Separated Dads
Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Printable Version

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RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - DadDolent - 12-23-2018

"My solicitor says I may have to agree to supervised contact at first"

I wonder why they may have said that. I would ask for 50/50 shared care, even though alternate weekends and half holidays seems to be the norm.

It may be that your Ex will ask for supervised contact, or CAFCASS may recommend if they ever get involved, and think there are safeguarding comcerns. But you definitely wouldn't want to offer that to them, as if you don't trust yourself with the kids.

I think you need to.provide a suitable place for them to stay overnight though and be able to show you can take care of them.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 12-23-2018

That's exactly right. I don't want to appear as though I 'need' supervision and I know how these things keep getting used against me. Until the day she left I was doing breakfast, dinners, activities, school runs, bedtimes, the lot - She only now, after leaving says I can't see them - I'm not taking the stance that I have anything to prove because whatever, she will find something.

Seeing as there's no official reason that I cannot see them, my thinking is it fares ALOT better if I have been seeing them, unsupervised and they are happy without incident, rather than supervised which still leaves question marks.

The only reason my solicitor said I may have to agree to supervision is because the ex says so, but her conditions are based on lies so I'm reluctant to agree. Of course, there are the children to consider, how they will feel about it etc but I would make sacrifices for that until things normalize for them - I'd be happy for them not to stay overnight for a while because that's a new thing for them in what will be a new place, I'd be happy to not see them in the week but only weekends for a short period of time - but I don't want to accept supervision because that is just playing into the exs hands, that doesn't mean I won't make sacrifices for the children's sake. The trouble is, the ex does not communicate about the children, so I cannot say these things. I could email my constructive thoughts on moving forward but I will be accused of pestering.

Why would I agree to make things more difficult for myself later?...That is exactly what she wants.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - AnotherDad - 01-02-2019

Hi Sector,

Well done on avoiding the NMO, the other stuff is a pain though, stay strong !!

Given now seems a good time to try and get the child contact arrangements in order but you want to do it without being accused of pestering would it be an ideal time to now commence mediation regarding childcare / contact. ? (i have scrolled back through the thread and cant see that you have tried that yet ?)

Just self refer, contact your local relate office and say you'd like to arrange mediation - can they advise which firm they use, relate dont generally do mediation but farm it out to someone. You can go along on your own and speak to a mediator to let them know what you're seeking, they then contact your ex partner and ask her to come for a meeting to discuss. upside is if she agrees to go and the mediator agrees mediation is suitable then you can perhaps get some contact in place, without it looking like you're pestering. If mediation is not suitable or you get nowhere with it at least you have tried it and will get your certificate to say you tried. If the ex doesn't turn up -I'm led to believe that doesn't reflect well going forward.

Mediation can be covered by legal aid if you qualify.

Your outcome could be what you want long term and an interim agreement whilst you are re-housed (e.g. the no overnight bit etc).
At the initial mediation meeting (just you and mediator) you just say what you want to try and sort out, she will have a private meeting too saying what she wants etc....

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 01-05-2019

Thanks for the advice.

When we first broke up I arranged mediation and went, the ex told me she had been to her initial appointment but it turned out she didn't go. The mediator gave me a c100 signed stating 'not suitable for mediation'. Before the case I contacted the mediator for some evidence of the exs no show but she said mediators don't get involved in court. It's all very frustrating...

I still haven't gotten any court documents through which I need to apply for emergency housing.

I don't even know how long I have to appeal... Obviously I'm not appealing against the verdicts but I might make a complaint once I see the findings paperwork. Weeks after court still no documentation, I have to move out in around 2 weeks - they don't leave you much time.

My solicitor is asking me for a list of possessions I want to take from the flat. Has anyone done this before, I'm not sure what to list - I know she will dispute everything I ask for, hardly seems worth the hassle.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 01-22-2019

Quick update. Quite frankly, I'm bricking it about the future - This Friday I'll be leaving the flat (Occupation Order).

As mentioned (for anyone new to the thread) my ex convinced the court that 6k would be enough for me to rent. Trouble is they don't even look at debts and since court I've had to pay my solicitors 5.5k of fees.

