Separated Dads
Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - Printable Version

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Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - Mr Sandman - 02-16-2018

In short, I'm separated, and live in the old family home with my 15 YOD, wife has lived in a flat paid for by her BF for 15 months. I pay all the bills, but the property is still in both names. Whilst quite amicable I have told her she should not come into the house, if she ever does (to collect some of her stuff or my daughters stuff) then she is not to go into my bedroom. I am after all trying to start a new relationship. Yesterday I come home, go to make my bed and find a valentines card under my pillow, from my ex. GF doesn't live in the house or stay over.

I'm a freaked out that not only has she come into the house without asking (I know she has a key as it is still in joint names), she has gone into my bedroom. Am I being over sensitive? Or am I right to be totally freaked by this? Other than talking to her what are my options......?

Mr S


RE: Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - Hazy - 02-16-2018

If she has another place to live change the locks!


RE: Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - Mr Sandman - 02-16-2018

(02-16-2018, 05:47 PM)Hazy Wrote: If she has another place to live change the locks!

That's for damn sure, my main job for tomorrow.....


RE: Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - marwood - 02-16-2018

Put it this way, if the roles were reversed, you'd probably be on the receiving end of a Non Molestation Order by now!!!

It sounds like she may not be fully over the relationship? Be diplomatic with her as you don't want to upset her needlessly, but you do need to establish a strong boundary here. Changing the locks seems reasonable if she has not reason to come in.


RE: Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - Mr Sandman - 02-17-2018

(02-16-2018, 11:25 PM)marwood Wrote: Put it this way, if the roles were reversed, you'd probably be on the receiving end of a Non Molestation Order by now!!!

It sounds like she may not be fully over the relationship?  Be diplomatic with her as you don't want to upset her needlessly, but you do need to establish a strong boundary here.  Changing the locks seems reasonable if she has not reason to come in.

Thanks Marwood, great advice and very true, I've probably given her too much leniency in the past and she is finding it difficult to adjust....


RE: Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - Hazy - 02-17-2018

It seems the legal way to do it is to get an occupation order which effectively bars her from entering the house or simply buy her out and be done with it all if you can.

After 15 months she should have removed all her stuff by now and your daughter is capable of getting her own stuff in and out.


RE: Should I be freaked out, or am I over reacting? - asd1270 - 02-17-2018

Im all in favour of Locks changed bud or she will make allegations you kidnapped her battered her and kept her hostage ..