birth certificates). Both children are primary school age.

Is there anything I should do right now to protect my parental responsibility? 

Has anyone had experience of getting shared residence, how do I do this?
I have read that there is a presumption that the day to day/weektime accommodation would be with the mother and then alternating weekends, is this correct? To gain anything greater as the father I would have a burden of proof that it would be in the children's interests?

How can I ensure that I have a right of approval on where (as in which area) the children live? 
Do I have a right of approval for the school they attend also? - I have found reference elsewhere that I would have the right of consultation only?


My children are my world, I don't want to lose the privilege of raising them substantially through their childhoods. :-(

Thank you..


Your relationship status does not change the terms of the mortgage. Any shortfall and they can come after either of you for the whole amount, if its in both names.

If you decide to move out, you will be viewed by the Local Authority as making yourself homeless, unless she gets a Court Order, so make sure you have something in place before you do. If that happens you need to open a CMS Case, as you can get a reduction from Child Support if your paying the Mortgage for a place you do not live in, but your child does.

You do not lose PR, even if a Child Arrangements Order is made. Right now your on the same legal standing, but once an Order is made, one of you will normally exceed 50% of the time, so become the Resident Parent. The children only count for benefit claims at the parents house who gets Child Benefit. Child Support is reduced to take into account the costs of "Staying Contact".

If you can not sort out arrangements yourself, you need Mediation, before it can go to court.

There is 2 parts to arrangements, Care Time and Quality Time.

The Courts will always half the Quality Time, so the normal starting point is Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays.
You would need to make a case that shared care is workable, to get mid week contact.
Indirect contact can be part of an order.

You have no rights over where the children live when with your ex. However, if she wants to move away causing problems with you having contact, then you can obtain a Prohibited Steps Court Order, to stop it happening.

Your opinion should be sort on Eduction and Medical things, but it does come down to the Resident Parent, or a Specific Issue Court Order if you can not agree things.