Separated Dads
Advice please - Printable Version

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Advice please - JLM87 - 02-13-2018

Hi All

I would be grateful for some advice from those willing to give it. 

I have a 2 year old daughter with my ex. We split in early 2017. I moved out and the arrangements were that I would have my daughter two nights in the week and one of the weekend days/evenings.  That worked well with us both making the occasional change due to schedules. 

Late last year she find out I was not faithful when with her and it caused issues as you could imagine. Initially stopped access, then gone back to normal.

She is now trying to cut one of my weekdays down. Her reasons are our daughters i) tiredness and ii) routine.  I feel her tiredness argument is a nonsense given our daughters age and inevitable bugs she picks up. She has her own bedroom at mine, same sleep pattern etc. In terms of routine, I have kept to my arrangements pretty much through out. Since the turn of the year my ex has sought to change things, so for instance, regularly I am picking her up earlier and earlier on the weekend. 

The additional hours is fine with me, until she tries to cut down access on the basis of routine when she is the party causing the issue. The routine argument also goes out the window when she wants to go on various holidays/breaks. 

My query is, I guess, does the existence of a previously long standing (c. 10 months) routine support my access rights during the week? In other words, can she cut one day down without good reason?

I would rather not formalise the routine given that I think it would benefit us both to be able to ask favours of one another but she seems hellbent on it. 

We were not married but cohabited. I am on the birth certificate, pay maintenance etc. 

Many thanks in advance

RE: Advice please - mark600 - 02-13-2018

Afraid they can be mean people, and the whole system is very biased in mothers favours.
think fathers are second rate parents after split

RE: Advice please - Charlie7000 - 02-13-2018

After 10 months I would say the amount of time was fairly established. If she is cutting time and won't agree otherwise, then you will need to look at something formal - mediation at least.

You could start by sending her a written proposal for more time :-) eg a brief, fairly formal, but not unfriendly, email clarifying the situation - eg Dear Ex, I would like to agree an additional night per week with daugher on Tuesdays, from after nursery to return to nursery next morning. I think this would work well for her now you wish to shorten the time on Wednesdays. Please let me know what you think.

If she says no blah di blah all sorts of excuses in an email then you have some evidence if you did decide to go to court. You never know she may just give the hours back rather than you have an extra night.

If she won't budge on anything = go to mediation. If she won't mediate, then go to court.