Separated Dads
Typical, Accident while on my watch - Printable Version

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Typical, Accident while on my watch - ADTR_2014 - 02-19-2018

So my kid had an accident this half term. I have staying contact and half of school holidays from a court order.

On Saturday fell over a toy and hit mouth off of metal bed frame, proper blood-curdling scream, couldn't breath etc etc.

Major panic and once he had calmed down I phone 111, was advised to go to out of hours, Which for us means hospital. He is fine by this point, is a bit withdrawn and has a fat lip but the bleeding has stopped and he has started to play with his toys again.

Went to hospital, got him checked out, all fine. Cut on the lip is too small to do anything with, gargle with mouthwash and salt water after every meal and ice cream/lollies for swelling. Also advised to go to the dentist but said it was no rush (i double checked this just to be sure).

Got back from the dentist today and he is all happy, no chips, no nothing. All looks fine and he even ate an apple last night.

So, as soon as I got back from the hospital on Saturday i emailed my ex to tell her what was going on. I'm sure you can guess whats coming next.... huge overreaction, I need to return him straight away so that she can assess the situation and take him to his doctors and his dentists. I refused as he really was fine, perhaps a little stunned but he has been his normal self yesterday and today. She phoned him and said "I would like you to come home" and he gave no response. She has sent so many emails asking him to come home and I have refused all of them.

He is fine, completely fine. She is overreacting as this is the first time its happened and she is fretting - i get that. All of us have gone through it when we find out after the fact about illnesses, accidents, appointments....

I kept her informed at all time as soon as i had time to do so (ie getting back both from the hospital and the dentists). I feel like I have won a few battles here, I am a competent, caring father who only has his best interests at heart, I even checked to see if he did want to go back to his mum which he said: "Yes, but after my time with you". I have been getting up in the night to check he is ok, I have been assessing the activities we had planned and changed a few of them to ensure they were still suitable. I have done everything a responsible parent would have done and yet somehow this is all my fault and he is being mistreated.

Why is it so hard for her to accept that he has two loving, caring, safe and secure home environments where he feels completely loved and supported. It should be celebrated!

My fear is that she is going to use this in some way (irrational fears about contact seem to be brought about by our current legal system) and that it will come back and bite me in the ass?

Penny for any thoughts?

RE: Typical, Accident while on my watch - TwoWheels - 02-19-2018

When you’re stuck with an ex who believes that you are fundamentally incapable despite evidence to the contrary then there’s not a lot you can do to change their mind, but you did all the right things (including refusing to send him back). I can’t see how that this could ever be used against you by someone who takes a dispassionate look at the facts. Even a court will accept that kids will have accidents, however well you look after them. What matters is how you respond, and your response was exemplary.

RE: Typical, Accident while on my watch - Charlie7000 - 02-19-2018

Yes the anxiety is bad if you've had previous allegations. I think in an instance like this,where it is not a majorly serious illness or life threatening, your requirement to inform her is not there until after the treatment. That's what I do in such circumstances. Brief text after it's all sorted (or just before they go back). Joe tripped and bashed his lip - seen by doc and dentist and all fine. He is happy as larry. Just to keep you informed.

Try not to worry about accusations - the fact he was seen by a doc and dentist mean there will be notes and if they had any concerns they'dhave contacted social so you're fine

RE: Typical, Accident while on my watch - ADTR_2014 - 02-19-2018

Thanks both. It's the first time I have properly stood up to her.

It feels like a very small victory. It feels good!

RE: Typical, Accident while on my watch - Hazy - 02-19-2018

Your kid seems to have this sharing thing sorted ‘yes, but after I’ve been with you’. That’s a victory in itself!!


RE: Typical, Accident while on my watch - ADTR_2014 - 02-20-2018

I was so pleased we he said that. It confirmed to me that he feels completely loved, safe, secure and looked after when he is here.

It made the years of hard work completely worth it with one sentence.