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Please Advice - Printable Version

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Please Advice - Hendry1979 - 02-28-2018

Hello Guys, 

I am very new to this forum and would like some advice from members. My wife left with my 6-year-old son, on 28th November 2017. With the help of our mutual friends, I was able to see my wife and my son, four times. Then after she stopped all the communication and I have not seen them for 2 months now. This is very traumatized experience for me. I never had this short of the nightmare in my life. I am broken from inside. She accused me of DV. I have submitted a c100 form to court along with c4 form so the court can find the whereabouts of my son and wife. The court sent a notice to DWP to provide more information. It's been more than 2 weeks and no update despite chasing this with them every day. I am feeling sick without seeing my son. Like my wife got all the proof of me verbally abusing her on text messages, I have all the proof for her. I have not accused her of anything in c100 form. I am planning to respond if her solicitor accuses me of something. I have her video, text messages and pics showing she was ignoring our child. She is suffering from "Paranoid Personality Disorder". She doubted me and harassed me for two years. I have all the proof including her prescription that she was taking anti-depressants and medicine for anxiety. She stopped taking that medicine cause it was not suitable for her. She had a fight with several girls in the house (shared house), just because she doubted so much. I work night shift so she also accused me of having another family. It was total madness and she drove me to the point where I was thinking to take my life or leave this house. The problem is she took my son and I left alone. I miss my son badly and I am finding no other way to get in touch again. She is not answering any call from our mutual friends. Her family is taking her words on this and accusing me about the affair (like I am Casanova of this place). Please advise if anyone of you knows how long does it take for DWP to provide information to the court. Also, do you guys recommend that I go offensive on 1st chance in court and show them what she was up to or wait for them to accuse me? I do apologise if I asked so many questions or this is simply not allowed in this forum. Request to moderator please delete if not permitted.


RE: Please Advice - asd1270 - 02-28-2018

Om sorry you are on this situation where u do not know the whereabouts of your son.
Do you have concerns around safeguarding, safety of your son while in the care of his mother?
I would raise any concerns with children services as well.
Have you contacted your sons school to see if your son is still attending. ?

It must be an awful place to be in.
Were all here to support bud .Im sure one of the dads will give you more advice on your situ. I have not experienced not having my son with me. Well not yet as that could all change at my final hearing.


RE: Please Advice - Hendry1979 - 02-28-2018

(02-28-2018, 10:14 PM)asd1270 Wrote: Om sorry you are on this situation where u do not know the whereabouts of your son.
Do you have concerns around safeguarding, safety of your son while in the care of his mother?
I would raise any concerns with children services as well.
Have you contacted your sons school to see if your son is still attending.  ?

It must be an awful place to be in.
Were  all  here to support bud .Im sure one of the dads will give you more advice on your situ. I have not experienced  not having my  son with me. Well not yet as that  could all change at my final hearing.

Hello,
Thank you for your message. Hopefully, that time will never come to you. I have little concern about his welfare but I do get worried if something wrong happened to him or her then I have no clue. His school changed from my address to somewhere in London. I have no clue which school he is in.


RE: Please Advice - Hendry1979 - 03-06-2018

Hello Guys,

I have been advised by the court that they are unable to get any details from DWP. Now the case is back to the court and with the gatekeeping team. The judge will decide what to do with the application. Please advise how to take this forward as I am getting different answers from Court helpline each time I call in.

Many Thankx for your help.


RE: Please Advice - MarkR - 03-06-2018

(03-06-2018, 10:18 AM)Hendry1979 Wrote: Hello Guys,

I have been advised by the court that they are unable to get any details from DWP. Now the case is back to the court and with the gatekeeping team.  The judge will decide what to do with the application. Please advise how to take this forward as I am getting different answers from Court helpline each time I call in.

Many Thankx for your help.

While DWP might not be able to find her, the Courts can use DVLA, HMRC, NHS, Police or any other Goverment or Local Authority Controled Agency.

Suggest to Court, that an Order requiring the childs last school to disclose the details of any new school to Court, might be the way forward.


RE: Please Advice - Hendry1979 - 03-06-2018

(03-06-2018, 10:36 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(03-06-2018, 10:18 AM)Hendry1979 Wrote: Hello Guys,

I have been advised by the court that they are unable to get any details from DWP. Now the case is back to the court and with the gatekeeping team.  The judge will decide what to do with the application. Please advise how to take this forward as I am getting different answers from Court helpline each time I call in.

Many Thankx for your help.

While DWP might not be able to find her, the Courts can use DVLA, HMRC, NHS, Police or any other Goverment or Local Authority Controled Agency.

Suggest to Court, that an Order requiring the childs last school to disclose the details of any new school to Court, might be the way forward.

Thank you for taking time and replying. 

I have already emailed them (Removed Email Address) and asked to contact local police and NHS to provide them with the address. I am going to ask them to contact my child's last school for next address. I am so much worried about her leaving the country. I have sent a request to the passport disclosure office to provide me details if the duplicate passport was issued in my son's name. I can not imagine what will I go through in actual court case when it is so difficult to find them at first place. 

