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Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Printable Version

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RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Charlie7000 - 02-12-2019

Hang in there. The attitude to adopt is - she is on the other side and is being strategic. Trust is broken there but people who aren't in this adversarial position are worth trusting. Solicitors can't be trusted - you have to tell them what you want them to do. Better getting advice on here a lot maybe.

Motivation will come - and confidence. You have done nothing wrong - and when you're at rock bottom, the only way is up. Take any offer of help - one day you can return the favour. That is what builds trust is finding people who do somthing for nothing. Are you still on the council list? No guilt - everyone's circumstances are different.

Have you been to the Citizens Advice Bureau - apart from practical and housing help, you need some support dealing with allof this.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 02-15-2019

The council referred me to the shelter scheme I'm currently staying at - It's not a walk in place, you need a council referral. It's actually a trial so the volunteers are very happy to see us turn up each night - It makes it worth their while and more likely to be approved for more of the same help next year.

The council told me I can't be put on a housing list because I still have a mortgage in my name. I just need some money from the flat so I can start over and have a base to work from - Then hopefully once I'm self sufficient again much of the guilt I'm feeling for relying on others will hopefully dissipate.

As soon as something happens I'll update. But nothing much to report at the moment from Limboland!

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Charlie7000 - 02-15-2019

That is a lousy situation housing wise. You can't get on council list because you have a mortgage - but there is an occupation order saying you can't live in the house you own!!! Have you shown the occupation order to the council? Definitely go to citizens advice - they have real housing specialists there including lawyers.

Glad the hostel people are good. There are good people out there. The finances from the house could take a long time - as these things do especially when someone is unco-operative and there are legal processes. So you need more than just limboland and I think someone will be able to argue that the rule is invalid if you are homeless because of an occupation order. Who is paying the mortgage by the way?

Soon be spring. Hard to feel confident and upbeat in your situation - but do - because it help you get what you need re the kids . Iread a very wise thing when at my lowest once and it was this. Sometimes you have no reason to be happy. And that is the time when you have to be "unreasonably happy". Be happy for no reason whatsoever, whatever is going on. Just decide - hey, I'm alive, I know I'll get there and things will come right, and I will be happy every day whatever shit is thrown at me - because I'll duck and I'll focus on the good stuff every day. Be happy for no reason whatsoever. And then things will start to happen and you'll find that drive. But you need support too - back up. People who will help you fight all this. Try CAB.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - SteveyA - 02-15-2019

(02-15-2018, 09:52 AM)Sector78G Wrote: Thanks everyone. It's all really useful information - and yes, it is extremely difficult to not feel bitter. I can say hand on heart even if I fell out of love with someone I would still be very compassionate of their feelings, even moreso if they stood to loose a home and 80% of their time with the children. It's not just the kids and home but people I spoke to and saw everyday have stopped contacting me because of her false accusations. Difficult times.

Quick update: Yesterday my solicitor wrote to the ex regarding her 'unilaterally denying regular unsupervised time with the children'.

They then go on 'You will be aware that our client holds parental responsibility for the children and it is essential for the welfare of the children that he maintains regular, quality time with his children. Your attempts to alienate the children and suggest that our client is unable to care for the children are unfounded. Our client provided the day to day care of the children since April 2017 without issue'.

'Our client has contacted his doctor who supports his assertions that his health condition has no impact on his ability to care for the children.  Our client is also in direct communication with the children’s school to inform them of the false accusations that have been made against him and to correct any inaccuracies in their records'.

'The ex keeps texting me saying she wants to get the property signed over asap even though we have never discussed any options. So they then say...

'Our clients primary concern is to re-establish time with the children and therefore we will not be dealing with any issues relating to the property, jointly owned by you both, until the children matters have been resolved'.

We would propose that the children’s time with our client be re-established, unsupervised, without delay on the following basis:

Alternate weekends from Friday evening until Sunday evening. Our client will collect the children from your address, with you collecting the children for return on Sunday evening.
One evening during the week, every week.
Half of all school holidays.
Phone / video calls at times agreed by both parties on a dedicated device to be provided by our client
Such further and additional contact as can be agreed.

She has 14 days to respond. It is not my motivation to anger her but she will be livid. She cannot stand the fact that I have even seen my son for 3 hours in the last 5 weeks and not seen my daughter once. For the first time she faces not being in total control.