I've still not got the court documents through and I've filled out forms online for the council to call me back, gone to them in person, and tried calling them and been told I'd get a call back... But nothing.

Don't really know what else to say. Yikes.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Charlie7000 - 01-22-2019

Good grief. Not surprised you are bricking it. The council should have a something or other person with an urgent number (can't remember the name of the person - something like relocation or housing liaison officer) - but it's someone you can call when it's urgent and you're about to be evicted and made homeless. They can help with all kinds of things - not just the housing - maybe some legal things as well.

Tenancy relations officer. That's it. I think first thing to do though is phone Shelter - they are absolute experts in all housing matters and will give you names, numbers etc.

Can't remember where you are. This is the link for England

This one for Scotland

I think what your solicitor meant was - a kind of warning - that if the ex makes allegations and Cafcass decide to do a section 7, it is common to only get supervised contact until the section 7 is complete and the allegations dismissed.

If that does happens and you have any clear written evidence to show the allegations are balderdash or everything was on amicable terms until x date or something, then you can email that to Cafcass before the first hearing,which may help.

I think though you or your legal person should be arguing that there is no non molestation order against you, this has been heard in court by a Judge and no reason whatsoever for you not to have normal contact with your children via an interim order pending final hearing.

As said above - focus on getting moved in somewhere - when it comes to arguing for Child Arrangements you want to be able to show you can do this suitably - or as suitably as possible.

Have you got any family you could stay with by the way?

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 01-22-2019

Hey thanks for this advice.

Funnily enough within the last hour I received the Order Papers and the council called me. They listed a whole range of paperwork I should take to them tomorrow - So that's what I'll be doing.

I'm finding this whole thing most difficult (apart from not seeing the children) because I feel like a pity party I don't want people to think I'm fishing for sympathy - So I try not to talk to anyone about it if I can help it. I guess that's why I've found this site useful, lots of people feeling similarly.

The ex agreed to split quite a bit of our possessions - But I've not got anywhere to take them yet! And obviously, after Friday I'm not allowed to return. Im OK with leaving things here under the circumstances. I'd rather just walk out as it would feel less like being kicked out.

My head is in such a spin and anxiety through the roof tonight.. finding it tough to keep it all together - Writing helps me.

I haven't been too delighted with my solicitor tbh, recently she wrote a letter to the ex stating I should see the children every other weekend, all weekend. We get a reply back saying no - 2 hours supervised only. Then my solicitor advises me to take it. So I called her and said I'd write my own letter and she can edit it if she likes....I'm not giving in that easy based on the facts, and at the very least I need some of them to be documented. If anyone fancies a read through my reply I don't mind sharing it privately to get advice - I think it might be a little to aggressive in tone and I'm not sure if my points are valid. That, and I'm not sure if I'm showing my cards too early so to speak. Maybe I should keep my evidence private from her... What a head-F!

Hot bath, bottle of wine, bed.

Edit: I like your idea of giving cafcass information before any meeting - Can you really do that?

Edit 2: in regards to the previous poster. There are no allegations of violence or threats of violence. She even said in court that I've never threatened her and that she knows I'd never hit her. She also said in court that I'm 'erratic' and when asked why she applied for a NMO to protect her from violence she said I can be 'verbally violent'. I can honestly say me and the ex have never had a shouting match, just disagreements. No allegations that I ever hurt the children were made at all.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Charlie7000 - 01-23-2019

Sack your solicitor. She is treating you like a criminal.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - DadDolent - 01-23-2019

"verbally violent"! A NMO for that, and a two hour bi-weekly visitation and an occupation order on top.

Sounds like the trial by Kafka.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Charlie7000 - 01-23-2019

I PM'd you. There is no grounds for supervised contact. Her application for an NMO was turned down. You may not get much contact until interim hearing but stand your ground and deny any allegations and stick to your guns. I think also what your solicitor is saying is - if you write saying - no - contact should be more than that, and they refuse, then take the supervised rather than nothing until final hearing so it doesn't look like you have turned down an opportunity to see your kids. But reject the offer first and make it clear that there is no reason for the children not to be seeing their Father and the ex is unreasonably witholding contact.