I am getting different suggestion each time I call to court. Yesterday they asked me to fill up form C2. Today they advised I do not need to give any form. I can not afford a solicitor and preparing case by reading different blogs and youtube videos. 

Thank you for the information.


RE: Please Advice - invisibleintellectual - 03-06-2018

I have edited your post to remove the email address - whilst it doesnt identify you - it could identify the area you are in.


RE: Please Advice - Hendry1979 - 03-06-2018

(03-06-2018, 11:10 AM)invisibleintellectual Wrote: I have edited your post to remove the email address - whilst it doesnt identify you - it could identify the area you are in.

Apologies. 

Thank you.


RE: Please Advice - Hendry1979 - 03-07-2018

Hello,

Got an update now. They made a mistake and went to search with DWP with the surname. Apparently, they took surname as the first name. They accepted that it was their mistake. I was advised to send them an email explaining this. They confirmed that have received an email. I am shocked to see the level of incompetence on their part. I just want to get this done and start this case and these people keep delaying it I assume it will take another 10 days for them to go and find the details with the right information. 

Also, I went to the police station to update them about the possibility of abduction. Sadly the police advised they cannot help and cant stop mother leaving with a child. Once the order is in place, they may mark child's passport and she can not leave this country. However she was not sure about this. 

Many Thanx.


RE: Please Advice - Hendry1979 - 04-16-2018

Hello,

I have got some updates now. My case is transferred to another court as it is near to where my wife lives now.  Then I received a letter from the court saying 3rd page of your c100 form is missing. I submitted the whole form and they have managed to lose it. I have sent it through registered post.

I have also received an email to update me about the telephone interview from Cafcass. The court date is 2nd week of May. Hopefully, they will do an interview soon. I have checked the threads about telephone interview on this website. My partner accused me of DV and controlling.

She is spendaholic and would like to spend money. I have ordered 1-year bank statement which shows I paid around 5500 on her credit card in 1 year. I am not going to say this to Cafcass. However, I have all the proof and the witness statement from house members (shared house) that I was very good with my son and they did not hear any arguments in the 6 months before she left.  

I am very broken inside. started the gym and struggling to live alone. I am from another country so I have no family members here. She and my son was everything to me and she left me 6 months ago. I still do not have her phone number. I met her 4 times after she left. Last time she met in January 2018 and I lived with her in one room for 3 nights with my son sleeping in the middle. I have proof of all these visits. I am not sure how can I use this in my favor. I will need your expert advice on this.

She is suffering from the Paranoid personality disorder and she was taking anti-depressants (have her prescription). Although it is not mentioned anywhere that she is suffering from this. I lived with her for 10 years and from last 2 years, she was going through this. She made my life hell and miserable. I work 12 hours night shift and after coming home in the morning. I was accused of living with someone else and sleeping with someone else. I was unable to talk to any girl or even talk to someone. She always behind me to watch what I am doing.

I feel at peace now. However, I feel so bad that my family ruined just because of her doubts and nothing else. She checked my emails, FB, telephone bills, WhatsApp and everything but found nothing but it did not go out her head. She worked only for 10 hours a week and wasted a lot of money on crap we never actually wanted. I asked her for her help so we can buy a house together but she never made it. Unfortunately for this nonsense, my son is the one who is suffering. She is living happily at the refuge in London. 

We had several arguments and I did push her off cause she was eating my head about sleeping with someone in our room (the accused girl (with other tenants) was living with us in a shared house). The girl left after 10 days cause she had nothing to do with me. It was her wrong allegations. I have her text messages abusing me and my family. I have her video clip of accusing me having extra relations. I have proof of she met me 4 times after she left. She does have my messages where I abused her verbally including telling her I will kill you. I just do want to see her face again she is one nightmare.

From last 3 months, I have been paying 15% of my salary to her account (for my son). I am not earning much but still I do care for them (still for her) I do not want them to suffer without money. I begged several times to let me see him (through a mutual friend) he received a call from her. Sadly there was no success. 

I am just wondering how can I use these stuff in court. I have not accused her of anything on C100 form however, I do not want to keep it on my chest. If I get accused of some stuff then I have to show my proof that she was equally participant in this one. I do not have a solicitor as I cant afford one. She will get public funds and all the help she wants. I have not seen my son from January 2018. I miss him very badly. I am too angry inside and want to take my frustration out.

I am worried if I accused her these stuff social services may take my son and do not give to either one of us. I have previous convictions for harassment in 2007 (ex-gf). I have been clean after that. The police were never called in the instances she accusing of DV.

I have a lot of things to say but gone is gone now and she is not here anymore. I lived with her for 10 years is a long time. it's hard to forget but every time she met me she said they are doing her counseling and asking her to find someone else. I am stuck where I was for 6 months. I still feel my son will come back once he finishes his school and tells me his stories. Several occasions, I felt let me kill myself and it will resolve this by dying every day. I am worried my son will not be able to find me when he will come to see me. That is the only hope I have that I will be able to see him.

Please help. I really appreciate for taking time and reading this. Thank you in advance for replying.

Regards,