In the meantime the solicitors have made a CAO application and are sending it to me to sign in the event that the ex does not respond.

Does this all seem standard practice? My only concern is that she will argue that until the property is sorted we cannot make reasonable child arrangements.

*Deep breath*


I think most of us cannot believe the people / strangers our ex partners have turned into.  It seems very common that one minute all is fine and planning for the future, the next she thinks you are an inconvenience and they turn from a loving person to an ice queen.  

I hope you get it sorted and have rightful access to your children, at any hearing though at court, the most important thing is to stay calm, composed and not slag off the mother even if you are desperate to.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 02-15-2019

To the above poster - This is exactly my concern.

As you say, I don't want to be seen to be slagging of my ex to Cafcass when the time comes, but I also surely need to show all the lies she has told as I have clear evidence. If they believe what she has to say it is likely I won't get the access my children and I deserve.

Just by denying her allegations, even if I have evidence, it could be seen as me calling her 'a liar' no?... even if I don't use that particular word.

She has a free pass to say what she wants because it's 'In the interest of the children' according to her.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Charlie7000 - 02-15-2019

There is a process here. You categorically deny the allegations - and say nothing about the Mother. Cafcass will investigate and find nothing. And then welfare issues finished. Hopefully it won't go to a fact finding. What you can do though, is if you have any evidence that shows any allegation is untrue, you could email it to Cafcass. Eg if she says you are a dangerous schizophrenic and on medication that you fail to take, and you get a Gp letter that says you have no medical diagnoses other than mild depression 5 years ago which is now historic and are on no medication. Than that is autoritative evidence that immediately kills her allegation.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 02-19-2019

Hello - Thanks for all the help.

I'm going to pop into Citizens Advice today and see what advice they can give me.

Yesterday I received the court hearing notes which show what was said by both parties. The ex (in her last letter) even denies saying things in court that are documented officially. I guess further down the line that just helps my cause - But it boggles my mind that someone can say anything they want in court under oath, admit to lying afterwards and there's no accountability. Infact she gets rewarded for lying by me being ordered to pay half her fees.

I'm going to go to the doctor and provide him with evidence of my ex misquoting his letters and of her lying to my doctor about my history. I doubt he will be happy to know someone is blatantly misquoting him - I'm going to ask him for a final letter saying he's been misquoted and that the ex told the doctors false information - It's better coming from him than me.

That's my plan for today. Hopefully I can arrange a meeting with child services to discuss the situation too. I'd like to start putting the evidence on record officially.

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - SteveyA - 02-19-2019

(01-31-2019, 07:54 PM)Sector78G Wrote: Hello all - Hope everyone is holding up.

Another quick update. I went to the council on Monday, registered as homeless and they've put me in a B&B. I'm on a scheme called SWEP...It means I can stay here on a day by day basis as long as there's a severe weather warning - So the snow has been literally heaven sent for me!

The guy who runs the place is so kind - He's given me a bag of food cause I've got no money atm I am ashamed to say. It's sad when you see people leave here with nowhere else to go, it's a bit like Divorce hotel here, I've heard other men talking about how they ended up here through similar circumstances.

The nonsense with the ex goes on...I got a letter from her solicitor today with photos of how I apparently left the flat in a terrible state with bin bags and mess everywhere. My solicitor is replying tomorrow because little does my evil ex know, I took a comprehensive video on my phone as I left - even filming myself leaving the key and closing the door. What she has done is literally go into the kids bedroom and made a big mess of it, taken a photo and said that's how I left it - saying how little I care for the kids. My video shows it was left in a completely tidy state - I'm dealing with a complete psycho. There were other photos she's set up too... Thank god I made a 7 min video.

Anyway, shes now going back on the agreed settlement amount on the basis that the flat is now unlivable and I must pay 4k to fix it.

New letter going to her tomorrow probably along with a vide

EDIT : I saw a thread earlier about how some of you guys are using your Nintendo Switches to lose yourselves in. I tell you, if I ever see some money from the flat I'll be getting one with Zelda. It'd be perfect for me right now!


Nintento Switch is essential mate.  Completed Zelda and Mario Odyssey and about to start them both again, they are that good!!! Best £300 you could spend!

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Charlie7000 - 02-19-2019

And Fortnite :-)

RE: Instructed my solicitor finally – What to expect next? - Sector78G - 02-19-2019

I quite like the look of Splatoon!